Monday, November 12, 2012

(10/17/09) strong woman protects my love; pond of sea creatures; i toss out a good resume

(Entered in paper journal at 7:35 AM at Connecticut Muffin in Windsor Terrace, Brooklyn.)

Dream #1

I was in a dim room, something like a cafeteria (like a cafeteria in a Kmart my family used to shop at when I was a young child). I stood before a long counter. A pretty girl stood before me, behind the counter. She was short, blonde, and skinny. On either side of her were two partitions, maybe wood-framed, with translucent, but mottled, plastic. The girl and I seemed to be speaking friendly.

Suddenly R came up behind the counter from the left. He made a strange remark about how if I wanted this girl I wasn't going to have her. He slid out another partition between the first two. This partition was like a sheet of plywood pasted over with old newspaper pages. There were two eye holes in the board, so that I could at least see the girl's eyes.

I thought, I didn't want this girl, romantically, in the first place. Bust still, how dare R think he has the right to block me from somebody I'm interested in?

I now sat, reclining, on a bed in a large, dim room. A pretty, tiny, skinny, blonde girl lay in bed with me. The girl was topless. Below the waist she was covered with a lot of blankets.

I got up. I needed to take a shower. The girl got up as well, either following me or leading me down a filthy, neglected hallway. The long hallway was dim, as if the only light came from within the rooms along the hallway.

I heard a man say that the woman liked me and that I should be with her. I thought both that that couldn't be true and that she wasn't exactly the one I was interested in.

The woman now stopped before a door. I walked ahead a few steps before noticing. I turned back to look at the woman. She was topless, and she wore a black skirt. She said she was going into this room for a shower. I had a feeling she wanted me to join her. But I thought that would be too much of a commitment for me. I said that was the women's shower, and that I had to go to the men's shower.

I left the woman behind and walked ahead to the next bathroom. The sign on the door may have been a "women" sign.


I went in. The place was horribly filthy, horribly run-down. There was old water all over the floor. I stood in a weird compartment that looked partly like a public shower and partly like a toilet stall.

I started hearing people talk very badly about me, saying things that might even have been dirty. I got very frustrated. I felt like I didn't want to have any more to do with any of this. I may also have thought that I'd I'd thought I'd found someone who actually liked me, but that it now turned out she was one of the people gossiping against me. I thought I was through with everybody.

I was walking through a hallway which was in decent repair, carpeted, with white, stucco-like walls, almost like a college dormitory. A door was open. I saw inside, to a room which was like a dorm room, except that the floor of the room tiered down partway through.

A tall, muscular, black woman who almost looked like a man stood in the room, down on one of the tiers, so that from my view it looked like she was kneeling. The woman wore a red t-shirt that went down to just above her belly button. She was lifting weights, lifting shiny, black barbells up over, and then behind her head. Her stomach muscles showed as she did this.

I was immediately attracted to the woman, even though I couldn't tell for sure whether she was actually a woman. I walked into her room, possibly at her invitation. She'd finished exercising. I walked down the steps before me as she walked up a couple steps to my right.

The woman asked me if I was having a tough time in my life. I told her I was. She lay down on her bed, her back propped up against a pillow that was propped up against the wall. To the woman's right was a window through which a lot of bright light shone.

The woman now looked different. Her skin tone was a lighter shade of brown. Her hair was longer, possibly done in a pony tail. Her stomach was smoother. Her breasts were big, so that they lifted the shirt higher up from her bellybutton.

The woman told me not to worry about people who said bad things about me. I suddenly felt very attracted to the woman. I wanted to get in bed with her. But I was afraid she'd think I was dirty. I also still wasn't sure whether she was really a woman. But I really wanted to lay in bed with her and kiss her and stroke her stomach.

The woman's breasts may have grown, or her shirt may have gotten smaller. I could now see the undersides of the woman's breasts from underneath the bottom of her shirt.

(At this point I stopped writing at the cafe. I got onto the Q-train at Prospect Park to head into Manhattan. Once on the train, at 10 AM, I resumed writing.)

Dream #2

I stood out on the banks of a large pond or river. There may have been a few other people around. The day was sunny, blue, and warm. It may have been autumn. There seemed to be brightly colored leafs on the muddy ground.

I looked over a ledge of land, down maybe six feet, to the water. I may have seen a lot of fish under the surface of the brownish water. The fished looked huge. I thought I even saw a shark or a whale. I may have seen other people in the water, possibly in boats.

I thought I would test to see whether there were large animals in the water. I was afraid, but I jumped in. Under water, I opened my eyes. I saw a lot of large fish, not dense schools of fish, but a large number of fish, averaging about my size, all swimming around, scattered, by themselves. Some of the fish looked fleshy, like deformed, or skinned, humans. After some looking around, I found a gigantic creature, either a shark or a whale. I was excited but also afraid.

I surfaced. The water around me now looked like an ocean. The surface of the water was a steely grey, reflecting the grey of the sky.

I put my head below the water again. I swam around with my eyes open, although I was afraid to see what might come up from the invisible depths. Possibly, I thought, a shark would try to attack me. I looked forward as I swam.

Ahead of me, not too far away, was a whale. It looked like a humpback whale, but it was maybe only twenty feet long. It looked like it was going to jump out of the water. I surfaced to watch it. I called out to some of the other people, who, I remembered, were in the water, to watch the whale. The whale humped up and back down. I was very close to its tail as it splashed back into the water. I was afraid I'd get hurt. But I was untouched.

Now the water was brownish, more like a large pond again, and the sky was blue and warm. I was flying above the water, possibly upright, in a standing position, and skimming the water with my feet.

I saw the people in boats. I thought they were trying to do harm to the creatures in the water. I felt like I was smarter than the people in the boats. They really didn't, and probably couldn't, know how to treat the creatures kindly.

I had to play a trick on the people to keep them from hurting the creatures. This had something to do with putting my right (?) hand in the water and emitting something like an electric charge. This was a little scary for me, though. There were some vicious creatures in the water, I thought, that would bite my hand if they saw it.

I now flew very quickly. The pond came to a bottleneck at one of its ends, the other "end" seeming, rather, to go on like a wide river. The bottleneck was narrow and smoothly oval shaped. There was a long, narrow, oval, concrete fountain pool in the center of the bottleneck. The back end of the fountain pool sloped up, so that it almost looked like a chariot.

As I approached the bottleneck I gained speed, going, I feared, beyond my control. I thought it was fun but dangerous. With my right hand I grabbed onto the edge of the concrete fountain pool. I whipped around the back of the pool with my momentum, but finally came to a halt.

I was now standing on a narrow path, between some shrubs, just up the banks from the pond. I could possibly hear some people, maybe men and women about fifty or sixty years old, talking in the distance to my right.

I looked before me and saw a stone slab path and a stone slab rest area with some wooden benches. Near or on the benches was a plaque, maybe nine by twelve inches, saying that the benches were in honor of Mr. and Mrs. XXXXX, who had given a donation for the area.

I believe I had also seen, before I'd jumped into the water, a similar plaque, bearing the names of a different donor couple. I may now have stood before the current benches, trying to remember the names written on the plaque on the previous benches. I may have thought the donors were the same couple, or that the two couples had remarkably similar names.

(At this point I got off the Q-train and went into the Rose Main Reading Room of the New York Public Library, where I resumed writing at 10:49 AM.)

Dream #3

I sat in an office, possibly by myself. The office was bright with fluorescent light and natural light from a blind-drawn window wall to my right. The desk was an office desk. I sat before it, not behind it. I looked at a resume that I didn't like. I tossed the resume.

Later, there were two or three people standing behind me and on my right side. One of them tapped my shoulder. I looked up to see that it was my old department head, GR. He looked younger, and he had a full head of lightish brown hair, cut squarely, maybe one and a half inches long. He didn't wear glasses. His face was smooth and a little tan. He smiled at me and spoke kindly to me, as if he were being polite to someone whose good word would get him into this company.

I didn't quite recognize GR at first. When I finally did I couldn't get his name right in my head. I acted really happy to see GR, hoping that would make up for my having forgotten his name. I now realized that he was the person whose resume I'd tossed just a while ago. I kept racking my mind, trying to figure out the name on the resume. I was sure it had been different from GR's actual name.

Now another of my old department heads, and a mentor of mine, JS, walked up behind me and said some nice things. There was another desk to my right. JS sat behind the desk. GR sat before the desk. I could tell JS was interviewing GR for a position. I could also tell that JS, thinking highly of GR, would likely hire him.

I felt ashamed of having simply tossed away GR's resume without much thought. I buried my head in paperwork -- my desk, as well as JS's, was piled with paper. I tried to act ignorant of my having thrown GR's resume away and approving of JS's interview with GR.

I wondered, How could I have treated a person so good as GR with such coldness? How could I have tossed his resume, based on a few minor details, with so little thought, after all the nice things he'd done for me?

Then I suddenly remembered, or was pretty sure, that GR had, after all, used a different name on his resume, so that I hadn't been aware that it had actually been GR's resume I'd tossed. I may have tried again to remember the name on the resume.

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