(5/2/07) volunteer deaths; he might not even be my dad; pretty impressive; the report that we forgot to write

(Entered in paper journal at 6:44 AM at Starbucks on 56th Street and 6th Avenue in Manhattan.)

Dream 1

I was at "my" desk at work (more like my co-worker AB's desk, around the corner). I looked at a somehow archaic computer screen. Emails would pop up against a black screen. The text would be brightly colored, pink, green, yellow.

The emails were about volunteer events. They eventually spoke about how some volunteer events had to be canceled because one of the members ("Patty ---") had died. It might also have been that her father had died. Then another woman, named Lawrence ---, who was also a group leader, had died or experienced some misfortune. The emails got scarier and scarier, though in a flat, plain, uncanny nature.

The paper recycling guy came up behind me as I looked at these emails. We started talking friendly, like we usually do. I didn't want him to see the emails, so I stood up and walked away with him. He was a lot shorter than I remember. He was also just wearing a grey shirt and some grey shorts.

As the recycling guy started talking about some old place and asking me if I knew this or that person there, my co-worker ES walked down to us, as if down a ramp between two cubicles. To keep her from hearing, I said, "No, no, I don't know that person," even though I did.

Dream 2

It was night and raining. I was out on a cobble-plaza area near a doored entrance to a subway. I might have been flying. I had a hard time controlling my motions. I finally got down into the subway station. I was soaked. Instead of walking down the steps, I was floating down, slamming against the walls.

All the time I heard my biological dad talking to me about how he might not even be my dad. There was some other man my mom had been with at the time. "So," he told me, "quit bothering me and pestering me!"

I now made a run for the train, which was closing. I might have gotten on the train.

Dream 3

I was in my cubicle, which was filled with papers and documents. There were a few people, including my co-worker NN, helping me clean it all out. NN made some comment about some of the documents I had. They may have been reports on aircraft, maybe fighter jets.

NN said something like, "Pretty impressive." I tried to start explaining something about it all to him, but Bryan stopped me and told me to get back to working for him.

Dream 4

I was in an office with my co-worker TC. he sat behind the desk. He was skinny like a kid. He said, "I guess I'll see you in a few years when you're boss of this company."

I said, "Yeah, and we can discuss the report that we forgot to write." (There was some report I just recently felt ashamed of having forgotten to write.)