(1/5/05) money had arrived

(Entered in paper journal at 6:35 AM at home in Harlem.)

Dream 1

I walked or was dropped off at the end of a tree-shaded, concrete bike path in the suburbs that apparently wound along a hillside behind some houses and possibly along but up from or up and away from a creek. I was now at an asphalt cul-de-sac with houses' side yards on the left and right. I was going home. I think I was going there quickly because money had arrived.

As I walked, a kid walked past me who scared me. I was all alone with him on the street. he was tall, with a hooded sweatshirt, black grey with some design, and dark, baggy jeans. His hands were in the "kangaroo pouch" of the sweatshirt. His face was a tattered board of wood, like a brown-painted beam now chipping and splintering. I thought there were eye holes for him to see through, but I couldn't find any. Nevertheless he managed to look straight at me.

I acted unafraid, though I was extremely afraid. I got to a busy street. On my side the street was flat. There were a lot of small storefronts in small, white buildings. The street was wide and rushing moderately with cars. Across the street was a large, sweeping hill, possibly with a church somewhere.

I was about to get home. But I was afraid the man was following me. I didn't want him to know where I lived.

Now I was walking past my house. I looked in the windows as I passed to see I had letters. I was now inside my house. The place was a messy, kind of small house, all grayish and musty.

The two letters had been slid under my door. I thought at first that they were eviction notices. I picked them up and walked into my bedroom with them. They were checks from my great grandmother A.

The "checks" were actually just sloppily written letters with some monetary figures on them. One was an almost crumpled square of novelty paper, a pinkish, sandy color with a blue border dotted with seashells and sea creatures. The figure on this sheet was $28. There was an awfully written letter on it and also faded figures of addition and subtraction.

I thought to myself that this must be a carbon copy sheet and that my grandma must have absently-mindedly been doing figures on the top sheet before sending me the letter. I wondered if the "check" would be any good in such a messy state. Besides, it wasn't enough money.

I went to a kitchen table. There were a few more envelopes on the floor close to the wall. I fell down, crouching on the floor, feeling also like I was in flimsy clothing or beneath a matronly blanket.

I opened one of the envelopes. A ton of papers fell out. One looked like a folded postal money order. I didn't think it could be. I unfolded it. It was. I read the amount the order was good for. $192. I couldn't believe it. I was reading it upside-down. I looked at it once again. It was still upside-down. $192. I felt great relief. This would be enough to supplement my income for a few weeks.

(9/11/08) this is money we owed you

(Entered in paper journal at 6 AM on Q-train from Brooklyn into Manhattan.)

Dream #1

I was in "my office." The lights were all off, and just a little light flowed in through the windows. I stood by an office room. Our department's compliance officer, RR, and KMr (?) may have walked out of the office. There was a faint, blue glow from somewhere.

RR handed me a slightly messy handful of papers and envelopes. Right on top was a check. The amount it was for, $952, was highlighted. I walked with RR and KMr down the office floor. RR old me, "This is money we owed you, money in addition to the loans you got in the summer."

I walked back to my desk. I was searching, either through my papers or on the computer, for something that had to do with my compensation.