(3/22/06) being followed; under suspicion; swiftly tilting

(Entered in paper journal at 5:41 PM at Mid-Manhattan Library at 40th Street and 5th Avenue in Manhattan.)

Dream 1

I walked through narrowly perceived spaces, some internal, some external. A young, black boy followed me. I felt like he was trailing me. I wanted him to get away from me. But I also didn't want to "give him the slip" and somehow substantiate his motives for following me.

We walked along forest trails and through "houses" that were "offices." It all seemed like a track or a ride in an amusement park -- somehow stagey, not enclosed, but narrowly perceived.

Dream 2

I was on a bus. I sat at an aisle seat. A black boy on the aisle seat in front of me and to my right, i.e.

looked back at me around the edge of his seat-back. He said my name. I asked him how he knew my name.

I don't know if I forget or if my thoughts changed. But it now seemed like I knew him, too. I felt uneasy around him, like I was under suspicion. But I also spoke regularly and happily about regular things.

Dream 3

I don't know where I was -- high up in the air, possibly on the edge of something (like Hans Pfaal's moon balloon?). My sight was of the blue sky on a beautifully sunny day and just the tangent of something off-white -- maybe:

I feel like the object I was on was lenticular

and rubbery, with something coming off its top like a pagoda

of very thin wood, delicate.

I was possibly "myself/a woman" -- "two in one." I heard/thought "my/a woman's" voice speak of a bird-god/goddess (who was, as goddess, the woman) who called birds, maybe one certain kind of bird, to a "corner" of the earth.

I imagined (spontaneously, but not quite fully) an enormous hawk -- human-sized, very pale red-tan. Then I imagined a flock of similarly colored birds fluttering from left to right, superimposed over the profile of the hawk's head, which faced right.

"The woman/goddess/I" sounded weak, distracted (as if in reverie), but unmistakably godly. The speech was of the woman calling to the birds. The birds flew to the corner of the earth, "So fast," "she/I" said, "that the earth" -- ("I" felt the earth getting ready to tip at "her" command. "I" thought, No. Don't let her say it tipped.) -- "was knocked into an even quicker spin."

I felt the birds approaching. They were far off still, but they also had already reached the corner of the earth.

"I/the woman" continued: "The spinning became so fast and violent that finally the earth flipped over."

Again "I" thought, Please, no, I couldn't take the pain of the earth tipping.

Instead of the earth tipping I was descending into the ocean. I now plunged deep, deep down below the surface. I was above the sea floor.

"The woman" (no longer "I") continued narrating. She told of a civilization buried beneath the water. She also told of a dangerous shark that killed but that also led a group of some kind of creatures.

First I saw the shark. The woman warned me to stay away and not draw attention to myself. Now slowly the ancient city appeared. The shark traveled through the city along some canal-like road. There were gate-like structures at intervals

and some plain buildings like stone houses. I saw it all like I was on a hillside.

I was surprised that everything was in black and white. but it also made sense to me somehow, like the city had lost something.

Now I saw the shark's legions following behind him. At first they were some kind of disgusting creature -- unnameable, black and furry, like black rats, except made of glop, not flesh. I hated it -- I knew I was one of them. I again thought, Please don't let this be -- I couldn't stand being one of them. Now they were all black dogs. I was still disgusted, but I could tolerate it.

I was now in an enormous, opulent restaurant. A conference had just been held. It was now over. A line of people were piling out. One of them, a woman I had flirted with, came up to me and acted flirty, but in a needy way. I now saw how old she was. I tried to "cancel out" the flirty direction of our interaction. But I kept flirting instead.

The woman was handing me some files. I kept looking at the door. I hoped that either she would leave or that I could get away. I slowly felt more and more embarrassed that I had flirted with her in the first place.

But even now, apparently regretful of flirting, I was right up on top of her, even bending my right leg so that it went in between her legs. (She wore a miniskirt.) As time went on, her hair got more and more frazzled.