(1/16/06) the furries of falcon crater; the first day of spanish class; cocaine with the white boy

(Entered in paper journal at 9:46 AM at Starbucks on 1st Street and 7th Avenue in Brooklyn.)

Dream 1

It was daytime. I was in some desert or wilderness. I was with a group of people, but they were all off doing something else. I looked over my shoulder and saw a huge, silvery barn in front of which flew a colorful (but not bright) falcon.

I walked over an enormous crater on a steel girder or very narrow bridge. I wasn't too far across when I saw a bird come out of the sky. It flew closer and closer. As it approached me it flipped so its back faced me. It had red and blue, maybe some green, feathers highlighted with tans and browns. It had a long tail streaming from its tail feathers, red, maybe scaly.

I think I thought, It's a peregrine falcon!

The bird flew off naturally. I felt doomed and afraid and excited and blessed at having seen the bird. I figured (hoped) more birds would come.

I looked up and saw a white bird. I judged by its white head that it was a bald eagle. But its whole body was white. It was slightly disappointed, thinking it was "just" a seagull. But as it flew closer I saw it had a face like a seal, a furry, white seal.

The bird approached the railing of the crater and hovered down to the edge and was actually a seal. Now it was gone.

A group of kids came running up in its place. The area around the crater (if the crater was even there anymore) was now a pine forest. The kids may have come from some log cabin. They were dressed in plush suits with grey bodies like mice but huge, ink ears, like "some kind of bird." The kids all had strange faces. I was pretty sure they all had a deadly virus. One of them, with a chewed off right ear, actually collapsed.

I turned away. I still stood on the girder, but I don't think I was over anything too deep.

The children had been behind my right shoulder. I turned to see behind my left shoulder. Another group of kids, fewer, ran up in white suits like white seal suits. There was a female teacher with them.

I felt like another bird was coming, but I don't know whether I saw it.

Dream 2

I saw in Spanish class. It was our first day. I felt like I was shorter than all the other students, probably less intelligent, too.

The (male) teacher gave us our assignment. Already I knew I probably wouldn't do it. I was already confused by things the teacher was saying. Already I was being overwhelmed and losing ground in class.

The class's seating structure seemed to break apart, so everybody was scattered everywhere. I felt like a ton of people were already looking at me and deciding they didn't like me.

I already wished the semester were over.

The bell rang. I stood up and walked out to the "hallway," which was a balcony (oval?) surrounding the first floor.

I finally, somehow, figured out this was a high school class. I called someone on my cell phone, maybe BA, the leader of my Americorps NYC Parks program. I yelled at BA, asking why he had put me into a high school class.  I felt like I was being sprayed with a hose or soaked in my own sweat.

I walked back into the class. What I really didn't want to admit was that all these high school students could beat me intellectually. Nut now I was also ashamed I had made such a fool of myself by yelling about them right in front of the classroom.

But as I went into the classroom a girl walked past me. She was Hispanic, young, very pretty, very mature. She smiled at me like she thought I was cute because of the fuss I had made. I thought, Wait until she sees what a disappointing person I am, thought. Besides, she's too young for me.

I was outside. I walked some big square of blocks, up a slope, across, along something like a construction site full of muddy, brown gravel. I had a newspaper which I read and/or held over my head (though while I held it over my head I still considered its contents).

I must have stopped somewhere to do some Americorps work. I was now soaked and dirty. I turned and walked back down the slope and to the school. The street was now lined with trees. I realized I was heading back to class.

I looked down at myself -- my clothes (a maroon, button-up shirt and a pair of checkered or thinly patterned tan and black slacks) were disgustingly soaked and sticking to my body.

I wanted to ditch school, but I knew I couldn't do it that early in the school year. I would just have to go to school and live with how disgusting I looked.

Dream 3

I stood in a forest. I saw an image of my Americorps NYC Parks coworker VT a few yards off. Some unseen man to my left told me that VT was a cocaine dealer and that right before she left Americorps she got in trouble for doing cocaine "with the youngest white boy in the whole crew."