(Entered in paper journal at 9:07 AM at Starbucks on 1st Street and 7th Avenue in Brooklyn.)
Dream 1
I was in a room like an elementary school cafeteria/art room with plenty of windows and construction paper cutouts somewhere. I stood before a woman. I was yelling at her because she hadn't informed me of something or had left me out of something.
The woman kept a blank expression. I regretted a little that I had made the outburst, since the woman probably was now planning to use her power to punish me.
I had a Styrofoam container of a Halal rice dish and "salad," all in white sauce. I was shoveling all this food into my mouth. I almost finished the salad, which may have been the only thing left.
Dream 2
I sat in a dim, natural-lit room that may have had grey walls. There were two couches, one against the back wall, one against the right wall. I sat on the couch against the right wall.
Someone, maybe my senior coworker DB, was interviewing me for a Parks position. The man said something that made me realize I didn't want the position. I told him so.
Now I sat in a strange position facing the couch, watching while in my old position sat my friend (and a coworker from my time with Americorps in the NYC Parks) KB, except that maybe she was a man.
This person and "DB" got along really well. The person asked all kinds of questions I should have asked during my interview. I was welcome with the other two, but I could tell "DB" was happy he had gotten the other guy instead of me.
I tried to justify myself, saying, Well, I rejected the job, anyway. But I knew that really didn't matter.
Dream 3
I was with some of my family and maybe with my mom's friend TH's family. We were in the woods. It was night. We all sat on a barren or pine needle-strewn patch of ground bordered by a couple cars and before either a movie screen or a car with a movie screen on it. A movie was about to start.
TH and a person who was supposed to be "my mom" were bringing us plates of lasagna. But my mom (i.e. my actual mom) and some (?) members of the family weren't there. I suddenly felt a dread -- my mom was in extreme danger. I had to go to her. But TH and "my mom" (?) wouldn't let me go.
I was now in a kitchen like at the house my family lived in through my junior high and early high school years. It was dark, with lightning outside. "My mom" (different person again) stood above me as I, like a little kid, lay on my stomach. I then sat cross-legged. I still had to find my mom. But I at least felt that putting myself here got me closer to the heart of the danger I had to save my mom from.
"My mom" and I were making lasagna. I held the pan in my hands. We were half done. Chunks of seasoned sausage in the grease released by cooking filled the pan halfway. I may have eaten some of it.
Showing posts with label styrofoam. Show all posts
Showing posts with label styrofoam. Show all posts
Sunday, February 19, 2017
Monday, December 31, 2012
(2/1/09) who'll get fired?; the shooting game; a new religion
(Entered in paper journal at 8:22 AM at Red Horse cafe in Brooklyn.)
Dream #1
I walked through an office hallway. The hallway was narrow, with harsh, white, fluorescent light, grey carpet, and greyish walls. It was like a maze, or it was like this hallway would break off into other maze-like hallways.
I came to a small room, like a pantry, to my right. The head of my department, MR, stood before a tight circle of people, mostly low-level workers like me. He was talking about planning something out, like who would still be working here. He asked the people around him not to say anything.
I was now in a big, warm swimming pool in a room with warm, tan tiling on the walls and floor. The water in the pool was clear and green with depth. I swam before a weird "computer," like an old television with wires connecting in tangles to a rough set of units below it.
My old boss BS swam somewhere behind me and to my left. He said, "Well, I wonder who it's going to be who stays. Well, anyway, it's gonna happen soon." BS stepped out of the pool and told me he'd see me later.
Dream #2
I was in a big room like a mix between a studio and an inner courtyard. The room probably had black walls and columns, like a small theater, and probably had a big window showing blue sky out front. There were a few people with me.
One person and I were having something like a gunfight. We were both climbing up and down aluminum ladders, possibly trying to get up to a balcony level. The man shot me in my ribs, on my left side. The shot was like a puff of air. I don't think the shot hurt, but it made me flinch and it scared me somehow. I was disappointed in myself for having been so weak.
The scene replayed, or else the man and I, as if we were rehearsing, started our actions over again. The man was long-haired, possibly Asian. He was explaining to me how this whole thing worked. He showed me that we shot little, neon-green pellets out of our guns. The pellets were soft, like Styrofoam. They didn't hurt at all. They were really fast, but their impact was like it had no speed.
The man shot me again in the ribs, and I flinched again and got scared.
Dream #3
I was with either my old friend R or my brother. We were in a gigantic structure which may itself have been an entire city, an ancient city. The structure was all made out of huge, tan blocks of stone, and warm, soft light flowed into the structure, possibly from windows high up on the walls.
I had gone out of one room and into another. I had been speaking with R/my brother, and was now considering whether to change my religion. The room I was in now may actually have been like a library with grey stone walls. There may have been a long, maroon, velvety banner hanging down from a narrow wall, like one would expect to see draping down behind a throne. I tried to consider the differences in the religions I was deciding between.
I went back into the tan room. All along the walls were doorways to different churches. It was now like I was flying past, and just over, all the doorways, focusing in particular on three doorways. One was to a Catholic church. There may have been a statue of a church official before the door and to the left. I thought there was something I did like about this church, like the monks, but that the overall view of this church didn't match mine.
The next doorway I focused on was something like a Lutheran church, but with some kind of new-age ideology combined with it. I thought this was my church. I felt some kind of familiarity with it, and thought this must have been where I should go. But then I realized there was a lot of stuff in this church's ideology that I didn't feel comfortable with intellectually, and that I felt might actually make me soft or unhealthy. Before this doorway, to the left, was a sculpture, maybe five or six feet tall, of a palm branch.
These first two doorways had been along the left wall of the building, both toward the middle of the wall. The next doorway I focused on was on the right wall, near the top corner, and off to the right of it may actually have been an altar. This doorway was for the Lutheran church. I may have headed directly for this doorway after the previous doorway, as if I needed to convince myself that this doorway actually existed, that the stable church I was looking for was real, not just existing in admixture with things I didn't believe.
I may have been standing on the ground now, not flying. The room itself may also actually have been a sanctuary, with dim lighting, dark walls, and purple carpeting. But the stone doorway to the church still stood in the wall.
Dream #1
I walked through an office hallway. The hallway was narrow, with harsh, white, fluorescent light, grey carpet, and greyish walls. It was like a maze, or it was like this hallway would break off into other maze-like hallways.
I came to a small room, like a pantry, to my right. The head of my department, MR, stood before a tight circle of people, mostly low-level workers like me. He was talking about planning something out, like who would still be working here. He asked the people around him not to say anything.
I was now in a big, warm swimming pool in a room with warm, tan tiling on the walls and floor. The water in the pool was clear and green with depth. I swam before a weird "computer," like an old television with wires connecting in tangles to a rough set of units below it.
My old boss BS swam somewhere behind me and to my left. He said, "Well, I wonder who it's going to be who stays. Well, anyway, it's gonna happen soon." BS stepped out of the pool and told me he'd see me later.
Dream #2
I was in a big room like a mix between a studio and an inner courtyard. The room probably had black walls and columns, like a small theater, and probably had a big window showing blue sky out front. There were a few people with me.
One person and I were having something like a gunfight. We were both climbing up and down aluminum ladders, possibly trying to get up to a balcony level. The man shot me in my ribs, on my left side. The shot was like a puff of air. I don't think the shot hurt, but it made me flinch and it scared me somehow. I was disappointed in myself for having been so weak.
The scene replayed, or else the man and I, as if we were rehearsing, started our actions over again. The man was long-haired, possibly Asian. He was explaining to me how this whole thing worked. He showed me that we shot little, neon-green pellets out of our guns. The pellets were soft, like Styrofoam. They didn't hurt at all. They were really fast, but their impact was like it had no speed.
The man shot me again in the ribs, and I flinched again and got scared.
Dream #3
I was with either my old friend R or my brother. We were in a gigantic structure which may itself have been an entire city, an ancient city. The structure was all made out of huge, tan blocks of stone, and warm, soft light flowed into the structure, possibly from windows high up on the walls.
I had gone out of one room and into another. I had been speaking with R/my brother, and was now considering whether to change my religion. The room I was in now may actually have been like a library with grey stone walls. There may have been a long, maroon, velvety banner hanging down from a narrow wall, like one would expect to see draping down behind a throne. I tried to consider the differences in the religions I was deciding between.
I went back into the tan room. All along the walls were doorways to different churches. It was now like I was flying past, and just over, all the doorways, focusing in particular on three doorways. One was to a Catholic church. There may have been a statue of a church official before the door and to the left. I thought there was something I did like about this church, like the monks, but that the overall view of this church didn't match mine.
The next doorway I focused on was something like a Lutheran church, but with some kind of new-age ideology combined with it. I thought this was my church. I felt some kind of familiarity with it, and thought this must have been where I should go. But then I realized there was a lot of stuff in this church's ideology that I didn't feel comfortable with intellectually, and that I felt might actually make me soft or unhealthy. Before this doorway, to the left, was a sculpture, maybe five or six feet tall, of a palm branch.
These first two doorways had been along the left wall of the building, both toward the middle of the wall. The next doorway I focused on was on the right wall, near the top corner, and off to the right of it may actually have been an altar. This doorway was for the Lutheran church. I may have headed directly for this doorway after the previous doorway, as if I needed to convince myself that this doorway actually existed, that the stable church I was looking for was real, not just existing in admixture with things I didn't believe.
I may have been standing on the ground now, not flying. The room itself may also actually have been a sanctuary, with dim lighting, dark walls, and purple carpeting. But the stone doorway to the church still stood in the wall.
Sunday, December 30, 2012
(2/2/09) not worried about zombies; afraid to skydive
(Entered in paper journal -- somewhere -- at 9:01 AM.)
Dream #1
I was in a big house with a group of people "my age" (probably in their mid-twenties). Some disaster had happened, in this house or throughout the entire world, which had caused certain people to become zombies. We were investigating this house, either to find clues about what had made the people here become zombies or else to find additional zombies. The main group of us was sitting in the kitchen. Some of them may have been playing with "high-tech" devices.
I went upstairs. The downstairs had been small and tight. The stairwell also seemed small, flimsy, cheap. The upstairs was large. There seemed to be three high-ceilinged rooms. I only went into the center room. The room was dim, with natural light coming in through the tall windows along the long wall opposite the stairwell entry. The room felt empty, but I also felt a cluttered atmosphere somewhere. I might have seen something like an Othello game board with pieces on it.
I felt like I was now in danger of running into zombies. I knew if I saw them they'd attack me quickly and make me a zombie.
I was floating in the air, up near where the tops of the doorways would be. I was now floating downstairs, just above the stairwell and just below the ceiling of the kitchen. There was a pretty girl sitting at the table. All around was clutter. The place was bright with natural light.
The girl was either reading a newspaper or looking at some technological device. I may have been trying to get the girl and maybe some other people to come upstairs with me for protection against he zombies. I may have seen the zombies in my head -- a mother and two or three children, huddled together in some corner of the left room, clothes in robe-like garments, looking very poor and tired, but ready to spring like wild animals.
But the girl didn't seem to care about my urgency. She gave me a blank, almost annoyed, stare. For some reason I thought this was an example of why the fight against the zombies (or "zombie-virus") would be lost.
Dream #2
I was talking with a group of people. We were all getting training on skydiving. we may actually have been inside the plane, which may have been pretty empty inside, just the frame of the plane, metallic, slightly dusty, greyish or whitish. We may have been preparing for our first jump.
I wondered if I'd have the courage to make the jump. I thought there was only a slim chance that I'd live, anyway. I thought I was such an absent-minded person that I'd probably forget everything I was supposed to do on the way down, even though the process was actually pretty simple. I thought for sure that I'd get sidetracked by thoughts or looking around and totally forget to count down to the opening of my parachute. I also thought that perhaps the sight of the ground would scare me so bad that I'd lose track of everything.
I thought perhaps I should tell the instructor that I really couldn't do this jump. But then I thought the instructor would call me a coward and laugh me to scorn in front of everybody else. This really seemed awful -- most of the group were girls, and I really didn't want them to think of me as a coward. I thought I'd just go through with the jump, and let happen whatever would happen.
I could imagine myself descending from high up. Then a weird vision of a pinkish-orangish V, laid on its left side, with the base longer than the upper part, now appeared before my imagination. It may have slid into wholeness before my eyes, as if it were a changing measure of speed.
I now stood on the ground in a wooded area with a small group of women. One woman and I stood before a few large, red coolers that were stacked up by each other. The woman was sorting through some of the coolers, pulling stuff out and putting stuff in, making sure we were each prepared for our flight and first jump. I hoped the woman would find something missing in my cooler, so that I wouldn't be allowed to go up.
Another woman came into the scene from off to our left. She was carrying small coolers or boxes wrapped in clear, plastic wrapping. As this woman entered, the woman at the coolers had me help her pull some stuff out of the coolers. She was handing me items like white, plastic half-cubes (like bookends, almost), wrapped in clear, plastic bagging. Some of the items may also have been like plastic cubes with no top and like styrofoam coolers with removable tops.
At some point while I was handling all this stuff, the woman at the coolers may have reproached me, saying something like, "Don't even try to hope that something of yours is missing. You're going to do this just like the rest of us." I felt ashamed for having been called out as a coward before the other women.
Dream #1
I was in a big house with a group of people "my age" (probably in their mid-twenties). Some disaster had happened, in this house or throughout the entire world, which had caused certain people to become zombies. We were investigating this house, either to find clues about what had made the people here become zombies or else to find additional zombies. The main group of us was sitting in the kitchen. Some of them may have been playing with "high-tech" devices.
I went upstairs. The downstairs had been small and tight. The stairwell also seemed small, flimsy, cheap. The upstairs was large. There seemed to be three high-ceilinged rooms. I only went into the center room. The room was dim, with natural light coming in through the tall windows along the long wall opposite the stairwell entry. The room felt empty, but I also felt a cluttered atmosphere somewhere. I might have seen something like an Othello game board with pieces on it.
I felt like I was now in danger of running into zombies. I knew if I saw them they'd attack me quickly and make me a zombie.
I was floating in the air, up near where the tops of the doorways would be. I was now floating downstairs, just above the stairwell and just below the ceiling of the kitchen. There was a pretty girl sitting at the table. All around was clutter. The place was bright with natural light.
The girl was either reading a newspaper or looking at some technological device. I may have been trying to get the girl and maybe some other people to come upstairs with me for protection against he zombies. I may have seen the zombies in my head -- a mother and two or three children, huddled together in some corner of the left room, clothes in robe-like garments, looking very poor and tired, but ready to spring like wild animals.
But the girl didn't seem to care about my urgency. She gave me a blank, almost annoyed, stare. For some reason I thought this was an example of why the fight against the zombies (or "zombie-virus") would be lost.
Dream #2
I was talking with a group of people. We were all getting training on skydiving. we may actually have been inside the plane, which may have been pretty empty inside, just the frame of the plane, metallic, slightly dusty, greyish or whitish. We may have been preparing for our first jump.
I wondered if I'd have the courage to make the jump. I thought there was only a slim chance that I'd live, anyway. I thought I was such an absent-minded person that I'd probably forget everything I was supposed to do on the way down, even though the process was actually pretty simple. I thought for sure that I'd get sidetracked by thoughts or looking around and totally forget to count down to the opening of my parachute. I also thought that perhaps the sight of the ground would scare me so bad that I'd lose track of everything.
I thought perhaps I should tell the instructor that I really couldn't do this jump. But then I thought the instructor would call me a coward and laugh me to scorn in front of everybody else. This really seemed awful -- most of the group were girls, and I really didn't want them to think of me as a coward. I thought I'd just go through with the jump, and let happen whatever would happen.
I could imagine myself descending from high up. Then a weird vision of a pinkish-orangish V, laid on its left side, with the base longer than the upper part, now appeared before my imagination. It may have slid into wholeness before my eyes, as if it were a changing measure of speed.
I now stood on the ground in a wooded area with a small group of women. One woman and I stood before a few large, red coolers that were stacked up by each other. The woman was sorting through some of the coolers, pulling stuff out and putting stuff in, making sure we were each prepared for our flight and first jump. I hoped the woman would find something missing in my cooler, so that I wouldn't be allowed to go up.
Another woman came into the scene from off to our left. She was carrying small coolers or boxes wrapped in clear, plastic wrapping. As this woman entered, the woman at the coolers had me help her pull some stuff out of the coolers. She was handing me items like white, plastic half-cubes (like bookends, almost), wrapped in clear, plastic bagging. Some of the items may also have been like plastic cubes with no top and like styrofoam coolers with removable tops.
At some point while I was handling all this stuff, the woman at the coolers may have reproached me, saying something like, "Don't even try to hope that something of yours is missing. You're going to do this just like the rest of us." I felt ashamed for having been called out as a coward before the other women.
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