(10/12/06) the flesh-colored whale;the kids from the jets

(Entered in paper journal at 8 PM at home in Brooklyn.)

Dream 1

I was flying over bodies of water. They were in all different sizes and types but in weird, distorted senses. They all had disgusting, dirty water I was afraid to touch. At one point I flew over a "pool" like where a sandbox would be in a "playground." The "sandbox/pool" had a ghastly floor like limestone lumps or toad skin.

I stood by a swing set on a sandbar that edged into a large body of water. The singer Beck was by me, accusing me of something that implied I didn't value him as a person. I tried to prove that wasn't so.

I was flying over the body of water. Soon I was in it -- I had to go in it. I had to go under it and find a flesh-colored whale. There were lots of giant fish down there.

Somewhere far off, people were watching me. I had to prove to them that I was brave. But I also simply needed to find the whale -- regardless of how much I didn't want to.

The water disgusted me -- it was opaque and brown. I just waded in it. But I didn't want to go under the surface. There you couldn't see anything. Nothing was particularly bad. It was just disgusting -- fish deformed, fleshy, like severed arms. I was afraid they could bump into me without seeing me and spook me so much I would go crazy or contract a disease. But still I had to do it.

Dream 2

I was in some kind of building. Through wide, short windows I saw a Stealth Bomber. I called it something like an SR-10. It flew from left to right. I heard some people talking. Then I saw a couple Blackbirds. Then a whole procession of black jets, like cars of a train, blasted before the window.

I hurried outside to see. I was on a concrete area at the top of gravel hill (artificial) bordered by a fence. The jets flew low enough to be at eye level (obviously). But by the time I got outside all the black jets were gone. There were only grey jets, and only a few.

Some Mexican people, mostly kids, were chattering nearby. Some had been dropped off by some of the jets. I looked to my right, down the roughly two-hundred-foot slope, to a lot (like a parking lot!) full of jets.

The kids asked me if they could stay at my place (while they waited for the next wave of jets to come pick them up?). I thought to my place -- how I had left girl clothes everywhere and how the kids might dislike me for the girl clothes. I also thought of how dirty my place was.

I thought I couldn't have the kids stay with me and see what a loser I was. I gave the kids a weird excuse -- (I had to talk to my "landlady"?) -- making it clear I had to go away for a moment and then come back and tell the kids if they could stay, though I (possibly they) already knew it couldn't happen.

I was disappointed in myself. I thought, I can't even be brave enough to let these people into my house?