(1/24/10) still-on-the-bus guilt

(Entered in paper journal at 8:13 AM at Sit & Wonder cafe in Brooklyn.)

Dream #1

I was with a large group of people, out on a wide, dirt road, in the woods. There was a bus parked on the left (?) side of the road, facing forward against the left side "direction" of the road. There was another vehicle parked on the right side of the road, facing the same direction as the bus. The right side of the road may have bounded a grassy field.

I walked toward the vehicles, facing their front ends, so the bus was on my right and the other vehicle, something like a jeep or Hummer, was on my left. The other people were in a long line by the other vehicle.

I spoke with a woman (my mother?) at the front of the line. I told the woman/my mom that it was sad, but that we could only take a certain amount of people with us on the bus. I felt selfish for saying this, and I wondered why I wasn't volunteering to be one of the people who didn't go on the bus.

I saw myself, probably in a reflection somewhere, or in my shadow on the dirt of the road. I wore a strange outfit that looked like a suit but also looked like a cameraman's outfit and also looked like casual clothes. One piece of clothing that caught my attention was a pale, lime-green shirt with a strange tinge of tan in it. The shirt seemed too large. All of the clothes may possibly have seemed too large for me. I may also have been older, with grey hair, and I may possibly even have been a bit overweight.