(5/30/09) theater of sex torture

(Entered in paper journal at 7:09 AM on Q-train into Manhattan from Brooklyn.)

Dream #1

I was in a place like an apartment room that was being used for a performance (and also something like a coffee shop?). The area was dark except for a stage-like area near the center and front of the room. The audience sat in pit-like formations of couches throughout the room.

The performance may have been about how men torture the women they are in relationships with. There were a lot of couples who would get up and perform their torture scenes, which were something like S&M sex scenes.

I walked to the back of the room and sat on a couch in one of the pit-like arrangements that was empty. I stretched my right arm up and over a small, ledge-like structure, like the small, tile-covered ledge of a fountain (in a mall, or in some Spanish plaza?).

I looked on at the performance. A woman covered completely over with a white cloth had a large fence post tied to her back, bound to her with rope so that her arms were also tied to her sides, all covered by the white sheet. The rest of the fence may have stood behind the woman.

Now I saw my old friend Y walk down to my left. She walked into a bathroom like an apartment's bathroom, except a bit larger, and closed the door. She may have started throwing up. She said she had been tortured by her ex-husband (and my old friend) R for a long time now, and that she couldn't handle it anymore. I knew Y was going to leave R.

I didn't want anything to do with the situation, as I felt it was bad on both sides. I especially didn't want to see R ever again. So knowing that R and Y were here, I stood and started to walk out.

The place was now more like a living room and cafe mixed, with no performance taking place. It was still dim.

I was almost to the door. But R called out and said, "You afraid of staying here and facing things with me? I knew it." I got angry and walked back toward R.

The place was now like a large living room and kitchen in a studio-like apartment. There were a couple dim lights on, one in the kitchen. R sat on the floor and against a cupboard in the kitchen. I charged at him. I grabbed and twisted his head until his neck was bent in an "A" shape. R's head was still right side up. But it was pressed so that the top was pressed against the top of his right shoulder, and the side was pressed against the side of his right arm.

I held R by his head and his left side. I smashed the two sides, like I was trying to press them together. I could hear R's neck vertebrae popping. I felt bad for hurting R so bad. But I was angry. I felt I needed to prove to R that he shouldn't mess with me.

I started interrogating R about what he thought of me and why he thought he could get away with torturing Y. My plan was to kill R after the questioning. R answered the questions whiningly and had a pained look on his face.