(2/5/06) ghost ants; david bowie and the black man

(Entered in paper journal at 10:05 AM at Starbucks on 57th Street and 7th Avenue in Manhattan.)

Dream 1

I was somewhere like a national park visitor center or some camp center in the woods. I sat with my back against a tree. My legs were bare and bent up against my chest. Some ants, not many, but rather large, maybe two inches long, and colored like a bruising sweetgum leaf in late November, pink and purple, crawled near me and then up onto my legs.

The ants were going through a mating process. I had to gather them up while they were doing this. But I was too fascinated watching them to do anything. But now as they finished they dissolved, or rather deflated like dry husks and then fizzed away. I knew I had missed my chance to take their magic.

There were other ants, and these now crawled up on me. I thought, I have the chance to take the magic again. But I didn't want to touch the ants because I thought they were diseased. Also, these ants were clear, like soba noodles (?). I thought they were like ghosts of the ants that had already mated. These ants would walk up on my knees and "vomit" a thick, yellow glop out of their foreheads. Then they and the glop would fizz and spike violently.

Two "researchers" saw what was going on. They and I took samples of the fizz (this, by the way, was impossible -- the ants vanished in the fizz; the fizz didn't exist afterwards) in to a little, shed-like laboratory. I stood at a weird angle relative to the "researchers," like I was up in a corner of the room, looking down at them.

The researchers stood over a white, square, plastic tub of water. They figured either that the ants fizzed because of a disease or that they fizzed into a disease. If either of these hypotheses turned out positive, I was probably going to die from the disease.

The researchers dropped the fizz into the water. This may have been done by "pinching" water out of something like a plastic thermos-lid-like cup and then sprinkling the "pinched" water into the tub. The fizz created a violent fizzing on a small area in the center of the surface of the water. This really didn't mean anything, one way or the other -- yet.

I couldn't stay in the room any longer. I figured I was just going to die. I went out to find more ants. I wanted to prove they didn't have a disease.

Dream 2

I saw a video of David Bowie and a black man singing at a concert. the black man was large and had his head resting joyfully on David Bowie's left shoulder.

I now saw a newspaper photo of David Bowie being kissed and held by the black man. The black man didn't really want people to know about his relationship with David Bowie, but he also liked him, and they were "awesome" in concert.

Now David Bowie and the black man were singing a catchy song I didn't really like. The stage had a crystal-blue background against which everything looked really nice.

Now a bunch of famous people, mostly black, came out on stage. Some people came out on a long, low, chrome motorcycle. The chorus of the catchy song was repeated over and over. Now I saw it all as if from a far back, way up seat.

(9/22/07) phantom and suicide; lesbians exiled in space; annoyed into improvement

(Entered in paper journal at 8 AM at Ozzie's Cafe on Seventh Avenue and Lincoln Place in Brooklyn.)

Dream #1

I sat in a car like a limo with an Indian man. I sat in a seat the back of which was to the back of the front seat. I faced the Indian man as he sat in the normal back seat. We both sat on the passenger's side. I was exploring something business related to the man. I spoke in a mildly (not overtly) condescending way which I found annoying but which I couldn't control. At some point I finally managed to break off my annoying speech.

Outside, over a deserty sprawl of short building roofs along a wide road sped three smallish, sleek jets painted white with blue and red stripes. I called out to the Indian man to look. The man missed them, having barely looked for them. But now three more sped by. This time the man saw them. But he didn't seem impressed. He said something like, "Yeah, I've seen that before. Interesting."

But I was still excited. I said, "They have an Air Force base down there!" I pointed back over my left (?) shoulder. I might have called the base Kirtland.

The man might have said something like, "Yeah, I know. They fly the XXXXX there." I imagined the top half of a silvery craft. I tried to determine what it was. I settled on an F-4 Phantom.

I might now have been driving the car. I was on a high stretch of highway that curved around to the right, probably as it went over the ocean.  could see the ocean sky, but none of the ocean.

I was a man who was going to kill himself. I had been through some ordeal which I may have visualized as I drove. Everybody thought I had put myself through the ordeal expressly so I could kill myself at some point during it. But I hadn't killed myself. Now everybody, even I, thought I wasn't going to kill myself.

But I now sped off the road, which simply ran straight forward and out into the ocean. The car hit and sank into the water, but my view stayed just above the water. The white title "FINE" might have come up before my view of the water.

Dream #2

There was a preview for some black and white movie on TV. The view was just of one set. The set was like a miniature model of a mountain range. I'd suppose it was supposed to be the landscape of a foreign planet. People in Lost in Space style outfits hid behind the mini-mountains and would pop out as the narrator mentioned them or parts of the story related to them. Most of them also held "laser-guns," the barrels of which ended with two wholes which faced away from one another.

The holes had lights coming out of them as if a shiny, reflective, metal disc were in each hole. Even though the preview was black and white, I knew one light was green and one was red.

The narrator said the movie was about a young boy who was killing everybody on this island (?). The people had to find out who the boy was before he killed everybody. Even though they all knew him, and likely knew he was killing everybody, they didn't know who he was. The narrator said, "But imagine their surprise as they slowly discover that everyone in the group... is an exile!"

Even though I had been watching this preview on TV, I now felt the boy pointing his gun at me. One color was good, and one color was bad. I felt the light of a color on me, but I couldn't tell which color it was. I hoped it wasn't the bad color.

I was now outside a house with a group of people. The land before the house (and possibly as far as the eye could see) was barren, turned soil, probably a deepish red. The sky was misty white. We were all something like shipwreck survivors washed up on this island.

We were doing well, obviously well enough to have built regular houses. We were now working on a wall-sized grid of shelves, like bookshelves. Something facing the shelves allowed me to climb up and watch people as they sat on shelves, somehow working on those shelves.

At or near the top of the shelves were two women. One was a black-haired woman with tan skin. She wore a black leotard and grey sweatpants. She was known for being in excellent shape, but I thought she was a little heavy. I looked closer at her body and though, Well, maybe she's just muscly. The woman sat with her legs together and straight out in front of her. She had her head down to her knees.

The other woman, middle-aged, fattish, blonde, stood over the brunette, behind her, massaging the woman's back. I thought at first that the women were lovers. But the brunette kept talking about some man she wanted to be with. The blonde woman would say slightly encouraging things to the brunette but not mean any of it. I could tell that the blonde woman was in love with the brunette and was trying to keep the brunette from ever finding love -- unless the brunette found love with the blonde woman.

I descended before the shelves. I saw how some of the shelves were of fake wood, while others were of glass, like coffee table glass. I stood behind the shelves, before the house, looking through the shelves and out at the land. There were other people working nearby. Somewhere out in the distance was the grey sea.

I thought more "exiles" were coming. I thought, It seems pretty obvious we're all exiles. That's how each new person is introduced to the group. He can't help it. Why did the narrator say it would come as such a shock? It may have occurred to me then that the shock would be, not to us, but to a group of city dwellers who lived, we would soon find, on another part of this island.

Dream #3

My old friend R and I had gotten in a fight. He placed himself in a situation where I woudn't be able to find him. I didn't care. I was leaving.I walked out of some building. I was then walking out of a forest and onto a highway on a flat, wide, open field. The lanes into and out of the forest were divided by a grassy median.

I was eagerly heading out of the forest when, somehow, R, on the lanes heading into the forest, caught my attention. R sat on a big, wide motorcycle parked on the left side of the road.

I was annoyed that just as I was getting away, R ad come back. I knew I couldn't leave R out here alone, and obviously his motorcycle was broken. He needed help. I crossed to the other lanes on some connecting path paved with asphalt.

I was now down in an underground passageway like a subway. Some passages were regular sized. Other passages were so narrow I had to crawl through them. Eventually I got to a stairway which appeared to go up above ground.

All this time I heard R and me having a conversation. I asked R why his fiancee L had to pick on me all the time. R said, "Well, didn't it inspire you to do better things?"