(Entered in paper journal at 6:43 AM on B-train from 7th Avenue in Brooklyn to Rockefeller Center in Manhattan.)
Dream 1
A beautiful building in something like an Art Nouveau style. Pinkish bricks in a round battlement configuration. Beige-goldenrod stone arches moving inward toward the doors and windows. The "battlement" structure maybe three/four stories high. From that, a brick "tower" like a smokestack.
Evening. A beautiful woman standing before me and looking at me.
Dream 2
My friends R, L, and maybe CV were in a dim grocery store that faded toward the front into a living room. R and L were talking about some woman CV had had sex with, like I was supposed to be jealous. But they wouldn't tell me who the woman was. Finally I pieced together that it was L's sister A.
I stood by the vegetables (where we had all been standing before) and said, "That's supposed to make me jealous? I don't even like A!"
Dream 3
I was swimming in "the ocean" on a sunny day. There were small waves. I was standing on the beach, on a tall, sandy hill high above and at least one hundred meters away from the water. I was with a group of people, all having fun, probably putting on sunscreen before heading into the water. There was a big trailer somewhere. It provided shade somewhere.
A couple big, blonde, tan, cheerful guys jogged down to the water. One (red shorts, though I feel I only saw his right shoulder) joked at the other, "I always go in first and then you go in. But you always say we'll go in together."
A group of girls giggled at the guys statement and ran off to the right to head into the water (the guys had run straight forward, down the hill). I walked behind them, passing a very pretty, tiny-bodied girl in a swimsuit that appeared to be made out of basket wicker, beige with some gentle, blue, sky-like design.
The girls jumped off some stone ledge and into the water. When I got to the ledge I noticed how far down it was to the water. I was afraid to jump, but I did. Somehow my body stretched so I kept one foot on the ledge while the rest of me extended way out over and finally into the water (at which point I turned to my "regular size" again).
I played around in the water, which I wasn't sure was ocean water. The water was so brown, it couldn't be ocean water. And I had jumped into the water from a tall ledge that was more like a river's bank than an ocean shore or cliff.
I worried about sharks. I swam around and tried not to worry. I imagined myself as a squid. I put my head under the water, closed my eyes, and just imagined my body flowing like a squid's body. Then I heard my mom talking about how if sharks bite you, you get rabies.
I was in a car with my family. My mom drove. She was talking about how my oldest nephew and XXXXX needed to get their their rabies shots or she would get arrested for neglect.
We drove through a gas station and then (it was night) before a wide, tall, square apartment complex behind which was an enormous tree and the final eggshell blue and pale gas purple of the horizon. We drove down a skinny street which ended at a gate.
I saw a man's severed head in my imagination. I knew you got your head cut off after you got rabies. I had thought earlier about getting myself some rabies shots. Now I wondered something about getting my head replaced.
Showing posts with label jealous. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jealous. Show all posts
Sunday, February 12, 2017
Saturday, January 26, 2013
(1/27/08) building theories of color and skating
(Entered in paper journal at 6:30 AM.)
Dream #1
I walked through a chain link gate opening into a conference event that was set up under tents in a large area like a parking lot. The conference was something like a homebuilding industry conference.
There were some middle-aged women under a small tent before the large tent. They had a bunch of flyers in bins and on the table. Some flyers were actually just huge name and address lists for homebuilders across the nation. I picked up one of the flyers.
I walked toward the entrance of the large tent, wondering whether I had enough money to go inside, or if I even wanted to spend the money to go inside. To my left was the tent I had just come from. To my right were a bunch of milk crates full of stuff as if at a garage sale. The aisle between these two areas was maybe only three or four feet wide.
I looked into the milk crates. The crates were full of used books. Three books in particular caught my eye. One was a flat-colored, thickish book with a depiction of something like church communion on it. The book might have had a title related to the Catholic church. Another book was a paperback. The cover had coloration like an overexposed photo of a sunset. It was titled something like A Word on Kerenyi.
The third book was a large picture book. It was apparently an essay on color by a modern philosopher or artist I liked a lot. The cover photo was very dark, with just glows of bright color, as if a photo of a window were being taken from inside a dark house.
I was very interested in this book. I picked it up and looked through it. The photos were all somehow very normal. One photo in particular might have been of a girl in a bikini on the beach. The photos all had a weird, but not extremely weird, coloration.
I couldn't see what these photos were teaching about color. But I felt that if I looked closely enough at the photos for a while I might understand. I decided I would buy the book instead of (?) going into the conference. The book cost $23.50. The conference cost $21.
I was inside a building, in an area like the third-floor ballroom-like area in the Brooklyn Museum of Art except smaller, more polished, and lit by candlelight. I was skateboarding through the room. I heard my brother telling me how another person (a long-haired, Hispanic man) had taught him how to skateboard better than I'd taught him.
It was now like I was skating like, or even in the identity of, the other person. I/he was skating smoother than I had ever skated. I was jealous of the other man for having been able to teach my brother so well.
Dream #1
I walked through a chain link gate opening into a conference event that was set up under tents in a large area like a parking lot. The conference was something like a homebuilding industry conference.
There were some middle-aged women under a small tent before the large tent. They had a bunch of flyers in bins and on the table. Some flyers were actually just huge name and address lists for homebuilders across the nation. I picked up one of the flyers.
I walked toward the entrance of the large tent, wondering whether I had enough money to go inside, or if I even wanted to spend the money to go inside. To my left was the tent I had just come from. To my right were a bunch of milk crates full of stuff as if at a garage sale. The aisle between these two areas was maybe only three or four feet wide.
I looked into the milk crates. The crates were full of used books. Three books in particular caught my eye. One was a flat-colored, thickish book with a depiction of something like church communion on it. The book might have had a title related to the Catholic church. Another book was a paperback. The cover had coloration like an overexposed photo of a sunset. It was titled something like A Word on Kerenyi.
The third book was a large picture book. It was apparently an essay on color by a modern philosopher or artist I liked a lot. The cover photo was very dark, with just glows of bright color, as if a photo of a window were being taken from inside a dark house.
I was very interested in this book. I picked it up and looked through it. The photos were all somehow very normal. One photo in particular might have been of a girl in a bikini on the beach. The photos all had a weird, but not extremely weird, coloration.
I couldn't see what these photos were teaching about color. But I felt that if I looked closely enough at the photos for a while I might understand. I decided I would buy the book instead of (?) going into the conference. The book cost $23.50. The conference cost $21.
I was inside a building, in an area like the third-floor ballroom-like area in the Brooklyn Museum of Art except smaller, more polished, and lit by candlelight. I was skateboarding through the room. I heard my brother telling me how another person (a long-haired, Hispanic man) had taught him how to skateboard better than I'd taught him.
It was now like I was skating like, or even in the identity of, the other person. I/he was skating smoother than I had ever skated. I was jealous of the other man for having been able to teach my brother so well.
Saturday, November 17, 2012
(9/18/09) lingerie triangle
(Entered in dream journal at 8:07 AM at Red Horse cafe in Brooklyn.)
Dream #1
I was in a department store. I saw that there was some extreme clearance sale on lingerie. I looked through some racks of stuff to see if there was anything I'd like to get. Nothing really caught my attention, and most of the racks around me seemed empty.
I saw, beyond some empty stretches of floor and a couple wall-like partitions, a couple bargain tables topped with plastic bins full of panties. I thought I might find something more interesting there. I walked over and began looking through the bins.
A female employee walked up to see if I needed any help. She was about six inches shorter than I, very skinny, with light brown skin and darkish blonde hair. She wore a blue or black polo shirt and khaki pants.
I told the woman that I was looking for nice lingerie for myself. The woman helped me look for things. She led me to some bins full of the same lingerie: panties and teddies of some material that was thin, like cotton, but also velvety, with various patterns printed on them in a pea-green color. At first we were finding "M" sizes, which I thought would be too big for me.
I got an erection as the girl continued helping me. I thought she was so enthusiastic that maybe she was turned on by the fact that I was a transvestite. I thought I might even get to have sex with her. I thought how nice it would feel to be inside her. But I wanted to try on all this lingerie in front of the woman first, to see if she'd like the way I looked. So I tried to lose my erection, so I could try on things without my erection showing.
I also wondered now if the girl weren't actually seventeen years old. I thought, If the girl's only seventeen, I'd better just forget things altogether. She wouldn't be old enough for me to have a relationship with.
The girl went away, possibly to find the items in an "S" size. Now a youngish, Hispanic man, also an employee, came to help me. We actually sat down at chairs at a round table that was topped with small, messy piles of panties. The man was tallish, thin, with clean-cut hair and mustache and small, round spectacles.
The man joked with me about it being a shock, expecting to see the girl coming back, but seeing him instead. I laughed and said that it was a shock. At some point I may have seen the girl approaching. But I didn't pay attention to the girl. I didn't want the guy to see me paying attention to the girl. I thought he would get angry that the girl liked me, and that he would then start causing problems between me and the girl.
Dream #1
I was in a department store. I saw that there was some extreme clearance sale on lingerie. I looked through some racks of stuff to see if there was anything I'd like to get. Nothing really caught my attention, and most of the racks around me seemed empty.
I saw, beyond some empty stretches of floor and a couple wall-like partitions, a couple bargain tables topped with plastic bins full of panties. I thought I might find something more interesting there. I walked over and began looking through the bins.
A female employee walked up to see if I needed any help. She was about six inches shorter than I, very skinny, with light brown skin and darkish blonde hair. She wore a blue or black polo shirt and khaki pants.
I told the woman that I was looking for nice lingerie for myself. The woman helped me look for things. She led me to some bins full of the same lingerie: panties and teddies of some material that was thin, like cotton, but also velvety, with various patterns printed on them in a pea-green color. At first we were finding "M" sizes, which I thought would be too big for me.
I got an erection as the girl continued helping me. I thought she was so enthusiastic that maybe she was turned on by the fact that I was a transvestite. I thought I might even get to have sex with her. I thought how nice it would feel to be inside her. But I wanted to try on all this lingerie in front of the woman first, to see if she'd like the way I looked. So I tried to lose my erection, so I could try on things without my erection showing.
I also wondered now if the girl weren't actually seventeen years old. I thought, If the girl's only seventeen, I'd better just forget things altogether. She wouldn't be old enough for me to have a relationship with.
The girl went away, possibly to find the items in an "S" size. Now a youngish, Hispanic man, also an employee, came to help me. We actually sat down at chairs at a round table that was topped with small, messy piles of panties. The man was tallish, thin, with clean-cut hair and mustache and small, round spectacles.
The man joked with me about it being a shock, expecting to see the girl coming back, but seeing him instead. I laughed and said that it was a shock. At some point I may have seen the girl approaching. But I didn't pay attention to the girl. I didn't want the guy to see me paying attention to the girl. I thought he would get angry that the girl liked me, and that he would then start causing problems between me and the girl.
Monday, November 12, 2012
(10/10/09) foolish at the farewell party
(Entered in paper journal at 8:30 AM at Connecticut Muffin in Windsor Terrace, Brooklyn.)
Dream #1
I was at a party with a group of friends, possibly co-workers. We were at a smallish apartment which was lit by a slightly cold-feeling, incandescent light. The party was quiet and calm. We might have been saying farewell to one of our co-workers, who looked like my old co-worker CT.
CT was at the other end of the room from me, possibly with a group of other people. I was upset with her because she'd made me feel like she liked me romantically, but now she'd somehow made it clear either that she liked someone else more or that she altogether didn't like me romantically. I felt like I had been made a fool of in front of everybody.
I tried to act like I didn't care about CT, almost like I didn't even know she was at the party. I began walking around the whole periphery of the main room, counter-clockwise. I figured that I'd go around the whole periphery (the room was now much larger), and then either leave or find that CT had left. This way I would prove, I thought, that I could ignore CT as much as she could ignore me.
But when I was almost all the way around the room (I imagined a map, like a floor plan, that showed the room to be large enough even to include a library), I realized that CT was not only still here, but that she was having a good time with everybody else. CT had even started to follow my idea of walking around the periphery of the room.
I thought that now I was for sure going to leave. I may have seen an old, rich-looking, white-haired, beautiful man by the door.
Somehow I got sidetracked by a male friend of mine who convinced me to sit in a different room with him. We were going to discuss something very important to me. We went into an unlit room that was joined to the main room by two open glass doors. The room was narrow and appeared to be something like a library, with a few wall-height bookshelves, some armchairs, and some unopened boxes. There was also a desk with a computer on it.
The man sat us down in two folding chairs before the doorway to another room, which may have been a bedroom but which looked like some kind of classroom half full of folding chairs. The light was on in that room, and the walls may have been a warm color, like orange.
As the man and I began to discuss things, CT went into the bedroom with a man and a few other friends. The man had told CT earlier on in the party, I now remembered, that he would draw her portrait. Now CT sat in one of the folding chairs in the back of the room. The man sat in a chair in the row before CT and turned the chair a bit to his left so he could twist around to see and draw CT. The friends sat around CT and the man.
CT And the man began discussing something, possibly something I'd done but shouldn't have done, but how I couldn't be blamed because I really hand't known any better.
I now realized that this party was a funeral for a young man we'd known. The man had been Latino, tallish, thin, with a closely shaved head of hair, and maybe a little stubble on his chin.
I now stood outside on a city street. It was a grey, slightly cool morning. I could see my breath, mostly because of the humidity, not the cold. I stood next to a brown velvet rope barrier that went along the edge of the sidewalk, leading, toward my left, to what was either the loading dock for a big building or the back of a semi-truck's trailer. A few other people stood along the velvet rope. A couple people stood inside the loading dock area, apparently waiting to carry out the coffin of the man whose funeral it was.
As I stood waiting, I began to think that the people who also stood along the rope were beginning to look at me funny. I started to remember having done something distasteful at the party last night, something along the lines of being completely drunk and shouting out how awesome I thought the deceased young man was.
Apparently the young man was now still still alive. I could see a black and white photo of him. He looked like my cousin N. I knew he was going to walk out from the loading dock at any minute. I also worried that, at any minute, somebody in the groups of people by the rope and in the loading dock would make a loud comment about my foolish behavior, and that everybody else would laugh me to shame.
Dream #1
I was at a party with a group of friends, possibly co-workers. We were at a smallish apartment which was lit by a slightly cold-feeling, incandescent light. The party was quiet and calm. We might have been saying farewell to one of our co-workers, who looked like my old co-worker CT.
CT was at the other end of the room from me, possibly with a group of other people. I was upset with her because she'd made me feel like she liked me romantically, but now she'd somehow made it clear either that she liked someone else more or that she altogether didn't like me romantically. I felt like I had been made a fool of in front of everybody.
I tried to act like I didn't care about CT, almost like I didn't even know she was at the party. I began walking around the whole periphery of the main room, counter-clockwise. I figured that I'd go around the whole periphery (the room was now much larger), and then either leave or find that CT had left. This way I would prove, I thought, that I could ignore CT as much as she could ignore me.
But when I was almost all the way around the room (I imagined a map, like a floor plan, that showed the room to be large enough even to include a library), I realized that CT was not only still here, but that she was having a good time with everybody else. CT had even started to follow my idea of walking around the periphery of the room.
I thought that now I was for sure going to leave. I may have seen an old, rich-looking, white-haired, beautiful man by the door.
Somehow I got sidetracked by a male friend of mine who convinced me to sit in a different room with him. We were going to discuss something very important to me. We went into an unlit room that was joined to the main room by two open glass doors. The room was narrow and appeared to be something like a library, with a few wall-height bookshelves, some armchairs, and some unopened boxes. There was also a desk with a computer on it.
The man sat us down in two folding chairs before the doorway to another room, which may have been a bedroom but which looked like some kind of classroom half full of folding chairs. The light was on in that room, and the walls may have been a warm color, like orange.
As the man and I began to discuss things, CT went into the bedroom with a man and a few other friends. The man had told CT earlier on in the party, I now remembered, that he would draw her portrait. Now CT sat in one of the folding chairs in the back of the room. The man sat in a chair in the row before CT and turned the chair a bit to his left so he could twist around to see and draw CT. The friends sat around CT and the man.
CT And the man began discussing something, possibly something I'd done but shouldn't have done, but how I couldn't be blamed because I really hand't known any better.
I now realized that this party was a funeral for a young man we'd known. The man had been Latino, tallish, thin, with a closely shaved head of hair, and maybe a little stubble on his chin.
I now stood outside on a city street. It was a grey, slightly cool morning. I could see my breath, mostly because of the humidity, not the cold. I stood next to a brown velvet rope barrier that went along the edge of the sidewalk, leading, toward my left, to what was either the loading dock for a big building or the back of a semi-truck's trailer. A few other people stood along the velvet rope. A couple people stood inside the loading dock area, apparently waiting to carry out the coffin of the man whose funeral it was.
As I stood waiting, I began to think that the people who also stood along the rope were beginning to look at me funny. I started to remember having done something distasteful at the party last night, something along the lines of being completely drunk and shouting out how awesome I thought the deceased young man was.
Apparently the young man was now still still alive. I could see a black and white photo of him. He looked like my cousin N. I knew he was going to walk out from the loading dock at any minute. I also worried that, at any minute, somebody in the groups of people by the rope and in the loading dock would make a loud comment about my foolish behavior, and that everybody else would laugh me to shame.
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