(3/9/05) pathetic in cafe; two negligees; vindicators 3 and 4; shaved mustache

(Entered in paper journal at 5:25 AM at home in Harlem.)

Dream 1

I must have been looking around before for some person, possibly a male. Now I walked into a restaurant that was full and bustling and had an air to it like a cafe in Jules and Jim but with the colors of a cafe in Un Coeur en Hiver. There was just a tight space of aisle. I walked toward the back of the cafe. Everybody turned and stared at me. I feel like everybody was saying things like, "How pathetic! He's looking for XXXXX at this point in time! And in those clothes!"

Dream 2

I was possibly a famous writer. I had been involved recently with an exchange of letters setting up encounters with a few of my admirers/peers during a writing conference of some sort.

Now I was walking around a huge complex, outside, up and down stairs and along balconies and lawns and courtyards, in nice, gentle sunlight. I saw one woman walking down a set of stairs from a glass-fronted area that looked like the main conference area. She looked at me, wondered if I was who I was, then continued on when I didn't speak some code I was supposed to speak to a woman of her description. I didn't want to avoid her -- it was just that I suddenly wondered if speaking with her wouldn't lead to trouble.

I was now walking along a concrete balcony behind a second woman. She had long, straight, blonde hair, pale tan skin, a ribbed, black tank t-shirt, and a long, folding-type skirt that was pale purple and white like a tie-dye, stippled like granite with flecks of black. She had a tight waist and a round bottom.

I didn't even know if she was one of the people I had arranged to meet with. (These meetings, by the way, were only supposed to be for discussions on writing.) I just wanted to talk with her so I could get her in bed. But as I advanced I grew more and more cautious. Then the girl's bottom just kept getting flabbier until I finally just turned away.

Now I was in some apartment/office, changing into lingerie: a sheer, purple camisole. I must have been about to put on panties. But I didn't. I saw a girl I knew by description. She wore the same camisole, as a skirt-dress, with no panties. She was tan, bronze-blonde, with a twiggy, muscular figure and a nice, round bottom.

As soon as I saw her I left the apartment, with some lingerie in my hand, and walked up to her. I said, "Are you who I think you are?"

She looked at me and said, "You're holding two negligees, just like you said."

She was now shocked by sexual attraction. She ran off. She said, "Please wait here. I have to change. I'll be right back."

I myself thought I should go change.

Dream 3

A woman came into some apartment/office where I sat at a computer. She gave me three disks. I had asked her for them, but now I couldn't remember what they were -- programs to install or files to download.

I looked at the disks. The first said "VINDICATOR #1;" the second, "VINDICATOR #2;" the third had "VINDICATOR #3" over "VINDICATOR #4."

I had "mentally" asked the woman what the disks' contents were. But she hadn't answered me yet -- it was actually like her functionality or presence had evaporated. And I just sat there thinking, What a fool she must think I am.

Dream 4.

I looked in the mirror. I had shaved my mustache. I kept noticing pimples along where my mustache had been until I had counted out eight cysts and large blemishes. I told myself, This is what you get for shaving your face. Now you'll just have to be patient until the hair grows back.