(3/9/06) lucid touchscreen cruelty

(Entered in paper journal at 8:02 PM at Starbucks on 43rd Street and 3rd Avenue in Manhattan.)

Dream 1

I sat up in my bed. I could hear people from my work talking, and I physically reacted as if they were there -- i.e. I "actively felt" the heard conversation, not moving per se, but "actively feeling."

My old boss PG started calling me a name that sounded like a stock analyst with whom I should have been familiar. A laptop rested on my bed-stretched legs. I typed frantically, trying to get out of one screen and into another. The present screen was peach (?).

Suddenly a woman appeared at the lower right-hand corner of the screen. She was a computer drawing, shown from the shoulders up.

I told myself, This isn't what I'm familiar with at all. Ah... I see. I'm dreaming.

I was lucid. But, I wasn't very surprised by this (as I usually would be on becoming lucid in a dream). It was very easy to relax, so that I would keep my lucid dream stable.

I touched the woman's picture, hoping to "get a message" or "perform some magic." The woman turned into a sharp, crystal-metal skull. I pulled away, trying to avoid the unsavory image and meaning.

I no longer had a body. The computer sat "before" me on the empty bed, at an angle so if I were on the bed, I'd be curled up against the wall.

I tried to make my surroundings change. But the only thing I did was turn the computer screen into a video of a loose classroom of kids who may have been in third grade. The video panned left to right and then right to left. Before it even showed, I knew what it was going to be.

I wanted to be cruel. I swiped my finger across the screen, right where I knew a girl's neck would appear. I hoped my finger would slice the girl's neck. I figured it would, since I was in a lucid dream. But it only made a weird, blood-like impression on the screen when the video turned on.

But I knew I could do something. I stared at the children as the video panned. I focused on making each one so sick he or she would die. And sure enough, by the time the video finished panning from left to right, children were crumpling up with sickness. And as the video panned from right to left, some children were collapsing, falling to the ground. One girl in particular looked at me pleadingly before she fell to the ground.

(10/8/07) perverted hand-washing church; NYC tranny in denver; aztec chess

(Entered in paper journal at 6:04 AM on Q-train from Brooklyn to Manhattan.)

Dream #1

I was with my family in a house. We had finished eating or preparing dinner. We were washing our hands. The room we were in was dim. I mentioned that one of us, a man who appeared to be tall and pale with dark hair and eyes and wearing a kind of nice suit, had a different religion from us and so had to wash his hands in a sink at his church.

My brother and I walked down a suburban road in dark blue night. We came to a Catholic church. I said, "I can wash my hands here."

There were a lot of black people coming out the front of the church, like a service was just ending. My brother and I had to sneak into the church through the back so nobody would question why we were there. We went in through a back door and into a dim hallway that was pitch black at the far end.

The bathroom was near us, just to our right as we entered the hallway. When we got into the bathroom it was light as day. I looked into the stalls. I saw a pale white man's legs. I thought, But didn't we just turn on the light? (???) Then this man has been sitting on the toilet in the dark all this time.

I thought the man may have been a pervert, lurking in wait for prey. I didn't want to be here long enough for the man to attack me and my brother or to have us be associated with him.

My brother had a box of all kinds of fruit. We might have been washing it off in the sink.

Dream #2

I sat on two beds that were arranged in an L-shape in a dim room. I faced three mirrors. This room was an office for my company, but in my hometown of Denver instead of in New York. I had come back to Denver to work.

In the mirror I saw that I had long hair. As I arranged my hair I realized how much I looked like a woman. Each mirror gave me a different reflection that made me look like a different woman. Each reflection was the image of a woman I actually knew. The women were all girls I had gone to school with or worked with. They were probably all Hispanic. I hadn't liked them a lot, and I was pretty sure I didn't want to be them. But I was impressed with how good I looked. I may have been wearing a black dress.

Now some women walked down the hallway and past the room I was in. They didn't seem to see me, although they looked into the room.

One of the women said, "He's here from New York." I knew the woman was talking about me. I couldn't let the women see me this way, not while I looked like a woman. I was lucky they hadn't seen me already.

I reached forward and slowly closed the door. When the door clicked closed I worried that the women, hearing the door close, would feel alienated, like I had shut them out of the room for no reason other than my not wanting to see them. But, I thought, as soon as I changed back into looking like a man I would open the door again.

Dream #3

I was playing checkers or chess with my brother or my oldest nephew. The board was tan with brown squares. My brother/nephew made the opening move, some specific move he always liked to start with that somehow effectively "finished" the game in his favor. I would usually make normal moves from there on out and eventually lose the game.

But this time I stepped back and thought out how I could move. Apparently the move would always force me to bring out my front pieces, which would leave my back pieces defenseless. This time I moved one of my back pieces in a way that caused my brother/nephew to have to move again, thus taking himself out of the spot where he could constantly take out my front pieces.

Around this point the port had switched back and forth between a real board and a touchscreen computer board. When the board was the digital board, I found it hard, from my angle, to see which piece I was actually touching.

My brother/nephew was at a loss for a moment. I explained to my brother/nephew how I had come up with that move. As I did I saw one of the pieces on my brother/nephew's side of the board, in the lower, left quadrant. It was a big, tan square, like an Aztec glyph. I imagined it clicking two moves to the right. I tried to remember what role this glyph played in the game.