This notebook contains some of the most memorable dreams in all these paper journals. I think this is largely due to my extreme focus on my dreams. I became extremely focused on my dreams after having started work with my new psychiatrist, A, in July of 2007.
It wasn't that A was necessarily interested in helping me explore my dreams. In fact, she seemed to be afraid of my dreams. I think it was partly that that made me so intent on dreaming and bringing dreams in to A. I hoped I could break down whatever resistance there was to my dreams.
This attempt failed -- or, perhaps, I failed. I've always wondered whether I personally was the one who was resisting the messages of my dreams. Maybe I was too afraid to see what my dreams were saying -- although it mostly seems obvious to me nowadays -- and so I projected my fear onto A. Whatever happened, I got too frustrated with the process and finally stopped bringing my dreams in to A, maybe in mid- to late-2009. I'm not sure.
But what A did introduce me to were the works of Erich Neumann, a great Jungian psychiatrist who worked in Tel Aviv, Israel. I felt a lot of sympathy with Neumann's work. And I think a lot of Neumann's imagery comes through in these dreams.
Another main conflict that comes through in these dreams is the buildup to my final meeting with my best friend R. In June of 2007 I had a severe emotional outburst against R. It basically caused us to stop talking to each other for three months. In September of 2007 R asked me to meet with him to talk out our problems. The talking didn't lead to much, and, after that dinner, we ended up not seeing each other again for about two years.
During this time period I was also experiencing some shifts at work. At this point in time I was an Administrative Assistant to my constant boss BS. I had also just become Assistant to my boss DO.
I was happy to work with DO because I knew he was such a talented Equity Research Analyst. But at the same time I was reluctant to work with him. I had just lost my other boss, EB, who was a great mentor to me, and who, really, gave me the confidence to try and climb the professional ladder. I didn't think anybody else could help me the way that EB could.
Unfortunately, it turned out that DO actually could have helped me quite a bit, about six months later -- but I was "tricked" (in my mind) by my boss BS into not taking DO's help.
I ended up doing a decent amount of non-admin work for DO, like I'd been doing for BS. By this time I had a pretty constant hand in report-writing for BS. I was also the go-to guy for market data for BS' team, not to mention for BS' clients. And, as time progressed, I even began to piece together data analysis on the market data to create trends and forecasts. For DO I did similar work.
What also benefited me from working on DO's team was that his senior Associate, MW, would always talk to me and educate me on the details of the industry covered by DO's team. BS' senior Associate, ES, would also educate me, talking to me and answering any questions I had, not just about BS' industry, but about any industry our company's Research department covered.
I gained a great deal of my education from ES and MW. Unfortunately for me, by the end of 2007, ES was promoted to Analyst and had her own industry to cover; and by March of 2008, MW was working for a hedge fund.
Another element of this time period is that I began to take on more responsibility with the volunteer organization New York Cares. I became a Team Leader for a couple of different events, including events that put me back in touch with some of the people I'd worked with while I'd been on my Americorps program in New York City in 2004 and 2005.
I think there's an interesting kind of conflict in some of my dreams -- a conflict between the world of nature I'd left when I finished with my Americorps program and the business world I was becoming more and more involved in.
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