(8/25/07) at the air force base

Dream #1

It was daytime. I flew a jet through a flat desert in a clockwise, square route. I flew up from the ground to a large plane. I turned right, descending all that time, to another point. I then turned right again, possibly descending and landing.

I walked into a bedroom like a hotel suite (?). It was a little messy, with clothes slung all over. It was also a little dim.

I could hear, as if in my memory, my (Commanding Officer?) telling me that I had done a good job for my first run. I had flown to XXXXX feet at three hundred miles per hour. I was slightly disappointed that I had done only that small amount, even if it was only my first run.

A woman walked in. She was dressed kind of nice, like a hip girl from a Jean-Luc Godard film. The woman may have been my roommate. The woman said she didn't think she'd be able to make it in to work today. I said I'd call in for her.

I walked into our office, which was right outside my room's door. There were three or four desks. They looked like receptionist's desks. There were tall plants in pots everywhere. The light from the ceiling was a glimmering, watery white. Two girls sat at their desks.

I walked to the back of the office, where it kind of felt like a hair salon, and then back up to the front. I headed back into my room.

The two girls, who may have been Asian, and who were dressed nicely, like the girl who had come into my room, stared at me, or glared at me, as if they were getting ready to expose me for covering up for my roommate.

I stood in a small bathroom. I looked at myself and talked to myself in the mirror. As I did, I saw how I looked more and more like a woman, namely, like my co-worker FA. I wore a white blouse with a slightly frilly collar and short sleeves and a black skirt. I pulled my blouse down to expose my shoulders and chest. I either had no breasts or I couldn't see them.

I sat on a bench built into a wall by a window in my room. I sat there with a man. I was myself again but maybe as a child.

The man and I looked out the window, through the slits in the blinds, to see a man walking across the street. It was a bright, sunny day outside. I knew that this place was the Air Force base.

I wondered how boring and unaccommodating the base would be for people who lived here. But now I saw a shop like a deli or a bodega. It had no front wall, and there seemed to be nothing but candy inside the shop. I thought, You have everything you want!

I looked down and saw on the bench, between me and the man, a clear, plastic container of chocolate chip cookies. The man and I were taking turns eating a cookie. I was making weird noises as I took the cookies and saying silly things like, "One for you, one for me."

I thought, How can I think I"m able to work with the Air Force when I'm doing all this immature stuff?

(9/22/07) phantom and suicide; lesbians exiled in space; annoyed into improvement

(Entered in paper journal at 8 AM at Ozzie's Cafe on Seventh Avenue and Lincoln Place in Brooklyn.)

Dream #1

I sat in a car like a limo with an Indian man. I sat in a seat the back of which was to the back of the front seat. I faced the Indian man as he sat in the normal back seat. We both sat on the passenger's side. I was exploring something business related to the man. I spoke in a mildly (not overtly) condescending way which I found annoying but which I couldn't control. At some point I finally managed to break off my annoying speech.

Outside, over a deserty sprawl of short building roofs along a wide road sped three smallish, sleek jets painted white with blue and red stripes. I called out to the Indian man to look. The man missed them, having barely looked for them. But now three more sped by. This time the man saw them. But he didn't seem impressed. He said something like, "Yeah, I've seen that before. Interesting."

But I was still excited. I said, "They have an Air Force base down there!" I pointed back over my left (?) shoulder. I might have called the base Kirtland.

The man might have said something like, "Yeah, I know. They fly the XXXXX there." I imagined the top half of a silvery craft. I tried to determine what it was. I settled on an F-4 Phantom.

I might now have been driving the car. I was on a high stretch of highway that curved around to the right, probably as it went over the ocean.  could see the ocean sky, but none of the ocean.

I was a man who was going to kill himself. I had been through some ordeal which I may have visualized as I drove. Everybody thought I had put myself through the ordeal expressly so I could kill myself at some point during it. But I hadn't killed myself. Now everybody, even I, thought I wasn't going to kill myself.

But I now sped off the road, which simply ran straight forward and out into the ocean. The car hit and sank into the water, but my view stayed just above the water. The white title "FINE" might have come up before my view of the water.

Dream #2

There was a preview for some black and white movie on TV. The view was just of one set. The set was like a miniature model of a mountain range. I'd suppose it was supposed to be the landscape of a foreign planet. People in Lost in Space style outfits hid behind the mini-mountains and would pop out as the narrator mentioned them or parts of the story related to them. Most of them also held "laser-guns," the barrels of which ended with two wholes which faced away from one another.

The holes had lights coming out of them as if a shiny, reflective, metal disc were in each hole. Even though the preview was black and white, I knew one light was green and one was red.

The narrator said the movie was about a young boy who was killing everybody on this island (?). The people had to find out who the boy was before he killed everybody. Even though they all knew him, and likely knew he was killing everybody, they didn't know who he was. The narrator said, "But imagine their surprise as they slowly discover that everyone in the group... is an exile!"

Even though I had been watching this preview on TV, I now felt the boy pointing his gun at me. One color was good, and one color was bad. I felt the light of a color on me, but I couldn't tell which color it was. I hoped it wasn't the bad color.

I was now outside a house with a group of people. The land before the house (and possibly as far as the eye could see) was barren, turned soil, probably a deepish red. The sky was misty white. We were all something like shipwreck survivors washed up on this island.

We were doing well, obviously well enough to have built regular houses. We were now working on a wall-sized grid of shelves, like bookshelves. Something facing the shelves allowed me to climb up and watch people as they sat on shelves, somehow working on those shelves.

At or near the top of the shelves were two women. One was a black-haired woman with tan skin. She wore a black leotard and grey sweatpants. She was known for being in excellent shape, but I thought she was a little heavy. I looked closer at her body and though, Well, maybe she's just muscly. The woman sat with her legs together and straight out in front of her. She had her head down to her knees.

The other woman, middle-aged, fattish, blonde, stood over the brunette, behind her, massaging the woman's back. I thought at first that the women were lovers. But the brunette kept talking about some man she wanted to be with. The blonde woman would say slightly encouraging things to the brunette but not mean any of it. I could tell that the blonde woman was in love with the brunette and was trying to keep the brunette from ever finding love -- unless the brunette found love with the blonde woman.

I descended before the shelves. I saw how some of the shelves were of fake wood, while others were of glass, like coffee table glass. I stood behind the shelves, before the house, looking through the shelves and out at the land. There were other people working nearby. Somewhere out in the distance was the grey sea.

I thought more "exiles" were coming. I thought, It seems pretty obvious we're all exiles. That's how each new person is introduced to the group. He can't help it. Why did the narrator say it would come as such a shock? It may have occurred to me then that the shock would be, not to us, but to a group of city dwellers who lived, we would soon find, on another part of this island.

Dream #3

My old friend R and I had gotten in a fight. He placed himself in a situation where I woudn't be able to find him. I didn't care. I was leaving.I walked out of some building. I was then walking out of a forest and onto a highway on a flat, wide, open field. The lanes into and out of the forest were divided by a grassy median.

I was eagerly heading out of the forest when, somehow, R, on the lanes heading into the forest, caught my attention. R sat on a big, wide motorcycle parked on the left side of the road.

I was annoyed that just as I was getting away, R ad come back. I knew I couldn't leave R out here alone, and obviously his motorcycle was broken. He needed help. I crossed to the other lanes on some connecting path paved with asphalt.

I was now down in an underground passageway like a subway. Some passages were regular sized. Other passages were so narrow I had to crawl through them. Eventually I got to a stairway which appeared to go up above ground.

All this time I heard R and me having a conversation. I asked R why his fiancee L had to pick on me all the time. R said, "Well, didn't it inspire you to do better things?"

(3/18/09) tranny attraction; safety not proven; rescuing truck drivers

(Entered in paper journal at 9 AM at Starbucks on 43rd Street and Third Avenue in Manhattan.)

Dream #1

I sat in a restaurant with three other people. The restaurant was like a run down living room. The walls had chipping, white paint, with maybe some orange paint somewhere as well. There were benches or booths that were also made of plaster, like the walls. There might not have been any tables. I sat on a bench. The other three people sat across the aisle from me.

One of the three people didn't really enter my field of vision. The other two were "women." At first they seemed really pretty. But then they started talking about having to get made up. As they spoke about this, I had a closer and closer view of their faces. One "girl" was white. "She" may have worn a blonde wig. The other "girl" was tan, maybe black. "She" wore a pale brown wig.

As I saw the "girls'" faces more closely, I realized how much like men they looked, especially the white "girl." They both spoke about how they needed to shave. I now saw that they both had hair growing above their upper lips.

I had at first wanted to flirt with the "girls." Now I wanted to avoid them. But now they were moving over to my bench and were flirting with me, or trying their best to act attractive.

Now a third girl walked in. She was tiny, Asian, with a tight body and slightly curly, black hair that went down just below her shoulder blades. She wore a tiny, white shirt with blue designs on it and pale blue jeans. I never saw her face. We started mingling our legs.

Dream #2

I walked out onto a platform at night. The night sky was colored a low blue-violet. I may have been looking out at some kind of air force or air base scene.

I was thinking about something I needed to tell people: how some operation, possibly a space flight operation, would work, despite some people's doubts. To prove (to myself?) that it would work, I stood out on this platform, which was stories high and which stood before a series of tall pipes that were something like propulsion instruments.

I jumped off the platform, to grab onto one of these pipes. But the pipes were now extremely thin, maybe three-quarters of an inch in diameter, like the pipes on household water heaters. I grabbed a couple or a few of the pipes. Some of them were black, and some were orange. They felt like plastic. They swayed under my weight.

I may have thought, before having jumped, that by grabbing onto the pipes I would be able to fly. But now I realized I would not be able to do this. I was swaying back and forth on the slender pipes, high in the air. I was very afraid.

The pipes somehow managed to swing back to the platform. I grabbed onto the platform, which was like a concrete sidewalk. I hung from the platform, then pulled and climbed back up onto it. I now lay on my stomach on the platform.  On the other side of the platform from me was something like a living room, lit in incandescent light. I crawled on my stomach toward the living room.

I was hesitant to crawl into the living room. But I was also afraid of being out on the high platform. It now even seemed like there were gaps in the platform. I may have seen down through the gaps, which may have revealed a glowing, blue light. The gaps made me feel even more unstable. I wanted to get off the platform as soon as possible.

Dream #3

It was a winter morning. A semi-truck had crashed into something like a river or an aqueduct. The water in the river or aqueduct was video game blue with streaks of white, and it may have had some ice in it. The truck was pitched over on its side.

A woman who had been in the truck was now out of it, possibly on a raft in front of the truck, trying to drag the truck along. I had seen all of this as if from a helicopter. The truck had now passed just under a small bridge. I was on the right side of the river.

I was with a small group of people. Our task was to rescue the (three?) people who had been in the truck when it had crashed. But the first goal may have been to rescue the woman. We wanted to do this, apparently, because she was outside of the truck and was now in danger of drifting away. It was like everybody thought the woman had fallen out of the truck or been thrown from it, as opposed to having gotten out of the truck by her own will so that she, herself, could rescue the other two people inside.

But I thought it would be smarter for me just to jump into the truck to rescue the people inside. The other people in my group thought, when I had done this, that I had made a mistake, and that I, too, was now in danger.

Somehow we had managed to pull the truck over to the left side of the aqueduct. At first, the cabin of the truck had seemed huge, as if the cabin and the trailer were all connected to make some kind of living space. The interior had been all black.

But now that we were on the banks and I was making the actual rescue, it was like the actual truck (the engine, cab, etc.) was all just a busted shell, like a purple Pokemon toy sprung and busted open. The cab was something like a tight, leather case, which I had to unzip to pull out the two remaining victims.

The woman, I'd heard, had drifted off on her raft when the rope broke. I felt stupid, like I shouldn't have worried about the truck after all. But there may have been a chance that the woman was actually fine.

I unzipped the leather bag. A middle-aged black man's face emerged from the unzipped area, like a boll of cotton might puff out from its pod. The man's face was round, and bullish. The man wore a black, wool cap and square, gold-rimmed eyeglasses.

I worried that the man was dead. I thought that the leather bag had been such a small space for a person to be trapped inside of. I knew there was also a little boy trapped in there. I wondered how both the man and the boy could have been trapped in that small space. I doubted that I would even find the boy.

I was now in the trailer of the truck, which was again continuous with the cab, so that I could see from the trailer into the cab. The man was awake, sitting behind the driver's wheel. I stood amid shelves of ancient vases, which might have been colored white and red and fashioned in animal- and human-like shapes.

I asked the man what all these things were. I knew that these objects belonged to the woman, who was apparently a scientist. I asked the man what kind of science the woman practiced. The man said something like, "I don't know any of that stuff. You'll just have to ask her about it."