(10/23/04) panties in my warehouse; the finest stuff on earth

(Entered in paper journal at 5:45 AM at R's house in Brooklyn.)

Dream 1

Family visits my warehouse house, try to get into my dresser drawers.

Dream 2

Friend CV visits Snapple, tries to prove bad chemicals like respiratory XXXXX (can no longer read word) in food, deforming children.

***

(Daytime paper journal entry.)

My brain is barely working. I'm hardly interested in this shit anymore. I have to get the remembered dream down.

Dream 1

My mom, Grandma P, sister, and possibly some of my mom's female friends, all come into my room, which was actually an aisle in a wholesale warehouse like Sam's Club. It wasn't bright. In fact, the light seemed far away or only atmospheric, gentle, but not dim. The place was generally brownish, a coppery brown. I feel like the place wasn't packed with tons of aisles, but was well-spaced, slightly empty-feeling. "My" "aisle" was cluttered with tall and short dressers and other unidentified objects.

At some point my family began opening the dresser drawers. I seemed to have panties in every drawer. As soon as my family would slide open a drawer I would rush up and slide it closed, hoping they hadn't seen the underwear.

I remember one pair was green-yellow and yellow hi-cut briefs, sort of sheer. These somehow, as I closed the drawer, got stretched against something like a bedpost or the corner of the drawer. Another pair was purple, satiny, with a rainbow, elastic waistband.

After I had repeatedly closed the drawers my family tried to open, my grandma Pat got irritated. She said, "Obviously he doesn't want to be around us. That's why he isn't letting us look around his room."

I didn't want them to think I didn't like them. But I also didn't want them to see things -- although I knew they obviously already had seen things. So I followed after them as they walked toward the front of the store to leave.

We passed one side display, rather long, with a huge picture book called, I think, Dune II. The picture on the front was of heavily shadowed Egyptian monuments, like the tall, seated statues in front of the large temple for Ramses II (?).

I still hadn't convinced my family I liked being around them.

(11/21/04) the cat liked me; hiding all my clothes; the saffron conversation

(This dream entry comes only from my daytime journal, not from my dedicated dream journal. There is generally (for some stupid reason) no time/place info for my daytime journal entries.)

Two dreams from last night. Also possibly a fragment.

Dream 1

I lay on a couch in a kind of plain and somewhat empty living room. There was a sharp, incandescent light shining hotly, although it was more like midnight. The couch was a blue (divan?), and a wooden frame in the shape of a couch with a blue mattress on it. The couch frame could be flattened so that it and the mattress resembled a bed. But at the same time it seemed like a bit, thick couch of the same color. I couldn't see much of the room. I lay on the couch facing the back.

A cat jumped onto the back of the couch. I knew the cat and was grateful that it had come to lay by me. But it couldn't quite stay perched on the couch's back. The mattress had kind of slid out of shape so that the cat couldn't balance It slid off and kind of went away.

I got off the couch for a sec and slid the mattress back up. The cat now had a lot more space. It came back, but this time it lay on the "seat" part of the couch, by me. But now it was like the couch had been flattened to make the bed.

The cat was at about arm's length from me. I reached out to it, very pleased that it had decided to come back. I though that I should put my blanket over it as well. But I just petted it. It looked very content to be petted.

I wondered how long the cat would stay, how long until it got bored with me. The cat was an ashy grey mixed with a lowish, shallow orange-brown and undertones of tufted white like old, worn-out hair. The hair was short and the cat seemed thin and lazily wiry.

Dream 2

I walked into some clothing store as if through a side wall or a mall entrance. There were no lights on, so the store was only lit by the wealth of grey-blue, cloud-covered daylight coming in through the tall wall windows. The store was grayish and grayish blue. It was huge and full, with a fair amount of people quietly milling about. I may have worked there or worked for the store in some peripheral way.

As I walked in I heard a voice behind me, a nice, mature woman's voice saying. "I need you to take your XXXXX" (shirt?) "off the rack. It's just kind of old and worn out. It won't make a good impression on the people who are coming in here to buy for the special event."

So I walked down to some rack. But now I was looking for the lingerie section. I saw that a column had been changed into a lingerie display and that all the lingerie had been set behind a glass counter square which fortified the column-square lingerie display. All the panties looked rough and more like boys' underwear than women's underwear.

I thought, Ah, all the more feminine stuff has been moved into a guarded area to protect the attendants from being embarrassed by perverts like me. But I felt like there was more lingerie somewhere. So I walked on.

But now I had the ugly (shirt?) in my hand as well as a couple pieces of lingerie. I walked to the back of an enormous line of people. I tried to hide everything I had: the ugly (shirt?) because it wasn't good for image; and the lingerie because I didn't want anybody to ridicule me for being a pervert.

Some guy came up to me and asked me a question. But I couldn't think about the question. All I could think about was whether he saw what I was hiding.

Dream 3

The fragment is all messed up.

I was walking down the street, possibly, with a tall, black, hippie-looking woman. We may have been going up a hill. We spoke about some notable guy who hesitated at doing something and things turned out okay but then he didn't hesitate at something and things went well. There may have been something to do with my NYC Americorps program.

I may have, at this point, "woken up" to write down my dream. I "saw" myself writing it while my mind reeled off words too fast for my hand to keep up -- but then the whole thing was complete, then incomplete, etc.

I discovered I wasn't writing but that I only thought I was writing. So now I had to write the dream. But I had to think about it.

I got an image of a baby, naked, possibly, climbing to, and possibly up, a strip or drape of saffron fabric curved parabolically

like a chute or slide. In the folds were bolts and pieces of small machinery. Then the strip was flattened out.

All of this imagery indicated the decisions the man had made. This was, in fact, the conversation.

After this -- I really honestly don't know when I was awake and when I was asleep during this whole strange "dream" -- I "woke up" again and thought I was writing again and figured out I wasn't and actually wrote again. But I never wrote in The Ghost Book (what I titled my dream journal at this time) last night. All pretty confusing.

(1/16-17/05) i was a scout; may the force be with super kmart

(Entered in paper journal at 11:25 PM, 1/16/05, at home in Harlem.)

Dream 1

Entire battled carried out in room as if one person stood for many troops. I was a scout.

(Entered at 6:15 AM, 1/17/05, at home in Harlem.)

Dream 2

I went to a movie with one of my friend R's gay male friends. I sat there before the movie started, acting upset that R and others hadn't showed up. They hadn't showed up, I now knew, because they had hoped the guy would hit on me. Then R sat in the seat in front of  me. I couldn't see him. I couldn't see over the seats. I was as short in them as a five-year-old.

My foot was in the crack of the seat. R said something weird about getting my foot out of Virginia. Everybody around me laughed. I felt stupid, especially at having that be R's greeting to me.

Everybody around me shouted a similar phrase back at R, but mumbling, as if they weren't sure it was a good idea to do so. R got upset. I, normal height now, tapped R on the slope between his neck and his left shoulder and laughed a gentle laugh.

We were suddenly walking through a Super Kmart-type store that sold clothes, groceries, etc. I passed a black and red, wide-mesh crocheted (knit?) outfit.

I thought of how much I wanted it. But I wondered what everybody else would think of me if I took it.

I then saw a feminine, shawl-style poncho with a hood (?!), made of wool, grey with pink, thin, wide, square designs, fall off a display shelf and onto the ground. I grabbed this and put this on, hoping not to look feminine, but to look like Obi-Wan Kenobi in his first scene in Star Wars. I walked up to R, who stood in the checkout line. I said something like, "May the Force be with you." He just smiled slightly.

I walked around the store. A guy I thought was a serious businessman who'd kick my ass because of the way I looked just laughed and said, "Good for you, Force!"

I walked down a frozen food aisle. There were two samples-tables. I walked to the first one and said my Force thing. I now was wearing a huge, brown robe and yellow, thick, dirty, leather gloves. The man at the table asked me if I wanted to try a sample. He said the first sample, some kind of beef (?) on a Ritz cracker, was too messy. He got me crab salad on a Ritz cracker instead. I took off my gloves to grab the cracker. The table guy was taking all this seriously, as if I were actually the wizard I was pretending to be.

Now I was trapped in some house. I was I was but not I. I kept addressing myself form outside myself as Tom. I had discovered something here and now had to get out and tell people. But I couldn't get out or figure out why.

A dog, possibly my friend R's dog, kept sniffing at the crack between the door and the floor. I thought something like, Just like usual. When she wants to go out, she treats me like I'm being mean. But I'm not being mean. As soon as I get all this taken care of I'll take her out.

I fainted. After this there may have been some strange scene in which I realized something beautiful about Hitler in an almost religious ecstasy.

(5/9/05) astral projection; looking at my astral hands; not going clothes shopping

(Entered in paper journal at 5:45 AM at home in Harlem.)

Dream 1

I was lying on "my" bed on the left side of "my" room, which was narrow and long and very tall and had a tall window at the wall beyond the foot of my bed. The window may have been letting in thunderous light.

My eyes were closed. I felt really heavy vibrations all throughout my body. I told myself to lift out of my body. But I didn't really believe it was possible, and I didn't really know what to expect from my sensations. So I told myself to open my out-of-body eyes, but to keep my body eyes closed. I didn't know how to do this or what it would feel like, but I somehow managed to do it.

My body eyes at first opened a bit. But I closed them and simply continued opening my OBE eyes. I now attempted to do an astral projection. I may have gotten a couple inches out of my body. But I may have just been feeling things and translating them to sight.

Dream 2 (?)

Now the bed was more centered in the room, though still toward the left. I don't know if I "attempted again" or if it was like I "hadn't attempted before." I opened my eyes. I wasn't even sure which eyes I had opened or if I was dreaming or if it even mattered at all.

I lifted up my hands so I could see them. The thundery light, I'm pretty sure, was the normal purple-white of lightning. But my hands were also reflecting a greenish glow from somewhere. I thought, How strange! Just like in don Juan Matus -- I'm looking at my hands.

Then my left hand half-disappeared, like a phantom hand. I thought, This is my OBE body, not my physical body. It's already lifted out partly. I tried to lift the rest of the way out, but the same feelings of "burden of proof," disbelief, and not knowing what to  feel rose up strongly.

Dream 3

It was daytime. I was in a house like my mom's friend TH's old house with some attractive kids who were maybe in their early twenties and some adults. The kids all decided, after I had some strange conversation with one girl, to go clothes shopping. But one girl was staying. I, too, decided to stay when I thought that leaving my messy room (full of women's clothes) unattended might lead to snoopy folks causing my embarrassment.

As I walked back into the house I thought, I guess that makes all three of us from my group. And the other three are leaving.