(10/3/06) the living lives of christ; hurting my brother

(Entered in paper journal at 8:15 PM, but no info on where.)

Dream 1

I was in a basement of an art museum. It was a very great museum, and this was a very great room in particular. The building was beautiful, austere, but very angular with a Tudor-style, plaster and wood touch to it. But it was also a little shabby. This room was particularly shabby.

All the paintings, or almost all (though I called it all), had to do with the life of Christ. At first they may have been from all different time periods. But then they were all from around the time of Giotto. but when I looked at them I wasn't exactly convinced they came from that time.

Some were good -- very striking. But they weren't the right style. Others were mediocre, worthless toss-offs which I thought had to have been made recently by second-rate artists. Some looked very old, like cave drawings (authentic), but on canvas, one with a hand print somehow making out Christ's face.

One painting in particular spooked me. It was on the floor, propped against a wall. (And now it seems there were some paintings hung on the walls -- but no paintings in frames.) This particular painting was like Caravaggio's painting of Bacchus, except in a somehow Odilon Redon style, with wild asters everywhere. There might have been another painting only of wild asters.

Somehow I felt there was something alive in the paintings. The "Bacchus" drove that feeling home. I suddenly felt alone among ghosts.

Two women walked into the room. I felt thankful. I didn't know where i was going. I would follow them. I tried not to let on I was following them. I could tell they were lovers and they didn't need some guy spoiling their fun together. The women were kind of dumpy. They wore sweatsuits. They were not fat, but not skinny. They were plain.

The women walked into a room that led to an underground ferry. We got on. It was very dark. There were few people on board. The seats were wide and wooden.

There was plenty of space. But I stayed by the two women. It obviously looked like I was following them. I don't think they minded. I didn't mind it, either, as long as they didn't let on they knew that I was doing it because I was afraid of being alone. The three of us seemed to be reading books, though the girls would also talk back and forth with each other.

Dream 2

I sat in a dim kitchen at a table with my brother. I told my mom how I didn't like being around the family and how I felt so awful around them. It made me never want to see any of them again.

I said, "But I especially never want to see him" (my brother) "anymore!" I said it almost cheerfully, breezily. But then I felt bad when I realized what a hurtful thing I had said.