(2/28/09) bar house; equations and jet flight; the fairy's burden; team change

(Entered in dream journal at 8:40 AM at Red Horse cafe in Brooklyn.)

Dream #1

I was at a bar, which also looked like a living room in a small townhouse or apartment. I actually started up in a bedroom upstairs from "the bar." I could hear my co-worker BK arguing downstairs. I stopped whatever I'd been doing (probably sitting on the floor doing something like a puzzle or board game) and walked a few steps down the stairway.

I saw BK at the end of a line, arguing with some people who were maybe halfway up the line. The people were maybe three black men in black jeans and black, puffy jackets with their hoods pulled up.

The floor was split into two rooms, something like a living room and a dining room. The living room was before me. The dining room was to my right. There might have been a third room to my left, beyond the view of the stairs. The line snaked through the living room and dining room. The living room and dining room were offset from each other, i.e. not having their walls in a straight line with each other. There might have been a stairwell going down to a basement level. The light of the whole place was a pink rosy-white.

I knew BK was getting himself in trouble, so I went downstairs and tried to console him and calm him down. he was a lot smaller than in waking life (I may even have noticed this in the dream). Whereas he's usually a couple inches taller than I and probably fifty pounds heavier, now he maybe came up to my chin and had a roundish, but tiny, frame.

(I also keep on feeling that throughout this whole sequence, from the beginning up to this point, I may have been a pretty girl, skinny, with tan skin and long, slightly ring-curly, black hair.)

I may have told BK that he was drunk and he needed to go upstairs to rest. I may have managed to get BK going up the stairs.

Now I was upstairs. (I was myself now.) BK wasn't a part of things anymore, apparently. (I don't quite get the space of the dream here.) I sat on a couch somewhere, as if I were in a small hallway-type area that may possibly have been overlooking the room below. There were three bedrooms, one on each side of me and one before me and down a short hallway. All the rooms were dark.

I had a light in the room where I sat. I may have seen myself as if from a point outside my body. (I actually can't say whether I was myself or a woman.)

A pretty, Hispanic girl with coppery skin, blondish hair, and a thickish but smooth and sexy body, wearing a short, blue party dress (sprinkled with tiny rhinestones or mirror-like beads?) walked up the stairs. She said she was too drunk to party anymore, and she wondered if she could sleep here tonight. I said of course.

I thought I'd guide the woman to my room, but she said she wanted to sleep in my brother's room. I saw the woman get into my brother's bed and lay close to the wall, the right side of the bed, as if she were snuggling with the wall. The bed had its mattress high up, propped maybe two and a half or three feet high, on red, metallic (?) bedposts.

I walked into my room. I may have turned on the light. I may have heard my brother downstairs. I was a little jealous that the woman had wanted to sleep with my brother instead of me. But I thought it would only be right for me to let my brother know the woman was waiting in bed for him. So I went downstairs (possibly as my brother was coming upstairs) to let my brother know.

Dream #2

I found a box or shelf full of DVDs that looked really interesting. I brought some into a dark room, like a bedroom that had been made into a film viewing room. The DVD I put in projected onto the wall with the same crisp, but used, quality of an old 16mm film.

The beginning image was a table, like a table of contents, with black background and white lettering. The table looked like something out of a 1970s (or earlier) government tet. It was actually manipulable, like the tables of contents on a DVD.

The top of the screen had a strange warning, about how this was an educational film relating either to the air force or to piloting jets. I knew this meant two things: first, that there was a lot of stuff the average viewer would find tedious or useless (this was strongly implied by the wording of the warning); and second, that there would probably be real scenes of people who had been injured or killed in jet accidents, crashes, shootings, etc. (this is something I thought by myself, by deduction, from what "I knew" about "films like this.").

I had second thoughts about the film, and I thought I'd just surf to the spots I wanted to see: the parts having to do with the functioning and flight of high-altitude jets and rockets.

But the "DVD" started automatically. It began with a narration of what was apparently a history of fighter jets. But the imagery was all of people, alone and together, scribbling out equations on paper, at desks in small rooms like laboratories, bigger rooms like classrooms, and even at chalkboards in large rooms like lecture halls.

The imagery was all "live" -- i.e. it showed the actual scientists in the moment of creation; it wasn't a dramatization. But it also wasn't a history. I realized this as soon as I started paying attention to what was being written. It was a lesson. All the scenes were linking together various pieces of an equation or set of equations relating to propulsion or trajectory.

I was fascinated; nevertheless, I kept waiting for a sudden intrusion of images of people who had been killed while flying jets. Now there were images (almost as if superimposed on the pages with equations) of rockets like the X-15 ascending steeply into the air. There may even have been footage of an SR-71 doing the same thing.

Now (possibly as a second dream?) I was in a room like a workshop (?) with my old friend R's wife L. L was telling me about an air and space museum that she thought I'd be interested in.

In particular there was a ride or simulation where you stood on something like a yellow mat (hexagon shaped?) and were lifted into the air, possibly by means of something like a sphere-like object, like the EPCOT Center sphere, which may have expanded in order to make the yellow mat rise. This ride or simulation (the whole experience may just have been part of a small virtual reality machine) was made to demonstrate the speed and angle at which the X-15 would accelerate on its missions.

I got giddy and afraid even thinking about something like this ride. I knew I probably couldn't do a ride like that. But I thought I'd have to make myself do it. After all, how could I fantasize all the time about these flights and then chicken out when I finally had the chance to experience something like them? And beyond that, if L and R had done it without my having done it, they'd always gloat about it and hold the fact over my head.

I thought I'd have to go to this museum. L told me the museum was in Dixie, which I assumed (almost envisioned in writing) meant Dixie, Kentucky (or "Dixie, KY").

Dream #3

I was in a field like an orchard or a nice valley in a park. It was a nice, sunny day. There were a few people around, all friends, relaxing.

My old friend R's wife L and I were flying about in the air, about ten feet up, or even higher, under or within the canopy of a wide tree (like an elm?). L carried me on her lap. I realized at some point in the dream that something else was carrying L, something like a fairy (like a human-sized version of the fairy in an episode on disc 7 of the Urusei Yatsura anime series DVDs).

L and I perched on one of the lower limbs of the tree, near the trunk of the tree. The sunlight through the canopy was silvery all around us. L and I may have moved apart from each other. There were a few people below the canopy, relaxedly playing some game like tag, but also slightly paying attention to me and L.

I thought I'd like to go even higher up the tree, maybe even higher than the tree. But I didn't want to fly without L wanting to -- I didn't want her to start claiming that I was a burden to her. But then I thought, Isn't it the (fairy?) that helps us fly? L doesn't even feel my weight on her lap, let alone the effort that would be required in making us fly.

I thought I would ask the fairy either to help me and L or just me fly even higher. But now I saw that the fairy (which was really invisible, or else so crystal clear that seeing her was nearly impossible) was a few levels of limbs below me and L, as if L and I were no longer on the lower limbs of the tree. I thought I would be making too much of a burden out of myself if I called the fairy from all the way down there (about ten feet below me?). So I decided not to ask after all.

Dream #4

I was in a meeting with somebody. We were in an office lit with whitish, fluorescent light. The room was small, and it was just the other person and I, but the room felt very busy.

The meeting ended. I walked out into a small office which ended with a little area like a snack bar. This area also seemed to be busy, but there didn't seem to be anybody around. Very hurried, I asked for something from the person behind the counter.

While the person was getting my order, my co-worker BT came up from behind me. He stood to my left and slapped his arm around my shoulders. He said, "Hey, boss, did I see you coming in here to have a meeting with somebody at 5 AM today?" I said yes. BT said, "We need to have a talk a little bit later on. Alright? Seriously. Stop by."

I laughed a little bit -- I was pleasantly shocked that I'd been recognized for actually coming into work early. But my laugh, instead of sounding pleasantly surprised, sounded almost condesending, as if I were trying to say, "Why would I need to talk to you?"

I understood that both BT and I had either gotten fired from here or else that were were going to get fired. BT wanted me on his team at whatever company he'd be working at next because he realized how hard I worked.

BT had gotten whatever he'd ordered, but either he didn't pay the cost of his meal, one dollar, or else he only paid one dollar for his meal when it actually cost five dollars. He walked away. I now paid for my order. The order cost one dollar. I gave five dollars. The cashier didn't give me my change and moved onto the next person in line.

I thought that a change machine in front of me (which looked like either a black, metal change-making machine -- like in laundromats -- or a clear, glass tip jar half-full of bills and change) was supposed to scroll out my four dollars in change. I waited, but the machine didn't give me my change. I was about to ask the cashier to give me my change.

But now BT came back up. He gave the cashier the money he hadn't given before. He then turned to me and looked me in the face. He said, "Hey, about what I said, I'm serious, okay?"

I knew BT had taken my laugh as if he'd thought I was laughing him off. I tried to be as serious as I could. I told BT, "Yes. I will definitely come talk to you."

For some reason, however, I may have felt like it was now already late in the afternoon. BT must have thought I'd blown him off by not coming to see him for the whole day. (Also, BT may have been shorter than he is in waking life. In waking life he towers over me by a head. But in the dream he was looking at me eye to eye.)

(9/16/09) old friends and sex; college girls' lingerie

(Entered in dream journal at 7:54 AM at Sit & Wonder cafe in Brooklyn.)

Dream #1

I walked down a sidewalk of brownstone buildings in the daytime. I was going to meet my old friend R and his wife L. I saw them sitting on a staircase in front of a brownstone. I may have been looking at my BlackBerry as I walked up to R and L. I put my BlackBerry down and then looked up at R and L.

We were now in a large restaurant, somewhat fancy, with tall walls. The walls and fixtures were all made of wood and brass. Natural daylight probably came in through windows. We walked up to a table that had booth seats on one side and chairs on the other, with the booth seats' back serving as booth seats' backs on the other side as well.

I may have been standing there by myself, looking at my BlackBerry. I walked over to a much larger booth table, where a lot of people were sitting. These people were all my friends. R and L may have been among them. Behind the people were two tall windows, letting in a dim view of a tallish, brick row building and a deep, clear, blue sky.

I watched a group of women walk out of the row building. The women were all young adults, with short, pale blonde hair and bronzed skin. They wore tight, sleeveless or tank-top shirts and carried boxes or plastic crates with them, as if they were moving out.

Among the women was my old friend PD, who looked odd with short, pale blonde hair. PD seemed to be looking in through the window and into the restaurant. I waved to PD, trying to get her attention. But she didn't seem to notice. She continued with the girls down to a vehicle, maybe a van.

I told everybody at the table (I was still standing), "That was PD! I tried to get her attention!" I wondered whether PD and the other girls were all lesbians. For some reason their hairstyles seemed lesbian to me. PD was now among the people at the table. The people at the table were all conversing casually.

I walked away, reading my BlackBerry. I was now in a room, which was still in the restaurant. The room was about twelve feet by twelve feet, with gentle, yellowish, natural light coming into the room. But the room felt run-down, like the paint on the walls was chipping and the wood floors were unpolished. Three chairs of tall, old wood stood side by side.

Behind the chairs stood a young, Japanese man. The man held a cloth bag and a black, cardboard box like a shoebox. The box had dimmish, silver-grey writing on it. The bag had a Takashi Murakami flower and logo on it. I realized, from the bag, that I knew the man.

As the man and I conversed laughingly about how we knew each other (by speaking about how we knew Murakami), either R or R and L walked into the room. I thought, If R knows I'm friends with this man, he'll try to destroy the friendship. I walked out of the room.

I was back in the main area of the restaurant. I sat down at a booth seat in a half-booth table, behind which was dimness and a bar up at the top of a roughly seven-foot-tall tier.

A woman sat next to me. She was pretty, maybe ten years older than I, with long, blonde hair and a red dress. We spoke for a while and then were home at the woman's apartment. We were in bed. I was on top of her, moving against her. The woman looked like Cindy Crawford: thin, with dark-tanned skin and brown-blonde hair. She wore black panties and a black bra. As I rubbed against the woman, she opened her mouth in a wide "O" of pleasure.

I was now walking out of a large apartment complex with my old co-worker BK. It was probably early morning, the clear sky a dim silver-blue. BK and I walked under some scaffolding near some tall buildings.

BK told me, "When I was first looking for jobs, I used DO" (an old boss of mine) "as a reference. But I then realized that was a mistake. DO always gives the most restrained, least positive opinion about anybody he has to give a reference for."

BK may then have asked whether I used DO as a reference. I felt bad for telling BK yes. So I went into some long speech about how at first DO had promised me he would give me a good reference.

We were now walking through a wide, vacant lot of asphalt which was worn and cracked, with patches of grass growing through in places. We crossed a street, probably to a large, clean parking lot at the end of which was a clean, tan and pink shopping mall lit in watery, white light. We then crossed the street, back to the asphalt lot. Across the lot was a tall, wide apartment complex atop a tall, torn-looking hill. BK And I walked down the vacant lot, to another set of buildings and scaffolding.

BK started jumping around with excitement, all fluttery, like a girl. He started talking about how excited he was about some party he was throwing. He asked me if I was coming. I may have wondered whether BK was gay. I then began whether I had had sex with the blonde woman or with BK.

Dream #2

It was black night. I walked (counter-clockwise?) around a square of dwellings like very small rooms separated from one another by thin walls. The rooms had ceilings like thatch or wicker. This square of dwellings was in the center of a lawny field.

The rooms were all dimly lit, some with fires, some, probably, with electric light. The rooms were all filled with colorful objects, mainly swatches of fabric for clothing. The rooms were all for college aged people. I didn't see a lot of people (maybe none, at first), although there was an atmosphere of people being around, a feeling of liveliness.

I started looking into each of the room-units. I occasionally saw women's clothes lying on the beds. I took looks through all the clothing, seeing what I might like to come back to and try on. I now came to a room, brighter than the others, lit by electric light, with a few people all lounging around, mostly on the bed. The people may have been members of my college comedy performance group, although I think they may all have been women.

The people told me they knew I'd been looking through all the women's clothing. They told me I'd be welcome to try on anything I liked. I may have spoken with them a little, partly trying to justify my habit, about how I chose the clothing I would try on. I may have seen myself trying on a classical pair of thick, satin panties by the light of a fire.