(Entered in paper journal at 10 AM at the Tea Lounge on Union Street and 7th Avenue in Brooklyn.)
Dream 1
I was in a large, dark sanctuary area full of kids partying like at a rock concert. On stage was a band with a singer who looked like Scott Weiland.
I must not have been able to "get" the songs, though I was singing them, because at some point I realized this was all a Christian event. I felt ill at ease, like I couldn't possibly sing these songs because I truly had no idea what they were about or what their words were. I knew I could never be a rock star.
The band left the stage and then came back in. this time they sang "Sour Girl" by Stone Temple Pilots. I turned to some male friend of mine, possibly my cousin and best friend PS, and excitedly grabbed his arms or gave him five.
But when I tried singing the song I realized I didn't know the words to this song, either. I didn't even know the title. And I sang way out of tune, in an awful, pinched voice.
Dream 2
I stood outside on some street corner and possibly at the foot of stairs leading to an elevated train platform. The place looks slightly like Harlem. It was a sunny, clear day.
Two black women, like a mother and daughter, stood by me. The mother told me something like, "Don't worry. You're in the right place. This train goes straight to town."
We were now on the train. I lost track of them. The train ran along high enough to seem to run along the tops of the buildings. Some white woman spoke to someone on a cell phone, saying, "I don't remember New York being like this. The arrangement of buildings surprises me."
We were now pulling into Port Authority, like we were pulling directly into the second floor balcony area, right next to the post office. It still felt like buildings were somewhere inside the building. I thought, I don't remember the trains being this way, but how convenient.
I could sense my mom and Grandma Pat waiting for me at the top of an escalator at the end of the train. I stood up and walked toward the door. I turned around when I realized I'd left my backpack. I went back but couldn't remember exactly where I had been sitting. I think the train was back outside.
Dream 3
No vision. I spoke to my grandfather on the phone. I told him I was planning to come to Denver for Christmas, but that I had to make some money first. He said, "If you can't afford a ticket, we'll send you one."
I said, "Okay. That may need to happen."
I then realized he and I were communicating telepathically. I didn't want him to read any of my angrier thoughts. So I told him I had to go. He said okay.
The vision became slightly purplish and textured like a rough, splayed-open organ with a mound and a hole at the top of the mural. A cord like an umbilical cord sucked back down into the hole with a grainy, muddy slurp.
Dream 4
I stood in something like a belt-rope line at the edge of some carpeted area that was supposed to be a soccer field inside something like an arcade place for kids. A bunch of kids played soccer.
I was looking for my oldest nephew. I looked among all the players. They all wore these cardboard, squarish costumes with very fine and flashy graphics to make them look like anime robots. They may even have been on wheels: small, Tonka-truck-like wheels. The kids even had their hair spiked out or gelled down like anime and manga characters. I thought, Anime has made more things than just anime popular. It's also made sports like soccer and basketball popular.
Not finding my nephew I turned away from the field. I looked down the empty line to a mom and a kid in a stroller. The kid was doing something cute. I laughed at first. But then I stopped laughing when I saw that the mother thought I was some kind of pervert. I now looked up the line and saw my mother, my grandmother, and my nephew all waiting for me.
Showing posts with label anime. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anime. Show all posts
Monday, March 20, 2017
Saturday, February 25, 2017
(1/8/06) puppet hater
(Entered in paper journal at 10:44 AM at Starbucks on 43rd Street and 3rd Avenue in Denver.)
Dream 1
I sat in a skeleton of a room with my friend R. We sat on a bench against an almost papery wall. I had puppets on my hands. I could occasionally reach my arms way up in the air. It was like the puppets would attach to my hands as I stretched my arms. The puppets were like furry creatures in an anime called Angel of Darkness.
R sat to my right. I was almost delirious. I yelled at him, apologetically but upset, that he needed to stop needling and making me feel awful with two sayings (generalized, that he could mold to fit particular moments) he always foisted on me whenever I got happy or excited.
Dream 1
I sat in a skeleton of a room with my friend R. We sat on a bench against an almost papery wall. I had puppets on my hands. I could occasionally reach my arms way up in the air. It was like the puppets would attach to my hands as I stretched my arms. The puppets were like furry creatures in an anime called Angel of Darkness.
R sat to my right. I was almost delirious. I yelled at him, apologetically but upset, that he needed to stop needling and making me feel awful with two sayings (generalized, that he could mold to fit particular moments) he always foisted on me whenever I got happy or excited.
Sunday, February 5, 2017
(10/22/06) ruler of the land of chaos; my father's necklace; dimension detectives
(Entered in paper journal at 9:01 AM at Flying Saucer cafe in Brooklyn.)
Dream 1
A scene of insects that were smashed. Smashed, they rolled into balls (three) that emitted some kind of acidic gas into ground or carpet, leaving lumpy mounds.
Soon this view shifted into an abstract landscape like a desert made of abstract cutouts. A narrator said the land had become the land of chaos. The ruler of the land of chaos, a weird being like a cutout version of an Atari character, colored red, walked through the landscape (of blue and purple cutouts?) to a character rising from the mounds made by the insect balls. The two of them shook hands.
For some reason I was disappointed that this was what had come of my clear view of the insects, which themselves had been part of some very meaningful activity. The ruler walked into a drawing room or library -- real, not cutout -- and himself became real. I may have become him. I was happy that I at least saw things as real again. But I was still looking for some conclusion or meaning for the poor insects.
The room was beautiful, of dark and heavy wood, but cluttered full of books. As if trying to calm down my worries, "I"/"The ruler of the land of chaos" ran to each man in the room (maybe three men other than "I"/"him"/"us"). The ruler of the land of chaos would hold up his right hand like a wall and run it at the other man as the man held up the thumb of his right hand. The ruler of the land of chaos would make a plane sound ("buzzz!") and crash the hand -- a wall -- into the thumb (a plane).
This only made me angrier -- not only were we now not talking about the insects, but we were making a wall crash into a plane, which was impossible.
Dream 2
I stood beside my mom and sister in a doorway (like the house I lived in during kindergarten) on a sunny day before my dad and brother. It was my dad's birthday. My brother was proud of the present he had given my dad.
I told my brother hello, but before finishing I was distracted by a beautiful necklace my dad was wearing, and I commented on it, something like, "Did that necklace cost $40 to $50?"
My brother walked past me and into the house, upset. I thought I should go after him, and I would, but first I needed to see my father's beautiful necklace.
My dad unclasped the necklace and spoke about it shyly in an almost feminine way. The necklace had beautiful, yellow beads which shone in the sun. They were thick, almost plasticky, warm, and of many different types of circular or elliptical shapes.
My dad tried sheepishly, femininely, to explain how he had gotten the necklace. To explain, he took a bracelet off his right wrist. It was orange with more teardrop-shaped, thinnish beads.
I thought, almost sickened, This is absurd! I didn't ask to see his bracelet. I asked to see his necklace.
I either went to look for my brother or I could sense him behind me, by a desk. He was crying because I had made him feel bad.
Dream 3
I was in a room (bathroom?) full of TVs. A man in a suit stood with his back to me. I could see a little of his eyes by the reflection of a TV screen that was like a rear-view mirror. The man's eyes had the cold, blue ruthlessness of an executive.
The man directed my attention to one of the TVs. At first the show was hard for me to understand. There were two detectives, men, who were also women, but only when something happened to them. This thing drew magic in from another dimension and put it on them. But then it was more like they were always men but in another realm they were always women. A magic mirror would take them into their female existences by accident.
But then it was more like the male detectives had accidentally discovered this magic mirror and gone inside. The female detectives' world was an anime world. The women's dimension/world was very much like the mechanized world of Caves of Steel by Asimov.
There were two women there who were their counterparts. Each had to help the other's female counterpart and each could not look at his own counterpart, or at least could not let his female counterpart know who he was.
The fates of the female counterparts were somewhat determined by the fates of the detectives. But the female counterparts were in their own danger, which the detectives needed to rescue them from. At the same time, the detectives needed to avoid becoming women, although occasionally they did.
Now it was like the beginning of the first episode of the series. The two detectives were big, fat men. They stood outside some stucco apartment like in California or Florida. One was dressed up in a pale pink sweater and a hot pink skirt. He wore a blonde wig. He looked like Chris Farley. he was going out on a date with a criminal he was trying to catch, a rat-like Latino man.
The second detective asked, "Does he really like girls that look like you? I mean, would he even sit down with you, let alone stay long enough to get caught? He might even just see that you're a man and a detective and kill you on the spot."
The dressed up detective said something like, "Well, let's go back inside. You can help me look so pretty he'll never know the difference."
I knew that what happened next was that the detective went on his date with the criminal and almost succeeded at catching the criminal. But the criminal escaped and jumped through a bathroom mirror into the other dimension. When the detective jumped after the criminal, he found himself in the body of his female counterpart. Eventually the second detective came after him. I don't think he ended up in his female counterpart's body.
It took a while for the counterparts to sort out what happened, and it eventually happened only with the aid of a half-real/half-cartoon character in a black robe and hood (like Star Wars' Emperor, but with no face, just mist). This character had the ability to give the detectives a little more awareness to see themselves in their female counterparts. But he also had the ability to give the detectives physical substance as cartoon bodies in the cartoon world.
When the second detective came into the cartoon world he was almost a specter. Then he was fuzziness that nobody paid attention to or of whom people were very afraid. He was like walking TV static. Then slowly gaining awareness, he was jumbled and melty, and the cartoon people thought he was deformed. When the magic person found the detectives, the second detective had already managed to become somewhat solid, though still a little ugly, and he had been able to find the first detective in the female counterpart and to figure out a way to make the first detecitve aware of himself.
The magic person may have been the one to extract the first detective from his female counterpart. He gave the detectives their complete solidity and awareness in this world. But then he would also give the detectives missions in this world. Sometimes the missions were good, sometimes not good, sometimes just plain silly. The detectives wouldn't do them.
The magic person would react to this refusal by throwing the men into situations where they would be made to see their female counterparts in such a way that the female counterparts almost understood who they were. Whenever the magic person would give the detectives the silly or bad-spirited missions or throw them into awkward situations, the detectives would wonder whether the magic person weren't really a bad spirit instead of a helper.
Eventually the women came through the mirror (this was few episodes in). The detectives, who may now have been attractive, young men, now had to teach the women, in the same way the men had to be taught in the other world, to become aware and to have physical substance. This, another "trick" of the magic person, was a humorous complication.
All this time, the detectives were still working or solving their mysteries. The women may have become part of the team. They could all travel back and forth with ease eventually. The mirror which had started as a bathroom mirror in a divey restaurant, became a mirror like a door into a weird cornered foyer into an empty, sunny house.
As cartoons, the women looked like anime versions of Alice in Wonderland, except with hair just above the shoulders and pink dresses with less of an outward bell shape to the skirt. But they were invisible in the real world once they got their full solidity.
This is similar to the detectives. As they gained their full solidity in the cartoon world they stopped being visible. When they were fat in the physical world they were identical. But when they became young and attractive in the real world they stopped being visible. It wasn't like they were all really invisible. I just couldn't see them anymore. And, although I could remember all the episodes up to this point, I couldn't remember any of the episodes after this point.
Dream 1
A scene of insects that were smashed. Smashed, they rolled into balls (three) that emitted some kind of acidic gas into ground or carpet, leaving lumpy mounds.
Soon this view shifted into an abstract landscape like a desert made of abstract cutouts. A narrator said the land had become the land of chaos. The ruler of the land of chaos, a weird being like a cutout version of an Atari character, colored red, walked through the landscape (of blue and purple cutouts?) to a character rising from the mounds made by the insect balls. The two of them shook hands.
For some reason I was disappointed that this was what had come of my clear view of the insects, which themselves had been part of some very meaningful activity. The ruler walked into a drawing room or library -- real, not cutout -- and himself became real. I may have become him. I was happy that I at least saw things as real again. But I was still looking for some conclusion or meaning for the poor insects.
The room was beautiful, of dark and heavy wood, but cluttered full of books. As if trying to calm down my worries, "I"/"The ruler of the land of chaos" ran to each man in the room (maybe three men other than "I"/"him"/"us"). The ruler of the land of chaos would hold up his right hand like a wall and run it at the other man as the man held up the thumb of his right hand. The ruler of the land of chaos would make a plane sound ("buzzz!") and crash the hand -- a wall -- into the thumb (a plane).
This only made me angrier -- not only were we now not talking about the insects, but we were making a wall crash into a plane, which was impossible.
Dream 2
I stood beside my mom and sister in a doorway (like the house I lived in during kindergarten) on a sunny day before my dad and brother. It was my dad's birthday. My brother was proud of the present he had given my dad.
I told my brother hello, but before finishing I was distracted by a beautiful necklace my dad was wearing, and I commented on it, something like, "Did that necklace cost $40 to $50?"
My brother walked past me and into the house, upset. I thought I should go after him, and I would, but first I needed to see my father's beautiful necklace.
My dad unclasped the necklace and spoke about it shyly in an almost feminine way. The necklace had beautiful, yellow beads which shone in the sun. They were thick, almost plasticky, warm, and of many different types of circular or elliptical shapes.
My dad tried sheepishly, femininely, to explain how he had gotten the necklace. To explain, he took a bracelet off his right wrist. It was orange with more teardrop-shaped, thinnish beads.
I thought, almost sickened, This is absurd! I didn't ask to see his bracelet. I asked to see his necklace.
I either went to look for my brother or I could sense him behind me, by a desk. He was crying because I had made him feel bad.
Dream 3
I was in a room (bathroom?) full of TVs. A man in a suit stood with his back to me. I could see a little of his eyes by the reflection of a TV screen that was like a rear-view mirror. The man's eyes had the cold, blue ruthlessness of an executive.
The man directed my attention to one of the TVs. At first the show was hard for me to understand. There were two detectives, men, who were also women, but only when something happened to them. This thing drew magic in from another dimension and put it on them. But then it was more like they were always men but in another realm they were always women. A magic mirror would take them into their female existences by accident.
But then it was more like the male detectives had accidentally discovered this magic mirror and gone inside. The female detectives' world was an anime world. The women's dimension/world was very much like the mechanized world of Caves of Steel by Asimov.
There were two women there who were their counterparts. Each had to help the other's female counterpart and each could not look at his own counterpart, or at least could not let his female counterpart know who he was.
The fates of the female counterparts were somewhat determined by the fates of the detectives. But the female counterparts were in their own danger, which the detectives needed to rescue them from. At the same time, the detectives needed to avoid becoming women, although occasionally they did.
Now it was like the beginning of the first episode of the series. The two detectives were big, fat men. They stood outside some stucco apartment like in California or Florida. One was dressed up in a pale pink sweater and a hot pink skirt. He wore a blonde wig. He looked like Chris Farley. he was going out on a date with a criminal he was trying to catch, a rat-like Latino man.
The second detective asked, "Does he really like girls that look like you? I mean, would he even sit down with you, let alone stay long enough to get caught? He might even just see that you're a man and a detective and kill you on the spot."
The dressed up detective said something like, "Well, let's go back inside. You can help me look so pretty he'll never know the difference."
I knew that what happened next was that the detective went on his date with the criminal and almost succeeded at catching the criminal. But the criminal escaped and jumped through a bathroom mirror into the other dimension. When the detective jumped after the criminal, he found himself in the body of his female counterpart. Eventually the second detective came after him. I don't think he ended up in his female counterpart's body.
It took a while for the counterparts to sort out what happened, and it eventually happened only with the aid of a half-real/half-cartoon character in a black robe and hood (like Star Wars' Emperor, but with no face, just mist). This character had the ability to give the detectives a little more awareness to see themselves in their female counterparts. But he also had the ability to give the detectives physical substance as cartoon bodies in the cartoon world.
When the second detective came into the cartoon world he was almost a specter. Then he was fuzziness that nobody paid attention to or of whom people were very afraid. He was like walking TV static. Then slowly gaining awareness, he was jumbled and melty, and the cartoon people thought he was deformed. When the magic person found the detectives, the second detective had already managed to become somewhat solid, though still a little ugly, and he had been able to find the first detective in the female counterpart and to figure out a way to make the first detecitve aware of himself.
The magic person may have been the one to extract the first detective from his female counterpart. He gave the detectives their complete solidity and awareness in this world. But then he would also give the detectives missions in this world. Sometimes the missions were good, sometimes not good, sometimes just plain silly. The detectives wouldn't do them.
The magic person would react to this refusal by throwing the men into situations where they would be made to see their female counterparts in such a way that the female counterparts almost understood who they were. Whenever the magic person would give the detectives the silly or bad-spirited missions or throw them into awkward situations, the detectives would wonder whether the magic person weren't really a bad spirit instead of a helper.
Eventually the women came through the mirror (this was few episodes in). The detectives, who may now have been attractive, young men, now had to teach the women, in the same way the men had to be taught in the other world, to become aware and to have physical substance. This, another "trick" of the magic person, was a humorous complication.
All this time, the detectives were still working or solving their mysteries. The women may have become part of the team. They could all travel back and forth with ease eventually. The mirror which had started as a bathroom mirror in a divey restaurant, became a mirror like a door into a weird cornered foyer into an empty, sunny house.
As cartoons, the women looked like anime versions of Alice in Wonderland, except with hair just above the shoulders and pink dresses with less of an outward bell shape to the skirt. But they were invisible in the real world once they got their full solidity.
This is similar to the detectives. As they gained their full solidity in the cartoon world they stopped being visible. When they were fat in the physical world they were identical. But when they became young and attractive in the real world they stopped being visible. It wasn't like they were all really invisible. I just couldn't see them anymore. And, although I could remember all the episodes up to this point, I couldn't remember any of the episodes after this point.
Monday, December 31, 2012
(12/30/08) the lion dance; roach apartment; elephant alien
(Entered in paper journal at 7:15 AM, on B-train from Brooklyn into Manhattan.)
Dream #1
I walked down into a stairway into a basement. The basement may have had red walls and may have been lit with incandescent light. Before me at the foot of the stairs was a weird feature like a bottomless pit. The pit was rectangular and was bounded on three sides by "mattresses." The fourth side (the long side opposite me) was the wall. Set into the wall was a square in which sat some kind of shrine, including (?) a clear, rounded vase full of colorful flowers with rose-like petals.
I leaned my elbows atop the long side's barrier and stood watching, as if I were watching a pendulum swing. I thought of a legend of a man (maybe Asian) who had practiced a certain dance. But before the dance it was generally customary for the person dancing to give thanks to a god who excelled at the dance.
This man was a great dancer and did not think he needed to give thanks to the god. So the god came down to earth and challenged the man to the dance. But the god's dance soon became an attack, and the man was either frightened out of the challenge or killed.
I thought that I should give thanks to the god before I began the dance.
I stood in a different part of the basement now, not far from where I was before. The room L'd off to become narrower, and in the narrow space stood a bunk bed. I was right at the corner of the "L."
On the wall to my left, opposite the bunk beds, and on the same wall as the bottomless pit shrine, was another shrine in a square setting. Before me and just to my right, in the corner of the wall, was a "closet space." The closet was made of cheap wood. The shelves were full of all kinds of clothing, but on the top shelf was a TV. Just to my right may have been a doorway into a concrete-floored room like a laundry or storage room. Sunlight may have shone through a window in the storage room.
My propitiation to the god was to play some kind of video on the TV -- something like an anime adventure with a sexy girl swinging around and fighting people. My mom yelled down the stairs to me to shut that show off -- she could hear it all the way upstairs. I shut the show off, like I was clicking off one program on a computer.
There was another show playing "below" this program. This show was like a live-action porno or torture show, shot crudely in a green-walled room. I may have been ashamed that I had been watching this show, and I may have shut it off as well.
My mom told me something about putting some sort of laundry in the wash. I couldn't believe I was back in a situation where my mom was controlling my life like this. I walked out of a room like the the laundry room. I now stood in some room like a common room at a homeless shelter.
There were some boys, black and Hispanic, sitting on the floor, on chairs, and on taller items like ladders. Two white men, dressed nicely and looking like men from the 1950s, had been giving some kind of positive lecture to the boys, who had just entered the shelter.
One of the men left, out a door to my left, possibly because he was going to get something useful for the boys. He might also have made a comment on exiting that he thought the chances were small that he and his colleague could help the boys think positively about this place.
I looked at the windows to this place. It was night. The windows were dark. The windows were about five feet tall and three feet wide, grid-paned, maybe three panes across and four panes tall. The remaining man was continuing his speech to the boys.
I saw how words had been written on the windows, like finger markings in condensation. The statements were positive. I now watched the condensation and markings change color. According to the mood of the statement, the pane on which the statement was written would change to a bright color while the words would change to another bright color. The colors were like shimmery acrylic paint.
I had the idea that the boys had written the statements on the window and that they had colored them. This was part of an art project. Once it was complete, it was thought, the mood produced by the windows would be so positive that the boys would love to live here.
But the boys had lost their inspiration.
The other man may now have been gone as well. Some of the boys were planning an escape. But nobody, even the really violent and rebellious ones, were sure if they would be doing the right thing.
I hadn't really been in the scene, and maybe I still wasn't. But I was knelt on the floor. A big, black boy sitting on a tall stool looked down, at me, I thought, and said, "What do you think, little girl? Should we stay or should we go?"
I now realized the boy had been speaking to a small, Hispanic boy sitting in a chair before me and just to my left. The boy had a bowl-shaped haircut and wore small, round-rimmed glasses and a big, puffy, navy blue jacket. I knew this boy was smart and sensitive, and was recognized for being so, but was always made fun of (like being called a girl) for being so obedient.
I was now being held, romantically, on one of the boy's laps. We were in front of all the boys, in the open space of the common room. The boy whose lap I sat on was black, masculine, but pretty looking. He asked me, "Don't you like this?" My head was tilted backwards. The boy was bringing down three fingers to touch my head.
I thought, I don't like this. I shouldn't be attracted to this boy. But I am.
Suddenly I was all alone. I sat on the floor in a room like the common room. It was dark, with a spotlight or spotlights shining on the floor. The carpet was hard and grey. The room had a classy feel, like in a museum.
Before me was a shrine -- also a clear vase full of flowers, maybe including orchids with white edges that faded into deep-pink centers -- which was spotlighted. There was ornamentation around the shrine, including strewn flower petals and two lion statuettes, one on each side of the shrine. The statuettes may have been green and made of wax.
The statuette to my right may have turned into a real lion. It jumped to attack me. I became horribly afraid. The lion again became the green statuette (i.e. maybe one foot long), but was still attacking me. I knew this fight was nothing but a performance, although if I lost, I would actually die.
The green lion and I wrestled. I threw it off me at one point. It flew down a small set of stairs (three or four steps, in a semicircle, like in the minerals and gems section of the American Museum of Natural History). I may have crawled or slid to the steps. The lion pounced again from the bottom of the steps. I grabbed it and flung myself backwards, to hit the lion's head against the floor.
I was now sitting up. I heard a woman's voice somewhere, maybe in my head, talking about an actress like Sarah Jessica Parker. The voice was talking about how reckless the actress was in public life and how sh'ed eventually just become annoying.
Beside me was a weird, boxlike device which may have held an opium pipe. I was smoking something. Along a ridge of the box-device were scattered tiger's-eye-colored shards, which I knew were the legs of a spider which had been killed.
The voice continued, explaining that in the profession the actress was in (it may have been acting or equity research), there was no need to be such a prima donna. After all, there wasn't as much pressure as say, that involved in rocket science.
I stood up and walked down the steps. I thought to myself, I should actually look into rocket science. I've been wanting to design rockets for a long time now.
I walked into the deep blackness beyond the spotlights. I pushed open a heavyish, metal door with a circle window in the top, like a door in a restaurant or hospital.
I walked into a fluorescent-lit room. Before me stood a group of men, mostly black. I felt like they were looking at me as if they wanted to bully me. I walked away to the left. I heard some people talking somewhere. I thought they were talking about me.
I walked up a long stairway with white, close walls and grey carpeting. I now thought I heard people laughing at me. I tried hard to hear the conversation, to see if it was about me.
At times I felt like I was drifting up the stairwell, as if on an escalator. Along the walls, on my left side, were occasional windows, behind which teams of doctors sat, usually two doctors per team, the doctors mainly being black. The doctors were usually laughing.
I heard the conversation better. It was like a senior co-worker of mine, and the guy who acted as a liaison between the research and sales departments at my company, JB, was talking to one of the doctors as part of a radio interview. JB was speaking, in his usual mellow voice, about the economy.
I reached the top of the stairwell. I walked through one metal door into a tiny "foyer," then out onto a sidewalk through another metal door.
The sky was fully clouded over, but it was colored dim blue, like the color of early morning. There was an orange streetlamp overhead. The ground was wet, as if it had just rained. The wall of the building was white-painted concrete. It felt like I was coming out of the side exit of a movie theater or playhouse.
I held the door open still because I thought I wouldn't be able to hear JB's talk if I shut the door. But then I realized there was a speaker right above me, playing JB's speech. I let the door shut as I heard JB say conditions hadn't been this tough since 1912 or 1913.
Dream #2
I was in a dim bedroom that was lit only by natural light coming from some other room at the end of a long hallway. I was with a group of friends.
One of my friends, maybe my girlfriend H, saw a roach crawl across the wall. She panicked. I was ashamed, but also upset, that roaches were back in my house again, after I'd gotten rid of them. They'd been gone for so long.
But now I looked out into the hallway. It seemed justified for roaches to be here: the floor of the hallway was so dirty it looked like a wet asphalt road.
Dream #3
I lay on "my bed." The head of my bed was positioned so I could turn left to see down the hallway. There were a couple rooms along the right wall and one room at the very end of the hallway. The doors for all the rooms may have been opened. Fluorescent light was coming out of some (?) of the rooms.
I saw two rats run into one of the lit rooms on the side wall. I was so upset to see rats in my house that I called out, "No... no... no!"
I thought I would have to get up right away and kill the rats. But now I saw, as if I were a camera (and all the lights were now off -- only the streetlights from outside providing light), how there was some strange activity happening in my closet. The rats changed (first into mice, then into lions?). I thought, I can't kill an animal that big. Then I saw the head of an elephant emerge from the closet.
I was back in my bed. I thought, It couldn't possibly be an elephant. I thought it would be terrifyingly irrational. But out of the closet walked a roughly six-foot-tall creature, walking upright on two legs, having the body shape of a human (thought the creature was naked and had the skin of an elephant) and an elephant's head, which was huge in proportion to the body. The elephant may have had black eyes like the eyes of a classic grey alien's eyes, except round, not almond-shaped.
The elephant man walked toward me. I thought, It can't come near me. It would be too frightening. But it walked all the way to my bedside. It stood at my left (?) side, as if my bed were now in its regular place. Its breathing seemed very fleshy and real. I was so frightened that I began whimper/screaming. (In fact, I may actually have been crying out loud, the sound of which may have woken me from the dream.)
Dream #1
I walked down into a stairway into a basement. The basement may have had red walls and may have been lit with incandescent light. Before me at the foot of the stairs was a weird feature like a bottomless pit. The pit was rectangular and was bounded on three sides by "mattresses." The fourth side (the long side opposite me) was the wall. Set into the wall was a square in which sat some kind of shrine, including (?) a clear, rounded vase full of colorful flowers with rose-like petals.
I leaned my elbows atop the long side's barrier and stood watching, as if I were watching a pendulum swing. I thought of a legend of a man (maybe Asian) who had practiced a certain dance. But before the dance it was generally customary for the person dancing to give thanks to a god who excelled at the dance.
This man was a great dancer and did not think he needed to give thanks to the god. So the god came down to earth and challenged the man to the dance. But the god's dance soon became an attack, and the man was either frightened out of the challenge or killed.
I thought that I should give thanks to the god before I began the dance.
I stood in a different part of the basement now, not far from where I was before. The room L'd off to become narrower, and in the narrow space stood a bunk bed. I was right at the corner of the "L."
On the wall to my left, opposite the bunk beds, and on the same wall as the bottomless pit shrine, was another shrine in a square setting. Before me and just to my right, in the corner of the wall, was a "closet space." The closet was made of cheap wood. The shelves were full of all kinds of clothing, but on the top shelf was a TV. Just to my right may have been a doorway into a concrete-floored room like a laundry or storage room. Sunlight may have shone through a window in the storage room.
My propitiation to the god was to play some kind of video on the TV -- something like an anime adventure with a sexy girl swinging around and fighting people. My mom yelled down the stairs to me to shut that show off -- she could hear it all the way upstairs. I shut the show off, like I was clicking off one program on a computer.
There was another show playing "below" this program. This show was like a live-action porno or torture show, shot crudely in a green-walled room. I may have been ashamed that I had been watching this show, and I may have shut it off as well.
My mom told me something about putting some sort of laundry in the wash. I couldn't believe I was back in a situation where my mom was controlling my life like this. I walked out of a room like the the laundry room. I now stood in some room like a common room at a homeless shelter.
There were some boys, black and Hispanic, sitting on the floor, on chairs, and on taller items like ladders. Two white men, dressed nicely and looking like men from the 1950s, had been giving some kind of positive lecture to the boys, who had just entered the shelter.
One of the men left, out a door to my left, possibly because he was going to get something useful for the boys. He might also have made a comment on exiting that he thought the chances were small that he and his colleague could help the boys think positively about this place.
I looked at the windows to this place. It was night. The windows were dark. The windows were about five feet tall and three feet wide, grid-paned, maybe three panes across and four panes tall. The remaining man was continuing his speech to the boys.
I saw how words had been written on the windows, like finger markings in condensation. The statements were positive. I now watched the condensation and markings change color. According to the mood of the statement, the pane on which the statement was written would change to a bright color while the words would change to another bright color. The colors were like shimmery acrylic paint.
I had the idea that the boys had written the statements on the window and that they had colored them. This was part of an art project. Once it was complete, it was thought, the mood produced by the windows would be so positive that the boys would love to live here.
But the boys had lost their inspiration.
The other man may now have been gone as well. Some of the boys were planning an escape. But nobody, even the really violent and rebellious ones, were sure if they would be doing the right thing.
I hadn't really been in the scene, and maybe I still wasn't. But I was knelt on the floor. A big, black boy sitting on a tall stool looked down, at me, I thought, and said, "What do you think, little girl? Should we stay or should we go?"
I now realized the boy had been speaking to a small, Hispanic boy sitting in a chair before me and just to my left. The boy had a bowl-shaped haircut and wore small, round-rimmed glasses and a big, puffy, navy blue jacket. I knew this boy was smart and sensitive, and was recognized for being so, but was always made fun of (like being called a girl) for being so obedient.
I was now being held, romantically, on one of the boy's laps. We were in front of all the boys, in the open space of the common room. The boy whose lap I sat on was black, masculine, but pretty looking. He asked me, "Don't you like this?" My head was tilted backwards. The boy was bringing down three fingers to touch my head.
I thought, I don't like this. I shouldn't be attracted to this boy. But I am.
Suddenly I was all alone. I sat on the floor in a room like the common room. It was dark, with a spotlight or spotlights shining on the floor. The carpet was hard and grey. The room had a classy feel, like in a museum.
Before me was a shrine -- also a clear vase full of flowers, maybe including orchids with white edges that faded into deep-pink centers -- which was spotlighted. There was ornamentation around the shrine, including strewn flower petals and two lion statuettes, one on each side of the shrine. The statuettes may have been green and made of wax.
The statuette to my right may have turned into a real lion. It jumped to attack me. I became horribly afraid. The lion again became the green statuette (i.e. maybe one foot long), but was still attacking me. I knew this fight was nothing but a performance, although if I lost, I would actually die.
The green lion and I wrestled. I threw it off me at one point. It flew down a small set of stairs (three or four steps, in a semicircle, like in the minerals and gems section of the American Museum of Natural History). I may have crawled or slid to the steps. The lion pounced again from the bottom of the steps. I grabbed it and flung myself backwards, to hit the lion's head against the floor.
I was now sitting up. I heard a woman's voice somewhere, maybe in my head, talking about an actress like Sarah Jessica Parker. The voice was talking about how reckless the actress was in public life and how sh'ed eventually just become annoying.
Beside me was a weird, boxlike device which may have held an opium pipe. I was smoking something. Along a ridge of the box-device were scattered tiger's-eye-colored shards, which I knew were the legs of a spider which had been killed.
The voice continued, explaining that in the profession the actress was in (it may have been acting or equity research), there was no need to be such a prima donna. After all, there wasn't as much pressure as say, that involved in rocket science.
I stood up and walked down the steps. I thought to myself, I should actually look into rocket science. I've been wanting to design rockets for a long time now.
I walked into the deep blackness beyond the spotlights. I pushed open a heavyish, metal door with a circle window in the top, like a door in a restaurant or hospital.
I walked into a fluorescent-lit room. Before me stood a group of men, mostly black. I felt like they were looking at me as if they wanted to bully me. I walked away to the left. I heard some people talking somewhere. I thought they were talking about me.
I walked up a long stairway with white, close walls and grey carpeting. I now thought I heard people laughing at me. I tried hard to hear the conversation, to see if it was about me.
At times I felt like I was drifting up the stairwell, as if on an escalator. Along the walls, on my left side, were occasional windows, behind which teams of doctors sat, usually two doctors per team, the doctors mainly being black. The doctors were usually laughing.
I heard the conversation better. It was like a senior co-worker of mine, and the guy who acted as a liaison between the research and sales departments at my company, JB, was talking to one of the doctors as part of a radio interview. JB was speaking, in his usual mellow voice, about the economy.
I reached the top of the stairwell. I walked through one metal door into a tiny "foyer," then out onto a sidewalk through another metal door.
The sky was fully clouded over, but it was colored dim blue, like the color of early morning. There was an orange streetlamp overhead. The ground was wet, as if it had just rained. The wall of the building was white-painted concrete. It felt like I was coming out of the side exit of a movie theater or playhouse.
I held the door open still because I thought I wouldn't be able to hear JB's talk if I shut the door. But then I realized there was a speaker right above me, playing JB's speech. I let the door shut as I heard JB say conditions hadn't been this tough since 1912 or 1913.
Dream #2
I was in a dim bedroom that was lit only by natural light coming from some other room at the end of a long hallway. I was with a group of friends.
One of my friends, maybe my girlfriend H, saw a roach crawl across the wall. She panicked. I was ashamed, but also upset, that roaches were back in my house again, after I'd gotten rid of them. They'd been gone for so long.
But now I looked out into the hallway. It seemed justified for roaches to be here: the floor of the hallway was so dirty it looked like a wet asphalt road.
Dream #3
I lay on "my bed." The head of my bed was positioned so I could turn left to see down the hallway. There were a couple rooms along the right wall and one room at the very end of the hallway. The doors for all the rooms may have been opened. Fluorescent light was coming out of some (?) of the rooms.
I saw two rats run into one of the lit rooms on the side wall. I was so upset to see rats in my house that I called out, "No... no... no!"
I thought I would have to get up right away and kill the rats. But now I saw, as if I were a camera (and all the lights were now off -- only the streetlights from outside providing light), how there was some strange activity happening in my closet. The rats changed (first into mice, then into lions?). I thought, I can't kill an animal that big. Then I saw the head of an elephant emerge from the closet.
I was back in my bed. I thought, It couldn't possibly be an elephant. I thought it would be terrifyingly irrational. But out of the closet walked a roughly six-foot-tall creature, walking upright on two legs, having the body shape of a human (thought the creature was naked and had the skin of an elephant) and an elephant's head, which was huge in proportion to the body. The elephant may have had black eyes like the eyes of a classic grey alien's eyes, except round, not almond-shaped.
The elephant man walked toward me. I thought, It can't come near me. It would be too frightening. But it walked all the way to my bedside. It stood at my left (?) side, as if my bed were now in its regular place. Its breathing seemed very fleshy and real. I was so frightened that I began whimper/screaming. (In fact, I may actually have been crying out loud, the sound of which may have woken me from the dream.)
Saturday, December 1, 2012
(4/2/09) killing the spider; anime library; chasing the ceo
(Entered in paper journal at 8:30 AM at Red Horse cafe in Brooklyn.)
Dream #1
It was night. I lay in a wide bed like a hotel bed, with a synthetic-feeling coverlet over me. To my right was a sliding-glass door, which was messy with soild and showed pale, electric blue light, like from a car's headlights, somewhere in the distance (though the door opened to a backyard, not to a front yard with a road).
I looked over the right side of the bed and saw a spider crawl under the bed. The floor was a mess, cluttered with dusty items like cushions and boards. The spider was like a daddy long legs with a metallic, blue-purple body.
I "remembered" my psychiatrist A having told me at our last session, "Now, don't you kill any spiders." (In waking life, my psychiatrist had actually told me to make sure I didn't get another job until my "inactive" period with my current job -- where I was technically still an employee, though I was already basically laid off and no longer coming into work -- was finished and I was finally unemployed, i.e. about mid-April.)
But for some reason I thought, Well, killing one spider isn't all that bad. I couldn't stand the thought of having a pest in my room. I rolled off the bed and looked under it to see where the spider was. I saw it near the wall, near the head of the bed
I stood up and walked to the bathroom to grab something to smash the spider with. I came out with something, probably an unwieldy, dark square of material (when I'd meant to get a bit of toilet paper).
I turned on my bedroom light. The light was just a table lamp, dim, at the opposite end of the room from me, at the head of my bed, on its left side. Most of the room was still dark. The place was cluttered and dusty. There was another bed to the left of my bed. That bed was cluttered with stuff, including a foam mat that lay half on and off the bed. But the left side of my bed was also cluttered.
I was afraid to step in the space between the two beds. I thought the floor under the left bed was so dirty that mice probably lived under it. I was afraid that if I caused any vibrations in the floor, the mice would come out, which would be really annoying and would dissolve my sense of "having a clean room."
I walked between the beds, anyway. I kneed my way up onto the right bed. I thought the spider would eventually crawl up the wall, at which point i could smash it. But looking at the head of my bed, I now saw that the right pillow, on which I had laid my head, had a blanket of cobweb from its corner to the wall. I knew this cobweb was the spider's web, and that it had been here for a while.
I couldn't stand the thought that I had lived so long with the spider so close to my head while I slept. I thought something like, Well, it's too late now. But I still tried to convince myself that somehow I hadn't slept with my head so close to the spider, and that the web couldn't have been there for very long.
I thought that I should at least pull the web out, now that I saw it. But when I reached at it (parts of it now looked like a web), I noticed that the spider, now smaller and greyish, was posed in the bottom half of the web. I was afraid that by pulling out the web I'd make the spider angry. But I knew I had to do it, anyway, to start to make my room clean again.
I pulled the web off the wall. It now hung down off my pillow. I might have pulled the web the rest of the way off my pillow. But I now saw that the spider was angry. That was enough to scare me. But now I also saw that the spider was thing and long-legged, like before, and that its body was jet black with a red hourglass on it. I thought, It's a black widow!
I stood off my bed and backed away from it. The spider now charged down the bed and onto the floor, coming after me. The spider had stubby legs and a squarish, crab-like body, black with red mottling. It had red jaws and two big, round, black eyes. It was maybe three-quarters of an inch wide. I backed all the way back to the bathroom doorway. The spider and I may then have been at a standstill.
Dream #2
I was in something like a library or bookshop that had a cafe in it. The place had a very "strip-mall" feel -- white-walled, tall, wide, with thin carpet and wide-spaced shelves. The cafe area was just a few tables spread out in an open space among shelves. The place was moderately busy.
I stood at a revolving carousel of books. The shelves were clear and plastic. The carousel was about seven feet high.
My girlfriend H sat at a table with a friend. They may have spoken back and forth in both Japanese and English. They were talking about me and the books I was looking at. I was probably looking at manga novels, though I may also have been looking at anime DVDs.
I was looking, H and her friend said, at some classic manga, but also at some manga that either H or her friend was not familiar with. One of the two began to explain to the other what this anime/manga was all about. The person then sang the theme song, which sounded like a song from a recent (in 2009) anime about a boy who dresses up as a girl so he can go to a girls' school. I was ashamed that H and her friend liked this anime. But H and her friend didn't seem to worried about the fact that I liked the anime.
The top shelf of the carousel had tiny books, maybe two and a half inches tall and one and half inches wide, and maybe a quarter of an inch thick. The rest of the shelves were now filled with DVDs. A couple of DVD cases were patterned with orange and black tiger stripes. These cases were for DVDs of an anime show I really liked.
H and her friend now spoke about this show and how much they liked it, mostly because they wanted to sound like they were interested in me, so I would get interested in them. The more H and her friend spoke, though, the more, I noticed, the DVDs for the show filled the carousel. Now almost all the DVDs on the carousel were DVDs for that show.
At some point H and her friend were discussing specific words in the show's theme song. I felt weird, again, about what the two girls were discussing, as if those particular words would reveal something about me that I didn't want known.
Dream #3
I was in a restaurant with a friend. We sat at a booth table which was like a large car's interior set into a very small bedroom. The room had white walls and a window on one wall, almost the height of the entire wall. There might have been blinds over the window.
The table area had no table, but something like a grouping of gear-shift knobs and levers encased in black plastic and slightly metallic, green imitation leather. The booth seats were like bench seats, although somehow it was also possible to sit and look forward out the window, as if sitting in bucket seats.
I sat across from (or, sometimes, beside) a pretty, young woman who possibly had olive skin and brown hair. We were waiting for guests for a business meal, probably breakfast or lunch. In particular we were waiting for the CEO of the company from which I had recently been laid off.
Through the window I could see beyond the "restaurant's parking lot and across a street to a tan-bricked office building in a business park. There were green mounds of grass before the building and blue sky over it.
I saw the CEO outside the building. I explained something to the woman about how all the guests would be late, but how a lot of them would make it. I was particularly sure that the CEO would make it. I didn't feel like I sounded too convincing. I now sat "forward" in my seat, like I would sit in a bucket seat.
I now saw the CEO walking just outside the window. I said, "Ha! The CEO is just outside! That means he's coming really soon." I got up and ran outside to meet the CEO. I knew he was with a group of tall, young, strong businessmen, who accompanied him just about everywhere.
But when I got outside, I couldn't see the CEO anywhere. I was with a group of people outside. The parking lot was like a strip of asphalt road among dusty desert hills, dirt roads, and chain link fences, all under a clear, blue sky.
We all looked up and down the road for the CEO. Now the CEO came speeding down the road, from our left, heading toward the "restaurant" in a pale, metallic blue, Porsche-like car. We were all happy that the CEO was finally here. We all started walking back toward the building. I may have been at the back of the line of people walking back.
Now the CEO sped away from the building. I realized that the CEO couldn't find a parking space, which was equivalent with not being able to locate where our group was meeting. I ran after the CEO so I could tell him where we were.
But now the CEO's car sped back toward the "restaurant." I ran back to the "restaurant" so I could find the CEO and lead him to where our group was meeting. I ran through the building, which was now like a mix of warehouse space and office hallways.
I opened one of the doors in a hallway. The whole group was sitting at the booth table. I asked everybody if they'd seen the CEO. They said they had, but that he'd walked past this booth as if he hadn't recognized that this was where he should be.
I ran back in the direction I had come from, to catch the CEO before he got back in his car. I ran through a large warehouse space (actually like the loading dock area at the Manhattan Houston Street UPS building, where I worked for a while in 2000 in waking life).
I now saw one of my friends or co-workers running outside the gates. The man was tall and tan, with flowing, red hair and a short beard. He wore a green t-shirt and jean shorts. He was muscular.
The man "told" me (as if he was speaking from just behind me and to my right) something like "I guess we're in this together if no one else wants to look." But I felt like the man was running "with" me only to compete against me. I ran even faster and was now outside. The man was just ahead of me, but I was catching up. But then I really started to lose my breath.
We ran along a dark, black asphalt road. We saw the CEO run or drive over a large, lawny hill before us. The man easily ascended the hill. My lungs felt shot, and my legs were barely controllable. I kept going, just out of determination. But the man easily gained ground over me.
(The next part may possibly be a loose imagination after I woke up.)
The man got up to the top of the hill. A football hit him from the right and knocked him over. I knew that the CEO had thrown the ball from down the hill.
I stopped, still a little distance behind the man. I now heard the CEO joking with the man, saying, "Well, sounds like you couldn't stand being in that meeting, either, huh?"
I felt like the CEO was kind of, but not really, including me in the conversation. After all, I hadn't made it to the top of the hill first. But I also thought, like I was speaking to the CEO, It's not that we couldn't stand being in the meeting. We were looking for you, to try to get you into the meeting!
Dream #1
It was night. I lay in a wide bed like a hotel bed, with a synthetic-feeling coverlet over me. To my right was a sliding-glass door, which was messy with soild and showed pale, electric blue light, like from a car's headlights, somewhere in the distance (though the door opened to a backyard, not to a front yard with a road).
I looked over the right side of the bed and saw a spider crawl under the bed. The floor was a mess, cluttered with dusty items like cushions and boards. The spider was like a daddy long legs with a metallic, blue-purple body.
I "remembered" my psychiatrist A having told me at our last session, "Now, don't you kill any spiders." (In waking life, my psychiatrist had actually told me to make sure I didn't get another job until my "inactive" period with my current job -- where I was technically still an employee, though I was already basically laid off and no longer coming into work -- was finished and I was finally unemployed, i.e. about mid-April.)
But for some reason I thought, Well, killing one spider isn't all that bad. I couldn't stand the thought of having a pest in my room. I rolled off the bed and looked under it to see where the spider was. I saw it near the wall, near the head of the bed
I stood up and walked to the bathroom to grab something to smash the spider with. I came out with something, probably an unwieldy, dark square of material (when I'd meant to get a bit of toilet paper).
I turned on my bedroom light. The light was just a table lamp, dim, at the opposite end of the room from me, at the head of my bed, on its left side. Most of the room was still dark. The place was cluttered and dusty. There was another bed to the left of my bed. That bed was cluttered with stuff, including a foam mat that lay half on and off the bed. But the left side of my bed was also cluttered.
I was afraid to step in the space between the two beds. I thought the floor under the left bed was so dirty that mice probably lived under it. I was afraid that if I caused any vibrations in the floor, the mice would come out, which would be really annoying and would dissolve my sense of "having a clean room."
I walked between the beds, anyway. I kneed my way up onto the right bed. I thought the spider would eventually crawl up the wall, at which point i could smash it. But looking at the head of my bed, I now saw that the right pillow, on which I had laid my head, had a blanket of cobweb from its corner to the wall. I knew this cobweb was the spider's web, and that it had been here for a while.
I couldn't stand the thought that I had lived so long with the spider so close to my head while I slept. I thought something like, Well, it's too late now. But I still tried to convince myself that somehow I hadn't slept with my head so close to the spider, and that the web couldn't have been there for very long.
I thought that I should at least pull the web out, now that I saw it. But when I reached at it (parts of it now looked like a web), I noticed that the spider, now smaller and greyish, was posed in the bottom half of the web. I was afraid that by pulling out the web I'd make the spider angry. But I knew I had to do it, anyway, to start to make my room clean again.
I pulled the web off the wall. It now hung down off my pillow. I might have pulled the web the rest of the way off my pillow. But I now saw that the spider was angry. That was enough to scare me. But now I also saw that the spider was thing and long-legged, like before, and that its body was jet black with a red hourglass on it. I thought, It's a black widow!
I stood off my bed and backed away from it. The spider now charged down the bed and onto the floor, coming after me. The spider had stubby legs and a squarish, crab-like body, black with red mottling. It had red jaws and two big, round, black eyes. It was maybe three-quarters of an inch wide. I backed all the way back to the bathroom doorway. The spider and I may then have been at a standstill.
Dream #2
I was in something like a library or bookshop that had a cafe in it. The place had a very "strip-mall" feel -- white-walled, tall, wide, with thin carpet and wide-spaced shelves. The cafe area was just a few tables spread out in an open space among shelves. The place was moderately busy.
I stood at a revolving carousel of books. The shelves were clear and plastic. The carousel was about seven feet high.
My girlfriend H sat at a table with a friend. They may have spoken back and forth in both Japanese and English. They were talking about me and the books I was looking at. I was probably looking at manga novels, though I may also have been looking at anime DVDs.
I was looking, H and her friend said, at some classic manga, but also at some manga that either H or her friend was not familiar with. One of the two began to explain to the other what this anime/manga was all about. The person then sang the theme song, which sounded like a song from a recent (in 2009) anime about a boy who dresses up as a girl so he can go to a girls' school. I was ashamed that H and her friend liked this anime. But H and her friend didn't seem to worried about the fact that I liked the anime.
The top shelf of the carousel had tiny books, maybe two and a half inches tall and one and half inches wide, and maybe a quarter of an inch thick. The rest of the shelves were now filled with DVDs. A couple of DVD cases were patterned with orange and black tiger stripes. These cases were for DVDs of an anime show I really liked.
H and her friend now spoke about this show and how much they liked it, mostly because they wanted to sound like they were interested in me, so I would get interested in them. The more H and her friend spoke, though, the more, I noticed, the DVDs for the show filled the carousel. Now almost all the DVDs on the carousel were DVDs for that show.
At some point H and her friend were discussing specific words in the show's theme song. I felt weird, again, about what the two girls were discussing, as if those particular words would reveal something about me that I didn't want known.
Dream #3
I was in a restaurant with a friend. We sat at a booth table which was like a large car's interior set into a very small bedroom. The room had white walls and a window on one wall, almost the height of the entire wall. There might have been blinds over the window.
The table area had no table, but something like a grouping of gear-shift knobs and levers encased in black plastic and slightly metallic, green imitation leather. The booth seats were like bench seats, although somehow it was also possible to sit and look forward out the window, as if sitting in bucket seats.
I sat across from (or, sometimes, beside) a pretty, young woman who possibly had olive skin and brown hair. We were waiting for guests for a business meal, probably breakfast or lunch. In particular we were waiting for the CEO of the company from which I had recently been laid off.
Through the window I could see beyond the "restaurant's parking lot and across a street to a tan-bricked office building in a business park. There were green mounds of grass before the building and blue sky over it.
I saw the CEO outside the building. I explained something to the woman about how all the guests would be late, but how a lot of them would make it. I was particularly sure that the CEO would make it. I didn't feel like I sounded too convincing. I now sat "forward" in my seat, like I would sit in a bucket seat.
I now saw the CEO walking just outside the window. I said, "Ha! The CEO is just outside! That means he's coming really soon." I got up and ran outside to meet the CEO. I knew he was with a group of tall, young, strong businessmen, who accompanied him just about everywhere.
But when I got outside, I couldn't see the CEO anywhere. I was with a group of people outside. The parking lot was like a strip of asphalt road among dusty desert hills, dirt roads, and chain link fences, all under a clear, blue sky.
We all looked up and down the road for the CEO. Now the CEO came speeding down the road, from our left, heading toward the "restaurant" in a pale, metallic blue, Porsche-like car. We were all happy that the CEO was finally here. We all started walking back toward the building. I may have been at the back of the line of people walking back.
Now the CEO sped away from the building. I realized that the CEO couldn't find a parking space, which was equivalent with not being able to locate where our group was meeting. I ran after the CEO so I could tell him where we were.
But now the CEO's car sped back toward the "restaurant." I ran back to the "restaurant" so I could find the CEO and lead him to where our group was meeting. I ran through the building, which was now like a mix of warehouse space and office hallways.
I opened one of the doors in a hallway. The whole group was sitting at the booth table. I asked everybody if they'd seen the CEO. They said they had, but that he'd walked past this booth as if he hadn't recognized that this was where he should be.
I ran back in the direction I had come from, to catch the CEO before he got back in his car. I ran through a large warehouse space (actually like the loading dock area at the Manhattan Houston Street UPS building, where I worked for a while in 2000 in waking life).
I now saw one of my friends or co-workers running outside the gates. The man was tall and tan, with flowing, red hair and a short beard. He wore a green t-shirt and jean shorts. He was muscular.
The man "told" me (as if he was speaking from just behind me and to my right) something like "I guess we're in this together if no one else wants to look." But I felt like the man was running "with" me only to compete against me. I ran even faster and was now outside. The man was just ahead of me, but I was catching up. But then I really started to lose my breath.
We ran along a dark, black asphalt road. We saw the CEO run or drive over a large, lawny hill before us. The man easily ascended the hill. My lungs felt shot, and my legs were barely controllable. I kept going, just out of determination. But the man easily gained ground over me.
(The next part may possibly be a loose imagination after I woke up.)
The man got up to the top of the hill. A football hit him from the right and knocked him over. I knew that the CEO had thrown the ball from down the hill.
I stopped, still a little distance behind the man. I now heard the CEO joking with the man, saying, "Well, sounds like you couldn't stand being in that meeting, either, huh?"
I felt like the CEO was kind of, but not really, including me in the conversation. After all, I hadn't made it to the top of the hill first. But I also thought, like I was speaking to the CEO, It's not that we couldn't stand being in the meeting. We were looking for you, to try to get you into the meeting!
Monday, November 12, 2012
(10/8/09) in the snares of an evil man
Dream #1
I was in a movie. I and a group of friends were up in the woods, in some cabin. An evil person or spirit followed us there. We knew the evil person had committed some crime, and we were going to expose him for it. But now the evil person had killed some people in our group and managed to trap the rest of us in the cabin. The cabin was smallish but well accommodated, with couches, bookshelves, rugs, well furnished rooms, even a desk with a nice computer.
We were trying to escape from the cabin, but we knew the man was keeping a close watch on us and would terrify us as soon as we left the cabin. But even inside the cabin the evil man was beginning to terrorize us. He possessed one of us either to commit suicide or kill someone else in a grotesque way.
Now I was a woman. I think everybody could feel the man's spirit influence. But I particularly could, as if the man were about to possess me and make me do something awful to myself or others. I now saw, from more of a "camera" viewpoint, the woman/I standing before the computer. The woman had been possessed to download something to the computer. This, we were all certain, was a demonic program that would kill the woman.
However, instead of a demonic image, a cartoon image, like from the cartoon Heavy Metal, of a naked man appeared on the screen. A man from among us now stood before the woman. Both the man and woman were naked. The man began kissing the woman's chest and neck. The man and woman were now both like computer-cartoon (Heavy Metal style) characters, almost floating in the air, maybe not quite life size. The man had an enormous penis, which he thrust toward the woman, maybe rubbing it against the woman's belly, but never penetrating her with it.
After the man and woman had passionately kissed, they seemed to return to normal, though they remained naked. I was the woman again. I felt completely fine. I went to sit in a chair. All of us were relieved that nothing bad had happened to the man and me. I felt completely normal -- even fresh, as if I had just woken from a good rest.
But suddenly I got sick to my stomach. I realized that the demon or evil man had poisoned the man's lips. The man had kissed me and I had ingested his poison. I now felt extremely sick. I began vomiting up fountains of white glop like milk and cottage cheese. The vomit tasted a little sweet, like rice pudding. I stopped vomiting. I was now extremely tired.
We all thought how cruel it was of the evil man or demon, to cause me, the woman, to vomit, to lose whatever nourishment I'd had in me, after the evil man or demon had already put me through an energy-sapping ordeal (some ordeal that had occurred outside, before we'd gotten trapped in the cabin). We were sure I, the woman, was now on the brink of death.
I was now myself. Something had just happened in the cabin, possibly the violent death of another person. We decided that we had to leave the cabin once and for all. Our car, some kind of black sedan from the early 1980s, was outside. There was a chance that we could get to the car without the evil man knowing. People were afraid to go, but I convinced everybody we had to do it.
We got in the car and drove away without the man noticing. We were down in a small town like Los Alamos, New Mexico, driving through the parking lot of a multi-building shopping plaza, like the parking lot was a wide path through a blocky maze. It seemed like we were actually managing to escape.
But now the evil man had discovered we'd left the cabin. He tracked us down. He was going to play a trick on us to recapture us. He disguised himself as a demon (or used a demon cohort of his?). The demon was an anime-like figure, a black shroud, almost triangular, with a white, oval mask with just enough slits for eye holes, and no nose or mouth. At first the figure looked like a cartoon ghost. But then the figure looked like a human dressed as a cartoon character, like a good thief who was an awful charlatan, a parody.
The trunk door of our car was half open, unable to close because a TV-sized box was lodged there, unable to fit all the way into the trunk. The figure ran up to the trunk and stole the box, running away with high-kneed strides like he was a caricature thief in a second-rate play for kids.
I knew the figure had stolen the TV just to get us to turn the car around. The TV didn't matter so much, I thought, as long as we got out of here. And as long as we just kept driving, the evil man couldn't catch us, and we could get out of here.
I may have been driving at first, but now I was possibly no longer the one driving. And now the person who may have been driving, a young, slightly overweight man with red hair and a red beard, got angry at the figure and decided to pursue him.
The figure ran into a certain building. We drove into that building and found ourselves in some place like a smallish, vacant warehouse. The car stopped, possibly as if it had been broken, i.e. possessed and self-destructed, by the evil man.
We all got out of the car. The evil man now appeared before us. He may have had a few different aspects. One was a red-haired, red-bearded man, like the person who'd been driving our car. Another was a pale man in his early thirties, dressed in a men-in-black style suit, with greased, combed hair. Another aspect may have been covered in gore. We knew, or at least the evil man tried to make it clear, that we were now done for.
I was in a movie. I and a group of friends were up in the woods, in some cabin. An evil person or spirit followed us there. We knew the evil person had committed some crime, and we were going to expose him for it. But now the evil person had killed some people in our group and managed to trap the rest of us in the cabin. The cabin was smallish but well accommodated, with couches, bookshelves, rugs, well furnished rooms, even a desk with a nice computer.
We were trying to escape from the cabin, but we knew the man was keeping a close watch on us and would terrify us as soon as we left the cabin. But even inside the cabin the evil man was beginning to terrorize us. He possessed one of us either to commit suicide or kill someone else in a grotesque way.
Now I was a woman. I think everybody could feel the man's spirit influence. But I particularly could, as if the man were about to possess me and make me do something awful to myself or others. I now saw, from more of a "camera" viewpoint, the woman/I standing before the computer. The woman had been possessed to download something to the computer. This, we were all certain, was a demonic program that would kill the woman.
However, instead of a demonic image, a cartoon image, like from the cartoon Heavy Metal, of a naked man appeared on the screen. A man from among us now stood before the woman. Both the man and woman were naked. The man began kissing the woman's chest and neck. The man and woman were now both like computer-cartoon (Heavy Metal style) characters, almost floating in the air, maybe not quite life size. The man had an enormous penis, which he thrust toward the woman, maybe rubbing it against the woman's belly, but never penetrating her with it.
After the man and woman had passionately kissed, they seemed to return to normal, though they remained naked. I was the woman again. I felt completely fine. I went to sit in a chair. All of us were relieved that nothing bad had happened to the man and me. I felt completely normal -- even fresh, as if I had just woken from a good rest.
But suddenly I got sick to my stomach. I realized that the demon or evil man had poisoned the man's lips. The man had kissed me and I had ingested his poison. I now felt extremely sick. I began vomiting up fountains of white glop like milk and cottage cheese. The vomit tasted a little sweet, like rice pudding. I stopped vomiting. I was now extremely tired.
We all thought how cruel it was of the evil man or demon, to cause me, the woman, to vomit, to lose whatever nourishment I'd had in me, after the evil man or demon had already put me through an energy-sapping ordeal (some ordeal that had occurred outside, before we'd gotten trapped in the cabin). We were sure I, the woman, was now on the brink of death.
I was now myself. Something had just happened in the cabin, possibly the violent death of another person. We decided that we had to leave the cabin once and for all. Our car, some kind of black sedan from the early 1980s, was outside. There was a chance that we could get to the car without the evil man knowing. People were afraid to go, but I convinced everybody we had to do it.
We got in the car and drove away without the man noticing. We were down in a small town like Los Alamos, New Mexico, driving through the parking lot of a multi-building shopping plaza, like the parking lot was a wide path through a blocky maze. It seemed like we were actually managing to escape.
But now the evil man had discovered we'd left the cabin. He tracked us down. He was going to play a trick on us to recapture us. He disguised himself as a demon (or used a demon cohort of his?). The demon was an anime-like figure, a black shroud, almost triangular, with a white, oval mask with just enough slits for eye holes, and no nose or mouth. At first the figure looked like a cartoon ghost. But then the figure looked like a human dressed as a cartoon character, like a good thief who was an awful charlatan, a parody.
The trunk door of our car was half open, unable to close because a TV-sized box was lodged there, unable to fit all the way into the trunk. The figure ran up to the trunk and stole the box, running away with high-kneed strides like he was a caricature thief in a second-rate play for kids.
I knew the figure had stolen the TV just to get us to turn the car around. The TV didn't matter so much, I thought, as long as we got out of here. And as long as we just kept driving, the evil man couldn't catch us, and we could get out of here.
I may have been driving at first, but now I was possibly no longer the one driving. And now the person who may have been driving, a young, slightly overweight man with red hair and a red beard, got angry at the figure and decided to pursue him.
The figure ran into a certain building. We drove into that building and found ourselves in some place like a smallish, vacant warehouse. The car stopped, possibly as if it had been broken, i.e. possessed and self-destructed, by the evil man.
We all got out of the car. The evil man now appeared before us. He may have had a few different aspects. One was a red-haired, red-bearded man, like the person who'd been driving our car. Another was a pale man in his early thirties, dressed in a men-in-black style suit, with greased, combed hair. Another aspect may have been covered in gore. We knew, or at least the evil man tried to make it clear, that we were now done for.
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