(7/14/08) none of them survived

(Entered in paper journal at 6:10 AM on 2-train from Brooklyn to Manhattan.)

Dream #1

I was in a foresty area, like a summer camp or a retreat, with a group of people around my age. I was in one of the camp buildings, a stone and wood shelter made to look like a miniature castle, with at least one woman. We were doing something like fixing a barbecue.

The stone shelter was at the top of a steep hill that was maybe one hundred feet tall and green with trees. Another hill similar to this hill, facing this hill, had a similar stone structure at its peak. Our group leader, who looked like TO (the previous team leader for a New York Cares volunteer project for which I, in waking life, had assumed the leadership position about ten months previous to this dream), was in that stone structure.

I had a question about something, maybe the food I was cooking. I spoke very softly, questioning the leader, more as if I were pretending he could hear me than actually expecting him to hear me. But then I heard the leader answer, in the same kind of soft voice. It now seemed natural that the leader could hear me. It also seemed silly that I would have asked such an immature question of the leader, as if I had only been asking a question in order to get the leader's attention.

I stood near a small cabin in a lawny area that was more like a park than a forest. There was a woman with me. We stood before three eggs that were about to hatch. The woman bit the shell of the eggs. The eggs were like hard-boiled eggs. The woman would peel off the egg whites, and the birds would pop out. All three birds were female.

But there were also three male-bird eggs somewhere. We knew those eggs may have been rejected by the mother, and that they probably hadn't developed or survived. But, still, despite the fact that they were almost certainly already dead, I went looking for them.

The eggs seemed to be nearby at first, in a little circle cleared out among some tall grass. I went up to them, apparently having found them.

I was suddenly on a field like a soccer field. It was a golden day with a blue sky. Some sports team stood or ran around near me. They may have been wearing red soccer uniforms.

I wanted to test the eggs to see if they were ready. But I was too afraid I'd mess up and kill the birds. But now the group leader, a tall man, white, tanned, strong, wiry looking, bald, wearing all black clothes and blue-mirror sunglasses, came up to show me how to test the eggs.

The leader kicked two of the eggs. They skip-rolled a few feet away and then splattered open in a mess of liquid, though also with a feeling of hollowness and delicateness.

The leader was a little upset. He picked up the third egg and bit it. The shell scrapped open. A bunch of clear fluid spilled out. The leader said, "Damn it! None of them survived!"