(7/14/08) none of them survived

(Entered in paper journal at 6:10 AM on 2-train from Brooklyn to Manhattan.)

Dream #1

I was in a foresty area, like a summer camp or a retreat, with a group of people around my age. I was in one of the camp buildings, a stone and wood shelter made to look like a miniature castle, with at least one woman. We were doing something like fixing a barbecue.

The stone shelter was at the top of a steep hill that was maybe one hundred feet tall and green with trees. Another hill similar to this hill, facing this hill, had a similar stone structure at its peak. Our group leader, who looked like TO (the previous team leader for a New York Cares volunteer project for which I, in waking life, had assumed the leadership position about ten months previous to this dream), was in that stone structure.

I had a question about something, maybe the food I was cooking. I spoke very softly, questioning the leader, more as if I were pretending he could hear me than actually expecting him to hear me. But then I heard the leader answer, in the same kind of soft voice. It now seemed natural that the leader could hear me. It also seemed silly that I would have asked such an immature question of the leader, as if I had only been asking a question in order to get the leader's attention.

I stood near a small cabin in a lawny area that was more like a park than a forest. There was a woman with me. We stood before three eggs that were about to hatch. The woman bit the shell of the eggs. The eggs were like hard-boiled eggs. The woman would peel off the egg whites, and the birds would pop out. All three birds were female.

But there were also three male-bird eggs somewhere. We knew those eggs may have been rejected by the mother, and that they probably hadn't developed or survived. But, still, despite the fact that they were almost certainly already dead, I went looking for them.

The eggs seemed to be nearby at first, in a little circle cleared out among some tall grass. I went up to them, apparently having found them.

I was suddenly on a field like a soccer field. It was a golden day with a blue sky. Some sports team stood or ran around near me. They may have been wearing red soccer uniforms.

I wanted to test the eggs to see if they were ready. But I was too afraid I'd mess up and kill the birds. But now the group leader, a tall man, white, tanned, strong, wiry looking, bald, wearing all black clothes and blue-mirror sunglasses, came up to show me how to test the eggs.

The leader kicked two of the eggs. They skip-rolled a few feet away and then splattered open in a mess of liquid, though also with a feeling of hollowness and delicateness.

The leader was a little upset. He picked up the third egg and bit it. The shell scrapped open. A bunch of clear fluid spilled out. The leader said, "Damn it! None of them survived!"

(3/15/09) mist-fall; what i deserve; sewer sorcerer

(Entered in paper journal at 9:10 AM at Connecticut Muffin in Windsor Terrace, Brooklyn.)

Dream #1

I stood in a wilderness, before a small castle, with my friends. The sun was shining gently through the forest leafs. I noticed a strange thing before the castle. It was like a waterfall, or more like a shower of mist, that fell into a small pool. My friends and I may just have come from some place where we couldn't touch all the water because it was dirty or diseased. I was now afraid to touch this strange mist.

I looked closer and saw that this mist-fall was like a cylinder of water or of a clear, gelly matter, that flowed slowly down to the pool. Within the flume were arranged little, pale things. They may have been alive. They were star-shaped. The things were interspersed with larger things that may have looked more like pieces of food, like vegetables, perhaps, chopped for sushi. These things may also have been alive.

I put my hand into the flume. The "water" was now like air, and the little elements just floated, orderly, down to the pool. The stuff felt a little dirty. I pulled my hand out. My friends and I may have walked through the castle's doorway, which was to my right.

Dream #2

I was with a group of people, some of whom were my peers, while some of them may have been children or my family members. The room we were in was large and warm-colored, with yellow carpet (?). It seemed to be set into two or three shallow levels, possibly with the highest, back level a little bit behind a "proscenium." The whole area (upon my waking reflection felt) like a playroom, like for preschool children.

I had gotten into a petty argument with one of my peers (who looked like a docent who gave a tour at the Japan Society's anime exhibit, which I'd attended in waking life on the day before this dream). The argument then led my peer, who was in charge of some project we were working on, either to take some part of the project away from me, or actually to have a group of the people involved in the project set to attack me in some way. The way in which the man did this was apparently a process, the first steps of which had begun, and which I now recognized.

I spoke to someone like a pretty girl with olive skin and long, curly, black hair, who told me that maybe I wouldn't have had all this happen to me if I hadn't been all snitty with my peer. The woman said I had been acting like a woman. She actually used a specific word to signify a little, weak, disagreeable girl.

I thought, Well, I wish it weren't happening. But I guess I deserve it.

I now stood over a pile of overturned dresses. I opened up one of the drawers to pull out some clothes for the day. There were some pairs of panties. I pulled out some of these from the drawer. I hoped nobody would notice me doing this. My mom may have been standing off just to my right. The area before us (the back of the room?) may have been cobalt blue, like the stage version of a sky at night.

Dream #3

I stood down into a "sewer system" with a friend of mine. We stood in a maze of brick-walled, arched tunnels. There was water running through a small channel. We stood over the channel on a platform that ran along the wall. The tunnel was dark, but the water was lit, as if by a pool light. The water was crystal clear, but the floor and walls of the channel were green, as with moss or algae. I was afraid of touching the water, since it was sewer water. I didn't want to get a disease.

We moved through a couple other areas of the sewer. Finally we were in an area with a glass ceiling through which flowed grey daylight. The area was like a bunch of red-brick arches, set at all different angles, standing like walls with no rooms. There might have been multiple levels, built one on the other. Some of the arches may have stood over water channels.

My friend stood up to my right, on a level above mine. He may have looked like a sorcerer. He told me how some people were making bad use of this place, even how some people were coming down here to use drugs.