(1/26/05) calling 911 for directions

(Entered in paper journal at 10:30 PM at home in Harlem.)

(I'm not sure whether the weird, address-like writing above is from a dream I didn't write down.)

Dream 1

Was in a parking lot, tried to help a carload of black (?) people find some place. Called an info number on cell phone, walked through grocery store. Hung up cell phone, now walked through house in party. Dialed a number again, asked receptionist for directions to place. Didn't know what I meant. Realized now I had dialed 911, not 411. Hung up phone, feared I was being followed by police. ML came up, showed me bedroom with people dancing. I turned away, feeling nobody liked me. Read comic strip of Siamese cat eating hot spicy food, quenching thirst in toilet, realizing it had just eaten shit.

(2/4/05) transgender party

(Entered in paper journal at 8 PM at home in Harlem.)

Dream 1

I was at some small but rowdy party. The room was very dark. In the hallway were doors to rooms lit like and looking like dressing rooms. Some guys and girls danced around in a small corner near the hallway.

I heard one girl talking with one of her male friends who liked dressing up in girl clothes. She got him dressed up. Everybody thought it was fine, though some guys giggled a little at him. I couldn't see, like the guy was completely blocked by people.

I approached the group. Now there were three or four transvestites and transgender people, all in rather small outfits. One transgender girl next to me was skinny, blonde, and hot, just wearing panties or hot shorts and a tiny shirt. Her body wasn't incredibly feminine, but it was really hot.

I wanted to be with the transgender girl. But I only wanted to be with her if I could be like her. I left (or I turned to leave -- the action was never completed in the dream) to consider whether I could get all done up tonight.

(6/22/05) a hairy gay apology

(Entered in paper journal at 6:22 AM at home in Harlem.)

Dream 1

I was in a large group of people, but it seemed like a bedroom. It may have been a party. A girl may have offered to have sex with me or I may have been shown this girl as a girl whom I might find sexually attractive.

But she lifted up her pants legs or skirt or pulled down her pants to show her legs were thick with hair. I thought, Well, if I at least get into bed with her and have sex with her before people see her hairy legs, people will acknowledged I had sex with her and they won't be worried about her hairy legs.

Now I was sitting at a long dining table in a dim, restaurant-like area with a bunch of girls. Either the girls were gay or they were sympathetic to some gay cause, like we were all in some college group.

I acted supportive, but then a friend came up. He looked like my friend R's friend KZ. He asked if I could help him. The night before, he'd gotten really drunk. He'd seen a bunch of gay guys and yelled at them. He didn't think he was destructively angry, but he ended up bashing in one person's house and some other house that belonged to a fireman. He had to go apologize to both people, but he was afraid that if he went alone he would be physically harmed.

I was standing alone with him now. I was now by myself, but I could "think/hear" myself talking to people. I was walking through some long, dark house that seemed part house and part wilderness. I had a flashlight. But it was very dim.

As I progressed the house became more like a cheap, narrow, suburban house filled with shin-high mounds of sand. Then I got to the kitchen, which looked like my kitchen at Warren Coronado. There were two items on the counter -- one, unknown, the other, a cubic clock with red, digital numbers that only showed up when I shined the flashlight on them. The clock read 7:10.

All this time I had heard myself telling people how some female "camp leader" always led us through this space to the (camp site?) and that this "had been" my first time through this area alone, and how I "hadn't been" sure I could lead my following group (? -- I don't know where they were) correctly, but that I had reached the kitchen safely after all, almost as if by accident.

(12/28/05) whistle blower at the party

(Entered in paper journal at 5:17 PM at Starbucks at 43rd Street and 3rd Avenue in Manhattan.)

Dream 1

I was with a crew of people "from my Americorps NYC Parks program," possibly in the van. One of my Americorps coworkers, EP, was the crew chief.

At some point, possibly because I had done something overbearing/annoying, EP said, "I always have a bottle hidden away to keep me XXXXX" (soaked up? drunk?) "for the whole work day."

I "thought back to" a training we'd had on drinking and driving. I now knew I had to tell my boss (BA?) that EP had been drinking on the job. But as I went to tell, I felt EP following me. Perhaps he had now become my actual crew leader, SM. I knew he was either going to beat me up or kill me for even trying to report him.

But now I was at a party for the Americorps crew members. The party was held in a women's clothing store full of lunchroom tables. A bunch of the new girls, all skinny, pretty, and white, waved at me as I tried to sneak up to some clothes near a dressing room and try on the clothes near a dressing room and try on the clothes.

As I tried to make an excuse for my actions I got feeling that everybody already knew about me and they wanted me to get dressed up.

(6/29/07) cupcake party; old eyes in the new times

(Entered in paper journal at 4 AM at home in Brooklyn.)

Dream #1

I was in a cubicle before an office. I sat like I was in a chair directly before the doorway to the office. A woman was in the office. she was darkly tanned, a little thick-bodied, with long, wavy, soft brown, and dark blonde hair. She wore a sleeveless, black shirt.

The woman told me, "I like you. You're smart and interesting and amazing." She then began singing to the effect of, "But no matter how I try, I just can't get myself to love you. It's no offense to you. I just can't feel anything for you." I thought it was a beautiful and charming song.

As the woman was partly through, a man walked up to us. He may have been my co-worker MW. The woman stopped singing, as if she thought she would get scolded for saying she didn't love me.

We were all heading downstairs for a celebration. I thought the celebration was for me, because I was doing such a great job. We went down a long escalator in a wide room with one or two other escalators in it. I was not interested in going to this thing, but I thinking of nice things to say.

We got down to a basement that looked like a school cafeteria built into a huge basement laundry room. There were only a couple long bench-tables in the whole space.

In now learned that this celebration was all about a group of people who had put together a really interesting project. They sat at a bench-table.

People were passing around cupcakes. They wanted me to have a plate with three large, frosted cupcakes on it all to myself. But I couldn't eat that much. I took one that looked like German chocolate cake. There was another one that was chocolate on chocolate, and another that was chocolate with blue frosting.

I stood up. Another group of people walked in. I gave them the two cupcakes. I told the group I couldn't possibly eat these cupcakes.

Dream #2

I was in a car with a long-haired, pale-skinned, young man. He kept sucking his mouth around and then away from his teeth, like he had a nervous disorder. He was very thin-faced. I saw him as if I were a camera filming him in the driver's seat. But I was myself, somewhere.

We drove through "New York," around "Central Park." The man told me, "People walk down routes they wouldn't have thought of walking down years ago. This city is different. You simply couldn't walk down those routes a few years ago: you'd get killed.

"We found safer routes in those days. The easiest way was by staying close to the libraries." As we passed gates into the park, the man said, ""You definitely didn't go into the park."

We passed a big library on a triangular corner. A lovely couple walked out. The man said, "Those two right there. That's a sign of the times. They would have gotten beaten up for sure. Now they walk around here shopping for groceries."

I stood out on the corner now, on a little plaza area before the library. There were a few Asian guys in suits handing out Christian literature. I was still seeing everything as if I were a movie camera. I thought this was a movie. I wondered how they got everybody to act so natural.

(1/15/10) cake and pizza; rapid development

(Entered in dream journal at 6:30 AM on B-train into work from Brooklyn.)

Dream #1

I was probably in a small, suburban-style apartment with my old friend R. The light was dim and grey. I looked up at R from a very low angle, as if I were shorter than he.

We were having some kind of party, probably for R's wife L. There was a cake somewhere, a round cake maybe seven inches tall and fourteen inches in diameter, frosted with thick, sugary, white frosting -- though I feel like there was also some yellow coloration somewhere, as well. The cake had been cut already, I knew, and it was in a somewhat messy condition.

I either had eaten or was going to eat a lot of cake. I told R that after I ate the cake I wouldn't have anything else, as I was a light eater nowadays. R laughed and said, "Oh, you say that now. But I know you. As soon as you finish the cake, you'll look over at the pizza and say, 'Hm... that looks pretty good.'"

I thought to myself, with interest, Oh! Are we really having pizza, too?

Dream #2

A view of a living room, possibly in a smallish apartment with brown carpet. I heard, as if in voice-over, either the voice of my co-worker CW or someone talking about CW, mentioning CW's new baby. The baby was apparently reaching developmental stages very quickly. The baby was now even trying to walk.

I could see a baby at first in a (blue?) blanket in the room. The baby did some rolling around or somersaulting on the blanket and was now much taller, as tall as an eight-year-old boy (?). But the baby had the look of a man.

The narrator may probably now have been talking about what a good mother CW was, since she could facilitate such rapid development in her child.