(No place/time info for entry in paper journal.)
Dream 1
I was up in a bedroom overlooking a backyard and a street like a "T" or cul-de-sac separated from the backyard by a tall, wooden fence. A group of kids played in the backyard. A girl, possibly black, walked down the street and was suddenly hit by a car.
Everybody in the backyard, somehow seeing the event "through" the fence, panicked. I tried to keep a hold on my emotions. I called 911. I talked with them for a while, giving a confusing speech about where I was, when the accident happened, and if anybody had helped yet. But now the dispatcher was telling me the girl had already been taken away, dead, by some police who had been called earlier.
I was now standing somewhere like a backyard with my mom. It was now like all of this had only been a "suggested" (i.e. not really remembered) memory of my life from when I was two or three.
I asked my mom, "Did it really happen?"
My mom said, "Yes."
I said, "Well, did I see it happen?"
But my mom didn't answer. She just looked at me, deciding whether she should tell me. The closer she got to telling me, the less I wanted her to. I felt like if she told me out loud what I already suspected, all the trauma from the accident would come back on me, even worse.
Dream 2
I was part of some short film festival. The films had been shown. Now people were "voting" for the ones they liked. Part of the films were briefly shown. Then people would say positive or negative things.
I couldn't stand to think of my film being judged. I walked out to a bridge that crossed from New York to New Jersey. It was strange. It looked like it had hills or slopes or tiered tunnels to it. I walked up to the beginning of a footpath. A woman came up and asked me directions somewhere. I may have helped her.
I was now walking down a street, toward my friend Y and her new boyfriend HK. Y asked me why I hadn't voted for HK's film to be in first place. I said, "Because it was... not flat, but not as complex and full as it could have been."
Y got mad. She started saying all kinds of positive things in defense of HK. Now she was holding something in her hand -- white, sometimes textured like an Osage Orange fruit, sometimes textured like cottage cheese or a Pakistani pistachio dessert, sometimes textured like a small, long-furred, grey and white kitten.
Y asked me, much more calmly, almost sadly, why I never try to make contact with her. I made some excuse and then said something like, "But we're talking now. We're making contact now. Let's keep it up."
Showing posts with label false memory. Show all posts
Showing posts with label false memory. Show all posts
Sunday, March 12, 2017
Sunday, January 6, 2013
(9/10/08) co-worker quits; christopher street lingerie; annoyed by people
(Entered in paper journal at 6:15 AM on Q-train from Brooklyn to Manhattan.)
Dream #1
I sat on a large office floor. The lights were off, but some natural light came in through the windows. The light was grey and top-dim, like in a warehouse. Only my co-worker DE and I were here.
DE was talking on the phone about how he was going to quit, and something about how it had to do with me moving up. He hadn't told me anything yet, and I felt bad that I hadn't been kept in the loop regarding his actions. But I thought back a little and realized that he actually had said a lot of things in passing that had implied what his plans were.
DE now called to me. We were sitting in a small room, like the room of TM, one of my best friends from childhood. The room was dim, with just a purplish light (like from a fish tank) glittering somewhere. There were long desks against both walls, so that DE and I sat across the room from one another, our backs to each other.
I turned to face DE. His computer looked very old. DE told me he was quitting. He said something like, "I've known this for months now. Isn't management going to be surprised about that?"
Dream #2
I walked into some kind of store run by an older Asian woman. It was in an area like Christopher Street in the Village. The shop was very nice, with brick walls and wood floors. It was moderately busy. There may also have been a laundromat somewhere in the store.
I had to leave the store and get to work (?). But as I was heading out I found myself in a lingerie section. There was a lot of stuff there that I liked. The place was just a small alcove or room. I had to get out of it by crawling under my hands and knees under some cinder-material "board" that was being propped up by a pale wood bookshelf, which was to my left, and edging against the doorway, which was to my right.
As I did this I thought about how I'd seen this place before, possibly in a dream. I wondered what it could mean that I'd found such a place in real life after having dreamt it.
Dream #3
I walked into a cafe. A man, who may at first have been my old friend R, held the door open for me, but treated me in some annoying way as I crossed the threshold. The interior of the cafe was kind of cheap, almost like a fast food Mexican restaurant. The floors were red tile and the walls were thin, white plaster. The light was dim, with only a couple windows toward the back. The cash register was at the back, too, beside a stainless steel, cafeteria-style display counter that looked like it wasn't being used at all. There was a belt-barrier stretched around and away from the register counter.
As I walked toward the register, the man behind me acted really annoying. I looked back at him. He was a rich-looking, white man in a white t-shirt and some long shorts. I decided to fight back against him. But I only managed to lean back into him and push him backward.
The man smiled a queasy smile. I knew I hadn't annoyed him at all. I wondered what was making me let myself get annoyed so easily. Then I remembered: I had seen R again. Our last meeting had been awful. It ended so badly that R had asked if we could meet again to come to a better resolution on things. But I hadn't really wanted to see R ever again.
I was sitting at a table. R came in. He was wearing a gas mask. He may have had long, shaggy hair. He walked toward the cash register. Eventually he may have come and sat at the table with me, at which point we may have had a really creepy, tense conversation.
Dream #1
I sat on a large office floor. The lights were off, but some natural light came in through the windows. The light was grey and top-dim, like in a warehouse. Only my co-worker DE and I were here.
DE was talking on the phone about how he was going to quit, and something about how it had to do with me moving up. He hadn't told me anything yet, and I felt bad that I hadn't been kept in the loop regarding his actions. But I thought back a little and realized that he actually had said a lot of things in passing that had implied what his plans were.
DE now called to me. We were sitting in a small room, like the room of TM, one of my best friends from childhood. The room was dim, with just a purplish light (like from a fish tank) glittering somewhere. There were long desks against both walls, so that DE and I sat across the room from one another, our backs to each other.
I turned to face DE. His computer looked very old. DE told me he was quitting. He said something like, "I've known this for months now. Isn't management going to be surprised about that?"
Dream #2
I walked into some kind of store run by an older Asian woman. It was in an area like Christopher Street in the Village. The shop was very nice, with brick walls and wood floors. It was moderately busy. There may also have been a laundromat somewhere in the store.
I had to leave the store and get to work (?). But as I was heading out I found myself in a lingerie section. There was a lot of stuff there that I liked. The place was just a small alcove or room. I had to get out of it by crawling under my hands and knees under some cinder-material "board" that was being propped up by a pale wood bookshelf, which was to my left, and edging against the doorway, which was to my right.
As I did this I thought about how I'd seen this place before, possibly in a dream. I wondered what it could mean that I'd found such a place in real life after having dreamt it.
Dream #3
I walked into a cafe. A man, who may at first have been my old friend R, held the door open for me, but treated me in some annoying way as I crossed the threshold. The interior of the cafe was kind of cheap, almost like a fast food Mexican restaurant. The floors were red tile and the walls were thin, white plaster. The light was dim, with only a couple windows toward the back. The cash register was at the back, too, beside a stainless steel, cafeteria-style display counter that looked like it wasn't being used at all. There was a belt-barrier stretched around and away from the register counter.
As I walked toward the register, the man behind me acted really annoying. I looked back at him. He was a rich-looking, white man in a white t-shirt and some long shorts. I decided to fight back against him. But I only managed to lean back into him and push him backward.
The man smiled a queasy smile. I knew I hadn't annoyed him at all. I wondered what was making me let myself get annoyed so easily. Then I remembered: I had seen R again. Our last meeting had been awful. It ended so badly that R had asked if we could meet again to come to a better resolution on things. But I hadn't really wanted to see R ever again.
I was sitting at a table. R came in. He was wearing a gas mask. He may have had long, shaggy hair. He walked toward the cash register. Eventually he may have come and sat at the table with me, at which point we may have had a really creepy, tense conversation.
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