(Entered in paper journal at 9:30 AM on 2-train, but not sure where from/to.)
Dream 1
I was in a full classroom. One of my NYC Americorps crew chiefs, AL, was at the front of the class, teaching us something like a mix between physics and good ways for dealing with our strange paycheck situations. She drew "cycles" on a chalkboard. One was a circle on the line of which a triangle traveled clockwise. There may also have been a square with a similarly traveling triangle.
AL asked us if we could trace the pattern in reverse for the eventual symmetry of the universe. I thought to myself, We can't do that. We live in a left-handed universe! But I knew and took pride in the fact that I could trace the movement backwards.
Now AL drew a line with slight loops moving from right to left above and to the left of the circle. This was slightly difficult to follow and to conceive backwards. Then she drew a tight series of loops from left to right below. the circle. Since we had to reproduce each loop exactly as AL had produced it, except with reverse movement, and since she had drawn the loops so randomly and uniquely, I was less sure I could succeed.
Dream 2
I was possibly in a clothing store. There were some people close by who knew me. I was standing by a grey counter behind which were some dressing rooms and a grid of cubbyholes with jeans in them. I turned away from a woman who was either my friend or an attendant and possibly another woman who was likely my friend.
I wore my usual jeans and t-shirt. I took off my jeans and t-shirt, possibly also my underwear, and put on a royal blue t-shirt that was a little baggy and some white jeans that went only about to mid-shin. The jeans were a bit saggy, although they were supposed to be tight. These clothes were supposed to be women's clothes. But they just seemed like an embarrassing outfit one might use but wouldn't want to use to paint a house.
I only seemed slightly embarrassed at the possibility that some guy had seen me getting into these clothes and that he had laughed at my hopes of being somewhat feminine.
Dream 3
It was the middle of night. I was out on a wide sidewalk corner facing a wide, gulfing street. Near the corner, also facing the street, was a newsstand booth, wider than usual and lit as brightly as a bodega with fluorescent light. I walked toward the corner, slightly near the newsstand, only peripherally paying attention to the newsstand.
I was trying to ignore a member of my NYC Americorps program, who kept shouting at me, as if not to me but to some absent friend, a bunch of strange and obscure half-jokes about how rude and stupid white people are. I wondered if I should turn on him and say something.
Now I was before a door like a backstage door or the backdoor for some kind of nice store. It was like I had been led out of the store by a nice, pretty woman who was about forty years old. She stood in the doorway, holding the door open. I stood by something like a black-painted, cast-iron stairwell or tall fence just outside the door.
The woman tried to make small talk to get me to feel comfortable enough to make a move on her. But somehow I messed up the conversation. We were now talking about how it had been so cold yesterday but how today it was nice.
I lifted up my arms. I wore a sort of tight, long-sleeve shirt. As I talked about the warmth, which, according to my conversation wasn't warm but maybe forty or fifty degrees Fahrenheit, the actual weather became misty, warm, oddly liquid, not humid, but like strings of nonexistent water, which, as well as the mist splashed against my skin before vanishing.
I kept insisting as I spoke that the weather was about forty to forty-five degrees Fahrenheit, with no rain, just nice, because I was afraid if I didn't calm down the actual weather with my speech, we'd get horribly humidity, which would cause me to break out with bad acne.
Dream 4
I was at some place like Coney Island on a warm, grey day. I sat on "the boardwalk" in a tall, wooden chair and read a book. People flooded all around me in front of me and out from behind nearby booths. I saw my crew mate and friend KB. She wore a maroon shirt and a brownish burgundy leather jacket. I waved at her.
Now something else happened. Now I was back to sitting in the chair at this boardwalk. But now I sat between two booths that were separated by maybe fifty feet. A fence stretched between the two booths. People came in through a gate as if this were the entrance to an amusement park.
In front of me, just inside the gate, a pretty, brown-skinned girl in a soft, turquoise or sea-green shirt and a white miniskirt waved in my direction. I waved, as if annoyed, because I knew that although she was waving at some guy in a white SUV off to my left, she wanted to play a joke on me by having me think she was waving at me. I thought I'd just blow her off by letting her have her joke.
Then KB walked through the gate. I waved at her and tried to be cool. I noticed she didn't have her jacket on. I realized tht it had been a whole day since I last saw her and that I'd just been sitting in this chair the whole time. It was obvious, too: I had the same book in my hands. I felt ashamed.
Now I was in some small place, like a lab at the Los Alamos National Laboratories. The place was lit with yellow fluorescent light, with a half-octagonal (?) counter behind which I sat in a metal chair, reading some kind of suspense novel or science book.
Behind me I heard, almost as if I had read what I was hearing, a couple people talking about the danger of something exploding, possibly a nuclear reactor or nuclear missiles. I stood up to see if there was anything I could do to help.
I ran to a door. One of my NYC Americorps crew chiefs, NM, ran up to me and put her hand on my chest to block me. She said, "You just go back to that chair."
I went back. I tried to read what was happening. The words at first slightly didn't match what was happening and what was being said. Then they stopped making sense altogether.
Dream 5
I was on top of a long, steep hill that looked down on a running track. It was a clear day, either late afternoon or a little after early morning. On the other side of the track was another tall, steep hill. People had to go one at a time down the hill I was on, to the track, then walk around it once while freestyle rapping.
My crew mate RA was down there as the dream began. Now he was done. He may have come back up the hill. Now I walked down. As I went down I thought, At least nobody will hear me: I'm so far away. Then I considered that there could be a hidden camera or microphones somewhere.
I started rapping. As far as I can tell I sounded really old-school.
Dream 6
I walked into a room through a thin doorway in a hallway lined with dark wood. The room was full of fossil skeletons, mostly of flying animals. I stood beside a tall, thin, white man who looked like a curator/insurance salesman. He was bald on top, had a birdlike nose, and kind, gentle eyes and mouth. His suit almost looked like a school uniform or black slacks with a club jacket.
I said, "This is it. This is the room from my dream."
I tried to walk in but was afraid the fossil skeletons would come to life. But I looked over at the "curator." I thought, I don't want him to know I'm afraid.
I walked a couple steps into the room. It seemed like the skull in front of me shifted or melted or expanded somehow.
Dream 7
I walked down above an arroyo or canal with short, concrete banks. In th blue water swam a strange duck. I called it a red-breasted morganza (though I *think* nowadays (2017) I meant a red breasted merganser), but it actually was far different. It was like a video game. Its head and neck were bright red. The red shot about one-third down the center of the back, tapering off and line with yellow like a comic book flame. The body was turquoise and vivid blue, all mixed up and shifting and shading.
I was with "my sister" -- a nondescript girl who was maybe ten years old -- and "my mom," whom I probably never saw. I told my sister the duck was a red-breasted morganza.
My sister knelt down and reached her hands into the water to pet the duck. I yelled nervously at her, "No! Don't do that. Those ducks have densely packed needle teeth. It'll bite. You'll lose a finger, possibly a whole hand."
a work in progress -- transcribing my dream notebooks, from march 2004 to march 2010, onto the internet
Showing posts with label los alamos national laboratory. Show all posts
Showing posts with label los alamos national laboratory. Show all posts
Saturday, March 18, 2017
(12/18/04) we live in a left-handed universe; baggy girl clothes; how is the weather; coney alamos; track and field rapping; the curator's room; red-breasted morganza
Sunday, January 6, 2013
(10/30/08) caring for great-grandmother; brahms idol lucidity
(Entered in paper journal at 7:55 AM on Q-train from Brooklyn to Manhattan.)
Dream #1
I was in the room of an empty (?) apartment. I was there with a couple other people. It was daytime, and bluish, pale light came in through the windows. The floors were dark wood and the walls were brick.
A woman wanted to do something to open a window. She may have wanted to remove the window entirely. I just stood and watched, as if I were too lazy to help, or as if I were afraid of something happening if the window were opened. Another man came up and helped the woman remove the window. It was now night. When I saw how easily the man had removed the window, I felt ashamed for not having helped.
My mom now sat in a big house, talking with someone I couldn't see. The person was like a member of the family, but also like a nurse or someone else carrying out a business duty. The person was telling my mom that my great-grandmother could no longer take care of herself and would need to have a lot of people living with her to take care of her. They would all need to live either in this house or in the house next to or behind it.
Apparently all the people had chosen what house they would live in. I could imagine that the house of their choice would get crowded and dirty rather quickly. But I thought the other house, which everybody regarded as the "second," inferior house, was nicer and more spacious. I thought about its big living room in particular.
Now I sat across from my mom. My mom said, "They're definitely going to need to live in one of the houses. Which house should we live in instead?"
I said, "The second house."
Dream #2
I walked into a building. I might have come into a hotel lobby. I was going to a cattle call for American Idol. I kept walking through a series of hallways. I couldn't find anything. The hallways were all pretty busy, though most people were walking in the opposite direction from me. One person, talking about the line, said, "People are going to be in that thing for a long time."
I was now following a young man. He was about my height, heavier, pale white, with longish, light brown hair. He wore eyeglasses and a maroon shirt. We walked through what appeared to be a number of back hallways and stairwells. I kept wondering why I'd even wanted to come to this audition anyway.
We mostly walked alone. But when we'd emerge in a more frequented hallway we'd meet with some other people. I saw a couple people I knew. One was a shortish, Mexican, boyish-looking woman. She wore black clothes and a black trucker hat that was cocked to the side. She gave me a friendly nudge on the ribs and said hi.
Finally the young man and I walked down a stairwell to meet what was apparently the back of the line for the American Idol audition. The line seemed like it must have reached down a few more flights before extending even farther through a hallway.
The young man called out, "Is this the line for the Brahms symphony?"
A woman who was maybe in her mid-forties, like a mother, but still attractive, blonde, wearing a white sweater and blue jeans, told the young man, "No. But I'm sure if you wait ten or fifteen minutes, this line will clear out, and you'll be able to find the line for the Brahms concert."
I suddenly thought, Why am I in line for this audition at all? I should be in line for the Brahms concert. I got out of line and walked out a door that was at the bottom of the flight of stairs.
I stood in a desert environment. It appeared to be late in the afternoon. I felt a tremendous sense of peace.
Suddenly I realized I was in a dream. I told myself to focus. I started to float up in the air. The area around me was a desert area beside an industrial area or a place like Los Alamos National Laboratory.
I felt like I was starting to fall back out of the dream. I shouted out, "No! I want to stay here! I don't want to go back!"
I told myself that if I just focused I could stay here. I needed to get back down to the ground first. I was barefoot. I told myself that if I could just feel the gravel of the road, that would make everything real for me. I looked around. There were two old soil-mounds that were now growing white and yellow flowers.
I felt myself being pulled backwards, as if I were being physically pulled away.
The building was white, ridged sheet metal. The sky was deep blue, clear, but with deep grey clouds on the horizon. It was a warm day, but a thunderstorm was looming.
I told myself, If I could just feel the warmth of the day, I could make this real, and then I could stay here forever.
Dream #1
I was in the room of an empty (?) apartment. I was there with a couple other people. It was daytime, and bluish, pale light came in through the windows. The floors were dark wood and the walls were brick.
A woman wanted to do something to open a window. She may have wanted to remove the window entirely. I just stood and watched, as if I were too lazy to help, or as if I were afraid of something happening if the window were opened. Another man came up and helped the woman remove the window. It was now night. When I saw how easily the man had removed the window, I felt ashamed for not having helped.
My mom now sat in a big house, talking with someone I couldn't see. The person was like a member of the family, but also like a nurse or someone else carrying out a business duty. The person was telling my mom that my great-grandmother could no longer take care of herself and would need to have a lot of people living with her to take care of her. They would all need to live either in this house or in the house next to or behind it.
Apparently all the people had chosen what house they would live in. I could imagine that the house of their choice would get crowded and dirty rather quickly. But I thought the other house, which everybody regarded as the "second," inferior house, was nicer and more spacious. I thought about its big living room in particular.
Now I sat across from my mom. My mom said, "They're definitely going to need to live in one of the houses. Which house should we live in instead?"
I said, "The second house."
Dream #2
I walked into a building. I might have come into a hotel lobby. I was going to a cattle call for American Idol. I kept walking through a series of hallways. I couldn't find anything. The hallways were all pretty busy, though most people were walking in the opposite direction from me. One person, talking about the line, said, "People are going to be in that thing for a long time."
I was now following a young man. He was about my height, heavier, pale white, with longish, light brown hair. He wore eyeglasses and a maroon shirt. We walked through what appeared to be a number of back hallways and stairwells. I kept wondering why I'd even wanted to come to this audition anyway.
We mostly walked alone. But when we'd emerge in a more frequented hallway we'd meet with some other people. I saw a couple people I knew. One was a shortish, Mexican, boyish-looking woman. She wore black clothes and a black trucker hat that was cocked to the side. She gave me a friendly nudge on the ribs and said hi.
Finally the young man and I walked down a stairwell to meet what was apparently the back of the line for the American Idol audition. The line seemed like it must have reached down a few more flights before extending even farther through a hallway.
The young man called out, "Is this the line for the Brahms symphony?"
A woman who was maybe in her mid-forties, like a mother, but still attractive, blonde, wearing a white sweater and blue jeans, told the young man, "No. But I'm sure if you wait ten or fifteen minutes, this line will clear out, and you'll be able to find the line for the Brahms concert."
I suddenly thought, Why am I in line for this audition at all? I should be in line for the Brahms concert. I got out of line and walked out a door that was at the bottom of the flight of stairs.
I stood in a desert environment. It appeared to be late in the afternoon. I felt a tremendous sense of peace.
Suddenly I realized I was in a dream. I told myself to focus. I started to float up in the air. The area around me was a desert area beside an industrial area or a place like Los Alamos National Laboratory.
I felt like I was starting to fall back out of the dream. I shouted out, "No! I want to stay here! I don't want to go back!"
I told myself that if I just focused I could stay here. I needed to get back down to the ground first. I was barefoot. I told myself that if I could just feel the gravel of the road, that would make everything real for me. I looked around. There were two old soil-mounds that were now growing white and yellow flowers.
I felt myself being pulled backwards, as if I were being physically pulled away.
The building was white, ridged sheet metal. The sky was deep blue, clear, but with deep grey clouds on the horizon. It was a warm day, but a thunderstorm was looming.
I told myself, If I could just feel the warmth of the day, I could make this real, and then I could stay here forever.
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