(10/5/04) smelly pizza; bell bottom firefighting; standing up for mom; fast food adecco

(Entered in paper journal at 2:30 AM at home in Albuquerque.)

Dream 1

New York (?). Day. With mom and brother. Walk out tall white apartments to go do laundry.

Man in next apartment stops me. Says, "Don't eat any more smelly pizza out on balcony."

I say, "That wasn't me. I'm in 329, not below you but right here."

He then says, "Oh. Well, we're gonna find out who it is. One day my wife and I -- my wife is deaf -- went to Cici's Pizza at 7 PM (?) and stayed there looking at our memories." (He keeps flipping through a book of notebook and color-copied material.) "It got to about 9 PM and some guy came into the store. He was real..."

He trails off at a memory -- "Hey, look! A recipe somewhere for XXXXX!" (It's not on his present page but the present page has a note saying recipe somewhere. Page otherwise blank.) He flips through pages.

I see recipe on next page, tell man so. Man turns to it. I think he'll start story again, but he doesn't. Just says, "Well don't let me catch you eating smelly pizza anymore."

I tell him, "Have a good one."

Look to man's wife and say, "You, too." She makes hissing sound with mouth. She had done this before, too, at some point. She looks like "pretentious" wife in Monsoon Wedding (husband black). (I by the way was always standing outside a screen door. I also "remembered" having been told something about what a creep the guy was and how nice the woman was by my mom.)

I now walked to Cici's/the laundromat. But it was so late. I also now had my laundry in my hands. I thought, Well, I won't do my laundry. But since it was already put in a bag, all mixed together, I had to do it.

I thought about getting quarters. There was a change machine at the end of my block (?) -- strange external/internal block (?). Laundromat like place with washing machines in small room, then bowling alley (?) in huge room.

I thought, What if my mom sees all my panties when my clothes are in the dryer?

All washing machines full. As I look for empty one I pass three or four women, all average-looking (one looks like barista from Barnie's) looking at me, attracted. I can't find laundry machine. I think again about not doing laundry, but I realize again I have to.

Dream 2

I was listening to radio (?) with my mom. Some special on the Beatles. Paul McCartney (nowadays) said, "We've heard the last song, which was written by XXXXX." (Either him or John Lennon.) "You may be getting tired of hearing songs by XXXXX and wondering when you'll hear songs by XXXXX. But did you know this song was written by the both of us?"

Plays song called "Firestarter." (I "see" the title somewhere). (Song is actually "Bell Bottom Blues" I was hearing.) I hear voice, determine it is Paul, so mainly written by Paul (or John?).

My mom says, "Many people think this is a love song. But it's actually a song about fighting fires." I say, "Oh. When I hear the 'walk across the water'" (?) "part, I always think of wildfires." My mom seems put back now, as if I said something too braggingly. I now see an image of firefighters in the night, apparently as I drive past.

***

(Daytime paper journal entry.)

Four dreams remembered from last night. I'll list third and fourth first as they aren't written in the Ghost Book.

Dream 3

I sat in a house which was also like an office. I sat at a big desk about three-quarters toward the back of the living room. I feel like I was partially surrounded either by boxes or filing cabinets. I may have been holding up a high-heel dress shoe.

My mom (?) walked out of the house with someone else, probably a woman. I felt some man somewhere insinuating that I was lazy and worthless. I got up to prove that this wasn't so. I walked out to the front patio. My mother stood with XXXXX in the center of the yard, which was cluttered, with boxes. I think the boxes were empty.

A black man looking all scraggly and with black sunglasses on walked up to my mom with a manipulative grin on his face and began a spiel for money.

I thought, Now's my chance to prove I'm not some lazy coward! I ran down toward the guy and yelled at him, "Get the hell out of my yard!" He quickly backed up, not looking worried. He looked at me as if to say, I'm gonna get you for this.

I watched him as he walked all the way into a house next door to mine. I thought I should go in after him. But I didn't feel I had a right to go into someone else's house. I also didn't think I could beat him in the interior of that house, which was maze-like and unfamiliar to me. So (I think) I went back into my house, feeling lazy, worthless, and cowardly.

Dream 4

I sat in a one-seat-width table-booth at a fast food restaurant. Or, rather, I think I sat above it, floating, behind RN, my boss from my assignment with Adecco, who sat in another table-booth. Across the aisle from him, in another booth, sat A and S, two other workers from my assignment. S said something. R responded like S was an idiot, shutting her up.

I now sunk down into a seat, strangely, as if I sat backwards, though I felt like I sat forwards. I.e. not

or

but

with my legs going though the seat. RN who had sat in the chair-like booth seat directly backing the one I now sat in, i.e.

now sat in the booth seat on the other side of the table. ST sat to his left. ST held some white papers in his hand. I felt like RN had somehow apologized to me (for what???) by being sarcastic toward S.

RN seems to have disappeared. Now I looked at ST. His face became really sick. It was like he was realizing something really bad by looking at me. He suddenly said, "Well, I don't know about the rest of you guys, but I'm ready to go home."

***

I don't know how much I need to write about my first and second dreams. They seem fully enough written in the Ghost Book. There are just a couple things I might say about the first dream.

Dream 1

The apartment was tallish, white, with a rough surface like painted, spiky concrete.

When I walked out it was like I walked out onto a patio. But when I spoke to the man, it was like I was on a ledge, looking into a window with the glass up and screen down. It was like I had walked out one window and up to another window. But it was also like I had walked onto one vertical balcony, i.e.

across empty space, up to another vertical balcony, to a doorway, the hard door of which was open but the screen door of which was shut.

It was confusing, just like walking away from the apartment, but it was like I was immediately down and walking up some street-width driveway from the apartments. It was like I was outside and inside at the same time.

At the corner of the "street" was a change machine. I was about to put a dollar in it for the laundry change. But I noticed a sign on the machine that said, "THIS MACHINE DOES GIVE OUT DIMES." The lettering was worn and faded, but I could still tell what it said. The machine was a hefty, beige-painted, steel cube.

(10/24/04) my friends or boyfriends

(No time/place info for paper journal entry.)

Dream 1

I rode with my mom in a car through some busy, small town. It was daytime. My mom asked me about some guy named Alex, whether I was friends with him still. I said no, or not as much. She then asked about two more guys and started making reference to all three of them as my boyfriends, i.e. lovers or ex-lovers.

I didn't know why my mom was saying this. I couldn't quite remember whether it was true. I didn't argue with her, as she seemed to be so cheerful.

I think at some point we drove under a concrete arch and past fast food restaurants in the same parking lot, as if this were a tourist lodging town or the outskirts of a bigger mountain town.

(4/23/08) helping and neglecting; patient and doctor; strange, beautiful UN scandal

(Entered in paper journal at 6:13 AM on Q-train from Brooklyn to Manhattan.)

Dream #1

I was in an area like an office reception area combined with an empty department store. It was pretty quiet. None of the lights were turned on. Only natural light lit the building, from tall windows on a wall to my right.

A few people stood in front of a long "reception desk" that seemed more like an airport check-in counter or a nurse's station. I walked past this station.

Someone behind the counter told me he couldn't figure out some sort of billing statement. I thought, Well, I can figure it out. But I don't want to be mistaken for working here. Nevertheless, I went behind the counter and took a look at the receipt, since somebody, I knew, was waiting for it.

There were two receipts: a yellow, carbon-copy-like one that was maybe three inches by five inches, and a small, white printout that was maybe three inches by one inch. There were two longish numbers on the receipts. These numbers needed to be checked, to make sure they matched on the two receipts. If the numbers matched, a phone number was then to be called. The number dialed would provide more information.

As I was getting ready to call the phone number, the phone rang on another line. I let that phone ring a couple times, hoping the person I was trying would pick up, and that I could then put him on hold to answer the other call. But after a few rings I had to answer. I walked over to a big control board on the window-wall side of the "reception-desk" and flipped a lit purple switch. My call was put on hold.

I answered the other line. It was one of my boss BS' clients. She sounded very angry. She said, "Don't you know who I am? How dare you keep the phone ringing so long?" She started asking me a research question.

BS walked past me. I thought I would hand the call over to him. But I hesitated. I considered that I would probably get in trouble for having kept a client call ringing on the phone for so long.

Dream #2

In a stone basement a man was going to perform an operation on another man. I was the patient. But I was also the doctor. The patient was an older man, like the professor in The Blue Angel, but a little more wrinkled and with less hair. The doctor was alternately a man like the patient and a younger man, tall and attractive, but with kind of scraggly hair.

I (patient) lay on a kind of dingy hospital bed. The light all around was dim. I might have been falling asleep. I might have been partly cut open already. I knew was was going to have a new kind of graft -- a piece of my intestines would be used to replace one of the vessels of my heart.

I (doctor) walked down stone steps into the basement. My vision was very blurry. There was a third man in the room. Both he and I worried that I wouldn't be able to see well enough to do such a precise operation. But then I remembered that I used another instrument for this operation.

Without telling the third man what I was doing, I walked into a nearby room and pulled out a large, rolling frame with a wide, flat-screen TV on its top. I pulled it close to the patient. Everything was now magnified perfectly. I saw a very thin, needle-like instrument poking over some yellow matter that was apparently intestines.

Dream #3

I had been out walking and had seen a lot of strange and beautiful things. I saw now walking around to the front of a beige-bricked building that looked like an area of the United Nations building. In front of it was a railing like the handrail mazes for amusement park rides. The sun was warm and golden, but warm shadow covered the front of the building.

I told myself to remember everything I'd seen today: it had all been so beautiful and strange.

I walked into the building, which was like a fast food restaurant, except that there were "pull-belt" mazes as the line and all the cashiers were behind counters topped with plexiglass windows, like in a bank.

I called to one of the cashiers, a black woman with shortish, reddish hair who wore a green shirt. I told the cashier I would like a XXXXX and a ham and egg breakfast sandwich. I had to wait a moment, for some reason.

I stood by the far right register and read a paper like The Onion, which had a weird photo of a man and woman swinging in darkness and cloaked in a swooping cloth of bright colors and white. These two people were celebrities involved in some scandal.

(8/5/08) fast food restauarant's back area

(Entered in paper journal at 6:30 AM on Q-train from Brooklyn to Manhattan.)

Dream #1

It was daytime. I was in a fast food restaurant. I was the only customer in the restaurant at the moment, but there were a few workers. I may have known all the workers. I may have ordered something, although I wasn't very interested in it. I was trying to leave the restaurant.

I was behind the counter, in the food-prep area. The daylight somehow seemed to mix with the fluorescent light. I walked through a door or doorway and was in an unused food-prep area. It looked like there were a few stainless steel stations that people could work at.

I walked through another door and into a small room like a manager's office, which was actually another service counter. There was a register which was either open or had money on it. I closed this door and walked away immediately, not wanting anybody to think I was trying to take the money, although there might have been another door in that room leading outdoors.

I walked through another area, which may have been like a hallway.

(10/26/08) musical in a fast food restaurant

(Entered in paper journal at 6:10 AM on Q-train from Brooklyn to Manhattan.)

Dream #1

I walked into a fast food restaurant. I was just going to get a coffee so I could sit down and write. The cash register had a square of open space before it, possibly marked by barriers The counter itself seemed large and tall. A young woman was behind the counter. Two older, grey-haired men stood before the counter, ordering something. Both men looked dignified.

When I got up to place my order, the two men told me I should try the soup and XXXXX. I went ahead and ordered it. On my tray I had a coffee, a paper cup of soup, and some weird, pastry-like object as long as a small hero sandwich. My order came to eleven dollars. I was a little disappointed. I thought, And all I wanted was a coffee.

I looked for a place to sit. The seating area was open and sunny. There seemed to be plenty of seats. I might have seen an attractive woman. I might have thought that I should sit by her. But then I somehow got distracted. When I looked back, all the seats were full.

I looked to my right. The seating area was now enormous. To my right was an area with no windows, with dim lighting. I saw a few seats there. I walked over to that area. But as soon as I got there I couldn't see any open tables.

There was an open seat at a table for four people at which only one woman sat. I sat down without asking the woman if it was okay. I tried to take up as little space as possible, and I didn't talk to the woman, so as not to bother her. The woman was tallish, wearing blue jeans and a grey sweater, and with brownish, crimped hair.

There was a TV blaring somewhere. Everyone was watching TV while they ate. The show was a musical.

Now the musical was taking place right inside this restaurant. The room was enormous and opulently lit. There were nicely dressed people dancing all around. Green things like leafs fluttered through the air.

Now the show was over. I saw as if from a high point in the room. The room was enormous and tall. the walls and floors were of marble. The floors were extremely polished, with either a striped or checkered pattern of pink and beige or brown and beige marble.

The green, leafy material that had fallen during the show was now strewn all over the ground. I got a "close-up" view of it. It was like I was talking about it with a woman, possibly my girlfriend H. We suddenly saw that the tattered, green matter that looked like leafs was actually tattered, green wings that were still attached to dead birds which looked like seagulls with tan patterns on them. The woman expressed sad surprise.

Seeing the room from the high view again, I watched an old, white man blowing the green matter off the floor with a leaf blower. The matter all flourished upward in an elegant pattern before disappearing. I thought, Now the dance has gone from being human to being abstract. But all this is still part of the musical.