(4/15/06) i was a dead woman

(Entered in paper journal at 4:15 PM on train from New Haven, Connecticut, to New York City.)

Dream 1

I knew a woman was dead. I saw somehow that she had angered a man who was rich and some type of criminal. I knew he had killed her and (before or after) cut off one of her hands.

I saw something like a cartoon of the woman in some dark blue room like a ballroom. The woman slapped the man in front of all his friends. Either the man or woman was coated in bright red, blod, the only thing (other than the eyes of people) not blue or black. This meant the man was angry and the woman was going to get killed.

I was now in a room with hot pink walls. On a diving "wall" somewhere in the room was a ledge of thin wood that was also painted hot pink. On it stood plastic figurines of a bride and groom. Once again I knew this stood for the man and woman.

I was now as small as the figurines. I stood on the ledge. I knew this meant I was the woman. I knocked the woman figurine off the ledge, somehow trying to reenact her death.

I was walking in the woods. I walked down a trail cluttered with big, schist-like boulders, to a river or lake. All the time I heard a conversation, as if in narration. I was also thinking out how the woma had been killed. I was still the woman, too, though I was myself.

It now all dawned on me, and as it dawned on me, I became sick, like something similar was being done to me, though I hadn't started the feeling the effects until now. I now knew that the man had shot up the woman with some drug in the vertebrae of her neck. When she was paralyzed he did something torturous to her and then, as she was on the verge of death, he cut off one of her hands. She was in a wedding dress.

I was crawling on my belly onto the rocks that waded in the first waters of the river/lake. As I looked at the pool of water surrounded by the boulder I saw so much trash everywhere. There was an upside-down baby carriage that was colored hot pink, with tattered fabric. I was disgusted with the garbage in the water. I thought, This is nature. It shouldn't be so crummy.

I was sick, hardly moving, and afraid that the man who had done this to me would catch up and kill me. I saw the woman's lace-cuffed hand floating palm-up in the water. I felt even sicker.

But now I was standing up, only myself, no longer the woman. I was walking up bouldres that got taller as they got into deeper water. I knew or thought that the rest of the body of the woman would be by the next and last boulder, floating in the shadow of its face, belly up, in her wedding dress, at the fringes of this vast body of water.

As I approached the edge of the boulder, I hunched down, maybe even lay down, suddenly. I didn't want to see the body in the water. I thought something like, That's the last thing I need to see -- more trash in the water.

(10/2/07) ship to the mental institution; tying a knot in the sky

(Entered in paper journal at 8 PM at home in Brooklyn.)

Dream #1

I was in some room like a cabin under a deck in a ship. The cabin had white walls, and it felt like a smallish living room. It was busy and full of people. One person in particular was a tall, white man. Somehow the man lured me to him and poked me with a hypodermic needle. I knew I would pass out or be paralyzed and that the man would take me to a mental institution.

I stood above the deck now, looking down the steps into the room. The deck was flat and white and it felt like it could have been a boardwalk or a stone walk over a body of water as easily as it could have been the deck of a ship. The deck was almost as busy as the cabin had been.

I was afraid the man would come up and pull me down below the deck so he could send me to a mental institution. But I was also afraid that the people on deck with me would push me down the steps, which would be as good as sending me to the mental institution.

I stood on a tree-shaded walkway in a park. I stood before three people: two boys and a girl or two girls and a boy. At least one of the three was Asian. I felt like the three people were crazy.

I was being pulled away from the three people as if by an invisible force. The trees became like a corridor. I was pulled through a chain-link fence corridor, over which the corridor of tree-canopy grew dark green. I was pulled backward. I watched the three people fade from my view.

I lay in my bed. It was dark, but I could see a shapeless, purple entity before me. It was like jets of dye in water. It clung to me and made me feel tired and drained. I fought it, trying to keep awareness of the room. The fight intensified until I managed to make the entity disappear.

Dream #2

I stood with a friend. We watched a jet fly straight up into the blue sky. The jet was now only a speck, with white contrail behind it going almost all the way to the ground. Now the jet dove and made a counter-clockwise loop which must have been enormous -- it created a circle the diameter of which was half the upward path of its contrail.

I spoke to my friend about landing the plane. We were now in the plane. We made the loop. we then headed down to a runway. The runway was rough, like the tarmac had been torn up. I mentioned this calmly to my friend. I said we were prepared for this and we would land alright. We did.

Now we were out of the plane. It was like we had landed under an overpass and by some columns. The plane itself was small. It looked maybe only twenty feet long. It looked like it was made out of weak, light plastic, like it could just be kicked around lightly, like it was just a shell.