(6/22/05) a hairy gay apology

(Entered in paper journal at 6:22 AM at home in Harlem.)

Dream 1

I was in a large group of people, but it seemed like a bedroom. It may have been a party. A girl may have offered to have sex with me or I may have been shown this girl as a girl whom I might find sexually attractive.

But she lifted up her pants legs or skirt or pulled down her pants to show her legs were thick with hair. I thought, Well, if I at least get into bed with her and have sex with her before people see her hairy legs, people will acknowledged I had sex with her and they won't be worried about her hairy legs.

Now I was sitting at a long dining table in a dim, restaurant-like area with a bunch of girls. Either the girls were gay or they were sympathetic to some gay cause, like we were all in some college group.

I acted supportive, but then a friend came up. He looked like my friend R's friend KZ. He asked if I could help him. The night before, he'd gotten really drunk. He'd seen a bunch of gay guys and yelled at them. He didn't think he was destructively angry, but he ended up bashing in one person's house and some other house that belonged to a fireman. He had to go apologize to both people, but he was afraid that if he went alone he would be physically harmed.

I was standing alone with him now. I was now by myself, but I could "think/hear" myself talking to people. I was walking through some long, dark house that seemed part house and part wilderness. I had a flashlight. But it was very dim.

As I progressed the house became more like a cheap, narrow, suburban house filled with shin-high mounds of sand. Then I got to the kitchen, which looked like my kitchen at Warren Coronado. There were two items on the counter -- one, unknown, the other, a cubic clock with red, digital numbers that only showed up when I shined the flashlight on them. The clock read 7:10.

All this time I had heard myself telling people how some female "camp leader" always led us through this space to the (camp site?) and that this "had been" my first time through this area alone, and how I "hadn't been" sure I could lead my following group (? -- I don't know where they were) correctly, but that I had reached the kitchen safely after all, almost as if by accident.