(Entered in paper journal at 9:10 AM at Starbucks at 1st Street and 7th Avenue in Brooklyn.)
Dream 1
It was night. I was in an apartment building, at least ten floors up, I'd guess, with my sister (?) and "her husband." They were doing something suspicious. At first I couldn't tell what it was. Then I figured out that they were shooting heroin.
For some reason I had gotten the idea that my sister and "her husband" were having a hard time taking care of their kids. Now I only wanted to expose them so their kids could find safety.
My mom came to pick me up. My sister and I were out in the parking lot. At first I wasn't going to say anything. We were getting into my mom's vehicle (which looked more like my sister's SUV in waking life, except a little smaller). My sister got into the backseat. Something about her seemed a little bit like my friend R.
Now I felt like I absolutely had to tell my mom about my sister's and brother-in-law's heroin use. But as I was telling my mom I could feel that "R/my sister" was going to stab me in the back of the skull.
Showing posts with label brother-in-law. Show all posts
Showing posts with label brother-in-law. Show all posts
Sunday, February 19, 2017
Friday, January 25, 2013
(3/10/08) girlfriends of the family; dirty clothes
(Entered in paper journal at 6:40 AM at home.)
Dream #1
I was on a hill in a suburban neighborhood, looking down on a high school field and building as if from about half a mile away. It was a bright and hot day. I was walking down the hill.
I heard my mom's voice as if I were remembering a conversation with her. My mom spoke about my brother-in-law and how the first time around he had tried to get a girl pregnant when he wasn't even out of high school. But now he and the girl were out of high school and he had gotten the girl pregnant. My mom said that the timing was accidental, but it looked responsible. At least this time he hadn't screwed up and gotten some girl pregnant before they were out of high school.
I was now down and away from the hill, walking through residential streets. I turned onto "my mom's block." My mom's house was at the end of the road and at the corner of an "L" in the road.
As I walked up to my mom's house, I thought, Why should my mom think this whole situation is positive? Isn't my brother-in-law married to my sister? Why is he getting some other girl pregnant?
My mom opened the screen door and stood in the doorway as I approached. My mom looked weird. She was taller and skinnier than normal. Her body looked mannish, even fake. Her face looked like a man's version of her face. She wore a wig to make her hair look like her mother's hair (which, in waking life, is occasionally a wig). But the wig was all messy. She wore a white pant-suit with a purple undershirt and possibly a gold necklace.
I was here to watch the house while my mother went out to some event like a wedding or a meeting. My mom may now have been gone.
I heard my mom's voice in my head again, like a remembered conversation. My mom was now talking about how I didn't have to worry about my brother's (not brother-in-law's) girlfriend ever stopping by. But if my brother's girlfriend ever did stop by, all I had to do was not answer the door.
I was inside the house. It was dark. It was probably nighttime. The living room was full of stuff. The TV was on. The curtains over the front window were gauzy and thin.
I was trying to find a place to hide. I didn't want my brother's girlfriend to see me at all. She might have been violent, but she was at least sneaky enough to get into people's lives and mess things up pretty bad. I wondered now why I had chosen to watch this house in the first place.
Dream #2
I lay on a bed in a somewhat clean apartment on a high up floor looking out at a city skyline. It was a grey day. I spoke on the phone with a senior co-worker, RS, who was also in the apartment, sitting facing a wall, so that his back was to me.
I was talking about getting into or out of a certain stock. RS was speaking to me like I was a client. I hoped I wouldn't be embarrassed by him discovering that I was just an Administrative Assistant.
I hung up the phone and got out of bed. RS was still working and talking on the phone like he was in an office somewhere while also being here. I walked around the bed in girls' underwear and a girls' shirt. I hoped I could get dressed in guy's clothes before R turned around and noticed me.
But now all over the floor were piles of girls' clothes that I had to pick up and put away before I could get changed. RS now asked me why I had these dirty clothes all over the place.
Dream #1
I was on a hill in a suburban neighborhood, looking down on a high school field and building as if from about half a mile away. It was a bright and hot day. I was walking down the hill.
I heard my mom's voice as if I were remembering a conversation with her. My mom spoke about my brother-in-law and how the first time around he had tried to get a girl pregnant when he wasn't even out of high school. But now he and the girl were out of high school and he had gotten the girl pregnant. My mom said that the timing was accidental, but it looked responsible. At least this time he hadn't screwed up and gotten some girl pregnant before they were out of high school.
I was now down and away from the hill, walking through residential streets. I turned onto "my mom's block." My mom's house was at the end of the road and at the corner of an "L" in the road.
As I walked up to my mom's house, I thought, Why should my mom think this whole situation is positive? Isn't my brother-in-law married to my sister? Why is he getting some other girl pregnant?
My mom opened the screen door and stood in the doorway as I approached. My mom looked weird. She was taller and skinnier than normal. Her body looked mannish, even fake. Her face looked like a man's version of her face. She wore a wig to make her hair look like her mother's hair (which, in waking life, is occasionally a wig). But the wig was all messy. She wore a white pant-suit with a purple undershirt and possibly a gold necklace.
I was here to watch the house while my mother went out to some event like a wedding or a meeting. My mom may now have been gone.
I heard my mom's voice in my head again, like a remembered conversation. My mom was now talking about how I didn't have to worry about my brother's (not brother-in-law's) girlfriend ever stopping by. But if my brother's girlfriend ever did stop by, all I had to do was not answer the door.
I was inside the house. It was dark. It was probably nighttime. The living room was full of stuff. The TV was on. The curtains over the front window were gauzy and thin.
I was trying to find a place to hide. I didn't want my brother's girlfriend to see me at all. She might have been violent, but she was at least sneaky enough to get into people's lives and mess things up pretty bad. I wondered now why I had chosen to watch this house in the first place.
Dream #2
I lay on a bed in a somewhat clean apartment on a high up floor looking out at a city skyline. It was a grey day. I spoke on the phone with a senior co-worker, RS, who was also in the apartment, sitting facing a wall, so that his back was to me.
I was talking about getting into or out of a certain stock. RS was speaking to me like I was a client. I hoped I wouldn't be embarrassed by him discovering that I was just an Administrative Assistant.
I hung up the phone and got out of bed. RS was still working and talking on the phone like he was in an office somewhere while also being here. I walked around the bed in girls' underwear and a girls' shirt. I hoped I could get dressed in guy's clothes before R turned around and noticed me.
But now all over the floor were piles of girls' clothes that I had to pick up and put away before I could get changed. RS now asked me why I had these dirty clothes all over the place.
Saturday, December 1, 2012
(3/22/09) the imminent alligators; off the payroll; the grand tour
(Entered in paper journal at 8:45 AM at Connecticut Muffin in Windsor Terrace in Brooklyn.)
Dream #1
I stood out in front of my great grandmother's front yard, which was all muddy. The mud curled up in huge waves toward the sidewalk and sloped down from the house to the feet of the waves. In this little hollow there might even have been water.
Out of the mud or water sprung two alligators. They were orange-red with black stripes and, possibly, white bellies. They looked a little distorted, like they were plastic and their faces were narrower than usual, possibly even bulbed somehow. The alligators climbed up onto a little bed of mud to the left of the yard. I knew this was a dangerous situation, and that I should either fight the alligators or call somebody to come take care of them.
Now two more alligators crawled out of the mud. These were much more like regular alligators: large, wide-bodied, blunt-nosed, but still orange-red with black stripes. These alligators looked so dangerous that I thought that if they even saw me they would kill me.
I went into the house to call the police. I sat somewhere near my great grandmother. She told me she'd suspected something dangerous was going to happen when the alligators had come into the house -- which had apparently happened a while ago. I was shocked to hear that the alligators had first been inside the house.
My great grandma told me she had gotten even more suspicious when she would find scratches on her bedroom door and broken patches on her walls. (I could see these things in my mind's eye.) I was even more shocked to hear that so much had gone on in my great grandma's house without my great grandma having called the police.
Dream #2
I was in a cafe that was also something like a cabin in the woods. The place was full of gentle, grey daylight. The door was near the bar (which was on the "back" wall, from my view) and on the right wall. But it was somewhat obscured by a little divider. There was a tall, white man behind the bar. He owned the cafe. I was talking with him as if I were working at the cafe.
Now either my old boss BS or one of my department heads, MR, burst into the cafe. The person said, "Now I've got you! You've been working here, haven't you?"
I thought that that was correct, that I'd been working here one or two days a week. BS/MR said, "You've been getting paid while you were still on our payroll But now I've caught you, and I'm taking you off the payroll!" (In waking life, I'd been laid off from my job; but, though I was no longer to come into the office, I was still kept on the payroll for a little while longer, as a part of my severance package. But the terms of my staying on the payroll were that if I took another job, I'd be taken off the severance package payroll.)
I tried to think of some way out of this situation, or some way to justify what I had done. But I couldn't. I thought, It sucks that I should get in trouble for working only one or two days a week. But those are the rules.
Dream #3
It was a sunny, warm, cloudless day. My brother-in-law was driving himself, my sister, and me to their new house. We rode in an old, wide-bodied car with a pale interior. My sister and I sat in the backseat. My sister and I sat facing each other and were relatively close to each other, as if we were hugging each other, or close enough to be hugging each other. I sat on the driver's side, and my sister sat on the passenger's side.
My brother-in-law and sister took turns speaking to me about how good their new place was. When my sister would talk, she'd say things as if she were also gesturing with her hands to illustrate. But her gestures were actually just reaching into my pants and grabbing me. The first time she did it, she pinched my penis a little, as if I barely had a penis, so that she had to pinch only a little.
I was too shocked by my sister's actions to do anything about it. I hoped she hadn't meant to do it. But then she did it again, this time fingering the underside of my testicles.I had a view of something like a frame of wire-hangers before my mind's eye.
I told my sister (trying not to say exactly what she was doing, so as not to let my brother-in-law know what was going on), "Uh... I think your gestures might need to be away from that place." My sister backed off quickly, as if it were quickly understood that I wasn't interested.
We now pulled up to the new place, which was something more like a multi-story townhouse than a regular single-family house. The front of the house, including the framing and trim, was all a pale coffee color, bordered on top, in my view, with a band of blue sky.
I was slightly disappointed in the place. I had been told that the place was a house, and that it was huge. But this looked like it would be more like a small apartment.
My brother-in-law asked, "Does it seem okay?"
I could tell that my brother-in-law and sister really wanted to impress me. I said, "Yeah, It's great."
My sister took me inside. The place, my sister and brother-in-law had told me, was two stories. But I only saw one story. The place was wide, with a few "main rooms" that were open to one another, providing a wide-open feel. The place was dim. The walls were thin, cheap plaster. The floors were all linoleum, like kitchen floors, and they were dirty.
My sister led me to the left. She showed me two decent-sized rooms that may have seemed run down and too dirty to live in. She showed me another room, which she expressly said was to be a bedroom. It was as small as a closet, and its floors were caked with a rusty, grainy grime. I thought of the grainy grime as rat droppings. I thought that that would really have to be cleaned before anybody could use this place as a bedroom.
My sister led me into a large room which was the master bedroom. She pointed just over and behind us, to a bathroom. It was long, with the toilet at one end and the shower far at the other end. I said, "This is a huge bathroom! Everybody will be happy with this!"
But then I realized the bathroom was attached to the master bedroom. This meant that the bathroom could only be used by the person who stayed in the master bedroom. This would probably be my mom. (The first two rooms I'd seen, or at least one of those rooms, may have been for my sister's children.) I was disappointed that only one person could use such a big bathroom.
My sister then took me into a room which would be the kitchen. It was lit by a wide window. We walked back into one of the "main area" rooms. We walked toward the right side of the room.
The "main area" room gave way to a slightly narrower room that also looked large enough to be a common room. Along the left wall were two bedrooms. Against the back wall was a small bed with a small window over it, high up on the wall. The bed had a small quilt on it.
My sister explained that during the day the room would be used as something like a living room, but that at night my mom would sleep here, to be near my sister's children's rooms. I thought, But weren't the children's rooms on the other side of the house?
Dream #1
I stood out in front of my great grandmother's front yard, which was all muddy. The mud curled up in huge waves toward the sidewalk and sloped down from the house to the feet of the waves. In this little hollow there might even have been water.
Out of the mud or water sprung two alligators. They were orange-red with black stripes and, possibly, white bellies. They looked a little distorted, like they were plastic and their faces were narrower than usual, possibly even bulbed somehow. The alligators climbed up onto a little bed of mud to the left of the yard. I knew this was a dangerous situation, and that I should either fight the alligators or call somebody to come take care of them.
Now two more alligators crawled out of the mud. These were much more like regular alligators: large, wide-bodied, blunt-nosed, but still orange-red with black stripes. These alligators looked so dangerous that I thought that if they even saw me they would kill me.
I went into the house to call the police. I sat somewhere near my great grandmother. She told me she'd suspected something dangerous was going to happen when the alligators had come into the house -- which had apparently happened a while ago. I was shocked to hear that the alligators had first been inside the house.
My great grandma told me she had gotten even more suspicious when she would find scratches on her bedroom door and broken patches on her walls. (I could see these things in my mind's eye.) I was even more shocked to hear that so much had gone on in my great grandma's house without my great grandma having called the police.
Dream #2
I was in a cafe that was also something like a cabin in the woods. The place was full of gentle, grey daylight. The door was near the bar (which was on the "back" wall, from my view) and on the right wall. But it was somewhat obscured by a little divider. There was a tall, white man behind the bar. He owned the cafe. I was talking with him as if I were working at the cafe.
Now either my old boss BS or one of my department heads, MR, burst into the cafe. The person said, "Now I've got you! You've been working here, haven't you?"
I thought that that was correct, that I'd been working here one or two days a week. BS/MR said, "You've been getting paid while you were still on our payroll But now I've caught you, and I'm taking you off the payroll!" (In waking life, I'd been laid off from my job; but, though I was no longer to come into the office, I was still kept on the payroll for a little while longer, as a part of my severance package. But the terms of my staying on the payroll were that if I took another job, I'd be taken off the severance package payroll.)
I tried to think of some way out of this situation, or some way to justify what I had done. But I couldn't. I thought, It sucks that I should get in trouble for working only one or two days a week. But those are the rules.
Dream #3
It was a sunny, warm, cloudless day. My brother-in-law was driving himself, my sister, and me to their new house. We rode in an old, wide-bodied car with a pale interior. My sister and I sat in the backseat. My sister and I sat facing each other and were relatively close to each other, as if we were hugging each other, or close enough to be hugging each other. I sat on the driver's side, and my sister sat on the passenger's side.
My brother-in-law and sister took turns speaking to me about how good their new place was. When my sister would talk, she'd say things as if she were also gesturing with her hands to illustrate. But her gestures were actually just reaching into my pants and grabbing me. The first time she did it, she pinched my penis a little, as if I barely had a penis, so that she had to pinch only a little.
I was too shocked by my sister's actions to do anything about it. I hoped she hadn't meant to do it. But then she did it again, this time fingering the underside of my testicles.I had a view of something like a frame of wire-hangers before my mind's eye.
I told my sister (trying not to say exactly what she was doing, so as not to let my brother-in-law know what was going on), "Uh... I think your gestures might need to be away from that place." My sister backed off quickly, as if it were quickly understood that I wasn't interested.
We now pulled up to the new place, which was something more like a multi-story townhouse than a regular single-family house. The front of the house, including the framing and trim, was all a pale coffee color, bordered on top, in my view, with a band of blue sky.
I was slightly disappointed in the place. I had been told that the place was a house, and that it was huge. But this looked like it would be more like a small apartment.
My brother-in-law asked, "Does it seem okay?"
I could tell that my brother-in-law and sister really wanted to impress me. I said, "Yeah, It's great."
My sister took me inside. The place, my sister and brother-in-law had told me, was two stories. But I only saw one story. The place was wide, with a few "main rooms" that were open to one another, providing a wide-open feel. The place was dim. The walls were thin, cheap plaster. The floors were all linoleum, like kitchen floors, and they were dirty.
My sister led me to the left. She showed me two decent-sized rooms that may have seemed run down and too dirty to live in. She showed me another room, which she expressly said was to be a bedroom. It was as small as a closet, and its floors were caked with a rusty, grainy grime. I thought of the grainy grime as rat droppings. I thought that that would really have to be cleaned before anybody could use this place as a bedroom.
My sister led me into a large room which was the master bedroom. She pointed just over and behind us, to a bathroom. It was long, with the toilet at one end and the shower far at the other end. I said, "This is a huge bathroom! Everybody will be happy with this!"
But then I realized the bathroom was attached to the master bedroom. This meant that the bathroom could only be used by the person who stayed in the master bedroom. This would probably be my mom. (The first two rooms I'd seen, or at least one of those rooms, may have been for my sister's children.) I was disappointed that only one person could use such a big bathroom.
My sister then took me into a room which would be the kitchen. It was lit by a wide window. We walked back into one of the "main area" rooms. We walked toward the right side of the room.
The "main area" room gave way to a slightly narrower room that also looked large enough to be a common room. Along the left wall were two bedrooms. Against the back wall was a small bed with a small window over it, high up on the wall. The bed had a small quilt on it.
My sister explained that during the day the room would be used as something like a living room, but that at night my mom would sleep here, to be near my sister's children's rooms. I thought, But weren't the children's rooms on the other side of the house?
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