(Entered in paper journal at 8 AM on Q-train from Brooklyn to Manhattan.)
Dream #1
I was driving in a car along a hill in very dark night. Down the hill I saw a city which I thought of as Albuquerque. The city was spiral, in an almost hexagonal pattern. I felt like I lived in a trailer on the outskirts of the town.
From the center of teh city the "power" went out. The very center of the city was black, lightless, except a tiny circle of light, as in the center of a pentagon. From the center the orange and yellowish lights went out, to the edge of the city. All that were left were greyish-white lights, although those lights may actually have provided half the light in the city.
I felt like the town's energy had gone out because people hadn't been conserving, and so it would go out completely if people didn't finally start conserving. I wondered about my trailer on the outskirts of town. I couldn't doubt that I, too, had not conserved. But was I wasting energy even now, while I wasn't even in the trailer? I thought I should consider every way in which I could conserve.
I was in a church. There was a wedding, possibly between my old boss and constant mentor, EB, and a blonde woman. I stood near the back of the church. The church was brightly lit and full of people. EB (?) stood at the back of the church, in business attire rather than a tuxedo. He was a couple rows ahead of me, but on his side (the left side) of the church it seemed the pews ended a couple rows up from the rows on my side, so that EB and I both stood behind the back pews of our respective sides.
I stood by the bride, who was dressed in a normal wedding gown. At one point I leaned close and spoke with the bride. She was standing. She may suddenly have been wearing a thick, pink nightgown. At this point I may also have been a woman and wearing the same thing.
I was myself again. Everybody was kneeling for part of the church service, as if this were now a regular Catholic (?) service. The bride may have knelt (in her wedding gown again) on a footstool. I may have tried to go up a couple rows to find some space available on one of the kneeling benches in the pews.
As I looked I saw a glass door to my right. Through the door I saw another sanctuary, also full of people. A couple people, my co-worker CR and a tall man with a wide, baldish head and white hair, were walking toward the door.
The man was a Lutheran minister, and he wore a collar. I thought he had come dressed up for the wedding. I had previously only seen him in regular clothes. I didn't know if he knew me, but I knew him. I was happy to see him dressed up.
I was getting ready to hold the door open for the man and CR. But the man brusquely opened the door, almost pushing me over, and walked past me, barely acknowledging me, and not acknowledging me in any friendly way. I was shocked.
I saw a sign, as if it were turned on its side. The sign was maybe eight feet long and one foot wide. There was white lettering against a red background for most of it, but on the far right side was a black and white photo of a man who looked like Aleister Crowley except with a huge, black beard and a broad-brimmed hat.
The words that took up most of the sign described this man and were pairs of adjectives separated by slashes. The description pairs weren't quite opposites, more like between opposites and complements. The last part was "tall by nature and tall by stature/but always a stranger."
Showing posts with label wedding dress. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wedding dress. Show all posts
Saturday, January 26, 2013
(2/3/08) mcdonald's wedding dress; drug dealer's name; fast food snow shoveling
(Entered in paper journal at 8:15 AM at Connecticut Muffin in Windsor Terrace, Brooklyn.)
Dream #1
I was in a clothing store, looking at a rack of panties. The panties were either used panties or bargain panties. I knelt right in front of them. I might have been with a group of people I knew. They were off in some other area of the store.
There was a thuggish-looking man working somewhere nearby. I didn't want him or the people I was with to know I wanted to wear the panties I was looking at. But this was just a small room of the store. In the bigger, main part of the store was a section with newer, nicer lingerie. I was more interested in that lingerie.
I was in a conference room. There were a few big tables. The lighting of the room was bland and fluorescent. The tables were pale peach. The room was empty except for me and PD, one of the heads of the company division of my department was a part. PD stood far to my right, by a dark doorway.
Other people were coming to the room for a meeting. They were probably already nearby. PD spoke as if she were already speaking to all the attendees. She was talking about something being some place other than where we'd thought it would be. She may have been talking about lingerie. I thought about some place PD mentioned, as if I were talking about it in my head with another man.
I stood out on a dark city sidewalk like in front of a closed-down McDonald's, like the McDonald's on 57th Street, near Sixth Avenue, in Manhattan. The man with whom I'd been speaking in my head now stood somewhere near me. I opened the door to the store while saying something joking to him.
I walked into the store. It was just like the closed-down McDonald's. But then it was like a dim, rundown version of some house I'd lived in during my childhood.
I went down into the basement. Sunlight came in through the windows of a bedroom I'd walked into. The bedroom was like a bedroom I'd had in my last year of college, when I'd lived off campus with some friends. I sat on the floor before a set of shelves in a closet (where my bookshelf would have been in my college bedroom). The shelves were piled with all kinds of girls' clothes.
I felt like my family or friends would come back soon. I wanted to have fun with these clothes before everybody returned. I shuffled through the stuff. I eventually came upon a wedding dress. It was white and lacy, but there were one or two little places on it upper parts decorated with pink and green, flower-like designs.
Dream #2
I was on my cell phone somewhere. Someone was telling me that people in my neighborhood had confused me with a Jewish boy who was a drug dealer. They said that at some point I had something about my last name that made the people think my last name was the name of the Jewish boy. I told the person what my last name was. But the person said, "I think it's too late. It doesn't matter now. Nobody's going to believe you."
Dream #3
I stood outside in front of my great-grandmother's house. It was a snowy night. A lot of snow had already accumulated. At the very front of my grandma's yard there were steps down to the sidewalk (this was not so in waking life).
On the sidewalk my sister, and possibly someone else, were shoveling snow. I had a shovel, too. I pushed it all the way from the front of the house to the steps leading down to the sidewalk. But when I reached the steps, I was suddenly where the other person had been. The other person was now gone.
I might have been standing in this position with a shovel, but I wasn't moving. I was listening, in my head, to some stock-analysis discussion on the Quick Service Restaurant (QSR) chains, like McDonald's.
I realized that only my sister was shoveling. I thought, I'm the man. Shouldn't I be helping my sister shovel, or should I be shoveling for her? But here she's shoveled so much already. In some way, though, I didn't feel bad. I knew I was doing some kind of work, after all.
I stood at the top of the stairs. The stairs were pretty much shoveled, but chunks of ice still clung to the steps. I chipped these chunks with the edge of my shovel.
My co-worker JBS stood to my left (in the snow of the yard!) and spoke about QSR chains. I was pretty annoyed. I wanted to focus on my job of chipping the ice. But I also felt bad and thought I should listen to JBS out of kindness.
Dream #1
I was in a clothing store, looking at a rack of panties. The panties were either used panties or bargain panties. I knelt right in front of them. I might have been with a group of people I knew. They were off in some other area of the store.
There was a thuggish-looking man working somewhere nearby. I didn't want him or the people I was with to know I wanted to wear the panties I was looking at. But this was just a small room of the store. In the bigger, main part of the store was a section with newer, nicer lingerie. I was more interested in that lingerie.
I was in a conference room. There were a few big tables. The lighting of the room was bland and fluorescent. The tables were pale peach. The room was empty except for me and PD, one of the heads of the company division of my department was a part. PD stood far to my right, by a dark doorway.
Other people were coming to the room for a meeting. They were probably already nearby. PD spoke as if she were already speaking to all the attendees. She was talking about something being some place other than where we'd thought it would be. She may have been talking about lingerie. I thought about some place PD mentioned, as if I were talking about it in my head with another man.
I stood out on a dark city sidewalk like in front of a closed-down McDonald's, like the McDonald's on 57th Street, near Sixth Avenue, in Manhattan. The man with whom I'd been speaking in my head now stood somewhere near me. I opened the door to the store while saying something joking to him.
I walked into the store. It was just like the closed-down McDonald's. But then it was like a dim, rundown version of some house I'd lived in during my childhood.
I went down into the basement. Sunlight came in through the windows of a bedroom I'd walked into. The bedroom was like a bedroom I'd had in my last year of college, when I'd lived off campus with some friends. I sat on the floor before a set of shelves in a closet (where my bookshelf would have been in my college bedroom). The shelves were piled with all kinds of girls' clothes.
I felt like my family or friends would come back soon. I wanted to have fun with these clothes before everybody returned. I shuffled through the stuff. I eventually came upon a wedding dress. It was white and lacy, but there were one or two little places on it upper parts decorated with pink and green, flower-like designs.
Dream #2
I was on my cell phone somewhere. Someone was telling me that people in my neighborhood had confused me with a Jewish boy who was a drug dealer. They said that at some point I had something about my last name that made the people think my last name was the name of the Jewish boy. I told the person what my last name was. But the person said, "I think it's too late. It doesn't matter now. Nobody's going to believe you."
Dream #3
I stood outside in front of my great-grandmother's house. It was a snowy night. A lot of snow had already accumulated. At the very front of my grandma's yard there were steps down to the sidewalk (this was not so in waking life).
On the sidewalk my sister, and possibly someone else, were shoveling snow. I had a shovel, too. I pushed it all the way from the front of the house to the steps leading down to the sidewalk. But when I reached the steps, I was suddenly where the other person had been. The other person was now gone.
I might have been standing in this position with a shovel, but I wasn't moving. I was listening, in my head, to some stock-analysis discussion on the Quick Service Restaurant (QSR) chains, like McDonald's.
I realized that only my sister was shoveling. I thought, I'm the man. Shouldn't I be helping my sister shovel, or should I be shoveling for her? But here she's shoveled so much already. In some way, though, I didn't feel bad. I knew I was doing some kind of work, after all.
I stood at the top of the stairs. The stairs were pretty much shoveled, but chunks of ice still clung to the steps. I chipped these chunks with the edge of my shovel.
My co-worker JBS stood to my left (in the snow of the yard!) and spoke about QSR chains. I was pretty annoyed. I wanted to focus on my job of chipping the ice. But I also felt bad and thought I should listen to JBS out of kindness.
Saturday, November 10, 2012
(1/27/10) guggenheim wilderness; aunt's dead head; friends on a ledge
(Entered in paper journal at 6:30 AM on B-train into work from Brooklyn.)
Dream #1
I was in a tall building like a museum. I floated (or walked?) upward alongside a ramp-like walkway (like the spiral walkway at the Guggenheim). The building was dim, with the only light coming from windows somewhere. The place felt unfinished somehow, as if there were a lot of bare concrete all over the place. The handrail-barriers of the ramps were painted traffic-sign yellow.
As I floated upward, floor by floor, with the ramp to my left, I may have noticed doorways into the fluorescent-lit library rooms. I was looking all the way up the flights of ramp.
At the top, my old friend R stood behind the handrail, looking down. He was talking to me (I could hear him like I was right beside him) about things he'd eaten. He was making it sound like he was leading up to saying he'd eaten human flesh, but like he was afraid to admit it.
I tried to listen passively, without any reaction, so he'd say whatever he felt like saying, so I'd know for sure what he was talking about. But he paused and instead something like, "I'm a lesbian vampire, and I've drunk blood."
I was now standing before one of the doorways to the fluorescent-lit library rooms. I walked in. I walked along a waist-high shelf of books (to my right) the top of which was possibly cluttered with papers. The light was brightish white fluorescent.
I thought of myself (saying to R?) that I didn't think vampirism was so bad. I was now trying to get "back" to somewhere from this place. The place was now something like an empty warehouse or workshop. It was very dim inside, almost black, with the only light coming from a large doorway (for tractors, etc.?) at the front.
I walked through that doorway and into a field. The sky was grey, and the wind was breezy and warm, as before a big storm. I had to cross the field to get "back" to wherever I was going. But the field (somehow) seemed harder and harder to cross.
Finally I was plowing through waist-high, dense vegetation like dormant, tan grass, which smelled like sage. Something had made me decide I needed to get down low and plow though it, like I was swimming through it. I was afraid of getting messy from it -- it was so dense and fragrant.
My left side brushed along the underside of a thick evergreen's broad, minutely-branched canopy. I thought it might be a good idea to hide under the tree. But I decided against it, thinking the tree would get me as dirty as the "grass" was getting me, and that, under the tree, I'd probably also get bugs on me.
It was now dark and raining outside. I was in the middle of a camp. Large, multi-person tents stood around me. But now the area was being flooded. The water rose to about six feet. Some of the tents were swept away. Some of the tents had had their doors open, and were collecting water all the way to their tops.
I heard R talk about how he had come here to work on his (Masters degree?) research project on water, but how things had gotten out of hand and turned out this way.
(Stopped writing here and headed into work. Back on B-train, heading home, at 8:20 PM, I started writing again.)
I thought that possibly things would still be alright. I wondered if people could perhaps get into the tents and zip them up, to keep the water out. But it occurred to me that the water would just lift the tents up and carry them away. I thought of all of this (and saw it in my mind's eye?) as I saw water rise around me, as if I were standing in the water, though I actually wasn't quite there. I saw everything as if stage lights were being shone on it all.
Dream #2
I walked along a balcony-like area on a high-up floor in a building that may have been something like a museum. I ended up in a small room that may have resembled a bedroom or living room in a cheapish apartment. I looked through the doorway, out to the balcony (hallway?). I may have seen my aunt, possibly in a wedding dress.
I was now fully in the room, the door closed, with a few relatives, possibly including my cousin P. We all lounged around in the space, on a few couches, etc. At some point my aunt came into the room. She was being a real bully. She may have been wearing a wedding dress.
Later, I held my aunt's face in my hands. It may just have been the skin of her face. The eyes were closed, and trails of blood came from the eyes and other orifices. The head/face had been wrapped in something like a wedding veil, which I had unwrapped around the face. I thought I had killed my aunt. I may have thought that I needed to do a more complete job -- possibly by smashing the face, even crushing it somehow.
Dream #3
I stood out with a group of friends on the ledge of the roof of a building. I looked down to the street far below. The day was grey and rainy. The ledge was a grey stone, veined like marble. I was a little afraid of the height and of the possible slickness of the wet stone. My friends and I spoke about a number of things. We were all relaxed and having a good time. Our conversation was calm and serious.
At some point I got overwhelmed with being at the ledge. I had to step back. I did so calmly, as if I were simply through with seeing things from the ledge. I stood against a white-painted concrete (?) barrier. It went up to just above my waist. I went around some kind of glass-walled part of the building.
Looking down into the space between the barrier and the glass wall, I could see metal, slotted sheets, like sheets for fans. I knew that these sheets went down into the building, which was something like a museum, so that if I fell, I'd fall a long way through the museum and probably die when I landed.
The ledge was now something like a two-foot-tall, concrete step. I knelt against it. I back away from it and looked to my left. My friends were sitting by the step, all talking with each other. The grey of the day was now a little brighter and paler.
I joined my friends. We were all talking about a dinner we'd had just downstairs, maybe two floors below. It was good, very classy. But it was a little less than perfect. I said, "Yeah. If only they hadn't started out with that beef custard." (In my mind's eye I saw a small ice cream dish with yellow custard topped with a brown powder, which was probably something like powdered beef.) My remark had somehow shocked everybody. They stopped talking and had a slow, unsure attitude.
I looked off to my right. It was now a clear, blue, warm day. My friends and I sat in a concrete and pebble path in a small garden, still on the roof of the building. There were a moderate amount of people all around. In the distance to my right was a shallow pool of crystal blue water. The pool was a long rectangle with a white stone lip around it that stepped maybe six inches above the ground.
A beautiful woman stood in the pool, wearing only a loose, pure white overshirt which sagged off her right (?) shoulder and, possibly, a white swimsuit. She was tanned and blonde. Her hair was dark, pulled back in a ponytail. The water came up to just above her ankles.
The woman had her legs held together and she bend down at the waist by about twenty degrees to look down at something in the pool. When she did so, the shirt-bottom came up just enough for the curve of the woman's bottom to be seen. I and a couple of my friends looked on in solemn amazement.
But now an old, Japanese man, thin, but broad-faced, with scraggly, white hair pulled back in a fraying ponytail, with black glasses and a big, loose tank-top, came up to the group of friends, towered over us, and yelled that looking at little children was wrong, that it was pedophilia, and that we should be ashamed of ourselves.
I looked around and saw a shopping center to my right. It was kind of set up like Lincoln Center, with porous, which stone and a lot of diagonal ramps and walkways, low ceilinged tiers, etc. I told my friends that I thought I would go shopping here before we had to leave. My friends may have said they thought they'd come with me.
Dream #1
I was in a tall building like a museum. I floated (or walked?) upward alongside a ramp-like walkway (like the spiral walkway at the Guggenheim). The building was dim, with the only light coming from windows somewhere. The place felt unfinished somehow, as if there were a lot of bare concrete all over the place. The handrail-barriers of the ramps were painted traffic-sign yellow.
As I floated upward, floor by floor, with the ramp to my left, I may have noticed doorways into the fluorescent-lit library rooms. I was looking all the way up the flights of ramp.
At the top, my old friend R stood behind the handrail, looking down. He was talking to me (I could hear him like I was right beside him) about things he'd eaten. He was making it sound like he was leading up to saying he'd eaten human flesh, but like he was afraid to admit it.
I tried to listen passively, without any reaction, so he'd say whatever he felt like saying, so I'd know for sure what he was talking about. But he paused and instead something like, "I'm a lesbian vampire, and I've drunk blood."
I was now standing before one of the doorways to the fluorescent-lit library rooms. I walked in. I walked along a waist-high shelf of books (to my right) the top of which was possibly cluttered with papers. The light was brightish white fluorescent.
I thought of myself (saying to R?) that I didn't think vampirism was so bad. I was now trying to get "back" to somewhere from this place. The place was now something like an empty warehouse or workshop. It was very dim inside, almost black, with the only light coming from a large doorway (for tractors, etc.?) at the front.
I walked through that doorway and into a field. The sky was grey, and the wind was breezy and warm, as before a big storm. I had to cross the field to get "back" to wherever I was going. But the field (somehow) seemed harder and harder to cross.
Finally I was plowing through waist-high, dense vegetation like dormant, tan grass, which smelled like sage. Something had made me decide I needed to get down low and plow though it, like I was swimming through it. I was afraid of getting messy from it -- it was so dense and fragrant.
My left side brushed along the underside of a thick evergreen's broad, minutely-branched canopy. I thought it might be a good idea to hide under the tree. But I decided against it, thinking the tree would get me as dirty as the "grass" was getting me, and that, under the tree, I'd probably also get bugs on me.
It was now dark and raining outside. I was in the middle of a camp. Large, multi-person tents stood around me. But now the area was being flooded. The water rose to about six feet. Some of the tents were swept away. Some of the tents had had their doors open, and were collecting water all the way to their tops.
I heard R talk about how he had come here to work on his (Masters degree?) research project on water, but how things had gotten out of hand and turned out this way.
(Stopped writing here and headed into work. Back on B-train, heading home, at 8:20 PM, I started writing again.)
I thought that possibly things would still be alright. I wondered if people could perhaps get into the tents and zip them up, to keep the water out. But it occurred to me that the water would just lift the tents up and carry them away. I thought of all of this (and saw it in my mind's eye?) as I saw water rise around me, as if I were standing in the water, though I actually wasn't quite there. I saw everything as if stage lights were being shone on it all.
Dream #2
I walked along a balcony-like area on a high-up floor in a building that may have been something like a museum. I ended up in a small room that may have resembled a bedroom or living room in a cheapish apartment. I looked through the doorway, out to the balcony (hallway?). I may have seen my aunt, possibly in a wedding dress.
I was now fully in the room, the door closed, with a few relatives, possibly including my cousin P. We all lounged around in the space, on a few couches, etc. At some point my aunt came into the room. She was being a real bully. She may have been wearing a wedding dress.
Later, I held my aunt's face in my hands. It may just have been the skin of her face. The eyes were closed, and trails of blood came from the eyes and other orifices. The head/face had been wrapped in something like a wedding veil, which I had unwrapped around the face. I thought I had killed my aunt. I may have thought that I needed to do a more complete job -- possibly by smashing the face, even crushing it somehow.
Dream #3
I stood out with a group of friends on the ledge of the roof of a building. I looked down to the street far below. The day was grey and rainy. The ledge was a grey stone, veined like marble. I was a little afraid of the height and of the possible slickness of the wet stone. My friends and I spoke about a number of things. We were all relaxed and having a good time. Our conversation was calm and serious.
At some point I got overwhelmed with being at the ledge. I had to step back. I did so calmly, as if I were simply through with seeing things from the ledge. I stood against a white-painted concrete (?) barrier. It went up to just above my waist. I went around some kind of glass-walled part of the building.
Looking down into the space between the barrier and the glass wall, I could see metal, slotted sheets, like sheets for fans. I knew that these sheets went down into the building, which was something like a museum, so that if I fell, I'd fall a long way through the museum and probably die when I landed.
The ledge was now something like a two-foot-tall, concrete step. I knelt against it. I back away from it and looked to my left. My friends were sitting by the step, all talking with each other. The grey of the day was now a little brighter and paler.
I joined my friends. We were all talking about a dinner we'd had just downstairs, maybe two floors below. It was good, very classy. But it was a little less than perfect. I said, "Yeah. If only they hadn't started out with that beef custard." (In my mind's eye I saw a small ice cream dish with yellow custard topped with a brown powder, which was probably something like powdered beef.) My remark had somehow shocked everybody. They stopped talking and had a slow, unsure attitude.
I looked off to my right. It was now a clear, blue, warm day. My friends and I sat in a concrete and pebble path in a small garden, still on the roof of the building. There were a moderate amount of people all around. In the distance to my right was a shallow pool of crystal blue water. The pool was a long rectangle with a white stone lip around it that stepped maybe six inches above the ground.
A beautiful woman stood in the pool, wearing only a loose, pure white overshirt which sagged off her right (?) shoulder and, possibly, a white swimsuit. She was tanned and blonde. Her hair was dark, pulled back in a ponytail. The water came up to just above her ankles.
The woman had her legs held together and she bend down at the waist by about twenty degrees to look down at something in the pool. When she did so, the shirt-bottom came up just enough for the curve of the woman's bottom to be seen. I and a couple of my friends looked on in solemn amazement.
But now an old, Japanese man, thin, but broad-faced, with scraggly, white hair pulled back in a fraying ponytail, with black glasses and a big, loose tank-top, came up to the group of friends, towered over us, and yelled that looking at little children was wrong, that it was pedophilia, and that we should be ashamed of ourselves.
I looked around and saw a shopping center to my right. It was kind of set up like Lincoln Center, with porous, which stone and a lot of diagonal ramps and walkways, low ceilinged tiers, etc. I told my friends that I thought I would go shopping here before we had to leave. My friends may have said they thought they'd come with me.
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