(Entered in paper journal at 8 AM on Q-train from Brooklyn to Manhattan.)
Dream #1
I was on the phone with my boss DO. He was with my psychiatrist A. I "saw" that they were in a room like my great grandmother's living room. DO had rushed to the phone when I had come on. He told me he had read the letter I had given to my psychiatrist.
Trying to help me somehow, as if everybody were panicked about my condition, DO said, "I see what the Dark Girl and the girl with black eyes mean." I "saw" that the Dark Girl was a Mexican or Native American girl with very dark skin. The girl with black eyes was like classic grey alien, except maybe only waist-height, and somehow childlike.
DO said, "The Dark Girl means you want to control things. The girl with black eyes means you have no knowledge of history."
Dream #2
I walked into a gigantic, K-Mart-like store with my family. AN, a temporary assistant at my company, was with us. We all went our separate ways, but AN kept following me. I was trying to shake him off. He was trying to gauge where I really wanted to go, but he was acting like he wasn't trying to follow me at all.
AN said, "I'm going up to the electronics section." So I walked up there with him to put him where he said he wasted to go and thus "oblige" him to stay there and not follow me.
When we got to the electronics section, in the back of the store, I said, "I don't have any interest in electronics. I'm leaving." I headed off toward the left wall of the store. I felt like AN was still following me. I ran faster and faster and wove in and out of aisles to throw AN off my trail.
A kid pulling a cart stacked almost to the ceiling (maybe fifty feet high?) with boxes got in my way. I jumped and flew over the boxes and onto the top shelf of what looked like an aisle of "big-box" warehouse shelves. I ran along the top shelf toward the entrance of the store and the cash registers.
When I got to the end of the aisle I could see down (way down) to the entrance and cash registers. This whole area was moderately busy with people. AN ran, crouched, from behind a display case island, like a counter of watch displays, and hid behind one of the unused cash registers. I could tell, by the way AN was moving and hiding, that he was waiting until he saw me come back around to this part of the store so he could start following me again.
I leapt down to the cash register. I pulled AN out from behind the register. I yelled, "Why are you following me?!"
AN ignored my question. He was about to call out to some partners of his who weren't necessarily following me but were lurking around, just in case they needed to help AN with stalking me.
But before AN could call out to his partners, I covered his mouth and nose. I held AN's mouth and nose for so long that AN died.
AN was now my brother. I held him in my arms. I carried him through the store, trying to find my family. The store was now a restaurant set up as some kind of beach bar. It was humongous. The place was full of people. Some people sat on couches.
I couldn't believe I had killed my brother. I also didn't want to be accused of it -- even though I was obviously guilty!
I got to a completely dark corner of the bar-like area. There were still, apparently, people sitting in this corner of the bar. For a moment I thought I could see the faces of the people. But when I got up to the people I couldn't see anything at all.
I called, "Is my family still here?"
The people all replied. They all sounded young, like they were in their mid-twenties. They said, "No, not here." I turned around. I still couldn't see anything. The people called, "Hey, wait a minute. Who are you? We don't even know who you are to help you."
I said, "M... m... my name is Preemie."
Showing posts with label boss DO. Show all posts
Showing posts with label boss DO. Show all posts
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Sunday, February 17, 2013
(9/13/07) dismembered; snowboarding; who drank too much; tree corners
(Entered in paper journal at 6:45 AM at Starbucks on 56th Street and Sixth Avenue in Manhattan.)
Dream #1
I walked in a parking lot full of cars. As I did I thought about soldiers who had had their limbs blown off in the Iraq War. I had been walking from the left to the right side of an aisle of cars. Now I walked up a hill. I now stood near the top of the hill and at the end of the dirt lot. I stood between two large objects, possibly buildings. I looked down a steep hill and saw a city, perhaps a desert city.
Dream #2
I saw a man's feet trying to do some kind of footwork on a snowboard in the snow. The man's left foot was near the back of the board and at a right angle to his right foot. The man would lift up his left foot and try to stomp down onto the board in some way. But he would end up stomping down onto the snow.
Dream #3
I was at some party, possibly with a bunch of co-workers. We had been sitting at a long, square table in a long area with a few tables like ours. The area was elevated by a small staircase and overlooked the rest of the "restaurant," like a little balcony.
My memory was swimming, as if I had been drunk. I was trying to convince a short, oldish, Mexican woman that she had drank a lot more than she thought she had. Everybody was disordered, wandering all around our area.
Dream #4
I stood on a street corner. I heard my co-worker MD talking about how our boss DO would always leave right around time for the initiation report presentations for the companies our team was just beginning to cover, leaving MD to do all the work of speaking with the clients.
I stared up. Hanging over me, to my left, beside a telephone pole, were branches of an ailanthus (?) tree, its leafs golden-green from the light of the unseen sun. Below and through the glowing canopy I could see the corner or a pink-bricked building and a square of deep blue sky. Behind me, I knew, perhaps, because I had seen it before, was another redbrick building with a yellow-canopied honeylocust tree in front of it.
It was now like I was flying, sideways, down the street, so that I flew from my right to my left. I saw building fronts like in a small town's main street, glowing in the golden sun.
I could still hear MD speaking. He now said something like, "You should see how DO does it with girls." He then continued with some story of a girl DO seduced (DO, happily married, would NOT have done something like that in waking life) while out on a business trip.
Dream #1
I walked in a parking lot full of cars. As I did I thought about soldiers who had had their limbs blown off in the Iraq War. I had been walking from the left to the right side of an aisle of cars. Now I walked up a hill. I now stood near the top of the hill and at the end of the dirt lot. I stood between two large objects, possibly buildings. I looked down a steep hill and saw a city, perhaps a desert city.
Dream #2
I saw a man's feet trying to do some kind of footwork on a snowboard in the snow. The man's left foot was near the back of the board and at a right angle to his right foot. The man would lift up his left foot and try to stomp down onto the board in some way. But he would end up stomping down onto the snow.
Dream #3
I was at some party, possibly with a bunch of co-workers. We had been sitting at a long, square table in a long area with a few tables like ours. The area was elevated by a small staircase and overlooked the rest of the "restaurant," like a little balcony.
My memory was swimming, as if I had been drunk. I was trying to convince a short, oldish, Mexican woman that she had drank a lot more than she thought she had. Everybody was disordered, wandering all around our area.
Dream #4
I stood on a street corner. I heard my co-worker MD talking about how our boss DO would always leave right around time for the initiation report presentations for the companies our team was just beginning to cover, leaving MD to do all the work of speaking with the clients.
I stared up. Hanging over me, to my left, beside a telephone pole, were branches of an ailanthus (?) tree, its leafs golden-green from the light of the unseen sun. Below and through the glowing canopy I could see the corner or a pink-bricked building and a square of deep blue sky. Behind me, I knew, perhaps, because I had seen it before, was another redbrick building with a yellow-canopied honeylocust tree in front of it.
It was now like I was flying, sideways, down the street, so that I flew from my right to my left. I saw building fronts like in a small town's main street, glowing in the golden sun.
I could still hear MD speaking. He now said something like, "You should see how DO does it with girls." He then continued with some story of a girl DO seduced (DO, happily married, would NOT have done something like that in waking life) while out on a business trip.
Saturday, January 26, 2013
(2/17/08) angry sheep; schedule criticism
(Entered in paper journal at 9:03 AM at Connecticut Muffin in Windsor Terrace, Brooklyn.)
Dream #1
It was daytime. I was walking through a park like the park by the house my family lived in from my sixth through ninth grade years. A line of sheep walked in the opposite direction, coming toward me and then going past me, on my right. Some of the sheep had dirty-white (almost soot-clouded) wool. Others were all black.
I then noticed that the sheep were walking on only their hind legs. I thought, They're walking upright! For one moment I thought the sheep may have been dogs. It seemed to make more sense to me that dogs could walk so continuously and stably on their hind legs. But the animals were definitely sheep.
I thought, If they're standing upright, they'll start having human awareness as well. They'll be angry with us for having kept them as sheep for so long. They somehow looked like a long line of black slaves making an exodus. (???) I tried to stay out of the sheep's sight so they wouldn't notice me and feel violently toward me.
I walked though something like a series of labyrinthine walkways between concrete apartment complexes at night. I was talking to my mother on my cell phone, trying to tell her what was happening. But she wouldn't listen to me. She said something that made me mad. I hung up on her.
I was walking across something like a bridge over or between buildings. My mom called me back and yelled at me, asking how I would dare to hang up on her, especially when she was in a time of such need.
Dream #2
I was with co-workers in a place like a big but mid-quality house. I sat on the floor with my back against the wall of a bar dividing a small kitchenette from the rest of the room.
I made some criticisms of my old boss DO, and now he was so flustered that he'd started crying. I tried to make things up to him by showing him what a good schedule he'd made.
I now stood before my grandmother P. She held a spreadsheet of scheduling out on a counter between us. She criticized the scheduling I'd made.
Dream #1
It was daytime. I was walking through a park like the park by the house my family lived in from my sixth through ninth grade years. A line of sheep walked in the opposite direction, coming toward me and then going past me, on my right. Some of the sheep had dirty-white (almost soot-clouded) wool. Others were all black.
I then noticed that the sheep were walking on only their hind legs. I thought, They're walking upright! For one moment I thought the sheep may have been dogs. It seemed to make more sense to me that dogs could walk so continuously and stably on their hind legs. But the animals were definitely sheep.
I thought, If they're standing upright, they'll start having human awareness as well. They'll be angry with us for having kept them as sheep for so long. They somehow looked like a long line of black slaves making an exodus. (???) I tried to stay out of the sheep's sight so they wouldn't notice me and feel violently toward me.
I walked though something like a series of labyrinthine walkways between concrete apartment complexes at night. I was talking to my mother on my cell phone, trying to tell her what was happening. But she wouldn't listen to me. She said something that made me mad. I hung up on her.
I was walking across something like a bridge over or between buildings. My mom called me back and yelled at me, asking how I would dare to hang up on her, especially when she was in a time of such need.
Dream #2
I was with co-workers in a place like a big but mid-quality house. I sat on the floor with my back against the wall of a bar dividing a small kitchenette from the rest of the room.
I made some criticisms of my old boss DO, and now he was so flustered that he'd started crying. I tried to make things up to him by showing him what a good schedule he'd made.
I now stood before my grandmother P. She held a spreadsheet of scheduling out on a counter between us. She criticized the scheduling I'd made.
Sunday, January 20, 2013
(6/23/08) reminiscence before death; grounded flights
(Entered in paper journal at 7:15 AM on B-train from Brooklyn to Manhattan.)
Dream #1
I stood in a hallway, looking in to a room through a wide window, as if I were looking into a nursery in a hospital. The room, though, was like a room in a log cabin. There were a few people in the room, spread out in couples or singly. The people were supposed to be people from my work. Closest to me was my old boss DO, who was speaking about me, possibly mumbling to himself, sitting on a reclining chair, with a blanket over his legs.
On the opposite end of the room an older looking couple sat in a booth like in a 1950s style diner. They held hands across the table. The man was fat, with shaggy, red hair and a beard and big, thick glasses. The woman (the man's wife?) looked like she was out of a cartoon. She wore a frumpy, purple dress and a round hat like an old maid in a forest house might wear. She had thin, round glasses and grey hair and a roundish face and body.
For some reason I thought this couple was speaking nostalgically about their life together, as if they knew they were going to die very soon.
Dream #2
I was in the lobby of an enormous luxury hotel. The interior was of peach and pink marble, and it was lit dimly with golden light. I was all by myself.
I thought of or recalled my cousin AH. She had been living or staying in this hotel. She might have been gone now. I had been staying at this hotel, too. But then I'd left. Now I'd come back, possibly because of travel difficulties.
I heard my aunt M telling me I could stay in AH's room. But I realized that my own old room was open, not to mention some "very nice" rooms which used to be occupied by rich people.
I walked through a number of hallways, some of which were very cheap-looking and lit fluorescent. Finally I came to a room, probably the room my aunt M told me I could stay in. The room was small and cluttered. I was disappointed with it.
Dream #3
It was night and raining heavily. I was outside an airport. I might have been late catching my flight. I was going to Chicago. I went into the airport.
I stood before a ticket counter or information counter. The attendant, a black woman, told me that my flight still hadn't been left yet. It might actually have been canceled due to the awful weather. But another flight was leaving at 11:03. But there was a chance that this flight would also not be able to leave. I could "see" or "feel" that the jet for this flight was an enormous jumbo jet.
Dream #1
I stood in a hallway, looking in to a room through a wide window, as if I were looking into a nursery in a hospital. The room, though, was like a room in a log cabin. There were a few people in the room, spread out in couples or singly. The people were supposed to be people from my work. Closest to me was my old boss DO, who was speaking about me, possibly mumbling to himself, sitting on a reclining chair, with a blanket over his legs.
On the opposite end of the room an older looking couple sat in a booth like in a 1950s style diner. They held hands across the table. The man was fat, with shaggy, red hair and a beard and big, thick glasses. The woman (the man's wife?) looked like she was out of a cartoon. She wore a frumpy, purple dress and a round hat like an old maid in a forest house might wear. She had thin, round glasses and grey hair and a roundish face and body.
For some reason I thought this couple was speaking nostalgically about their life together, as if they knew they were going to die very soon.
Dream #2
I was in the lobby of an enormous luxury hotel. The interior was of peach and pink marble, and it was lit dimly with golden light. I was all by myself.
I thought of or recalled my cousin AH. She had been living or staying in this hotel. She might have been gone now. I had been staying at this hotel, too. But then I'd left. Now I'd come back, possibly because of travel difficulties.
I heard my aunt M telling me I could stay in AH's room. But I realized that my own old room was open, not to mention some "very nice" rooms which used to be occupied by rich people.
I walked through a number of hallways, some of which were very cheap-looking and lit fluorescent. Finally I came to a room, probably the room my aunt M told me I could stay in. The room was small and cluttered. I was disappointed with it.
Dream #3
It was night and raining heavily. I was outside an airport. I might have been late catching my flight. I was going to Chicago. I went into the airport.
I stood before a ticket counter or information counter. The attendant, a black woman, told me that my flight still hadn't been left yet. It might actually have been canceled due to the awful weather. But another flight was leaving at 11:03. But there was a chance that this flight would also not be able to leave. I could "see" or "feel" that the jet for this flight was an enormous jumbo jet.
Saturday, January 12, 2013
(8/7/08) pushed out of unused desk; lingerie roach
(Entered in paper journal at 6:25 AM on Q-train from Brooklyn into Manhattan.)
Dream #1
I was at my desk at work. I was watching something like an earnings presentation on my mini-DVD player. My old boss DO walked around on the floor. I suddenly felt like I wasn't working hard enough. I tried to concentrate on the earnings presentation even harder.
Suddenly the angle I was sitting at was is if I were sitting at my co-worker (on DO's team) MD's desk at the building we'd previously worked at. (In waking life, my company had recently moved from one building to another building.) I wondered if DO might stop by and say hi to me.
I felt someone pushing down on my left elbow. It was MD, wearing a casual, white button-up and some khaki shorts. It was like he was trying to elbow me out of his chair.
Dream #2
I was in "my bedroom." I was pulling some nice dresses out of a bag. One dress was white with pinkish-red designs. I was going to hang it in my closet.
I walked to my closet and noticed how easily I could see up to my top shelf. (In waking life, the top shelf of my closet was a few inches above the top of my head.) There weren't many articles of clothing there. (In waking life, the top shelf of my closet was where I horded all of my lingerie and women's clothing -- mostly cheap articles I'd bought from discount stores.) I thought something like, I'm really cleaning up!
But something toward the wall caught my eye as I was looking away. I looked back. The thing was a "roach." It was maybe two inches long, and fat. Its back end was covered in white, as if it were casting off skin or as if it were developing a shell around itself to undergo metamorphosis. I couldn't tell whether the thing was dead or alive.
Dream #1
I was at my desk at work. I was watching something like an earnings presentation on my mini-DVD player. My old boss DO walked around on the floor. I suddenly felt like I wasn't working hard enough. I tried to concentrate on the earnings presentation even harder.
Suddenly the angle I was sitting at was is if I were sitting at my co-worker (on DO's team) MD's desk at the building we'd previously worked at. (In waking life, my company had recently moved from one building to another building.) I wondered if DO might stop by and say hi to me.
I felt someone pushing down on my left elbow. It was MD, wearing a casual, white button-up and some khaki shorts. It was like he was trying to elbow me out of his chair.
Dream #2
I was in "my bedroom." I was pulling some nice dresses out of a bag. One dress was white with pinkish-red designs. I was going to hang it in my closet.
I walked to my closet and noticed how easily I could see up to my top shelf. (In waking life, the top shelf of my closet was a few inches above the top of my head.) There weren't many articles of clothing there. (In waking life, the top shelf of my closet was where I horded all of my lingerie and women's clothing -- mostly cheap articles I'd bought from discount stores.) I thought something like, I'm really cleaning up!
But something toward the wall caught my eye as I was looking away. I looked back. The thing was a "roach." It was maybe two inches long, and fat. Its back end was covered in white, as if it were casting off skin or as if it were developing a shell around itself to undergo metamorphosis. I couldn't tell whether the thing was dead or alive.
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