(Entered in paper journal at 6 PM at Starbucks on 43rd Street and 3rd Avenue in Manhattan.)
Dream 1
I was in an office with little light, almost like the peripheries of things were lit by a spotlight in the distance through a window. I was by myself, but I felt my boss EB's presence somewhere.
Now I was on the phone. I held a book (like the Witchcraft of the Southwest book at the Mid-Manhattan library) in my hand. The person on the phone -- possibly a cop -- spoke of a murderer, who was either I or my EB. I could feel EB's presence telling me to hang up the phone or he would kill me, too. But I was too intent on solving the mystery and proving my innocence.
The book's inner lining, I "noticed," was "human skin" "instead of" paper. It really was paper, though, a bit wadded up and with some kidney-shaped pen drawings on it. I saw an image, maybe a "prevision" of my own body: my back with two slabs of skin cut off in the area of my lungs, somewhat matching the shapes drawn on the lining of the book.
Showing posts with label murderer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label murderer. Show all posts
Friday, February 17, 2017
Sunday, February 17, 2013
(9/11/07) my dad the murderer; gnear thalk; we really want to talk
(Entered in paper journal at 6:30 AM on B-train from Brooklyn to Manhattan.)
Dream #1
My dad may have been accused of a murder. He was now coming to take me, my brother, and my sister to dinner. I lived in my own house, so they would pick me up. I sat in a room of my house, which was empty except a little clutter, a box of which I sat on.
I spoke on the cell phone with my mom. I told my mom, "I can't sit in a restaurant with that guy! Everybody'll be staring at us and asking us questions the whole time!" I imagined big, fat faces crowding all around my dad, my brother, my sister, and I at the restaurant. The faces all looked like obese versions of a mid-twentieth-century, cruel stereotype of Chinese faces.
I pulled the phone away from my left ear. The display was so colorful and bright. The main colors were blue.
My mom (or sister?) asked through the phone, "Your phone hasn't worked in all this time. Why is it working now that you need to tell us you don't want to see your dad?"
I thought to myself, Wow. They're right. How did my phone start working again?
Dream #2
A woman had gone missing, and two men had found that she had killed herself. They found her in a vacant lot of pale tan soil on a clear, blue day. She was a black girl, tall, thin, with brown skin and shortish, spiky, dark-blonde hair. she had slit her throat and lay in a big pool of blood. She lay in a fetal position on her right side.
The men now stood before a camera (still in the lot, still on a blue day) talking about how it was to find the body. The men were both oldish, a little dumpy, white, with big, round eyes.
The scene of discovery happened again, like for the first time. This time the woman was completely decapitated, her head lying three or four feet from her body. The view panned back up to the two men, who said, "Imagine our shock. Even if she had survived, what kind of life would that have been? Her arms were chopped to the elbows, her legs were gone..."
I now crouched in a library, in between a shelf and a wall. The space was narrow, about three feet wide at most. I had a big book held directly in front of my face. I crouched, relaxed, with my knees against my chest. My sister sat to my left, leaning against my legs.
My oldest nephew came walking from right to left along the aisle and stomped on my sister's legs. It hurt my sister.
I felt helpless to retaliate on behalf of my sister. But I didn't want it to happen to her again. So I told her to sit a special way. She sat pretty much the same way as before, but now she was naked.
I heard a weird story narrated now, by my sister -- not voiced from her physical body, but from a narration in my head. My sister said, "I wouldn't let anybody kiss my boobs before him. But this was very important to him." I had a feeling that the "him" was me. I thought, How could that be? Why would I do something like that to my sister?
My view floated all around the library, slowly, as if some disembodied I were walking around the library.
I heard myself and a friend, like my old friend R, speaking in my head. We were trying to decipher a phrase: "gnear talk." It was in a series of new phrases young kids were using nowadays. I saw the list of new colloquialisms before my mind's eye for a moment.
I thought, Well, "thalk" is a hot walk -- so hot it thaws you. And "gnear" is what you say when a girl is so close you can feel her loveliness. It's as if you were saying, "Gee, she's near," or "g-near," to make "gnear" (except that the "g" was pronounced hard, not soft).
Dream #3
I had a dinner or a breakfast at a place that was supposed to be the apartment of my old friend R and his fiancee L. We sat at a huge table that was littered with items like vases. Everything seemed very disordered. I was surprised to have been here. I thought, These guys aren't mad at me anymore! I felt relieved.
L said, "Come back soon. We really want to talk with you again."
I couldn't tell whether that were true. I looked at R. He looked unpleasantly surprised to see me here. I could tell he was already trying to find a way to keep me from coming back.
Dream #1
My dad may have been accused of a murder. He was now coming to take me, my brother, and my sister to dinner. I lived in my own house, so they would pick me up. I sat in a room of my house, which was empty except a little clutter, a box of which I sat on.
I spoke on the cell phone with my mom. I told my mom, "I can't sit in a restaurant with that guy! Everybody'll be staring at us and asking us questions the whole time!" I imagined big, fat faces crowding all around my dad, my brother, my sister, and I at the restaurant. The faces all looked like obese versions of a mid-twentieth-century, cruel stereotype of Chinese faces.
I pulled the phone away from my left ear. The display was so colorful and bright. The main colors were blue.
My mom (or sister?) asked through the phone, "Your phone hasn't worked in all this time. Why is it working now that you need to tell us you don't want to see your dad?"
I thought to myself, Wow. They're right. How did my phone start working again?
Dream #2
A woman had gone missing, and two men had found that she had killed herself. They found her in a vacant lot of pale tan soil on a clear, blue day. She was a black girl, tall, thin, with brown skin and shortish, spiky, dark-blonde hair. she had slit her throat and lay in a big pool of blood. She lay in a fetal position on her right side.
The men now stood before a camera (still in the lot, still on a blue day) talking about how it was to find the body. The men were both oldish, a little dumpy, white, with big, round eyes.
The scene of discovery happened again, like for the first time. This time the woman was completely decapitated, her head lying three or four feet from her body. The view panned back up to the two men, who said, "Imagine our shock. Even if she had survived, what kind of life would that have been? Her arms were chopped to the elbows, her legs were gone..."
I now crouched in a library, in between a shelf and a wall. The space was narrow, about three feet wide at most. I had a big book held directly in front of my face. I crouched, relaxed, with my knees against my chest. My sister sat to my left, leaning against my legs.
My oldest nephew came walking from right to left along the aisle and stomped on my sister's legs. It hurt my sister.
I felt helpless to retaliate on behalf of my sister. But I didn't want it to happen to her again. So I told her to sit a special way. She sat pretty much the same way as before, but now she was naked.
I heard a weird story narrated now, by my sister -- not voiced from her physical body, but from a narration in my head. My sister said, "I wouldn't let anybody kiss my boobs before him. But this was very important to him." I had a feeling that the "him" was me. I thought, How could that be? Why would I do something like that to my sister?
My view floated all around the library, slowly, as if some disembodied I were walking around the library.
I heard myself and a friend, like my old friend R, speaking in my head. We were trying to decipher a phrase: "gnear talk." It was in a series of new phrases young kids were using nowadays. I saw the list of new colloquialisms before my mind's eye for a moment.
I thought, Well, "thalk" is a hot walk -- so hot it thaws you. And "gnear" is what you say when a girl is so close you can feel her loveliness. It's as if you were saying, "Gee, she's near," or "g-near," to make "gnear" (except that the "g" was pronounced hard, not soft).
Dream #3
I had a dinner or a breakfast at a place that was supposed to be the apartment of my old friend R and his fiancee L. We sat at a huge table that was littered with items like vases. Everything seemed very disordered. I was surprised to have been here. I thought, These guys aren't mad at me anymore! I felt relieved.
L said, "Come back soon. We really want to talk with you again."
I couldn't tell whether that were true. I looked at R. He looked unpleasantly surprised to see me here. I could tell he was already trying to find a way to keep me from coming back.
Sunday, January 20, 2013
(5/11/08) poisoned shores; lost in a house; she knew she was dying
(Entered in paper journal at 8:36 AM at Flying Saucer cafe in Brooklyn.)
Dream #1
I was floating on a river or a large body of water around a sharp bank of land. Another person, possibly a woman, floated around with me. There might have been some danger in the water, possibly of it rising too high and drowning us.
We were trying to get onto the shore, but it was like the shore was so sharply-walled that we couldn't find a good hold to grab onto, even though the land was only a couple feet above our heads. At other times we could actually grab onto land. But then it would crumble away in our hands, like it was just clods of shit or garbage. It also seemed like there were, in places, dense strands of vegetation that was poisonous to the touch, so that we couldn't reach out for those spots, even if they looked easy enough to grab onto.
We floated around a corner and into an area that somehow seemed closed in, like the body of water was narrower and covered by trees. I may finally have lifted myself onto shore. There was vegetation all around me. I was pretty sure it was all poisonous. I hoped I would be able to find a clear path up the slope and through the poisonous vegetation.
Dream #2
I walked through a house that had a lot of rooms. The rooms were all in a line. They were all long and wide, with ceilings maybe twelve feet tall. There was light from outside coming in through the windows of some rooms, while other rooms seemed to be underground or windowless. All the rooms were richly decorated.
I came to an ending room, which was like a dining room. There might have been pine trees outside the windows, and possibly fragments of pine branches in vases or other kinds of crystal vessels on the dining table. I might have been able to go farther by turning to my left. But I decided to turn around, as if heading back to the entrance to this place, so that I could make an appointment somewhere else.
I walked back through the rooms, which all seemed to be underground. They had lower ceilings and, instead of being full of beautiful, elegant furniture, were cluttered with rather ordinary items. I walked past a television and either knocked something -- maybe a pad of white paper -- down off the television or somehow caused a cat (?) to knock the thing off the television. I got afraid for some reason and very carefully put the paper back onto the television top.
I walked into a lightless stairwell, up into a small room. The room probably had windows, but it now seemed to be nighttime outside, so that no light came in through the windows, anyway. The only light in the room came from the room down the stairwell from me.
I suddenly realized I was lost. I thought I should turn back and try to retrace my steps. I figured that somewhere I had made a wrong turn or a wrong choice of which room to enter. But then I realized that since I had turned around in the dining room, every room I'd walked through had been different from every room that had gotten me to the dining room! I knew that if I turned around again, I'd probably just end up walking through a whole other set of different rooms.
I was scared. I knew I was lost in the house, and that the house was enormous. I had a feeling I'd never get out of the house. I also felt like I would now be walking though a lot of dark rooms that might get very dangerous.
Dream #3
I was in a gigantic, futuristic structure. It was like a series of columns or posts all contained in a mechanical enclosure.
Somebody was attacking people. I watched, from a lower level, a woman get hit in the head with some kind of projectile.
I was up on another level with an oldish, fattish woman. The woman got knocked off the level and fell to a level about thirty feet below.
The woman lifted up her head and cried, "My brain pan's been smashed!" She turned onto her right side and looked up toward me. She suddenly knew she was going to die. For one second she looked panicked at whatever feeling she had in her head. The she fell over onto her back, dead.
Dream #1
I was floating on a river or a large body of water around a sharp bank of land. Another person, possibly a woman, floated around with me. There might have been some danger in the water, possibly of it rising too high and drowning us.
We were trying to get onto the shore, but it was like the shore was so sharply-walled that we couldn't find a good hold to grab onto, even though the land was only a couple feet above our heads. At other times we could actually grab onto land. But then it would crumble away in our hands, like it was just clods of shit or garbage. It also seemed like there were, in places, dense strands of vegetation that was poisonous to the touch, so that we couldn't reach out for those spots, even if they looked easy enough to grab onto.
We floated around a corner and into an area that somehow seemed closed in, like the body of water was narrower and covered by trees. I may finally have lifted myself onto shore. There was vegetation all around me. I was pretty sure it was all poisonous. I hoped I would be able to find a clear path up the slope and through the poisonous vegetation.
Dream #2
I walked through a house that had a lot of rooms. The rooms were all in a line. They were all long and wide, with ceilings maybe twelve feet tall. There was light from outside coming in through the windows of some rooms, while other rooms seemed to be underground or windowless. All the rooms were richly decorated.
I came to an ending room, which was like a dining room. There might have been pine trees outside the windows, and possibly fragments of pine branches in vases or other kinds of crystal vessels on the dining table. I might have been able to go farther by turning to my left. But I decided to turn around, as if heading back to the entrance to this place, so that I could make an appointment somewhere else.
I walked back through the rooms, which all seemed to be underground. They had lower ceilings and, instead of being full of beautiful, elegant furniture, were cluttered with rather ordinary items. I walked past a television and either knocked something -- maybe a pad of white paper -- down off the television or somehow caused a cat (?) to knock the thing off the television. I got afraid for some reason and very carefully put the paper back onto the television top.
I walked into a lightless stairwell, up into a small room. The room probably had windows, but it now seemed to be nighttime outside, so that no light came in through the windows, anyway. The only light in the room came from the room down the stairwell from me.
I suddenly realized I was lost. I thought I should turn back and try to retrace my steps. I figured that somewhere I had made a wrong turn or a wrong choice of which room to enter. But then I realized that since I had turned around in the dining room, every room I'd walked through had been different from every room that had gotten me to the dining room! I knew that if I turned around again, I'd probably just end up walking through a whole other set of different rooms.
I was scared. I knew I was lost in the house, and that the house was enormous. I had a feeling I'd never get out of the house. I also felt like I would now be walking though a lot of dark rooms that might get very dangerous.
Dream #3
I was in a gigantic, futuristic structure. It was like a series of columns or posts all contained in a mechanical enclosure.
Somebody was attacking people. I watched, from a lower level, a woman get hit in the head with some kind of projectile.
I was up on another level with an oldish, fattish woman. The woman got knocked off the level and fell to a level about thirty feet below.
The woman lifted up her head and cried, "My brain pan's been smashed!" She turned onto her right side and looked up toward me. She suddenly knew she was going to die. For one second she looked panicked at whatever feeling she had in her head. The she fell over onto her back, dead.
Monday, November 12, 2012
(10/18/09) a mcdonald's sundae; corpse chute
(Entered in paper journal at 7:43 AM at Sit & Wonder cafe in Brooklyn.)
Dream #1
I was either in a plane or in a car that drove on a high overpass over the industrial area of a city like Denver. My old boss BS was driving the plane/car. One other person was in the plane/car, possibly my younger brother. I sat in the backseat, on the driver's side. The other person was possibly in the front, passenger seat.
BS was taking us somewhere, as if we had to be with him, not as prisoner, but as wards of some kind. BS told us, after one of us had expressed some misgivings about our well-being, that he would give us everything we needed, and even everything we wanted. That seemed fine to me, although I felt like it might be going a little overboard to give me everything I wanted.
BS saw a McDonald's down below. He exited the overpass. Our movement was steep, just like we'd been flying and were now descending sharply through the air, as well as driving down a highway exit ramp.
We were now in the drive-thru for the McDonald's. BS ordered one ice cream cone, for himself. The other person in the car acted happy, as if we, too, were going to get ice cream cones. But BS said he had stopped here to get an ice cream cone only for himself. That was fine with me, as we had, I remembered, just eaten a big meal. The other person was disappointed.
But BS realized what he had just done. He wasn't giving us everything we needed and wanted. He said, "Well, actually, I can get you guys each a sundae. Would you like that? A sundae?" I imagined a McDonald's hot fudge sundae, in a clear plastic sundae cup. I thought that a sundae was really too much.
Dream #2
I stood down in a weird place, like some area in an industrial warehouse. There were a lot of chutes like gigantic air shafts, which sloped down to the floor, forming walls for a small room. The gigantic shafts all had flaps at their ends. The floor of this "room" had boxes, packing materials, styrofoam, plastic, and paper scattered all over the place. And beyond the shafts, piles of the same refuse could be seen, as if this were part of a large trash heap or garbage dump.
I stood with a few other people, co-workers, but younger than I by a few years. One of the people may have stood at a podium with something like a computer which recorded the items we retrieved from the shafts, as if the shafts were chutes for sending or receiving packages or other items.
But now women somewhere were being killed, and the bodies were being sent down the shafts. We received a few of the bodies. We tried to figure whether we could do anything to stop the person who was killing these women. That may have been why we were receiving the bodies: to figure out the mystery and stop the deaths. Or perhaps the killer was personally sending us the bodies, to taunt us.
Now we received a particularly grotesquely mutilated body. It lay in the chute. Either I or a woman who was like my mother (or, perhaps, I myself as a woman who was like my mother) opened the flap of the shaft just enough to see the body. I or the woman quickly closed the flap again.
Everybody asked if we were going to take the body out. But either I or the woman decided the body was in too repulsive a state for everybody else to see. Either I or the woman sharply said, "No. Keep this door closed. I'll take care of this one when everybody else is gone."
Dream #1
I was either in a plane or in a car that drove on a high overpass over the industrial area of a city like Denver. My old boss BS was driving the plane/car. One other person was in the plane/car, possibly my younger brother. I sat in the backseat, on the driver's side. The other person was possibly in the front, passenger seat.
BS was taking us somewhere, as if we had to be with him, not as prisoner, but as wards of some kind. BS told us, after one of us had expressed some misgivings about our well-being, that he would give us everything we needed, and even everything we wanted. That seemed fine to me, although I felt like it might be going a little overboard to give me everything I wanted.
BS saw a McDonald's down below. He exited the overpass. Our movement was steep, just like we'd been flying and were now descending sharply through the air, as well as driving down a highway exit ramp.
We were now in the drive-thru for the McDonald's. BS ordered one ice cream cone, for himself. The other person in the car acted happy, as if we, too, were going to get ice cream cones. But BS said he had stopped here to get an ice cream cone only for himself. That was fine with me, as we had, I remembered, just eaten a big meal. The other person was disappointed.
But BS realized what he had just done. He wasn't giving us everything we needed and wanted. He said, "Well, actually, I can get you guys each a sundae. Would you like that? A sundae?" I imagined a McDonald's hot fudge sundae, in a clear plastic sundae cup. I thought that a sundae was really too much.
Dream #2
I stood down in a weird place, like some area in an industrial warehouse. There were a lot of chutes like gigantic air shafts, which sloped down to the floor, forming walls for a small room. The gigantic shafts all had flaps at their ends. The floor of this "room" had boxes, packing materials, styrofoam, plastic, and paper scattered all over the place. And beyond the shafts, piles of the same refuse could be seen, as if this were part of a large trash heap or garbage dump.
I stood with a few other people, co-workers, but younger than I by a few years. One of the people may have stood at a podium with something like a computer which recorded the items we retrieved from the shafts, as if the shafts were chutes for sending or receiving packages or other items.
But now women somewhere were being killed, and the bodies were being sent down the shafts. We received a few of the bodies. We tried to figure whether we could do anything to stop the person who was killing these women. That may have been why we were receiving the bodies: to figure out the mystery and stop the deaths. Or perhaps the killer was personally sending us the bodies, to taunt us.
Now we received a particularly grotesquely mutilated body. It lay in the chute. Either I or a woman who was like my mother (or, perhaps, I myself as a woman who was like my mother) opened the flap of the shaft just enough to see the body. I or the woman quickly closed the flap again.
Everybody asked if we were going to take the body out. But either I or the woman decided the body was in too repulsive a state for everybody else to see. Either I or the woman sharply said, "No. Keep this door closed. I'll take care of this one when everybody else is gone."
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