Showing posts with label nonsense logistics. Show all posts
Showing posts with label nonsense logistics. Show all posts

Thursday, November 22, 2012

(5/6/09) annoying a fetish girl; you better be careful, casanova

(Entered in paper journal at 7:41 AM at home.)

Dream #1

I was at "my office." I had been fired by the head of my department, MR. I walked through a floor of trading desk tables. The area was empty, lit with dim, greyish fluorescent light. To my right was a grey wall. To my left were the desks. AT the left end of the rows of desks was another wall, with offices set into it. As I walked along, I thought about having been fired.

I now sat in the far left corner of the floor. There were a few other people around. I sat in a chair while a girl knelt before me. We were talking about something. The girl was short, pale, with a cute, roundish body, and brown hair, probably in a layered style. The girl had pale blue eyes. She wore a fancy, black dress, the top of which seemed a little sparkly while the bottom seemed somehow layered or frilly.

I was apparently wearing dress clothes, but I was also trying to take off a little lingerie miniskirt, which I had apparently been wearing. (This was a skirt I actually had as part of my transvestite collection: a tiny, turquoise-colored, satin miniskirt with a sheer, pink fringe around the bottom.)

There were a couple guys working near me, to my left. The were big and maybe dressed a little roughly. Another man, a big, tough-looking businessman, walked up and spoke with me and the girl. When he saw that I was taking the miniskirt off, he tried to ignore me and keep talking. But he made a grunting or throat-clearing sound to show his annoyance. He walked away.

I was ashamed to thing what the girl would think about me having worn this lingerie. But the girl seemed attracted to me because of my transvestism. She stood me up, possibly taking me by the hand, and led me into an office.

The girl sat down in the chair behind the desk. I knelt before her. She whispered something into my ear which seemed to me to mean that she would like to see me in lingerie. She seemed to be inviting me to her house so I could dress up fro her.

But the girl was saying everything in an obscure way, and her words themselves were somehow very hard to understand. I asked the girl to repeat what she'd said. She did so, but I still couldn't understand. I asked her again. I could tel that she was now getting annoyed.

Dream #2

I was in an office. I had probably just gotten fired. I walked through aisles of trading desk tables. The floor was mostly dark, as if only faint lights from somewhere else lit the room. There were two aisles of table desks. I stood in the left aisle.

In the right aisle, a couple rooms ahead of me, my co-worker NN sat with some other administrative assistants, talking about one of the heads of our department. The head was a woman who had recently become gay or come out as being gay.

NN was showing internet photos to the other assistants: pictures of a man like the director of our department, MR, swinging on something like a strip-club pole and wearing nothing but a diaper-like object made out of gold, red, green, and white striped wrapping paper.

NN said that the newly-outed department head had always engaged in sexual activities like the one pictured with her husband (who may have been another departmental head at the company), so that everybody thought guys turned the woman on, but just in a weird way. But then the woman had come out as gay, and that struck everybody as being even weirder.

I now stood in a large, marble lobby. The floors, ceiling, walls, and columns were all a pinkish-tan, polished marble. I stood on a second level. Down a level from me (to my right, and down by escalator) was the main lobby or entrance for this building. There may have been window walls for the entrance, letting in a lot of natural light.

To my let was a wall (perhaps a tan, unpolished stone, not marble?) with two arched doorways (or, perhaps, at first, just one doorway) in it. This floor was like a mezzanine balcony. It was maybe fifty feet wide and moderately busy with people. Someone stood before me and down a ways. The person looked like a security guard, but he was accomplishing basically the same task I was.

Cars would come from my right (possibly having come up the escalator?) and pass into the doorway to my left. I was overwhelmed with anxiety from having the cars constantly passing so close to me. I was probably here waiting for somebody or waiting for a certain time to pass, and I didn't want to be bothered by the cars. So I backed away a bit, to the second doorway.

Now it was like the entrance way through which the cars passed was one large square, like a theatrical proscenium. The cars passed across a shallow, dim hallway, like a hallway at the Schwarzman branch of the New York Public Library, and then through an arched doorway.

There were a right and a left doorway. The cars had to pass through the right doorway. I stood over at the far left end of the proscenium, trying to stay away from the cars. At the right end was the security guard, who now also stood by a little booth and had an automatically rising gate-post beside him.

At first, the cars kept going through the right doorway, like they should have. But they then began veering as close to me as they could. I felt like they were veering toward me because they didn't like something about my looks. They wanted to intimidate or annoy me by driving close to me. They all understood that they had to go through the right doorway, and that the left doorway was no good for them. But they all drove as far left as possible, to get as close to me as possible.

The cars were all small, possibly made by an Italian manufacturer. Inside, driving, were mature, tough businessmen, like the businessmen in Italian films from the 1960s.

I thought, Well, they'll only be hurting themselves by driving through the left door. To prove this to myself I followed one car as it drove through the doorway. The car immediately hit a downward staircase (wide, tan, marble). It couldn't stop. It stayed upright, but it comically tumbled down the steps.

I now thought it would be fun simply to lure cars into the left doorway, through their anger at me, and watch them destroy themselves. I lured another car in. Then I lured another car in and followed it. The staircase was now a thin escalator, a little grimy, like an escalator down to a lower subway. The hallway was thin.


The car, like a longish, roundish car from the 1930s (my drawing doesn't do it  justice), sped onto the escalator and almost immediately flipped over, then toppling over to the left side of the escalator. A wall may have saved it from toppling over the side. But I had a bad feeling the car was going to explode. I may also have seen the second car stalled somewhere near the third car.

I ran back out to the mezzanine. I felt awful: I'd actually caused physical danger by playing an awful mind game with people. I needed to go get help before the car exploded.

The building was now somehow like a movie theater. I flew toward the escalator down to the lobby. I was with two girls. I flew down, slightly ahead of them and over the escalator, while they rode the escalator down. There were bright lights and colors somewhere, possibly coming from some large display. I could somehow see that it was night outside.

I was still apparently rushing out to get help, but I was also with these girls, who had just come from watching a movie. The girls were making some kind of gossip talk about movie stars. I thought, Don't these girls realize what a dangerous situation we're in? I stood on the ground and pushed the door open.

I now sat in a Mexican restaurant with three women. To my left sat a girl like my friend KB. We sat across the table from two other girls, one of whom was intellectual but girly, and the other of whom may have been more tough and solid, like KB.

The restaurant was tall, like it was two stories in height, with the second story as just a balcony running along the walls. The place was empty except for us. We sat at a long row of booth tables before the large square bar which stood at the center of the restaurant. It was night, and the restaurant was dim, with no light on over us and only some incandescent lights over a small area of booth tables which led back to the kitchen to my left.

The girls were all talking gossip talk, possibly about lesbians or about being lesbians. I didn't feel too engaged in the conversation. I might now have been sitting to KB's left.

A waiter walked up to me. He was Mexican, of medium height, but gaunt, bony, and bald, so that he appeared to be tall. He wore an all-white uniform and was pushing a cart, like a cart full of bussing trays and dinnerware for cleaning. The waiter spoke as if he was to get the whole order for my party from me alone. I told him something. He began to walk away.

I may have turned forward, but I then felt a strong hand forcing my head to the left, so I was turned almost 180 degrees in my seat. I broke out of the hold violently and was about to sit forward, when I noticed that the person who had turned me around was the waiter. I thought, Well, I'd better be nice to him. I don't want anybody spitting in my food.

I looked politely at the waiter. The waiter looked very concerned. He bent down and whispered in my ear, "You better be careful, Casanova." It took me a second to understand what the waiter had said, as if the words had been all garbled.

The restaurant seemed a little more populated now. There seemed to be red neon light filling the area. There may have been music playing.

I thought, Why would the waiter have called me Casanova? I then realized it was because I was the only guy sitting with three girls. I thought, If the waiter only knew that these girls were all lesbians, he might not be so worried.

Saturday, November 17, 2012

(9/8/09) hotel l'iberia

(Entered in paper journal at 8:06 AM at Starbucks on 29th Street and Park Avenue in Manhattan.)

Dream #1

A black and white image of some military officials speaking regarding a certain European territory. The territory was in the center of Europe, was large, and had a shape like India. The territory had been under the rule of two different nations, probably America and some other nation.

But the possession of the nation had "expired," in a sense, so that there was now a questions of how the territory was ruled. This question would probably be solved practically and peacefully, as long as one specific agency did not get involved. This agency was probably a group like the Nazis.

I saw the map under discussion rotate on its vertical axis before me as if the view were on a spinning window or door. The territory in question had a long name, somewhat like the USSR, except that it seemed to be all about freedom.

One specific little portion of this territory, which jutted or nubbed out from the bottom and center of the territory, lit up in a milky, streaky, x-ray white. The name of this territory was L'iberia. The person who led the trouble-making faction was probably located in L'iberia. So I had to go look for him.

I was suddenly in a very nice looking place, like the lobby of a nice hotel. But the ceilings were enormous, and the walls went up forever and ever, probably lined with balconies all the way up. The lobby was filled with gentle light from the windows.

I couldn't remember what I was looking for, but I knew I probably wasn't looking for a hotel lobby. I remembered I was looking for a section of a country. I told myself to "pull back" until I could get a wide view of the landscape in which this hotel was situated. I suddenly "pulled back" or flew backward and upward into the air.

At a certain height, my vision pixelated and shifted, as if gaining a different level of resolution. But when the vision snapped back into clarity, I saw just another hotel lobby, very similar to the last. I "pulled back" even further. My vision readjusted again. I saw yet another hotel lobby.

I came to the conclusion that this entire country was just an enormous indoor structure, jut one enormous structure built over another enormous structure. I wondered how I could keep seeing the same degree of natural light. If my theory were correct, I thought, the first place I'd been in must have been much lower than this one, probably even underground. But the natural light there shone just as brightly as it did in this higher, even more over-arching place.

Saturday, November 10, 2012

(1/8/10) jumping in the hay: a novel

(Entered in paper journal at 6:30 AM on B-train into work from Brooklyn.)

Dream #1

I was walking down a street in a city which was probably supposed to be New York. The streets were clean and calm, though there were a moderate amount of people walking along them. The whole area had a small town feel. It was afternoon, and the sky was a placid silver-blue.

I had been walking from a place far uptown -- possibly 125th Street -- and possibly even across a bridge. I was now down on what was supposed to have been 86th Street. I was looking for a place to have coffee. I was going to have coffee and write or read for a little while, then head back uptown. It was like I had gotten some kind of break time from a large training event or conference.

I found a coffee shop in a building hat looked very small-town like. I walked inside. There was a lot of space. The floors and tables were of pale wood. The tables were as wide as dining tables. The place had two areas. The "back" area, to my left, was set slightly lower than the "front" area.

I thought I would sit in the cafe and read for a while. But for some reason I felt pressed for time. I worried either that I would have to get out of here before sunset or that I would have to get out of here in time to get back to the event uptown. I thought to myself that it would be much smarter for me, in the future, to walk down somewhere, have coffee there, and then walk back uptown (as if that were different from what I had just done!). That way I could avoid getting out of here after sunset.

The place was empty except for two old, heavyish ladies with square, grey haircuts. The ladies sat across from each other at a table near a divider-screen which set apart the back area from the front area. The ladies wore slightly oversized t-shirts, probably blue and red, and pale jeans. They spoke like two grandmothers, with a deadpan, but patient and cheerful tone of voice.

I had to squeeze past the two ladies to get into the back area, where I thought I'd sit because it had so much space. I may have seen two more people enter the shop: a man and woman about my age. This may have made me a little anxious.

I wanted to buy some coffee or tea, but I hadn't seen a cashier yet. I saw a stairway that went down to a basement. It was narrow, with clean walls and pale wood steps. It looked newly built. I knew the cashier was actually in the basement.

I went down into the basement. It was huge, like three or four living rooms put together. The place itself seemed to be set up like three or four different living rooms. The whole place was cast in a bluish light, which I think came from the ground-level windows, high up on the walls. The floor was covered in thick, white shag carpet or rugs of the same material. There were couches everywhere. There were square pillars of dark wood near the center of the room. There were other household items, like bicycles, etc., scattered about.

Bookshelves lined most of the walls. All the books on the shelves looked like popular novels. What mostly caught my attention as I gazed at the bookshelves from the center of the room were books whose spines looked like those of the old V.C. Andrews books.

I saw the cash register, but nobody was there. I knew the cashier was in the restroom. I tried to be quiet, almost invisible as well. I was afraid that if I was too "forward" about my presence, I would cause the cashier to dislike me, which would, I feared, make my future visits here really stressful.

I pulled back my personality so much that I became like a ghost. I "walked," moving my legs, but not moving because I was moving my legs. I was actually moving by cruising forward while floating about an inch above the floor. I crept-floated around the corner of a pillar and possibly squeezed between the space between the back of a chair or couch and the pillar. I floated toward a bookshelf and reached out for a book.

The cashier walked out from the bathroom, which, I saw, was near a smallish, concrete-floored laundry room. The cashier was a tallish, skinny man with a slight, stubbly, black beard and glasses. He may have worn a wool cap.

The cashier, seeing me, at first seemed hesitant to interact. Then he said, "Beautiful night."

I said something in response, but my words were drowned out to me by my thoughts about what I should say. I knew the man had said what he'd said because he didn't want to go through the whole "how are you doing" or "how can I help you" kind of thing.

But I thought that since he'd said it was a beautiful night, I'd sound like I was an idiot if anything I said implied I would be staying inside reading. I thought I'd say something about the long walk I'd just taken to show that I hadn't wasted the beauty of the day by being inside.

I may have asked the man about a book to read. The man told me that I should read XXXXX (can't remember). I thought to myself, Who does that guy think he is, telling me what book to read? I won't read it!

I walked up to a bookshelf to the right (as I faced it) of the cash register. This bookshelf had previously been along the back wall, but now it was on the right wall. I looked up at one of the top shelves, to a row of Stephen King books with the "new style" white bindings with blocks of color across the bottom of the page, where the titles are. I focused on one book called something like Jumping in the Hay.