(8/7/08) pushed out of unused desk; lingerie roach

(Entered in paper journal at 6:25 AM on Q-train from Brooklyn into Manhattan.)

Dream #1

I was at my desk at work. I was watching something like an earnings presentation on my mini-DVD player. My old boss DO walked around on the floor. I suddenly felt like I wasn't working hard enough. I tried to concentrate on the earnings presentation even harder.

Suddenly the angle I was sitting at was is if I were sitting at my co-worker (on DO's team) MD's desk at the building we'd previously worked at. (In waking life, my company had recently moved from one building to another building.) I wondered if DO might stop by and say hi to me.

I felt someone pushing down on my left elbow. It was MD, wearing a casual, white button-up and some khaki shorts. It was like he was trying to elbow me out of his chair.

Dream #2

I was in "my bedroom." I was pulling some nice dresses out of a bag. One dress was white with pinkish-red designs. I was going to hang it in my closet.

I walked to my closet and noticed how easily I could see up to my top shelf. (In waking life, the top shelf of my closet was a few inches above the top of my head.) There weren't many articles of clothing there. (In waking life, the top shelf of my closet was where I horded all of my lingerie and women's clothing -- mostly cheap articles I'd bought from discount stores.) I thought something like, I'm really cleaning up!

But something toward the wall caught my eye as I was looking away. I looked back. The thing was a "roach." It was maybe two inches long, and fat. Its back end was covered in white, as if it were casting off skin or as if it were developing a shell around itself to undergo metamorphosis. I couldn't tell whether the thing was dead or alive.

(9/25/08) crapping in unused bedroom

(Entered in paper journal at 6:15 AM on Q-train from Brooklyn to Manhattan.)

Dream #1

I was in my house. I went into my second room, the room I never use.

(In waking life, due to constant noise from my upstairs neighbors, which seemed to follow me from apartment to apartment, regardless of where I lived, since about early 2004, I had sought out a one-bedroom apartment. My plan was not to use one of the rooms -- it would serve as a buffer. The plan didn't help me much -- my upstairs neighbors in the place I lived in from January of 2007 through January of 2012 were always brutally loud.)

It was daytime, and  greyish light filled the room. I was shocked by how little I knew this room. I felt ripped off in some way by the fact that I never used the room. I didn't even know it, I thought to myself. I proved how little I knew this room by looking at an enormous closet, which was on the right wall, just in from the door. I hadn't even known this closet existed.

The closet was completely empty. There were a few big shelves in the closet. They looked sprinkled over either with dust or with roach castings. I couldn't believe that dustiness or dirtiness was even beginning to encroach on a space I had never used.

There was a toilet facing out to the front window. I sat down on it. I defecated. My feces was really watery, and I felt like I was releasing little, white triangles of paper as I defecated. I may have felt bad when I thought of flushing the toilet, thinking that something bad might happen since the toilet hadn't been used in so long.