(Entered in paper journal at 8:47 AM at Connecticut Muffin in Windsor Terrace, Brooklyn.)
Dream #1
I was talking with a woman wearing a long, white shirt. The woman had bare legs. She said how she ahd bought a new swimsuit (white, I knew), which she was wearing under the shirt. I asked the woman if I could see her in her swimsuit. The woman got mad at me. We were co-workers. The woman somehow made me think she would sue me for harassing her.
I was riding in a car driven by a kind of scraggly-looking man. The man somehow convinced me that asking a girl something like if she'd let me see her swimsuit was the same as asking the girl to have sex with me. That made sense to me. I decided to apologize.
Dream #2
I walked into a small, almost empty bar. One of the volunteer supervisors I worked with over at New York Cares was behind the bar, wearing a black dress. She turned away as soon as she saw me, hoping, I believed, to hide her identity from me.
She asked what I'd like to drink. I told her I'd like a beer. She poured a tall glass of beer and put it on the counter. I thought, Does she make so little money at New York Cares that she needs to supplement her pay by tending bar?
Dream #3
I was in "a mall from my hometown." It was moderately busy. A young, black man with pale skin and wearing a grey windbreaker jacket walked toward me, about twenty feet away from me. He flashed a bunch of rude gestures at me to scare me. I got pissed off and flashed some kind of gestures at him. We had passed each other as I had done this. The man turned and made some inarticulate grumbling as if to say, Oh yeah? Well, we'll see.
Another man walked beside me. He was white, maybe a little oldish and worn-out, with a softish, roundish face and big, watery, blue eyes. He said, "You shouldn't do that kind of thing. Now that guy will just have it against you from now on. He'll find a way to get back at you."
I was walking down a brightly lit, almost empty corridor of the mall. I was trying to find some point of reference that I could remember from the last time I had been in this mall. The current appearance of the mall was so unfamiliar to me.
Showing posts with label annoying person. Show all posts
Showing posts with label annoying person. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Saturday, January 26, 2013
(2/2/08) mean mom in subway passage
(Entered in paper journal at 8:21 AM at Starbucks on 43rd Street and Third Avenue in Manhattan.)
Dream #1
I walked down into an underground passage like a walkway that might lead to or between subway platforms. A kind of mean, upper-middle-class woman with pale skin and white hair was pushing a kid in a stroller and had a little girl walking beside her.
The woman did something mean to me as we got down into the passageway. The woman ignored me, but I could tell she was really anticipating, even hoping, that I would call her on the mean thing she'd done to me and make a scene. I knew if I got mad I'd just be playing into the woman's hands. But I was too mad to control myself. I turned to the woman and yelled something mean and nasty. But then I also made some weird, obscene comment about the bank Societe General.
The woman continued ignoring me. She turned off to an exit to the right that went back up to street level. But her daughter, who wore a pink coat, ran ahead, up the steps and through the passageway. I stopped and turned, yelling to the woman, "You act like you care so much! Well, you just let your little girl get lost from you!"
I now turned and shouted after the girl, "Ma'am? Your mommy went this way. Come back this way." The little girl ran back toward me. I stood halfway up the steps. The girl ran down to the foot of the steps. Her mother may have been coming back.
I turned back around and headed in the direction the little girl had been heading in before I'd called her back. At some point I reached two stairwells, one on my left, the other more or less infront of me. They both headed back up to ground level.
Dream #1
I walked down into an underground passage like a walkway that might lead to or between subway platforms. A kind of mean, upper-middle-class woman with pale skin and white hair was pushing a kid in a stroller and had a little girl walking beside her.
The woman did something mean to me as we got down into the passageway. The woman ignored me, but I could tell she was really anticipating, even hoping, that I would call her on the mean thing she'd done to me and make a scene. I knew if I got mad I'd just be playing into the woman's hands. But I was too mad to control myself. I turned to the woman and yelled something mean and nasty. But then I also made some weird, obscene comment about the bank Societe General.
The woman continued ignoring me. She turned off to an exit to the right that went back up to street level. But her daughter, who wore a pink coat, ran ahead, up the steps and through the passageway. I stopped and turned, yelling to the woman, "You act like you care so much! Well, you just let your little girl get lost from you!"
I now turned and shouted after the girl, "Ma'am? Your mommy went this way. Come back this way." The little girl ran back toward me. I stood halfway up the steps. The girl ran down to the foot of the steps. Her mother may have been coming back.
I turned back around and headed in the direction the little girl had been heading in before I'd called her back. At some point I reached two stairwells, one on my left, the other more or less infront of me. They both headed back up to ground level.
Sunday, January 20, 2013
(5/26/08) washing a painting; no idea who i am
(Entered in paper journal at 9:06 AM at Flying Saucer cafe in Brooklyn.)
Dream #1
I was possibly on a dark shore with my mom, my aunt M, and another woman, possibly my cousin AH. The sky was dark, almost brownish. The ground was like mud, or like muddy pools.
My mom and the other woman stood in two different puddles full of muddy water. They were wading their arms into the water as if cleaning something off. They were also searching for something, possibly a painting.
I ended up standing in the water in my mother's place. I may have held the painting. I may have been washing it off with the muddy water. As I was doing so, my aunt was talking about how incompetent my mom was, how she hadn't been able to find the painting.
Dream #2
I stood in a very cramped room with a few people, among whom were my mother, my oldest nephew, and a few other family members. The room was probably a kitchen and was bright with light from a window. My nephew sat by a stainless steel refrigerator. His dull reflection showed on one of the sides of the fridge -- possibly not the side he sat next to, which may, however, have been bright with window-light reflection.
I said to my nephew, "You know that this you" (I pointed to my nephew's reflection) "isn't real, right?" My nephew said yes. I then asked him, "But, now, are you quite sure that this you" (I pointed to him, but toward his lap) "is real?" I could tell that other people in the room were listening to me and thinking that I was trying to teach my nephew a good lesson.
There was now a scene before me -- a McDonald's menu all in red, as if written in some kind of fancy menu card and hung up on a wall. I was working to figure out how McDonald's sales would perform given their new menu.
I now sat in an audience, looking out at a very dim stage, which may have been lit with red-orange light, and which was pretty much level with the front row of seats. There were two men, possibly Asian, who were making some deep statements about something like business or finance.
As the men started speaking, some recording started, music or voice, which was supposed to appear like it came from a device, like a phone or a HAM radio, or a person at a table on the right side of the stage. I thought the double-sound was making a statement on the reality and unreality of everything we say -- as if everything we say is and is not based in reality. The speech of the Asian man became more philosophical than businesslike.
Suddenly one of my senior co-workers, KU, who was sitting behind me and just to my right, got angry at the person sitting behind him. He said, "You'd better apologize and clean that up right now!" I could tell that the person sitting behind KU had spilled something like a chocolate shake on the floor and that it had spilled into KU's row. The person behind KU, I felt, was a young man, pale white, with shaggyish, blonde hair and possibly some scraggly facial hair and wearing jeans and a t-shirt for some heavy metal band.
KU said, "You have no idea who I am, and how much I can mess with your life if you don't apologize!"
The man behind KU now said something like, "I have just as many connections as you have!" He then made some reference to a group of very powerful people in the Private Equity industry.
I had been hoping KU could get this guy to apologize. It had becoming clearer to me that this guy had spilled his drink into KU's space on purpose. I thought KU had been right to stand up for himself. But now I felt despair at the fact that this guy fought against KU in the same way and simply wouldn't apologize.
Dream #1
I was possibly on a dark shore with my mom, my aunt M, and another woman, possibly my cousin AH. The sky was dark, almost brownish. The ground was like mud, or like muddy pools.
My mom and the other woman stood in two different puddles full of muddy water. They were wading their arms into the water as if cleaning something off. They were also searching for something, possibly a painting.
I ended up standing in the water in my mother's place. I may have held the painting. I may have been washing it off with the muddy water. As I was doing so, my aunt was talking about how incompetent my mom was, how she hadn't been able to find the painting.
Dream #2
I stood in a very cramped room with a few people, among whom were my mother, my oldest nephew, and a few other family members. The room was probably a kitchen and was bright with light from a window. My nephew sat by a stainless steel refrigerator. His dull reflection showed on one of the sides of the fridge -- possibly not the side he sat next to, which may, however, have been bright with window-light reflection.
I said to my nephew, "You know that this you" (I pointed to my nephew's reflection) "isn't real, right?" My nephew said yes. I then asked him, "But, now, are you quite sure that this you" (I pointed to him, but toward his lap) "is real?" I could tell that other people in the room were listening to me and thinking that I was trying to teach my nephew a good lesson.
There was now a scene before me -- a McDonald's menu all in red, as if written in some kind of fancy menu card and hung up on a wall. I was working to figure out how McDonald's sales would perform given their new menu.
I now sat in an audience, looking out at a very dim stage, which may have been lit with red-orange light, and which was pretty much level with the front row of seats. There were two men, possibly Asian, who were making some deep statements about something like business or finance.
As the men started speaking, some recording started, music or voice, which was supposed to appear like it came from a device, like a phone or a HAM radio, or a person at a table on the right side of the stage. I thought the double-sound was making a statement on the reality and unreality of everything we say -- as if everything we say is and is not based in reality. The speech of the Asian man became more philosophical than businesslike.
Suddenly one of my senior co-workers, KU, who was sitting behind me and just to my right, got angry at the person sitting behind him. He said, "You'd better apologize and clean that up right now!" I could tell that the person sitting behind KU had spilled something like a chocolate shake on the floor and that it had spilled into KU's row. The person behind KU, I felt, was a young man, pale white, with shaggyish, blonde hair and possibly some scraggly facial hair and wearing jeans and a t-shirt for some heavy metal band.
KU said, "You have no idea who I am, and how much I can mess with your life if you don't apologize!"
The man behind KU now said something like, "I have just as many connections as you have!" He then made some reference to a group of very powerful people in the Private Equity industry.
I had been hoping KU could get this guy to apologize. It had becoming clearer to me that this guy had spilled his drink into KU's space on purpose. I thought KU had been right to stand up for himself. But now I felt despair at the fact that this guy fought against KU in the same way and simply wouldn't apologize.
(7/4/08) frank sinatra duet; the grey finger; a beautiful tree
(Entered in paper journal at 8:51 AM at Flying Saucer cafe in Brooklyn.)
Dream #1
I was in a dim cafe or bar. The area was moderately full with people sitting in folding chairs. The people were gathered around a duet that was playing saxophones. One man was black. The other man may have been Frank Sinatra. I seemed to be sitting amid a group of old women.
At some point I got up and walked outside the bar. Then I came back in. The audience seemed less full now. I stood in front of the Frank Sinatra man. The man's saxophone looked like a brass instrument combined with an electric keyboard.
The Frank Sinatra man stopped playing at some point and said something like, "We monitor people very closely. We need to see how serious they are about things before we just start teaching them."
I was outside, on a hill in a desert area during the daytime. I was with a group of people. We were walking down a wide, stone stairway (maybe granite?). I was near the front of the group, my old friend R and I slowly bringing some large, wheeled items like strollers down the steps.
At some point, a woman behind me commented how well I brought the items down the steps. I said something like, "I learned my technique from R."
But now the steps were becoming increasingly shallower (i.e. for foot length, but still staying wide breadth-wise) and increasingly taller. I had to slow down just to get my balance so I could let the thing down to the next step. I started feeling vertigo. I looked ahead. R was ahead of me by a few steps. He didn't seem to be having any problems. I was worried what all the people behind me would think.
But now I was losing balance that the thing and I were floating in the air in front of a step. I had a feeling I would fall hard if I didn't soon find solid ground at my height.
I floated to my right and grabbed onto the branch of a barren tree. It might actually have been the trunk of a limbless tree hunched over the edge of the stairway. I climbed to my right, over to the hillside beside the stairway.
As I did this, someone, possibly my mom, was talking to me about how sick Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis was, and how sad it would be when she died. I thought I should tell the person that Jackie O was already dead. But now I couldn't remember whether that were actually true.
I dropped a few inches to the ground and stood on dry soil, maybe cinders, with dry, tan clumps of grass and colorful flowers around me. There were a few people on the staircase around my level.
I might have climbed back onto the staircase. But now I was climbing out from a shady area that had been carved into the staircase. I climbed out from behind a tombstone that stood before the space and continued walking down the steps.
Dream #2
I sat in a movie theater with a woman who sat to my left. The movie theater was full and the movie had begun. The woman was visibly annoyed and finally told me why. I looked at her. A big, grey hand kept poking the back of the woman's neck (the woman's neck being bandaged all the way around, in a thin strip, like in the stories of the woman with secretly severed and barely reattached heads).
I was very afraid. By the looks of the hand, the man annoying the woman must have been huge. But I grabbed the finger and held it still. I told the man to stop poking the woman.
I looked behind the woman. It was now like dim light was on in the theater. The man was now copper-skinned, a little worn-out looking, middle-aged, and fattish. He wore sunglasses. He was less threatening-looking than the dark-grey monster he had seemed to be before. But I was now somehow afraid to approach him at all.
Dream #3
I was walking or in a vehicle on a sunny day. I passed by a beautiful tree. The tree was bare but budding. The branches were a deep, smooth crimson. The buds were profuse. They were big and fuzzy, like magnolia buds. But they were a pale, rich beige. The tree glowed against the deep blue sky.
Dream #1
I was in a dim cafe or bar. The area was moderately full with people sitting in folding chairs. The people were gathered around a duet that was playing saxophones. One man was black. The other man may have been Frank Sinatra. I seemed to be sitting amid a group of old women.
At some point I got up and walked outside the bar. Then I came back in. The audience seemed less full now. I stood in front of the Frank Sinatra man. The man's saxophone looked like a brass instrument combined with an electric keyboard.
The Frank Sinatra man stopped playing at some point and said something like, "We monitor people very closely. We need to see how serious they are about things before we just start teaching them."
I was outside, on a hill in a desert area during the daytime. I was with a group of people. We were walking down a wide, stone stairway (maybe granite?). I was near the front of the group, my old friend R and I slowly bringing some large, wheeled items like strollers down the steps.
At some point, a woman behind me commented how well I brought the items down the steps. I said something like, "I learned my technique from R."
But now the steps were becoming increasingly shallower (i.e. for foot length, but still staying wide breadth-wise) and increasingly taller. I had to slow down just to get my balance so I could let the thing down to the next step. I started feeling vertigo. I looked ahead. R was ahead of me by a few steps. He didn't seem to be having any problems. I was worried what all the people behind me would think.
But now I was losing balance that the thing and I were floating in the air in front of a step. I had a feeling I would fall hard if I didn't soon find solid ground at my height.
I floated to my right and grabbed onto the branch of a barren tree. It might actually have been the trunk of a limbless tree hunched over the edge of the stairway. I climbed to my right, over to the hillside beside the stairway.
As I did this, someone, possibly my mom, was talking to me about how sick Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis was, and how sad it would be when she died. I thought I should tell the person that Jackie O was already dead. But now I couldn't remember whether that were actually true.
I dropped a few inches to the ground and stood on dry soil, maybe cinders, with dry, tan clumps of grass and colorful flowers around me. There were a few people on the staircase around my level.
I might have climbed back onto the staircase. But now I was climbing out from a shady area that had been carved into the staircase. I climbed out from behind a tombstone that stood before the space and continued walking down the steps.
Dream #2
I sat in a movie theater with a woman who sat to my left. The movie theater was full and the movie had begun. The woman was visibly annoyed and finally told me why. I looked at her. A big, grey hand kept poking the back of the woman's neck (the woman's neck being bandaged all the way around, in a thin strip, like in the stories of the woman with secretly severed and barely reattached heads).
I was very afraid. By the looks of the hand, the man annoying the woman must have been huge. But I grabbed the finger and held it still. I told the man to stop poking the woman.
I looked behind the woman. It was now like dim light was on in the theater. The man was now copper-skinned, a little worn-out looking, middle-aged, and fattish. He wore sunglasses. He was less threatening-looking than the dark-grey monster he had seemed to be before. But I was now somehow afraid to approach him at all.
Dream #3
I was walking or in a vehicle on a sunny day. I passed by a beautiful tree. The tree was bare but budding. The branches were a deep, smooth crimson. The buds were profuse. They were big and fuzzy, like magnolia buds. But they were a pale, rich beige. The tree glowed against the deep blue sky.
Sunday, January 6, 2013
(9/10/08) co-worker quits; christopher street lingerie; annoyed by people
(Entered in paper journal at 6:15 AM on Q-train from Brooklyn to Manhattan.)
Dream #1
I sat on a large office floor. The lights were off, but some natural light came in through the windows. The light was grey and top-dim, like in a warehouse. Only my co-worker DE and I were here.
DE was talking on the phone about how he was going to quit, and something about how it had to do with me moving up. He hadn't told me anything yet, and I felt bad that I hadn't been kept in the loop regarding his actions. But I thought back a little and realized that he actually had said a lot of things in passing that had implied what his plans were.
DE now called to me. We were sitting in a small room, like the room of TM, one of my best friends from childhood. The room was dim, with just a purplish light (like from a fish tank) glittering somewhere. There were long desks against both walls, so that DE and I sat across the room from one another, our backs to each other.
I turned to face DE. His computer looked very old. DE told me he was quitting. He said something like, "I've known this for months now. Isn't management going to be surprised about that?"
Dream #2
I walked into some kind of store run by an older Asian woman. It was in an area like Christopher Street in the Village. The shop was very nice, with brick walls and wood floors. It was moderately busy. There may also have been a laundromat somewhere in the store.
I had to leave the store and get to work (?). But as I was heading out I found myself in a lingerie section. There was a lot of stuff there that I liked. The place was just a small alcove or room. I had to get out of it by crawling under my hands and knees under some cinder-material "board" that was being propped up by a pale wood bookshelf, which was to my left, and edging against the doorway, which was to my right.
As I did this I thought about how I'd seen this place before, possibly in a dream. I wondered what it could mean that I'd found such a place in real life after having dreamt it.
Dream #3
I walked into a cafe. A man, who may at first have been my old friend R, held the door open for me, but treated me in some annoying way as I crossed the threshold. The interior of the cafe was kind of cheap, almost like a fast food Mexican restaurant. The floors were red tile and the walls were thin, white plaster. The light was dim, with only a couple windows toward the back. The cash register was at the back, too, beside a stainless steel, cafeteria-style display counter that looked like it wasn't being used at all. There was a belt-barrier stretched around and away from the register counter.
As I walked toward the register, the man behind me acted really annoying. I looked back at him. He was a rich-looking, white man in a white t-shirt and some long shorts. I decided to fight back against him. But I only managed to lean back into him and push him backward.
The man smiled a queasy smile. I knew I hadn't annoyed him at all. I wondered what was making me let myself get annoyed so easily. Then I remembered: I had seen R again. Our last meeting had been awful. It ended so badly that R had asked if we could meet again to come to a better resolution on things. But I hadn't really wanted to see R ever again.
I was sitting at a table. R came in. He was wearing a gas mask. He may have had long, shaggy hair. He walked toward the cash register. Eventually he may have come and sat at the table with me, at which point we may have had a really creepy, tense conversation.
Dream #1
I sat on a large office floor. The lights were off, but some natural light came in through the windows. The light was grey and top-dim, like in a warehouse. Only my co-worker DE and I were here.
DE was talking on the phone about how he was going to quit, and something about how it had to do with me moving up. He hadn't told me anything yet, and I felt bad that I hadn't been kept in the loop regarding his actions. But I thought back a little and realized that he actually had said a lot of things in passing that had implied what his plans were.
DE now called to me. We were sitting in a small room, like the room of TM, one of my best friends from childhood. The room was dim, with just a purplish light (like from a fish tank) glittering somewhere. There were long desks against both walls, so that DE and I sat across the room from one another, our backs to each other.
I turned to face DE. His computer looked very old. DE told me he was quitting. He said something like, "I've known this for months now. Isn't management going to be surprised about that?"
Dream #2
I walked into some kind of store run by an older Asian woman. It was in an area like Christopher Street in the Village. The shop was very nice, with brick walls and wood floors. It was moderately busy. There may also have been a laundromat somewhere in the store.
I had to leave the store and get to work (?). But as I was heading out I found myself in a lingerie section. There was a lot of stuff there that I liked. The place was just a small alcove or room. I had to get out of it by crawling under my hands and knees under some cinder-material "board" that was being propped up by a pale wood bookshelf, which was to my left, and edging against the doorway, which was to my right.
As I did this I thought about how I'd seen this place before, possibly in a dream. I wondered what it could mean that I'd found such a place in real life after having dreamt it.
Dream #3
I walked into a cafe. A man, who may at first have been my old friend R, held the door open for me, but treated me in some annoying way as I crossed the threshold. The interior of the cafe was kind of cheap, almost like a fast food Mexican restaurant. The floors were red tile and the walls were thin, white plaster. The light was dim, with only a couple windows toward the back. The cash register was at the back, too, beside a stainless steel, cafeteria-style display counter that looked like it wasn't being used at all. There was a belt-barrier stretched around and away from the register counter.
As I walked toward the register, the man behind me acted really annoying. I looked back at him. He was a rich-looking, white man in a white t-shirt and some long shorts. I decided to fight back against him. But I only managed to lean back into him and push him backward.
The man smiled a queasy smile. I knew I hadn't annoyed him at all. I wondered what was making me let myself get annoyed so easily. Then I remembered: I had seen R again. Our last meeting had been awful. It ended so badly that R had asked if we could meet again to come to a better resolution on things. But I hadn't really wanted to see R ever again.
I was sitting at a table. R came in. He was wearing a gas mask. He may have had long, shaggy hair. He walked toward the cash register. Eventually he may have come and sat at the table with me, at which point we may have had a really creepy, tense conversation.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
(12/27/08) a tangle tale; the gravel pit
(Entered in paper journal at 9:23 AM at Connecticut Muffin in Windsor Terrace, Brooklyn.)
Dream #1
I stood out on an open field by myself on a greyish, warm day. I was flying on a red kite. The kite was really big and seemed to be at a towering height.
At some point I may have seen a tangle of other kites, which were red and blue. I may have tried to avoid the tangle. My kite avoided the tangle, but then a strong wind came up and dissolved the kite. All that was left was the frame, and possibly a clear, gelatinous film where the red plastic (?) had been.
The kite may have crashed, and I may have run out of the way of it. I now looked at the tangle of red and blue kites. It was a bundle of long strips of red and blue kite fabric. The strips reached up to the towering distance my kite had reached, but they touched down to the ground as well.
I saw one of the strips lose its ability to fly. It seemed to disjoin from all the other strips and to slide out of the body of the tangle under its own weight. I was afraid the if one strip fell, the whole mass of strips would fall, and that if they fell on me, they would kill me.
I ran out of the way, though not particularly panicked. It was like as soon as I started running I became less afraid, remembering how lightweight and soft kite material really is.
I may have seen the very barren structure of what would be a tall building like a warehouse or movie theater when it was fully constructed. I now stood under a tarp-tent with a white roof and plastic, white poles.
There were people in line, possibly "to watch" the kites. I got in line, but some old man butted in front of me in a really annoying way. The man was shortish, bald, fattish, with leathery, tan skin and brownish sunglasses. He had a little girl, maybe his daughter, with him.
I at first tried not to show how annoyed I was at him. But I suddenly got uncontrollably angry. I got close to him and made gross noises. Then I actually hit his right ear. This may have caused some kind of stir. The line may have broken up, the people in line may have turned to gather around me, thinking I was crazy.
Dream #2
I walked out onto a strange field with my mom. The day was grey with heavy clouds. The field was dark brown, wet earth with tall clumps of grass.
My mom was leading a group of us on some mission. My mom may have stood on or before something like a small pond that was either frozen over or had solid matter in it that could be walked on. She was taking an instrument like a shovel or jackhammer and either breaking the ice to take something out of the water or taking the solid pieces out of the water.
My mom called and waved to the others of us as if she were a military leader. The others went up to the body of water, which had a dark, grey metallic gleam to it. Somehow the whole atmosphere looked "as if" it were stormy and apocalyptic.
I didn't go with the others, however. I had a bag of bones (?) in my hand. I needed to go bury the bones. My mom yelled after me to come with everybody else. She sounded very threatening. I yelled, "Fuck you! I have to take care of my own things!"
The "bones" were now seeds. Then the seeds were encased in the squares of a chocolate bar. I walked over to a gravely pit. The pit was a burial pit. The pit had a lattice structure, a grid of wood, embedded in it.
I remembered that the bones of John Lennon had been buried here. I didn't want to disturb the bones. I was afraid they would bring John Lennon back as a bad spirit. I also knew I (or others?) had buried other seeds within this pit. The seeds themselves were like bones, and disturbing them, I feared, would also have bad consequences. Nevertheless I tossed in the (now) almonds, which were coated in the melted chocolate of a candy bar (although some were still in full squares), into the burial pit.
But when I pushed my "shovel" -- some weird, metallic instrument like a roto-rooter with a spade tip -- into the gravel, all the gravel in the pit began sinking. In some squares of the grid, the gravel receded entirely, revealing something like a living space below, almost like an ugly, messy version of Bugs Bunny's house, maybe with some skulls lying around.
I thought I would need to find more gravel to fill the pit back up. The pit may have needed to be full for the magic of the seeds to work. But my fear of the consequences of disturbing the bones and the seed-bones may have caused the pit to lose its gravel.
Dream #1
I stood out on an open field by myself on a greyish, warm day. I was flying on a red kite. The kite was really big and seemed to be at a towering height.
At some point I may have seen a tangle of other kites, which were red and blue. I may have tried to avoid the tangle. My kite avoided the tangle, but then a strong wind came up and dissolved the kite. All that was left was the frame, and possibly a clear, gelatinous film where the red plastic (?) had been.
The kite may have crashed, and I may have run out of the way of it. I now looked at the tangle of red and blue kites. It was a bundle of long strips of red and blue kite fabric. The strips reached up to the towering distance my kite had reached, but they touched down to the ground as well.
I saw one of the strips lose its ability to fly. It seemed to disjoin from all the other strips and to slide out of the body of the tangle under its own weight. I was afraid the if one strip fell, the whole mass of strips would fall, and that if they fell on me, they would kill me.
I ran out of the way, though not particularly panicked. It was like as soon as I started running I became less afraid, remembering how lightweight and soft kite material really is.
I may have seen the very barren structure of what would be a tall building like a warehouse or movie theater when it was fully constructed. I now stood under a tarp-tent with a white roof and plastic, white poles.
There were people in line, possibly "to watch" the kites. I got in line, but some old man butted in front of me in a really annoying way. The man was shortish, bald, fattish, with leathery, tan skin and brownish sunglasses. He had a little girl, maybe his daughter, with him.
I at first tried not to show how annoyed I was at him. But I suddenly got uncontrollably angry. I got close to him and made gross noises. Then I actually hit his right ear. This may have caused some kind of stir. The line may have broken up, the people in line may have turned to gather around me, thinking I was crazy.
Dream #2
I walked out onto a strange field with my mom. The day was grey with heavy clouds. The field was dark brown, wet earth with tall clumps of grass.
My mom was leading a group of us on some mission. My mom may have stood on or before something like a small pond that was either frozen over or had solid matter in it that could be walked on. She was taking an instrument like a shovel or jackhammer and either breaking the ice to take something out of the water or taking the solid pieces out of the water.
My mom called and waved to the others of us as if she were a military leader. The others went up to the body of water, which had a dark, grey metallic gleam to it. Somehow the whole atmosphere looked "as if" it were stormy and apocalyptic.
I didn't go with the others, however. I had a bag of bones (?) in my hand. I needed to go bury the bones. My mom yelled after me to come with everybody else. She sounded very threatening. I yelled, "Fuck you! I have to take care of my own things!"
The "bones" were now seeds. Then the seeds were encased in the squares of a chocolate bar. I walked over to a gravely pit. The pit was a burial pit. The pit had a lattice structure, a grid of wood, embedded in it.
I remembered that the bones of John Lennon had been buried here. I didn't want to disturb the bones. I was afraid they would bring John Lennon back as a bad spirit. I also knew I (or others?) had buried other seeds within this pit. The seeds themselves were like bones, and disturbing them, I feared, would also have bad consequences. Nevertheless I tossed in the (now) almonds, which were coated in the melted chocolate of a candy bar (although some were still in full squares), into the burial pit.
But when I pushed my "shovel" -- some weird, metallic instrument like a roto-rooter with a spade tip -- into the gravel, all the gravel in the pit began sinking. In some squares of the grid, the gravel receded entirely, revealing something like a living space below, almost like an ugly, messy version of Bugs Bunny's house, maybe with some skulls lying around.
I thought I would need to find more gravel to fill the pit back up. The pit may have needed to be full for the magic of the seeds to work. But my fear of the consequences of disturbing the bones and the seed-bones may have caused the pit to lose its gravel.
Saturday, December 29, 2012
(2/24/09) two parades; movie theater fight; impressing family; girlfriend's family emergency
(Entered in paper journal at 10:35 AM at Housing Works Used Bookstore Cafe in Manhattan.)
Dream #1
I was in a car with my family. I'm not sure what seat I was in. It was daytime. We backed out from my great-grandmother's house, as if she had a driveway in front of her house (though I'm pretty sure that in the dream she did not), curving the back end of the car to my left and then driving away to my right.
My brother was making some complaint, possibly about how XXXXX (can't remember) was driving. But I saw that at the end of the block (would have been the south end of the block, not the north end) there was some large blockage of traffic, almost like a parade procession.
My brother now said something like, "That damn dog -- it always scares people like this." My brother meant that a dog was somehow scaring all the cars and blocking up the traffic. I might have seen a dog like a border collie running back and forth in the intersection.
Since that area was blocked, we decided to leave via the north end of the block. That end of the block was also crowded, this time with horse-drawn carriages. By this time, the car I was in may have disappeared. I and my family members walked along a cobble sidewalk (?) which may have been moderately busy with people. Some or all of the carriages were driven by dogs. The dogs seemed to have human personalities and would look over their shoulders at the crowd and possibly even wave to us.
My family (maybe just my mom, my great-grandmother, and I?) continued walking. We were now at the top of a stairway and plaza area like the stairway and plaza area for the Angel fountain in Central Park, except that it was slightly smaller and felt a little bit restricted, either by the streets of a small town's main street or by a bit of virgin or undeveloped land which was too precipitous or muddy (?) or tangled to be traversable.
The day was now very hot an bright. I thought it had been fun to walk like this, but now the weather was too uncomfortable. I seemed to be huddled together with my family, as if we were all looking over a map to decide our action.
We decided to walk down the stairs. We (now my mom, my sister, some of my nephews, and I?) entered a tan-painted cinder-block building like a park bathroom. The inside was also "like" the basement of a house. But really the interior was just a wide, open concrete space with a fountain in the center, and maybe a few sinks along the wall.
The fountain in the center was just a small, metallic fixture, like a shower head. It shot long, thick (half-inch?) streams of water which arced up maybe ten feet in the air and reached out almost to the walls of the interior. There were a stable, strong-looking father and his child playing in the fountain. The father was tan, with darkish, blonde hair. He may have been wearing a pale grey sweatshirt and pale blue jeans. His child was maybe eighteen months old, wormy-white.
My nephews and I played on the opposite side of the fountain from the father and his child. I played as if I were a child. At some point I closed my eyes and stuck my face right under one of the downward-arcing streams.
My mom now called from the doorway. I realized I had been acting silly and childish, as if I were trying to be a child of the many, or as if I were trying to attract the man sexually. Looking around, I also realized the man was now gone. I felt foolish. I walked out to meet my family, but possibly also to look for the man.
We may have walked up the set of stairs. The stairway and the level areas now looked different. They seemed more walled in. The walls also seemed to be bordered, on the opposite side, by stout-looking pine trees. The ground may have been covered with red bricks, which may have been the same as before.
Dream #2
I sat at a booth-table in a restaurant with my co-worker and friend FA. I was playing with plastic items like the non-Lego accessories (mainly little fences?) that would come with a Lego scene-kit. In particular I played with a plastic or putty disc (grey or brown?) around which had been wrapped a ring of (grey or brown) plastic "fence" or "train track."
FA and I spoke about some movie she and I had seen separately. She knew I'd have picked up on certain elements that she knew I'd know she'd like. She was now telling me about the elements, trying to be exact, as if she wanted to impress me. For some reason I couldn't help correcting her, with a brief interjection, in two instances.
For the first instance, I may even have felt a slight offense, as if I thought her inexactness showed she didn't really care, that she was actually just pretending. In the second instance she got the character's name wrong, just slightly, even though the character's name was FA's name exactly.
As I interjected FA's name, FA and I were suddenly in a "movie theater." The "theater" looked more like a nice cafe or restaurant, or even a living room, except with seven or eight one-aisle rows of (purple-fabric?) movie theater seats, and a black, curtained wall up front, with a small movie screen on it. The floors were wood. The walls were rustic, red-brick, like in a pizzeria. There were cheery, block-style flower paintings on the wall. Along the wall to my right was also a small, columnar chest or pedestal of dark, purplish varnished wood, with a slim vase of yellow (?) flowers on top.
FA and I sat in seats, maybe one seat apart from each other, as if we each had our stuff in the seats directly to our right (?). FA and I sat on the right side of the theater, just a couple seats in from the aisle -- there were maybe six or seven seats on each side.
A young man, maybe Hispanic, kind of wide-built, wearing a big, puffy, tannish coat, similarly colored denim pants, and a wool cap, walked in front of us. He first stood in front of me, his back to me, and plaed on his BlackBerry, as if he were going to stay there and play on his BlackBerry as long as he wanted, to test my patience. When the man saw I didn't seem to care, he kept moving along.
The man now stood in front of FA. He would step back, really trying to get into FA's space. At first FA and I just talked, as if it didn't annoy us. But then I finally got angry and told the man to get out of FA's face. The man just kept pretending like we didn't exist.
I stood up and tried to push or pull the man out of FA's space. I was in a weird position, as if I were one row behind the man and FA, and as if I were trying to grab him by reaching my arms backwards over my head. My body didn't seem to have any power, not even power to move with any speed.
I gave up on this method, and now, sitting near the aisle, in the row in front of FA and the man, probably sitting on one of the seat arms, with my left arm slung over the seat back, and again kind of looking backward to the two of them, I yelled at the man, "Get the hell away from FA!"
The man had taken off his hat. His hair was puffy, with medium curls. He had a round face but kind of lean-looking eyes. He gave a quick, loose-throated chuckle like a fit high school basketball player might give in place of talking trash when he knows he's good.
Again I tried (somehow) to force the guy away. FA said, "It's not worth it, Preemie."
The man and I now stood at the back wall, near a wooden chest, also dark and purplish colored. I was wildly angry, and I was trying to fight against the man, but once again I had no power in my arms at all. The man and I were wrestling with our arms.
I kept shouting threats at the man until they or one of them finally hit a nerve. The man said, "Oh, yeah? Well, how about this?" He reached into his left pocket. I knew he was going to pull out either a knife or a gun. I was afraid, but I kept still not wanting to give the man any satisfaction of knowing my fear. The man pulled out a knife as long as a keychain Swiss Army knife and as sharp as a butter knife.
Again FA told me to forget about it to ignore the man. The man and I "fought" by wrestling arms again. I was completely overpowered, but somehow I had managed to grab the knife an throw it away, into the empty movie seats.
The man and I now stood apart. The man made some threats about how he would really hurt me now. I was afraid, but I was still so mad that I knew I'd start fighting again. I also knew that if the man got the knife again, he'd kill me.
Dream #3
I sat in a bedroom with my mom. The bedroom served as a living room. Natural light came into the room and was very bright. The walls were harsh and bright. There was a buffet along one of the walls, and possibly a big pile of junk, possibly burying some shelves, along another wall. I and my mom sat on a bed against the wall across from the buffet. There were no sheets on the bed. There was probably a television blaring away on top of the buffet.
It was like I had been back in my hometown, on vacation. My mom was telling me something like she wasn't going to take me to the airport to go back home. I immediately got angry. I stood up and yelled at my mom about how she was destroying the trust i had for her and how I would never have the same kind of relationship with her ever again. I yelled that she absolutely had to take me to the XXXXX so I could go home. But my mom just kind of lounged on the bed (as if it were a couch) and watched the television. She looked like she couldn't care less about anything I said.
I now shouted at my mother, "I know you think I'm of no consequence, and that I've never done anything. I know you think I can't back up anything I ever say. But don't you know what I've just gotten done doing? I was a stock researcher on Wall Street! That was a pretty important job!"
My mom suddenly perked up. She said, "Is that what you've been doing? I've never understood that." She stood up and (somehow) told my brother and sister that she and the two of them needed to make up for the way they'd been treating me.
My mom now came into the room (as if she'd been gone) carrying a brown, paper grocery bag. My sister may have done the same. My mom now pulled out a couple of apples. She may have offered me the apples. But she also just set them on whatever little bits of shelf she could find under the piles of stuff along the wall.
Dream #4
I stood on a sidewalk on a bright, sunny day. The street was wide and busy. The sidewalk was also wide, but not very busy. On the other side of the sidewalk may have been a large (?) vacant lot bordered by a chain-link fence that was in bad shape, probably bent over, into the lot, at a forty-five-degree angle at one point. However, the vacant lot may also have been only a small, unkempt space on a small triangle island near the larger sidewalk. Either way, to my right there was also a subway entrance, which I may just have come up from.
I was on the phone (right ear?) with my girlfriend H. She was hesitant in talking to me, but then she finally burst out, saying that her father and everybody on her father's side of the family had just died. She was now terribly upset, crying and screaming.
I asked H if I could come over. I told her I'd be over as soon as possible. But I couldn't quite figure out where I was. I didn't know if I should get back on the train or just walk. I also didn't know if it would take me fifteen minutes, thirty minutes, or even longer for me to get to H's house.
Dream #1
I was in a car with my family. I'm not sure what seat I was in. It was daytime. We backed out from my great-grandmother's house, as if she had a driveway in front of her house (though I'm pretty sure that in the dream she did not), curving the back end of the car to my left and then driving away to my right.
My brother was making some complaint, possibly about how XXXXX (can't remember) was driving. But I saw that at the end of the block (would have been the south end of the block, not the north end) there was some large blockage of traffic, almost like a parade procession.
My brother now said something like, "That damn dog -- it always scares people like this." My brother meant that a dog was somehow scaring all the cars and blocking up the traffic. I might have seen a dog like a border collie running back and forth in the intersection.
Since that area was blocked, we decided to leave via the north end of the block. That end of the block was also crowded, this time with horse-drawn carriages. By this time, the car I was in may have disappeared. I and my family members walked along a cobble sidewalk (?) which may have been moderately busy with people. Some or all of the carriages were driven by dogs. The dogs seemed to have human personalities and would look over their shoulders at the crowd and possibly even wave to us.
My family (maybe just my mom, my great-grandmother, and I?) continued walking. We were now at the top of a stairway and plaza area like the stairway and plaza area for the Angel fountain in Central Park, except that it was slightly smaller and felt a little bit restricted, either by the streets of a small town's main street or by a bit of virgin or undeveloped land which was too precipitous or muddy (?) or tangled to be traversable.
The day was now very hot an bright. I thought it had been fun to walk like this, but now the weather was too uncomfortable. I seemed to be huddled together with my family, as if we were all looking over a map to decide our action.
We decided to walk down the stairs. We (now my mom, my sister, some of my nephews, and I?) entered a tan-painted cinder-block building like a park bathroom. The inside was also "like" the basement of a house. But really the interior was just a wide, open concrete space with a fountain in the center, and maybe a few sinks along the wall.
The fountain in the center was just a small, metallic fixture, like a shower head. It shot long, thick (half-inch?) streams of water which arced up maybe ten feet in the air and reached out almost to the walls of the interior. There were a stable, strong-looking father and his child playing in the fountain. The father was tan, with darkish, blonde hair. He may have been wearing a pale grey sweatshirt and pale blue jeans. His child was maybe eighteen months old, wormy-white.
My nephews and I played on the opposite side of the fountain from the father and his child. I played as if I were a child. At some point I closed my eyes and stuck my face right under one of the downward-arcing streams.
My mom now called from the doorway. I realized I had been acting silly and childish, as if I were trying to be a child of the many, or as if I were trying to attract the man sexually. Looking around, I also realized the man was now gone. I felt foolish. I walked out to meet my family, but possibly also to look for the man.
We may have walked up the set of stairs. The stairway and the level areas now looked different. They seemed more walled in. The walls also seemed to be bordered, on the opposite side, by stout-looking pine trees. The ground may have been covered with red bricks, which may have been the same as before.
Dream #2
I sat at a booth-table in a restaurant with my co-worker and friend FA. I was playing with plastic items like the non-Lego accessories (mainly little fences?) that would come with a Lego scene-kit. In particular I played with a plastic or putty disc (grey or brown?) around which had been wrapped a ring of (grey or brown) plastic "fence" or "train track."
FA and I spoke about some movie she and I had seen separately. She knew I'd have picked up on certain elements that she knew I'd know she'd like. She was now telling me about the elements, trying to be exact, as if she wanted to impress me. For some reason I couldn't help correcting her, with a brief interjection, in two instances.
For the first instance, I may even have felt a slight offense, as if I thought her inexactness showed she didn't really care, that she was actually just pretending. In the second instance she got the character's name wrong, just slightly, even though the character's name was FA's name exactly.
As I interjected FA's name, FA and I were suddenly in a "movie theater." The "theater" looked more like a nice cafe or restaurant, or even a living room, except with seven or eight one-aisle rows of (purple-fabric?) movie theater seats, and a black, curtained wall up front, with a small movie screen on it. The floors were wood. The walls were rustic, red-brick, like in a pizzeria. There were cheery, block-style flower paintings on the wall. Along the wall to my right was also a small, columnar chest or pedestal of dark, purplish varnished wood, with a slim vase of yellow (?) flowers on top.
FA and I sat in seats, maybe one seat apart from each other, as if we each had our stuff in the seats directly to our right (?). FA and I sat on the right side of the theater, just a couple seats in from the aisle -- there were maybe six or seven seats on each side.
A young man, maybe Hispanic, kind of wide-built, wearing a big, puffy, tannish coat, similarly colored denim pants, and a wool cap, walked in front of us. He first stood in front of me, his back to me, and plaed on his BlackBerry, as if he were going to stay there and play on his BlackBerry as long as he wanted, to test my patience. When the man saw I didn't seem to care, he kept moving along.
The man now stood in front of FA. He would step back, really trying to get into FA's space. At first FA and I just talked, as if it didn't annoy us. But then I finally got angry and told the man to get out of FA's face. The man just kept pretending like we didn't exist.
I stood up and tried to push or pull the man out of FA's space. I was in a weird position, as if I were one row behind the man and FA, and as if I were trying to grab him by reaching my arms backwards over my head. My body didn't seem to have any power, not even power to move with any speed.
I gave up on this method, and now, sitting near the aisle, in the row in front of FA and the man, probably sitting on one of the seat arms, with my left arm slung over the seat back, and again kind of looking backward to the two of them, I yelled at the man, "Get the hell away from FA!"
The man had taken off his hat. His hair was puffy, with medium curls. He had a round face but kind of lean-looking eyes. He gave a quick, loose-throated chuckle like a fit high school basketball player might give in place of talking trash when he knows he's good.
Again I tried (somehow) to force the guy away. FA said, "It's not worth it, Preemie."
The man and I now stood at the back wall, near a wooden chest, also dark and purplish colored. I was wildly angry, and I was trying to fight against the man, but once again I had no power in my arms at all. The man and I were wrestling with our arms.
I kept shouting threats at the man until they or one of them finally hit a nerve. The man said, "Oh, yeah? Well, how about this?" He reached into his left pocket. I knew he was going to pull out either a knife or a gun. I was afraid, but I kept still not wanting to give the man any satisfaction of knowing my fear. The man pulled out a knife as long as a keychain Swiss Army knife and as sharp as a butter knife.
Again FA told me to forget about it to ignore the man. The man and I "fought" by wrestling arms again. I was completely overpowered, but somehow I had managed to grab the knife an throw it away, into the empty movie seats.
The man and I now stood apart. The man made some threats about how he would really hurt me now. I was afraid, but I was still so mad that I knew I'd start fighting again. I also knew that if the man got the knife again, he'd kill me.
Dream #3
I sat in a bedroom with my mom. The bedroom served as a living room. Natural light came into the room and was very bright. The walls were harsh and bright. There was a buffet along one of the walls, and possibly a big pile of junk, possibly burying some shelves, along another wall. I and my mom sat on a bed against the wall across from the buffet. There were no sheets on the bed. There was probably a television blaring away on top of the buffet.
It was like I had been back in my hometown, on vacation. My mom was telling me something like she wasn't going to take me to the airport to go back home. I immediately got angry. I stood up and yelled at my mom about how she was destroying the trust i had for her and how I would never have the same kind of relationship with her ever again. I yelled that she absolutely had to take me to the XXXXX so I could go home. But my mom just kind of lounged on the bed (as if it were a couch) and watched the television. She looked like she couldn't care less about anything I said.
I now shouted at my mother, "I know you think I'm of no consequence, and that I've never done anything. I know you think I can't back up anything I ever say. But don't you know what I've just gotten done doing? I was a stock researcher on Wall Street! That was a pretty important job!"
My mom suddenly perked up. She said, "Is that what you've been doing? I've never understood that." She stood up and (somehow) told my brother and sister that she and the two of them needed to make up for the way they'd been treating me.
My mom now came into the room (as if she'd been gone) carrying a brown, paper grocery bag. My sister may have done the same. My mom now pulled out a couple of apples. She may have offered me the apples. But she also just set them on whatever little bits of shelf she could find under the piles of stuff along the wall.
Dream #4
I stood on a sidewalk on a bright, sunny day. The street was wide and busy. The sidewalk was also wide, but not very busy. On the other side of the sidewalk may have been a large (?) vacant lot bordered by a chain-link fence that was in bad shape, probably bent over, into the lot, at a forty-five-degree angle at one point. However, the vacant lot may also have been only a small, unkempt space on a small triangle island near the larger sidewalk. Either way, to my right there was also a subway entrance, which I may just have come up from.
I was on the phone (right ear?) with my girlfriend H. She was hesitant in talking to me, but then she finally burst out, saying that her father and everybody on her father's side of the family had just died. She was now terribly upset, crying and screaming.
I asked H if I could come over. I told her I'd be over as soon as possible. But I couldn't quite figure out where I was. I didn't know if I should get back on the train or just walk. I also didn't know if it would take me fifteen minutes, thirty minutes, or even longer for me to get to H's house.
Sunday, December 16, 2012
(3/1/09) venus and mercury linked; outed as gay
(Entered in paper journal at 8:35 AM at Red Horse cafe in Brooklyn.)
Dream #1
I walked through the Rose Main Reading Room of the New York Public Library. I was at the north end of the north wing. The overhead lights (?) were all turned off, and it was dark outside, but some or all of the table lamps were on, giving off a pale light, almost like the lights of a flashlight or headlights. People were shuffling around a lot.
I saw a senior co-worker, BF, getting ready to sit down. Instead of looking like his normal, handsome self, he was in disarray. His hair was somewhat well organized, as usual, but it was maybe twice as long as usual. BF wore a big, black, puffy, hooded jacket -- something I'd never see him wear in waking life. BF's face looked dry and wrinkled, as if he were made up to resemble an aged man.
I waved at BF, not knowing whether he would recognize or even like me. He waved back, slowly, with an exaggerated, O-mouthed smile, as if he were pantomiming happiness, although I felt like he was genuinely happy to see me.
I may have sat down in a seat somewhere. For some reason I was now mad at some young man who sat a few tables in front of me. In front of his table was a big structure -- not like the usual central area of the reading room, but a big stone wall with something on it.
I was trying to make the young man understand who I was (???). The young man sat in a chair while I knelt on both knees to his left and crouched over the table with my full arms and elbows, like a child coloring in a coloring book.
I had been yelling sweat-brainedly at the man. But my angry attempts to show the young man why he shouldn't be bothering me kind of faded away. I was now crouching over the floor, drawing with chalk. It was like the table, from the portion I had knelt at and all the way to the left, had vanished, leaving the floor, which was like concrete, wide open.
I drew two images. Both were rectangles, around six feet long and three feet wide. They both had solid backgrounds with stringy line-designs in one or two colors, outlined with one or two colors. One rectangle had a yellow background with green and white designs. The other had a white background with blue and red designs.
I can't remember the design of the yellow rectangle. But the white triangle had something like two Venus signs (or two Mercury signs, or a Venus and a Mercury sign) linked together, with shapes, like line-pentagrams, scattered throughout.There might also have been words.
When the young man saw this, he understood.
Dream #2
Some presentation, possibly for work, had just finished. Everybody was in an auditorium. We were all funneling out. I may at first have been walking in a crowd of people along the right wall, heading up toward the back of the auditorium. I was now walking along the left wall. I was with a group of friends.
We got to the back wall, on which may have been a cork board bulletin board on which was a grid of photos with tidy, little paper rectangles with captions below each photo. I had been listening to a conversation everybody around me was having, possibly about girlfriends and boyfriends.
My co-worker NF stood right behind me. She was much skinnier and better looking than she had been the last time I'd seen her in waking life (in 2007). She asked me, "How's your boyfriend doing, Preemie?"
I thought, Boyfriend? I don't have a boyfriend. But NF said, "Don't be shy. Everybody knows you're gay."
I thought, Is that what everybody thinks about me? I didn't seem to worry about it too much. If everybody thought that was the case and they had been treating me just fine all along, it didn't matter if somebody said it out loud.
Dream #1
I walked through the Rose Main Reading Room of the New York Public Library. I was at the north end of the north wing. The overhead lights (?) were all turned off, and it was dark outside, but some or all of the table lamps were on, giving off a pale light, almost like the lights of a flashlight or headlights. People were shuffling around a lot.
I saw a senior co-worker, BF, getting ready to sit down. Instead of looking like his normal, handsome self, he was in disarray. His hair was somewhat well organized, as usual, but it was maybe twice as long as usual. BF wore a big, black, puffy, hooded jacket -- something I'd never see him wear in waking life. BF's face looked dry and wrinkled, as if he were made up to resemble an aged man.
I waved at BF, not knowing whether he would recognize or even like me. He waved back, slowly, with an exaggerated, O-mouthed smile, as if he were pantomiming happiness, although I felt like he was genuinely happy to see me.
I may have sat down in a seat somewhere. For some reason I was now mad at some young man who sat a few tables in front of me. In front of his table was a big structure -- not like the usual central area of the reading room, but a big stone wall with something on it.
I was trying to make the young man understand who I was (???). The young man sat in a chair while I knelt on both knees to his left and crouched over the table with my full arms and elbows, like a child coloring in a coloring book.
I had been yelling sweat-brainedly at the man. But my angry attempts to show the young man why he shouldn't be bothering me kind of faded away. I was now crouching over the floor, drawing with chalk. It was like the table, from the portion I had knelt at and all the way to the left, had vanished, leaving the floor, which was like concrete, wide open.
I drew two images. Both were rectangles, around six feet long and three feet wide. They both had solid backgrounds with stringy line-designs in one or two colors, outlined with one or two colors. One rectangle had a yellow background with green and white designs. The other had a white background with blue and red designs.
I can't remember the design of the yellow rectangle. But the white triangle had something like two Venus signs (or two Mercury signs, or a Venus and a Mercury sign) linked together, with shapes, like line-pentagrams, scattered throughout.There might also have been words.
When the young man saw this, he understood.
Dream #2
Some presentation, possibly for work, had just finished. Everybody was in an auditorium. We were all funneling out. I may at first have been walking in a crowd of people along the right wall, heading up toward the back of the auditorium. I was now walking along the left wall. I was with a group of friends.
We got to the back wall, on which may have been a cork board bulletin board on which was a grid of photos with tidy, little paper rectangles with captions below each photo. I had been listening to a conversation everybody around me was having, possibly about girlfriends and boyfriends.
My co-worker NF stood right behind me. She was much skinnier and better looking than she had been the last time I'd seen her in waking life (in 2007). She asked me, "How's your boyfriend doing, Preemie?"
I thought, Boyfriend? I don't have a boyfriend. But NF said, "Don't be shy. Everybody knows you're gay."
I thought, Is that what everybody thinks about me? I didn't seem to worry about it too much. If everybody thought that was the case and they had been treating me just fine all along, it didn't matter if somebody said it out loud.
Sunday, December 2, 2012
(3/17/09) being a jerk to a jerk
Dream #1
I was at a party in a living room that was dim, as if its only light came from some other room, possibly a kitchen. The living room was large and full of people. I may have been kneeling before a couch.
In the distance to my right a man sat on another couch. The man looked like he was in his forties. He was tall and strong with slightly shaggy, grey hair. The man started shouting all kinds of things at me, like he was trying to get me to fight him. I ignored him. I figured he was just a jerk. I may have stood up and walked away.
A little later I was "back at the party." A group of people were all around me, bragging about how they, too, had treated the man like garbage. One person in particular, my co-worker AL, was before me, telling me how she had gone straight up to the man and stomped on his feet.
I thought how unfair this was to the man -- it must really have hurt him. But now I saw that AL wasn't wearing shoes. She was only wearing red and white striped socks.
I was at a party in a living room that was dim, as if its only light came from some other room, possibly a kitchen. The living room was large and full of people. I may have been kneeling before a couch.
In the distance to my right a man sat on another couch. The man looked like he was in his forties. He was tall and strong with slightly shaggy, grey hair. The man started shouting all kinds of things at me, like he was trying to get me to fight him. I ignored him. I figured he was just a jerk. I may have stood up and walked away.
A little later I was "back at the party." A group of people were all around me, bragging about how they, too, had treated the man like garbage. One person in particular, my co-worker AL, was before me, telling me how she had gone straight up to the man and stomped on his feet.
I thought how unfair this was to the man -- it must really have hurt him. But now I saw that AL wasn't wearing shoes. She was only wearing red and white striped socks.
(3/19/09) no suicide attempt; library creepsters
(Entered in paper journal at 9:15 AM at Red Horse cafe in Brooklyn.)
Dream #1
I sat in a presentation room with a group of co-workers. The room was dimly lit with effusive, yellowish light. The walls were white. The room was full of folding chairs.
My superior co-worker RLC got up to give a presentation. Both of his legs were in a cast, and he had a bandage on his head. He had been sitting in a chair at the front of the room, to the right of the room, and he'd had to be helped up. As he crutched his way to the podium, he was telling everybody how it looked like he'd attempted suicide, but that he really hadn't, and that he was fine.
Dream #2
I sat in a library like the Rose Main Reading Room in the Schwarzman branch of the New York Public Library, except with thinner reading tables and something of a college library feel. I was reading books that were big and colorful, like children's picture books.
Two youngish, white boys sat down, one on either side of me. They had a hip look -- clean, but with wool caps, pea-green coats, button-up shirts tat were unbuttoned, and t-shirts. The boys spoke back and forth over me, to annoy me.
At one point, the boy to my right asked a question like, "You know what would be good...?"
I turned my head and yelled, "You know what would be good? If you sat somewhere else to talk to your friend!"
The boys seemed hurt. They stood up and walked away. I might have gotten up and walked somewhere else, too. I felt bad about having yelled at the boys, who, I now thought, were innocent enough.
Dream #1
I sat in a presentation room with a group of co-workers. The room was dimly lit with effusive, yellowish light. The walls were white. The room was full of folding chairs.
My superior co-worker RLC got up to give a presentation. Both of his legs were in a cast, and he had a bandage on his head. He had been sitting in a chair at the front of the room, to the right of the room, and he'd had to be helped up. As he crutched his way to the podium, he was telling everybody how it looked like he'd attempted suicide, but that he really hadn't, and that he was fine.
Dream #2
I sat in a library like the Rose Main Reading Room in the Schwarzman branch of the New York Public Library, except with thinner reading tables and something of a college library feel. I was reading books that were big and colorful, like children's picture books.
Two youngish, white boys sat down, one on either side of me. They had a hip look -- clean, but with wool caps, pea-green coats, button-up shirts tat were unbuttoned, and t-shirts. The boys spoke back and forth over me, to annoy me.
At one point, the boy to my right asked a question like, "You know what would be good...?"
I turned my head and yelled, "You know what would be good? If you sat somewhere else to talk to your friend!"
The boys seemed hurt. They stood up and walked away. I might have gotten up and walked somewhere else, too. I felt bad about having yelled at the boys, who, I now thought, were innocent enough.
Saturday, November 17, 2012
(9/9/09) all you had to do was ask; sky's the limit
(Entered in paper journal at 6:12 AM on B-train into work from Brooklyn.)
Dream #1
I was on the subway, sitting in a row of seats that went along the wall of the train. Across the train from me sat an older, white man. He was opening and shuffling his newspaper loudly and whistling an annoying tune. I tried to whistle in an annoying way to counter the man's whistling, but I only managed a dry, creaking sound that was more pathetic than annoying.
I got angry and decided to confront the man physically. I walked across the aisle and sat beside the man. I noticed he was wearing earbuds, probably for an iPod. I tore them out of his ears. The man looked at me as if wondering why I would have done something like that.
I told the man, "Quit whistling" (or "Quit making annoying sounds"?) "on the train!"
The man said, "Well, if that's all you wanted, all you had to do was ask."
Dream #2
Somebody spoke to me about something like wanting the sky or going to the sky, because the sky's the limit.
Dream #1
I was on the subway, sitting in a row of seats that went along the wall of the train. Across the train from me sat an older, white man. He was opening and shuffling his newspaper loudly and whistling an annoying tune. I tried to whistle in an annoying way to counter the man's whistling, but I only managed a dry, creaking sound that was more pathetic than annoying.
I got angry and decided to confront the man physically. I walked across the aisle and sat beside the man. I noticed he was wearing earbuds, probably for an iPod. I tore them out of his ears. The man looked at me as if wondering why I would have done something like that.
I told the man, "Quit whistling" (or "Quit making annoying sounds"?) "on the train!"
The man said, "Well, if that's all you wanted, all you had to do was ask."
Dream #2
Somebody spoke to me about something like wanting the sky or going to the sky, because the sky's the limit.
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