Sunday, March 12, 2017

(2/2/05) the final showdown; myself in the mirror; indigo bunting; the big store

(No date/time info for paper journal entry.)

Dream 1

I was in my room in the dark. My bed seems to have been a futon, like my friend R's girlfriend L's bed. I walked to it, knowing it but not seeing it. I was on the phone with either my friend ML or BMC. My friend was making light of, trying to be cheerful about, my living situation. Apparently things were coming to blows tonight.

My friend said, "So it looks like it's the final showdown." I lay down in the bed, trying to figure out the "correct" way to say "the final showdown" -- I was actually thinking of "the final countdown."

Now there were a few strong knocks on my door. I saw some shadows in the light at the crack under my door. The person knocked again. I no longer had the phone. I walked to the door. I opened it without turning my light on.

One of my flatmates, the darker, heavier one, stood at my door in reflective sunglasses, boxer briefs, and no shirt.

I said, "Hello."

He said, "Hi." He lifted a gun straight up to my face. I ducked and grabbed his arm. We struggled.

Dream 2

I looked at my face in the mirror. I was expecting to look really bad. In fact, when I first looked at my face I thought it did look bad. But then I noticed that my face was smooth except for one or two tiny bumps. I had a few kind of dark, but almost completely faded, blemishes.

Dream 3

I was in something like a parking lot for a bank at the edge of a parking lot for a mall or strip mall. Against the building was a juniper tree or some other small, shrubby tree. I watched an "indigo bunting" land in the tree. It was like a long-bodied version of an eastern bluebird with a blue chest and a bright, deep green tail, very long. Even its beak might have been bright, deep blue.

I said, "Oh! It's an indigo bunting. I thought I'd never see one!"

I slowly walked to the tree to make sure the bird was an indigo bunting. I was afraid of scaring the bird away. But I also lifted up my hand to see if the bird would land on it.

The bird landed. But when I moved my hand the bird slipped off violently and rolled somersaults backwards for about fifteen feet.

Either I walked up to the bird or it flew back toward me. It had lost some of its color as soon as it landed on my hand the first time. But now it was a pale blue with sweeps of pinkish and brick red scalloped along its body. It looked like a paint-scraped building-side.

I thought something like, See? You're already messing things up.

Dream 4

I was watching a movie that was supposed to be The Big Sleep. I was really looking forward to seeing this movie again because I could understand Faulkner a little better nowadays. The color of the film was monochrome, yellow-grey.

The scene was of "Joan Crawford" and "Humphrey Bogart." They were, by this point in the movie, playing each other's roles. "Bogart" wore "Crawford's" clothes, and "Crawford" wore "Bogart's." They each had their voices switched, too, and their heads, at one point, so that the body-head configurations looked really strange. They gave these weird, Eugene O'Neill-esque soliloquies, which preceded some kind of final confrontation between the two characters.

Now it was the confrontation. I was there. The scene was in color. We were at the side, shaded (?), of a tall, wide building like a mall in the middle of nowhere. I remarked how great it was to put all the movie except the end in black and white and the end in color.

The woman ran around the far corner of the building. Now the man ran up, into an enclosed-looking concrete area like a loading dock, which was actually an entrance to the building. I thought I should run after him and tell him where the woman had run. But I was frozen.

Now it was I and my brother, as two little kids, waiting here like we were waiting for our father to come back out. We stood there for a while.

An old man came out and told us, "Didn't you guys know the mall is open now? Why are you just waiting out here?" My brother and I felt stupid for waiting. We went in. I don't know whether my brother stayed there with me.

I was (or we were) looking for a library where I could get a specific book, probably about the paranormal. But for the longest time we just kept walking through what seems to have been a department store like a Dillard's.

We went through rooms and rooms. The rooms were huge, tall, but more like rooms displaying living fashions in museums or historic mansions than like divisions of a department store. rooms were filled with beautiful, classical, wooden furniture and crystal chandeliers and were papered in golden, green, and other colored wallpaper with all kinds of beautifully, classical-French designs.

Finally we came to a "store" that was like the bed and bedding section of a department store with shelves interspersed throughout of books and magazines. The lighting and space were just like at a big Barnes & Noble. I found some magazines and a book that looked interesting. But they weren't what I'd been looking for.

I walked into another room, a wood-walled, small room with a few thick, tall beds. A sales attendant came in. I put the magazines and book down on the bed. I told the sales attendant I was looking for a library, not a bookstore. She told me where it was. Suddenly it was like had forgotten what I had been looking for and she had told me. I wondered why I had ever picked up the book and magazines in the first place.

My brother and I headed to the library. But now we were back outside. We saw how beside and in front of the building was a tall, arch-shaped, deep, copper-bricked entrance that was the only thing that remained standing of a now-ruined building. The building had been destroyed.

The place was very frightening to me at first -- its long depth and shadow and the ghostliness surrounding its destruction. but I lessened the fear by telling myself something I've now forgotten.

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