(9/22/07) phantom and suicide; lesbians exiled in space; annoyed into improvement

(Entered in paper journal at 8 AM at Ozzie's Cafe on Seventh Avenue and Lincoln Place in Brooklyn.)

Dream #1

I sat in a car like a limo with an Indian man. I sat in a seat the back of which was to the back of the front seat. I faced the Indian man as he sat in the normal back seat. We both sat on the passenger's side. I was exploring something business related to the man. I spoke in a mildly (not overtly) condescending way which I found annoying but which I couldn't control. At some point I finally managed to break off my annoying speech.

Outside, over a deserty sprawl of short building roofs along a wide road sped three smallish, sleek jets painted white with blue and red stripes. I called out to the Indian man to look. The man missed them, having barely looked for them. But now three more sped by. This time the man saw them. But he didn't seem impressed. He said something like, "Yeah, I've seen that before. Interesting."

But I was still excited. I said, "They have an Air Force base down there!" I pointed back over my left (?) shoulder. I might have called the base Kirtland.

The man might have said something like, "Yeah, I know. They fly the XXXXX there." I imagined the top half of a silvery craft. I tried to determine what it was. I settled on an F-4 Phantom.

I might now have been driving the car. I was on a high stretch of highway that curved around to the right, probably as it went over the ocean.  could see the ocean sky, but none of the ocean.

I was a man who was going to kill himself. I had been through some ordeal which I may have visualized as I drove. Everybody thought I had put myself through the ordeal expressly so I could kill myself at some point during it. But I hadn't killed myself. Now everybody, even I, thought I wasn't going to kill myself.

But I now sped off the road, which simply ran straight forward and out into the ocean. The car hit and sank into the water, but my view stayed just above the water. The white title "FINE" might have come up before my view of the water.

Dream #2

There was a preview for some black and white movie on TV. The view was just of one set. The set was like a miniature model of a mountain range. I'd suppose it was supposed to be the landscape of a foreign planet. People in Lost in Space style outfits hid behind the mini-mountains and would pop out as the narrator mentioned them or parts of the story related to them. Most of them also held "laser-guns," the barrels of which ended with two wholes which faced away from one another.

The holes had lights coming out of them as if a shiny, reflective, metal disc were in each hole. Even though the preview was black and white, I knew one light was green and one was red.

The narrator said the movie was about a young boy who was killing everybody on this island (?). The people had to find out who the boy was before he killed everybody. Even though they all knew him, and likely knew he was killing everybody, they didn't know who he was. The narrator said, "But imagine their surprise as they slowly discover that everyone in the group... is an exile!"

Even though I had been watching this preview on TV, I now felt the boy pointing his gun at me. One color was good, and one color was bad. I felt the light of a color on me, but I couldn't tell which color it was. I hoped it wasn't the bad color.

I was now outside a house with a group of people. The land before the house (and possibly as far as the eye could see) was barren, turned soil, probably a deepish red. The sky was misty white. We were all something like shipwreck survivors washed up on this island.

We were doing well, obviously well enough to have built regular houses. We were now working on a wall-sized grid of shelves, like bookshelves. Something facing the shelves allowed me to climb up and watch people as they sat on shelves, somehow working on those shelves.

At or near the top of the shelves were two women. One was a black-haired woman with tan skin. She wore a black leotard and grey sweatpants. She was known for being in excellent shape, but I thought she was a little heavy. I looked closer at her body and though, Well, maybe she's just muscly. The woman sat with her legs together and straight out in front of her. She had her head down to her knees.

The other woman, middle-aged, fattish, blonde, stood over the brunette, behind her, massaging the woman's back. I thought at first that the women were lovers. But the brunette kept talking about some man she wanted to be with. The blonde woman would say slightly encouraging things to the brunette but not mean any of it. I could tell that the blonde woman was in love with the brunette and was trying to keep the brunette from ever finding love -- unless the brunette found love with the blonde woman.

I descended before the shelves. I saw how some of the shelves were of fake wood, while others were of glass, like coffee table glass. I stood behind the shelves, before the house, looking through the shelves and out at the land. There were other people working nearby. Somewhere out in the distance was the grey sea.

I thought more "exiles" were coming. I thought, It seems pretty obvious we're all exiles. That's how each new person is introduced to the group. He can't help it. Why did the narrator say it would come as such a shock? It may have occurred to me then that the shock would be, not to us, but to a group of city dwellers who lived, we would soon find, on another part of this island.

Dream #3

My old friend R and I had gotten in a fight. He placed himself in a situation where I woudn't be able to find him. I didn't care. I was leaving.I walked out of some building. I was then walking out of a forest and onto a highway on a flat, wide, open field. The lanes into and out of the forest were divided by a grassy median.

I was eagerly heading out of the forest when, somehow, R, on the lanes heading into the forest, caught my attention. R sat on a big, wide motorcycle parked on the left side of the road.

I was annoyed that just as I was getting away, R ad come back. I knew I couldn't leave R out here alone, and obviously his motorcycle was broken. He needed help. I crossed to the other lanes on some connecting path paved with asphalt.

I was now down in an underground passageway like a subway. Some passages were regular sized. Other passages were so narrow I had to crawl through them. Eventually I got to a stairway which appeared to go up above ground.

All this time I heard R and me having a conversation. I asked R why his fiancee L had to pick on me all the time. R said, "Well, didn't it inspire you to do better things?"

(5/3/09) receiving instruction; sweet leftovers

(Entered in paper journal at 9:05 AM at Connecticut Muffin.)

Dream #1

I walked into a classroom. The walls of the classroom may have been sea green. The classroom felt very closed in, but comfortable, as if it were closed from bad weather outside. The students seemed engaged, in the middle of something, with a lot of papers on their desks (the desks were in the standard "grid" pattern). I had a fuzzy feeling, like the comfortable warmth one feels at the end of a sickness.

I wasn't sure I was supposed to be here. But the teacher, a serious looking male, wide-bodied, in a suit and with spectacles, like in an anime, motioned me to a desk, as if I were late. The teacher then instructed me on something. Apparently he had also been walking through the class, instructing other students in the same way.

Dream #2

I was in a university dining hall. The room seemed small, possibly more like a meal-lounge in a hotel or office building. The walls were white, and the room was somewhat brightly lit by fluorescent lights. A continuous line of people were walking into the room. Everybody in the room was about college age.

The room was full of circular tables, maybe six feet in diameter, with fake-wood tops. All the tables were occupied, though maybe not full. I sat at a table near the back, left corner of the room, near the entrance to the room.

The table I sat at may have been able to seat eight people, though it was likely there were just three of us sitting there right now. The other two people sitting at my table were a man and a woman. The woman sat either one seat removed from me to my right or directly to my right. The man sat to my left, removed by either one or two seats.

There had sat, on our table, a cake that had been almost as wide as the table. It had been flat, like a cookie-cake, and red, like a red velvet cake, with white frosting. But someone had just recently come by and lifted the cake off the table, leaving just a white outline of frosting on the table.

A tall, thin, red-haired girl with pale skin and pale blue eyes now walked up (as if from the entrance?) to the woman at my table, who may have looked a lot like the standing girl. Actually, I think that at first the sitting girl was about medium height, thin, with a nice body, tan skin, brown eyes, and long, soft, brown hair, wearing a dark green sweater and probably a black, knee-length skirt. Then, later, she took on the red-haired girl's appearance.

As the standing girl began to speak with the sitting girl, I, trying not to feel left out of the conversation, but also trying not to intrude on the conversation, began to pick at the white outline of frosting, thinking that if I hadn't gotten any of the cake before they took it away, I could at least have some of the frosting. I picked a whole line of it off the table. It was a line broken by little circle designs.

I folded the line I had picked, so it would fit better into my mouth. But then I worried that if I ate this frosting,   I'd be thought of as a slob: first, for eating leftover frosting (like leftover pizza cheese, clinging to the bottom of a cardboard pizza box); second, for eating something I'd played with so much.

The standing girl said to the sitting girl, "Hey -- you know what I thought as I saw you sitting here in these clothes? And I was even all the way across the room, with my friends." I thought to myself that the standing girl was now going to deliver an insult, just given the tone of her voice. But the standing girl said, "I thought, Wow, that girl's hot. She looks good in that outfit."

The girls spoke back and forth. I thought the standing girl was trying to make romantic advances on the sitting girl. I was jealous but I didn't really want to care. I also didn't want to intrude.

So I turned to the boy and started having some conversation with him. The boy may have been wearing a suit and tie. We may have started talking business. I really wasn't engaged in talking to the boy at all. When the standing girl walked away I stopped talking to the boy.

The sitting girl, who now definitely looked like the standing girl, turned to me and said, "Did you see how the girl looks in those new stone shoes?" I could see that the standing girl wore low-heeled, buckle-strapped shoes, which would normally be made of shiny, black leather. (I must have been thinking of Mary Janes.) The sitting girl said, "She looked good. She looked really good."