(11/1/08) goose mill; seduced by great-grandmother; last year in the suburbs

(Entered in paper journal at 9:14 AM on Q-train from Brooklyn to Manhattan.)

Dream #1

I was on a building top with a couple other people, one of whom may have been my senior co-worker SuD. We looked out over a closely-packed set of buildings in dimmish grey light. SuD was telling us the history of this city. The building we stood on was a big part of the history.

But now we were going to talk about another building. I thought we were going to jump from this building to the next one in our discussion. At first the jump looked small. But I thought, How could we possibly jump from one building to the next? I looked down at the other building top again. It looked far down and all the way across a street. I thought there was no way we could do it.

SuD continued speaking. He said, "This city used to be a lot dirtier. In fact, all the building tops in Chicago were piled with old garbage and debris."

SuD continued talking about Chicago. He pointed out some buildings in the distance, beyond the small cluster we had been looking at. SuD spoke about the "golden glow" the sunlight would sometimes give the red-brick buildings around us.

I longed to see those colors. In my mind's eye I saw the buildings in that light, as if I were descending, down along the golden, canyon-like building walls, to the pavement below.

I now stood with a group people before an old building in the woods. The light all around us was greyish blue, like late afternoon on a cloudly day. The building was painted greyish-blue. It looked very old, but it also looked like it had modern siding on it rather than actual wood.

Our guide (no longer SuD?) said that this building was a mill. The building was in two parts, which were joined from about three-quarters of an inch up to the top (I have no idea what that description means...). The tunnel or underside of this joining was lit with the orange light of a fire. The place looked a little like a stable. There might have been animals like horses and goats milling around aimlessly. There were also geese, which were very frightening to me.

We were walking away from the building. Our guide said, "Of course there are geese here. This is a goose mill."

I thought, I never knew there was such a thing as a goose mill. I never knew you ground geese to eat them.

Now that we were walking away, the woods were like a tunnel-ramp in a subway station. I looked down. I watched a goose beside me basically squirming along the ground on his stomach in stuff that looked like mashed potatoes and gravy. The goose was violently smashing his bill into this stuff. I thought, Is this what's meant by milling?

Dream #2

It was daytime. I was out in some rural area. I was with one friend and someone else. We may have been near a gas station. The other person and I went into the "gas station." The place became the person's house. The person now became someone like my great-grandmother. This person seduced me.

We were now back outside with my friend, who was a woman. The "gas station" building was now a lot larger. we were wandering alongside it on something like a wheelchair ramp.

The other woman kept trying to talk about how she had seduced me. But I couldn't believe it or admit it, especially in front of my friend. But the woman was becoming seductive again. I couldn't resist her. She gold older and older again. She was naked. She looked like my great-grandmother. She was leading me back into the gas station. It was like I was hypnotized. I couldn't resist.

Dream #3

It was night. I was at a house party with a lot of people. Pretty soon all the people were women. I went into the backyard, where a lot of my friends had gone. The backyard was huge. It looked like a suburban version of the grounds of the mansion in Last Year at Marienbad. The sky and air were dark, dark blue. There was a fountain somewhere, a lot of chairs, and some long, foam mattress stretching through the whole scene. All the girls were grouped together in different places. Some of them may have been kissing or embracing each other.

I walked to the end of the yard, then turned around and walked back. As I did, I saw a particular woman, a friend of mine, lying down on the foam mattress with another woman. They may have been near the fountain. My friend wore a black dress. She may have had thick arms. She started kissing the other woman.