(6/15/05) roman forum; lucidity in the nuclear bus stop

(Entered in paper journal at 6 AM at home in Harlem.)

Dream 1

I walked down into an area like a Roman forum or plaza. There was a pond/pool in the center. I faced the pool. Behind me was a wide, stone floor that ended in a short series of stairs sweeping up to a covered and columned area. While down by the pool I shook hands with someone and discussed something I don't remember.

I then walked up to the covered area. There was a chain link fence and some kind of stone banister. I stood there with somebody, possibly my NYC Americorps crew chief SM, possibly discussing a CD.

Dream 2

Nuclear war had been declared. My crew chief SM had a pickup truck. We were exactly at the spot where the bomb was going to land. SM was loading up his truck. I feel like he was talking about going to a shelter that was way too close to the bomb.

I think I told SM to choose a shelter farther away. In my head I could see different layers of color, yellow being the "hottest" and red the "coldest," from the center of the blast (which was in a suburban area). When I saw how far the colors went I was hopeless that any shelter would help.

Now there was another man, who looked like my crewmate BSC, loading up a Subaru station wagon with supplies. I looked in the back of his car. It was full of what looks like pound cake covered with chunks of cream cheese.

BSC said something like he had to go pick up more people. I asked if I could come with him. I sat in the seat behind the front seat. The car had a front seat, a middle seat, a back seat, and then a back area, for loading things.

People were already in the car. I looked behind me. There was a guy who looked like he was a clean-cut Christian with a modern look. At some point we picked up another guy who wore a white button-up shirt and a black tie but had maroon, spiked/waved hair, piercings, and wore makeup.

We stopped and got out and did something I don't remember. When we got back in one person was missing. I said, "Hey, we're driving off without that Christian guy."

I looked behind me and saw the Christian guy. He looked different. I said, "I didn't mean Christian in a bad way," even though I actually had.

He said, "That's okay. I'm not that much of a Christian."

I saw it was the maroon-haired guy who was gone.

But now we were driving through a completely different area of town. The guy driving was both BSC and SM. He was driving to a shelter I knew was worthless. It was shallow and weak. I knew another shelter that was farther away, deeper, and full of supplies. But nobody wanted to listen to me.

We now stopped. Everybody ran into a Greyhound-like bus station. I didn't know why. I followed them. But they ran too fast. The place was full, and the people I was with disappeared behind a group of people.

I stopped. Everybody around me was black. They all looked homeless, insane, thin, and violent. They all wore thick layers of winter clothing. I may have asked one of the folks where my group had gone. But I got no answer.

I regarded one of the people directly. Something about that made me realize I was dreaming. I was lucid. I remained calm to keep my lucid dream stable.

I walked to another person. I knelt beside him and looked at him. I said, "This is a dream. Do you know that you're part of a" (or "my"?) "lucid dream?" The person very uncomfortably shook his head a tiny bit and then squirmed his body away from me in his chair.

So I looked at the person next to him and said, "But you realize it, don't you?" That person squirmed grotesquely away from me as well. It scared me.

I realized that somehow this "bus stop" was an asylum. I stood and walked for a door. The door was guarded by a big, white cop.

I was still happy to be having a lucid dream. In my happiness I tried to fly, doing the "knee-jump" method (a method I'd learned for inducing flight in lucid dreaming from some book I'd read in waking life). But I just skipped. I calmed down and walked a few steps near the cop so he wouldn't think I was insane, too, and try and stop me from leaving.

I walked to the exit, a double set of automatic, sliding glass doors. The sun was bright, golden-tan outside. I was afraid to go out. I felt like my mind (!) wouldn't be good enough to create a reality outside and that I would be in a stupid, featureless, disappointing nowhere, no place better than my closed eyelids.

As I opened the doors I woke up. I wrestled with waking up, telling myself not to be afraid. The sun flooded my eyes. I wanted to continue in my lucid dream. But I was already waking up.