(3/9/05) pathetic in cafe; two negligees; vindicators 3 and 4; shaved mustache

(Entered in paper journal at 5:25 AM at home in Harlem.)

Dream 1

I must have been looking around before for some person, possibly a male. Now I walked into a restaurant that was full and bustling and had an air to it like a cafe in Jules and Jim but with the colors of a cafe in Un Coeur en Hiver. There was just a tight space of aisle. I walked toward the back of the cafe. Everybody turned and stared at me. I feel like everybody was saying things like, "How pathetic! He's looking for XXXXX at this point in time! And in those clothes!"

Dream 2

I was possibly a famous writer. I had been involved recently with an exchange of letters setting up encounters with a few of my admirers/peers during a writing conference of some sort.

Now I was walking around a huge complex, outside, up and down stairs and along balconies and lawns and courtyards, in nice, gentle sunlight. I saw one woman walking down a set of stairs from a glass-fronted area that looked like the main conference area. She looked at me, wondered if I was who I was, then continued on when I didn't speak some code I was supposed to speak to a woman of her description. I didn't want to avoid her -- it was just that I suddenly wondered if speaking with her wouldn't lead to trouble.

I was now walking along a concrete balcony behind a second woman. She had long, straight, blonde hair, pale tan skin, a ribbed, black tank t-shirt, and a long, folding-type skirt that was pale purple and white like a tie-dye, stippled like granite with flecks of black. She had a tight waist and a round bottom.

I didn't even know if she was one of the people I had arranged to meet with. (These meetings, by the way, were only supposed to be for discussions on writing.) I just wanted to talk with her so I could get her in bed. But as I advanced I grew more and more cautious. Then the girl's bottom just kept getting flabbier until I finally just turned away.

Now I was in some apartment/office, changing into lingerie: a sheer, purple camisole. I must have been about to put on panties. But I didn't. I saw a girl I knew by description. She wore the same camisole, as a skirt-dress, with no panties. She was tan, bronze-blonde, with a twiggy, muscular figure and a nice, round bottom.

As soon as I saw her I left the apartment, with some lingerie in my hand, and walked up to her. I said, "Are you who I think you are?"

She looked at me and said, "You're holding two negligees, just like you said."

She was now shocked by sexual attraction. She ran off. She said, "Please wait here. I have to change. I'll be right back."

I myself thought I should go change.

Dream 3

A woman came into some apartment/office where I sat at a computer. She gave me three disks. I had asked her for them, but now I couldn't remember what they were -- programs to install or files to download.

I looked at the disks. The first said "VINDICATOR #1;" the second, "VINDICATOR #2;" the third had "VINDICATOR #3" over "VINDICATOR #4."

I had "mentally" asked the woman what the disks' contents were. But she hadn't answered me yet -- it was actually like her functionality or presence had evaporated. And I just sat there thinking, What a fool she must think I am.

Dream 4.

I looked in the mirror. I had shaved my mustache. I kept noticing pimples along where my mustache had been until I had counted out eight cysts and large blemishes. I told myself, This is what you get for shaving your face. Now you'll just have to be patient until the hair grows back.

(10/21/07) throwing rocks; jim and catherine's baby; boss cross-dressing

(Entered in paper journal at 5:40 AM at Laundromat on Empire Boulevard and McKeever Place in Brooklyn.)

Dream #1

It was daytime. I stood in a wooded area on a hillside. I could see through the trees and down the hill to a lake and a city. The lake's surface was silvery. A helicopter or airplane flew over the city. I may have run into this wooded area to avoid machine gun fire from a helicopter.

From behind me another person or aircraft began firing at the aircraft in the distance. (If it was a person firing, he/she may instead have been throwing rocks at the helicopter, somehow managing to send them all that distance.) I was sure the aircraft would start falling.

I ran out from the forest while the assailant was still firing at the craft. I wanted the craft to be clear that I was not firing, even though I didn't know who was firing.

Dream #2

I sat on a couch in a room on the upper floor of a large house. The room may have had blue walls. It was night, and a light was on in the room. Another couch to my right was at right angles to the couch I sat on. On that couch sat a couple like Henri Serre and Jeanne Moreau from the film Jules and Jim. The couple told me they were going to have a baby.

A child to my left, who looked like my oldest nephew, lay on the couch. At the announcement, he held his hands to his head and rolled softly left and right in anguish. I tried to comfort him.

Now the scene started over again. I was carrying somebody "up the stairs" to this room. But it was actually like we were walking across a chain-link-suspended board bridge, like in a playground -- except that this bridge was made of very nice, dark wood.

I knelt in front of the couch. The man and woman made their announcement. My nephew lay (perhaps naked) on the couch. I nestled my head in between his neck and shoulder and whispered something to him about how everything would be alright and how his parents still wanted him.

Dream #3

I had gone somewhere with my old boss and mentor EB, possibly to his house and then shopping. EB told me he wanted me to keep dressing well, and that I should try to dress even better. He said his wife GB would want me to do the same thing.

I now sat in some penthouse, looking out over a huge deck on some building-top in the middle of the city. I could see the whole city. It was daytime. I was staying as a guest in this house. Some friends were with me. We watched as some people walked back and forth on the deck, as if the deck were a plaza. I told my friends that I had seen EB's house and that it was huge.

EB and GB now walked past. GB looked tall and slinky. She wore a tight, purple and white dress which somehow accentuated the lower part of her belly too much. EB wore a pale blue, button-up dress shirt. But he also wore a ruffly, black skirt, and he was carrying a purse. He might even have been wearing high heels. At first I couldn't believe my eyes. Then I couldn't figure out why he was wearing what he was wearing.