(10/31/07) squirrel nest; love handles

(Entered in paper journal at 5:30 AM on Q-train from Brooklyn to Manhattan.)

Dream #1

I stood in some open, public area with my friend KB and someone else, possibly KB's girlfriend. We looked up at some immense pole that stood atop some structure like a small building or ship which had the feeling of being sunk into an empty public pool. Atop the pole was a round-bottomed "net" of metal, like a domed jungle-gym turned upside-down.

KB mentioned that XXXXX (squirrels?) were making their nest in the net. She said, "It doesn't seem right. They'd fall right through the holes."

I said, "No. There must be something solid up there inside the thing that they use for support."

We had gone and gotten food. Then we climbed up the pole. We sat on some concrete platform an watched people in the public area below. We were supposedly feeding the squirrels, but we were the ones who were eating. We spoke a little more about how squirrels would make their nest.

At some point I figured I needed to leave. But I was worried whether I would be too afraid to go down the pole to get all the way down.

Dream #2

I was somewhere, doing some kind of work. My boss BS implied that I was lazy and that I didn't do a good job. I felt like BS was right. I was disappointed in myself.

I went into the bathroom. It was like I was in a cheap but modern house in the woods. The bathroom was small. It may have had dark orange walls.

As I stood urinating my head was just to the left of a small window with a frosted-style pane. The window was open just a crack, giving me an eye-level view of forest floor and some vegetation, as well as bright grey light, as if the window opened right at ground level.

Somehow I now saw myself from behind. I was a little fat. My lower back, especially around my hips, looked very wide. I also had stubble on my back, like I had shaved my back after it had gotten very hairy. I had a big ass, too. I thought, I guess my ass looks like a woman's ass. This was supposed to be a good thing.

My thoughts may now have turned to some "eighteenth-century play" in which a man spoke about a woman who had once been thin but was now fat. The man was mockingly pretending still to love the woman. The man said something about the woman's love being so ample that he needed two large handles on her back to hold onto it.

(10/19/08) the cat in the trap; is my girlfriend a man?

(Entered in paper journal at 4:20 PM at home in Brooklyn.)

Dream #1

I was in an apartment, probably not mine. It was night, and all the windows were uncurtained, exposed to the black sky. The apartment may have had two rooms, though it felt somehow cluttered and cramped, like an overstuffed studio. The light inside was dim, yet warm and soft.I was with a couple other people. My old friend H was either in the room or else we were possibly waiting for him to arrive.

I now noticed that in the room down from me, a window along the shared wall (to my left) was actually open. An animal like a squirrel scurried in. I and a woman (?) ran to the room to try to chase the animal out. The animal had become like a small mouse. It was running toward a corner of the room, to my right. As it did it became larger, like a cat, and began moving slowly, almost leisurely.

I had been happy that the animal was running toward the corner of the room, where I knew there was a mouse trap. But now that I saw the animal was a cat, we tried to hurry and get the animal away from the corner so it wouldn't step in the trap.

But we were too late. The cat stepped in the trap. The cat made a nose like a sucking-in sigh combined with a hiss. It turned toward us and walked toward us with a sorrowful, tortured look on its face. I noticed how the cat's tail looked like a different animal's tail -- maybe like the tail of a ringtail or a raccoon. And the face of the animal now looked like that of a bobcat or lynx.

I knew I'd have to take the trap off the animal's foot (its front right foot?). I hoped the animal wouldn't feel more pain as I removed the trap. I didn't want the animal, in greater pain, to react violently toward me. I resolved to be as quick, and, yet, as gentle, as I could.

The trap was now off the animal's foot. The animal now walked toward the window by which it had entered. It hoped the animal would like us now and want to stay with us, since we had done such a nice thing for it. But, although it seemed to bear us no ill will, it now seemed almost indifferent to us. It walked out the window.

Dream #2

I was in a cluttered but very warm-feeling bedroom with my girlfriend H. The walls of the room may have been of dark wood. H and I were on the bed. The bed may have had richly colored, pink sheets. The bed was also probably cluttered with other things.

H and I had worked out way into a strange sexual position. H was almost standing on her head. I was over her, almost floating over her, apparently perpendicular to her, but almost upside-down myself. I had an enormous penis, which I was slowly lowering into H. I had no other point of contact with H, the bed, or anything.

As I slowly lowered into H, she asked me if I loved her. I said yes. But she continued to ask me. As she did, it seemed to me (not that I could necessarily see) that her face was tightening up, becoming smaller, almost like some weird, shrunken version of a man's face. I wondered if H was actually a man.