(5/12/05) the cheap goodbye; cosmopolitan nation

(Entered in paper journal at 5:52 AM at home in Harlem.)

Dream 1

I was "watching" a movie that I think probably stood for That Obscure Object of Desire. I was also "in" the movie. The scene was some Spanish-style cafe, with the lights dimmed and a woman under a spotlight in a smoky corner of the seating area (not the

corner of the room) doing some Flamenco-style dance in a shimmery, green or elegant, white dress.

I thought, When she's finished, then comes the part where all the girls in peach and pink and red dresses come out and do the much more sexualized dance that makes XXXXX angry and breaks his heart. I can't bear that part. I'd rather keep watching this scene.

But the dance finished. The woman stood in a pose as a thin, shimmery, golden strip of curtain cheaply rolled down from the low ceiling in spurts and interrupted rolls, concealing blocks of the dancer's body one body at a time.

Dream 2

I walked through a Walgreen's. I don't remember why I was there, but I was waiting for someone to leave or stop paying attention to me so I could do whatever I was there for without being watched.

I grabbed a small jar of peanuts that was priced at $1.89. I thought that was a little expensive, but not too expensive for a once in a while thing.

I saw two workers, both black women. I slipped between aisles to be inconspicuous. But they noticed me and talked pretty loudly about me, basically to me, even though it was in the third person, about how I'd never escape their notice.

I walked up an aisle, thinking I'd turn right and go to the beauty section (?) to read surreptitiously the new copy of Cosmopolitan. But when I saw some man at the magazine stand at the end of this aisle I knew there was also a man by the magazine rack at the beauty section. So I stood here to wait for them to leave.

I saw a copy of The Nation. It actually looked like a glossy fashion mag. But on the cover was an old, classy photo of Bob Hope, all surrounded by white background, the title and blurbs in soft, baby blue lettering.

One of the blurbs said, "Harlem, Herbal Center of the United States." I didn't know how that could be. I grabbed the magazine to read it. But I felt two people looking at me again.