(9/18/06) recruiting floyd bowie; can't reach my grandmother; the vanishing stealth bomber

(Entered in paper journal at 7:35 PM at home in Brooklyn.)

Dream 1

I was on a subway train at night. I might ahve gone some stops too far. I was with my Americorps coworkers VT and SM. The train went underground through enormous, fluorescent-lit tunnels and then up above ground through an area like a mountain town. During that time it was like there was lightning and snow.

It was Christmas Eve. I was trying to find someone from our crew who wouldn't mind working. If I could find one person, everyone else would fall into place. VT suggested "Floyd Bowie." The next train stop got off near Floyd's house. But VT warned me that perhaps the parents wouldn't want Floyd to work.

I apparently got off the train to go to Floyd's But I didn't really physically get off the train. I just kind of floated down around through the small, snow-covered city that was nestled between some mountains in purple night light.

I stood at the base of the bridge on which the train ran -- a beautiful, long, stone bridge (thought also not unlike the bridge dividing Park Avenue in East Harlem). Down a slope under one of the arches and on the other side of the bridge was a tree bathed in orange streetlamp light.

A black man stood against the tree as if embracing it, urinating. I thought, Don't let these guys see you. This neighborhood's tough at night. They'll all gang up on you.

It was like I was floating around again. I ended up on the corner of a small hill where "Floyd Bowie's" family's house was. The house was a tall, cubic structure, with white walls on the left, right (and back?), and a glass front wall (and glass ceiling?). A second story like a balcony stood high over the first story living room, which was ample and spacious but with plenty of furniture.  The entire house glowed a uranium green, as if lit from the inside.

I was captivated by the beauty of the house. But I didn't want to get too close. I was afraid the parents would think I was exploiting Floyd and pressuring him to work on this day. I thought I would just call and let Floyd's family know I was in the neighborhood. I could see if I could stop by (even though it was probably 2 or 3 AM).

As I was calling I was walking by the bridge again. Under the arches and down the hills, in orange streetlight, were tough kids. Finally they saw me and slinked along after me. I wasn't getting Floyd's phone number right, and I wasn't leaving the right message. I had to call again and again to try and get things right.

I ran into a corner -- a wall jutting from the bridge. I had missed the stairs leading up to the train. I turned around.

An Asian boy stopped me. Some of his friends stood in the distance. He was tallish and fattish. He wore glasses, darkish blue hospital scrub pants with clownish designs, and a plain blue hospital shirt. The left shoulder of the shirt was held together by a safety pin.

The boy did something to bully me. I "fought" him weird, so I ended frozen with my feet kicking his left shoulder (?). I pulled the safety pin off the guy's shirt. The guy was just laughing at me. He grabbed my legs or arms and taunted me. He told me I couldn't get out of his grip, that I wasn't tough enough.

I was going to shove the safety pin into the guy's neck. I got close. The kid took a silver lighter out of his pocket. He said, "You did just what I wanted you to do."

The guy put the lighter over my head. I stood back (apparently back in control of my legs). The guy put his lighter away. I was about to go at the guy again. But he said, "Ah, ah, ah... You might want to do this." He tapped his head.

I tapped my head. I had a flame coming out of the crown of my head. I patted it out. I was furious. I knew all the kids were going to attack me now.

Dream 2

It was like I was under a table in a house with no front wall or a huge, open front door showing the wide view of a small, mountain view on a sunny, crisp day.

I was on my cell phone, trying to make a call. I had heard my (grandmother P?) was in bad shape, maybe even dead. I had somehow missed a call from her, out of carelessness and not wanting to talk to her. Now each time my call failed to connect seemed to prove more and more what an awful person I was.

I could almost hear my (grandma?) scolding me for being such an awful person, to let her die like that. It was almost like she died partly to teach me a lesson.

Dream 3

I stood with a friend (can't remember who) on open ground on a clear day. (Now it seems obvious to me we were on an asphalt strip next to an airplane hangar. But this was not obvious in the dream -- I simply felt like I was somewhere near a forest.)

I looked up. I saw a "Stealth Bomber." I pointed it out to my friend. The bomber flew over us once and then slowly a second time, fling upside down and low so we could see the two pilots waving at us.

I shouted to my friend, "Did you see that? They waved!"

We looked away. But I couldn't believe it. Why would anybody wave at me? It must have been my friend they were waving at.

I looked back up. The jet seemed to be frozen in place. I saw the pilot in back "waving." Then I realized he wasn't waving. He was signaling. He was trying to get me out of the area where the jet was trying to land!

Now I meandered all over the place like a chicken with its head cut off, trying to get out of the way, looking up at the jet the whole time. The jet lost its body, as if it had never existed. When the "jet landed it was just a cockpit on wheels. But it still looked cool. I knew it was still an important vehicle. It had landed so slowly, gently, and quietly, though, that I wondered why the back pilot had made such a big deal about me getting out of the way.

(10/2/06) shifting lucid mountain range; the deadly trick; friends back together

(Entered in paper dream journal at home in Brooklyn.)

Dream 1

I was in a nice house in a mountain town. The front wall was mostly windows, with thin, elegant wood "tracing" or "framing." It was a brisk day, with thin layers of snow in cirrus-like blankets over portions of ground. I looked into the distance, beyond clean buildings and tidy foothills, to a column of stone that looked magnificent.

I wished I could go there. But I felt some engagement was holding me back. But I told myself, No, you can go there! This is a dream. you don't have to stay here. Just go!

I felt awareness and the freshness of lucidity. I opened the door. The landscape kept shifting. I mainly focused on keeping calm and centered. At one moment the weather was rainy, at another it was sunny and cold with snow. At another it was grey and snowy.

The somewhat lonely street before the busy mountain town now became an almost suburban streeet. I tried to keep focus on the mountain town, the hills, and the column. But they got a little jangled.

A few people got in my way. I started running to get where I was going quickly, but then a young running couple cornered me into a limb of a hanging tree. I felt like I was constantly being detoured by these people. I had to get above it all.

In reaction (not conscious) I began flying. I was surprised, but I kept my awareness. I was intensely interested in reaching the column. But as I flew I saw the mountains change. Their tops would become buildings. Sometimes the entire mountain melted down to a tall building. Finally I saw the column's top transforming into a building. I couldn't bear to look.

My location shifted suddenly. I figured even if the column was no longer here I could explore. I landed on a wide hillside of wild bunch grass at the edge of a grove of white birch trees. It was a crisp, sunny day. There was frost on the ground.

Suddenly I was on a street in a suburban neighborhood. It feels like I was at the top of a hill. It was very dark -- night -- and maybe with no streetlights?

My friend R was in a car that was facing me. There was possibly a light on in the car. R said something like, "The dream is over." He handed me a thick document -- possibly mental instructions on the dream I should be having.

I took the document to get away from R. But I thought, No. This is a lucid dream. I should have more freedom than this!

I told myself to fly to a new location. I changed through the air, immediately finding myself cloaked in nothingness -- oblivion.

Suddenly I landed in front of R's car. R said, "See? There's no escape. The lucidity you had is over. Just take this dream and go on."

I got into the passenger seat and began to read the dream.

Dream 2

A show. A woman ("Lucille Ball") was put up by a man (her son?) to try and force a man under her responsibility somehow to sign something. He wouldn't sign.

So the son and her mother made a plan. The woman took the man to a high mountain and went sledding down it with him, to play some romantic game (the man was infatuated with the woman). She pretended to lose her balance on a steep portion of the mountain. Acting exaggeratedly romantically feminine, she rolled out of the sled ( and the rut or the track the sled was in), calling out to the man.

The mother planned for the man to roll out with her, partially to rescue her, but also partially because she'd thrown the sled off balance (on purpose) pretty strongly. The woman would roll around in the snow suggestively with the man, and at the high point of feigned seduction, coerce the man to agree to sign this notice.

But though the woman and the sled had fallen off the track or rut, the man had stayed in the rut. He had the feeling the woman was planning something, or at least that she had been faking something all along. The man was moving much slower down the rut without a sled. He was naked, muscular, and beautiful, with long hair and dark, rich, Native American skin.

Suddenly a male and female couple came rushing in their sled down this steep portion of the mountain. They had been sent by the "Lucille Ball" woman to attack the man if he didn't agree to sign the note.

The "Lucille Ball" woman felt a sharp pang of concern right before the sled struck the man. Would the man be killed?

The man and woman struck the man in the back and knocked him clean off the hillside. His back had been broken. Now he was plummeting down a cliff. He slammed face first to the ground below a waterfall. I knew he was dead. His body shuddered a few times and then relaxed.

I could tell the woman felt bad and wished she hadn't tried to trick the man into signing the note.

Dream 3

I sat with my friend R in an interesting hall -- very much like the sculpture hall at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. R told me he had finally stopped being angry at his ex-wife and my good friend C. He was inviting her to dinner. I could come as well.

I sat on steps in front of some kind of techie computer kiosk. I looked up the steps. I saw C with short hair and in a black dress. She seemed to be in much better shape than I'd thought she'd be. I stood and joined arms with her. We walked down the steps and down the hallway.

R was talking about how C was okay with R and R's new girlfriend L being together. I thought, Well, then it obviously won't make R feel jealous that C and I are locking arms. I felt proud and happy to have both of my old friends back.

(3/3/08) pilots proving innocence; mad broke

(Entered in paper journal at 6:15 AM on Q-train from Brooklyn to Manhattan.)

Dream #1p

I saw a view high up in the air of a vehicle like an enormous helicopter. I thought to myself, How did I not tell those people in time? It was as if I knew that the helicopter-like vehicle was firing on a jet far in the distance, as if I had pre-cognized it. I hadn't gone to warn the jet, even though I knew it was in danger.

I now saw the jet. It was thin, long, and dull grey. It had four tailfins (?) and carried four people. I was now in the jet. At first I was afraid to be in the jet because it was moving straight up. But then I told myself I had to be brave and bear the movement.

I was now piloting the jet. But it was like I was also remembering this flight. I thought to myself, My commanding officer is angry because I lost two copilots in that flight. It was due to my bad flying. Or was it due to their parachutes? I remembered myself going in a huge loop and then possibly using my parachute.

I stood in an area like an old lot of strange buildings mixed with a backyard. I stood with a woman before an iron-poled gate. We were trying to get past the gate, possibly to find some evidence to prove that we weren't at fault for the lives of our copilots.

There was a huge puddle behind the gate, otherwise we would have jumped the gate. I followed the fence left and found a hole in it. I thought to myself, I wouldn't have found that hole if I hadn't developed my eyes as a pilot.

The woman and I walked to the area beyond the gate. It was like a series of backyard gardens that were all fenced off from each other by small, wire fencing. The woman had climbed into the garden that had the hole in its fence. She stood a ways away from me, waiting for me.

A little dog had run up to me and was barking at me and licking my hand. I thought, See? There's no reason to be afraid of this dog. Just go in. But I felt if I went in, a much bigger and meaner dog would come out of hiding and attack me.

Dream #2

I was with a group of kids in front of a doorway and under the shelter (like a patio) of a building. I pulled my phone out of my pocket, probably to look at the time. One of the kids was impressed by my phone and asked to look at it. Thinking, though, of the photos I had saved on it, I told the kid no.

I clicked the phone shut by pressing a button on its side and folding it closed. But as I put the phone in my pocket I felt like I had broken my phone. The top half was now only loosely clinging to the bottom half.

The kids were all saying, "Yeah, yeah. That's cool. He'll show us his phone next time. He knows what he's doing."

One of the kids, the oldest/tallest one, said, "You're mad cool. You speak intelligently. And you make things clear for us. Like when you told us about XXXXX."

The kid then tried to quote a rap verse he thought related to where we'd just been. He couldn't get it quite right, but he summarized it, apparently by saying there were three kinds of people who went to the event. One group was trying to sell (drugs?). Another group was trying to arrest people. And another group was standing over it all, like the whole thing was just another part of their business.