(Entered in paper journal at 8:30 AM at Connecticut Muffin in Windsor Terrace, Brooklyn.)
Dream #1
I was at a party with a group of friends, possibly co-workers. We were at a smallish apartment which was lit by a slightly cold-feeling, incandescent light. The party was quiet and calm. We might have been saying farewell to one of our co-workers, who looked like my old co-worker CT.
CT was at the other end of the room from me, possibly with a group of other people. I was upset with her because she'd made me feel like she liked me romantically, but now she'd somehow made it clear either that she liked someone else more or that she altogether didn't like me romantically. I felt like I had been made a fool of in front of everybody.
I tried to act like I didn't care about CT, almost like I didn't even know she was at the party. I began walking around the whole periphery of the main room, counter-clockwise. I figured that I'd go around the whole periphery (the room was now much larger), and then either leave or find that CT had left. This way I would prove, I thought, that I could ignore CT as much as she could ignore me.
But when I was almost all the way around the room (I imagined a map, like a floor plan, that showed the room to be large enough even to include a library), I realized that CT was not only still here, but that she was having a good time with everybody else. CT had even started to follow my idea of walking around the periphery of the room.
I thought that now I was for sure going to leave. I may have seen an old, rich-looking, white-haired, beautiful man by the door.
Somehow I got sidetracked by a male friend of mine who convinced me to sit in a different room with him. We were going to discuss something very important to me. We went into an unlit room that was joined to the main room by two open glass doors. The room was narrow and appeared to be something like a library, with a few wall-height bookshelves, some armchairs, and some unopened boxes. There was also a desk with a computer on it.
The man sat us down in two folding chairs before the doorway to another room, which may have been a bedroom but which looked like some kind of classroom half full of folding chairs. The light was on in that room, and the walls may have been a warm color, like orange.
As the man and I began to discuss things, CT went into the bedroom with a man and a few other friends. The man had told CT earlier on in the party, I now remembered, that he would draw her portrait. Now CT sat in one of the folding chairs in the back of the room. The man sat in a chair in the row before CT and turned the chair a bit to his left so he could twist around to see and draw CT. The friends sat around CT and the man.
CT And the man began discussing something, possibly something I'd done but shouldn't have done, but how I couldn't be blamed because I really hand't known any better.
I now realized that this party was a funeral for a young man we'd known. The man had been Latino, tallish, thin, with a closely shaved head of hair, and maybe a little stubble on his chin.
I now stood outside on a city street. It was a grey, slightly cool morning. I could see my breath, mostly because of the humidity, not the cold. I stood next to a brown velvet rope barrier that went along the edge of the sidewalk, leading, toward my left, to what was either the loading dock for a big building or the back of a semi-truck's trailer. A few other people stood along the velvet rope. A couple people stood inside the loading dock area, apparently waiting to carry out the coffin of the man whose funeral it was.
As I stood waiting, I began to think that the people who also stood along the rope were beginning to look at me funny. I started to remember having done something distasteful at the party last night, something along the lines of being completely drunk and shouting out how awesome I thought the deceased young man was.
Apparently the young man was now still still alive. I could see a black and white photo of him. He looked like my cousin N. I knew he was going to walk out from the loading dock at any minute. I also worried that, at any minute, somebody in the groups of people by the rope and in the loading dock would make a loud comment about my foolish behavior, and that everybody else would laugh me to shame.
Showing posts with label being strung along. Show all posts
Showing posts with label being strung along. Show all posts
Monday, November 12, 2012
Sunday, November 11, 2012
(11/10/09) horses for boss; long-distance string-along
(Entered in paper journal at 7:42 AM at Sit & Wonder cafe in Brooklyn.)
Dream #1
I stood in front of my old boss BA, who sat on something like a wooden storage box standing against the pale blue (?) wall of a building. We were in a vacant space, either like a parking lot or a somewhat empty natural area that used to be a woodland. It was probably late afternoon, and the light was a dim, pale blue.
BA asked me to carry him, so I did. We walked through a somewhat muddy area, up to what looked like a house or a double-wide trailer. Inside, the place looked unfinished. The floors were concrete, possibly sloped, not level. The place had ramps, corridors, like some kind of a slaughterhouse. It was all empty, like nothing was going on there. But it might have been messy, like mud and other stuff had been strewn along the place, and there might have been a feeling of warmth and noise from somewhere.
I came to a woman at a tall desk. The desk looked a little like a thin, metal filing cabinet. A bright, incandescent light came from the desk. The woman was fattish, with short, frizzy, dark blonde hair and wrinkled, turtle-like skin.
We may have spoken back and forth about horses, as if I had come here to get a horse. She might have told me something like she didn't have any horses to give. She might have also told me the reason.
I walked out a wide exit at the back (?) of the place. The light was now dark blue. I was in something like a corral for horses. I may have seen a few horses. Thinking to myself, Well, I have a few horses now, after all, I might have walked away, first into a foresty area, then into a vacant, muddy, somewhat rolling area (maybe also stubbled with tree stumps), possibly going back to the place I had come from.
I suddenly realized that I no longer had BA with me. In my worrying about getting a horse, possibly for BA, I had forgotten BA somewhere.
Dream #2
I stood out on a street. It was a bright, sunny day, also hot. I stood at the top of a hill, looking down the street, which may have looked partly like a suburban street and partly like a mountain town street lined with shops. There may have been a few people around me, people I knew somehow. The street may have troughed and then risen back upward for another, less steep, shorter hill.
At the trough of the hill, on the left side of the street, may have been a modern-looking building about twelve or so stories tall, with dim, reflective glass walls. Before the doors of that building flowed a cluttery pile of bright objects, possibly toys, possibly baby toys.
Somewhere, possibly down by the building, or "from" the inside of the building, or somewhere near the top of the other hill, stood CR, the man with whom I had had a job interview. CR was "speaking with me," even thought he was at least three hundred meters away from me, and possibly even inside a building. He asked me about the options I had, in case I didn't get the job. I really didn't have options, and I was really in need of a job. But I tried to sound cheerful.
Watching the sun glint of the items in front of the building, as if some of the toys were metallic, I told CR that I really would like to go somewhere where I could just sit down and study the things I wanted to study, without having to worry about my livelihood.
CR said, "Oh, so you're planning on going back to school, then?"
I said I guessed I was. But I thought, I don't have time, now, to get myself into a school. I need to get a job!
Dream #1
I stood in front of my old boss BA, who sat on something like a wooden storage box standing against the pale blue (?) wall of a building. We were in a vacant space, either like a parking lot or a somewhat empty natural area that used to be a woodland. It was probably late afternoon, and the light was a dim, pale blue.
BA asked me to carry him, so I did. We walked through a somewhat muddy area, up to what looked like a house or a double-wide trailer. Inside, the place looked unfinished. The floors were concrete, possibly sloped, not level. The place had ramps, corridors, like some kind of a slaughterhouse. It was all empty, like nothing was going on there. But it might have been messy, like mud and other stuff had been strewn along the place, and there might have been a feeling of warmth and noise from somewhere.
I came to a woman at a tall desk. The desk looked a little like a thin, metal filing cabinet. A bright, incandescent light came from the desk. The woman was fattish, with short, frizzy, dark blonde hair and wrinkled, turtle-like skin.
We may have spoken back and forth about horses, as if I had come here to get a horse. She might have told me something like she didn't have any horses to give. She might have also told me the reason.
I walked out a wide exit at the back (?) of the place. The light was now dark blue. I was in something like a corral for horses. I may have seen a few horses. Thinking to myself, Well, I have a few horses now, after all, I might have walked away, first into a foresty area, then into a vacant, muddy, somewhat rolling area (maybe also stubbled with tree stumps), possibly going back to the place I had come from.
I suddenly realized that I no longer had BA with me. In my worrying about getting a horse, possibly for BA, I had forgotten BA somewhere.
Dream #2
I stood out on a street. It was a bright, sunny day, also hot. I stood at the top of a hill, looking down the street, which may have looked partly like a suburban street and partly like a mountain town street lined with shops. There may have been a few people around me, people I knew somehow. The street may have troughed and then risen back upward for another, less steep, shorter hill.
At the trough of the hill, on the left side of the street, may have been a modern-looking building about twelve or so stories tall, with dim, reflective glass walls. Before the doors of that building flowed a cluttery pile of bright objects, possibly toys, possibly baby toys.
Somewhere, possibly down by the building, or "from" the inside of the building, or somewhere near the top of the other hill, stood CR, the man with whom I had had a job interview. CR was "speaking with me," even thought he was at least three hundred meters away from me, and possibly even inside a building. He asked me about the options I had, in case I didn't get the job. I really didn't have options, and I was really in need of a job. But I tried to sound cheerful.
Watching the sun glint of the items in front of the building, as if some of the toys were metallic, I told CR that I really would like to go somewhere where I could just sit down and study the things I wanted to study, without having to worry about my livelihood.
CR said, "Oh, so you're planning on going back to school, then?"
I said I guessed I was. But I thought, I don't have time, now, to get myself into a school. I need to get a job!
(11/15/09) the job isn't mine
(Entered in paper journal at 7:35 AM at Connecticut Muffin in Windsor Terrace, Brooklyn.)
Dream #1
I stood with a woman in an office space. The space may have been on a second floor or so, with its edge somehow making a balcony over the ground floor below. I stood before a wall that was lined with couches. I was on the right end of the wall.
On the left end of the wall were a line of people, all heading down a hallway. I could tell the people were going in to interview for the job I thought I already had. I started getting really angry. I thought I would complain to the person I'd thought I was going to be working with.
But the woman I stood with pushed me into a big office, the door to which we had been standing right in front of. The woman lay on a long, leather couch. I stood before the couch, possibly looking at a blind-curtained window on one of the walls.
I told the woman how angry I was. Everybody had made it sound like I was hired. And now I was, it seemed, just another person coming in for an interview.
Dream #1
I stood with a woman in an office space. The space may have been on a second floor or so, with its edge somehow making a balcony over the ground floor below. I stood before a wall that was lined with couches. I was on the right end of the wall.
On the left end of the wall were a line of people, all heading down a hallway. I could tell the people were going in to interview for the job I thought I already had. I started getting really angry. I thought I would complain to the person I'd thought I was going to be working with.
But the woman I stood with pushed me into a big office, the door to which we had been standing right in front of. The woman lay on a long, leather couch. I stood before the couch, possibly looking at a blind-curtained window on one of the walls.
I told the woman how angry I was. Everybody had made it sound like I was hired. And now I was, it seemed, just another person coming in for an interview.
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