As I began writing this notebook, it was obvious to everybody, except maybe the financial analysts, that the world was careening into a financial crisis. Banks had already begun failing. Other banks were involved in strange investment scheme scandals. I saw these events mostly from the same viewpoint as everybody else: from the newspaper headlines. But I also had a view of them, though a rather peripheral view, from my own work and from my efforts to involve myself as fully in my company as I could.
Over the months previous to this notebook I had already been involving myself more and more in the life of my company. I always attended the daily Sales department meetings, where the Research department would pitch their new analysis. But now I attended our weekly divisional meetings, where the heads of the various departments would give presentations to anybody within the division who was interested in hearing. I also attended a number of other informational sessions. It was one part of what I now consider to be my crash course in finance and economics.
Another part of this crash course was reading Federal Reserve and Treasury papers. My efforts along these lines were probably capped by my reading and taking intensive notes on Treasury Secretary Paulson's Financial Regulatory Blueprint and one of the first incarnations of the Frank-Dodd bill. I actually passed these notes along to my bosses, as well as to heads of my division. I think the interest I had in getting more involved in the bank was illustrated by the effort I put into these notes and that it may have helped push me along in getting promoted.
But the story of my promotion was mainly this: as a result of the financial crisis, banks were already beginning to lose money. They were also becoming horrible, dreary environments to work at. To offset the money being lost, banks were cutting out unnecessary personnel. Right at the beginning of the year, about 25% of my department was let go. Over the next couple of months, another 25% of the department left.
One of the people to leave was one of my bosses. He wanted to take me along with him to his next company. I had gone through the interview process at the other company and was getting ready to leave for that company. I was being hired on in my current position of Administrative Assistant. But my wage would have been about 33% above what I was currently making. With overtime, which was a given, I would have been doing very well indeed.
But my main boss, BS, and possibly some other people in my department, did not want to see me go. So I was given the counteroffer of being made a first-year Research Analyst for the company if I stayed. I received a salary equivalent to what my wage over at the other company would have been had I worked only a 40-hour week. But I had a "title." This, a "title," was, partly, enough reason for me -- stupidly! -- to leave the offer at the other company and stay with my boss BS.
There were a number of other reasons, as well. One of the main reasons was that I had been on the train one day, heading home. I saw one of the heads of my department on the train. She started talking about how so many people in the firm were leaving for other positions. She seemed -- to me, at least -- to get a little teary-eyed. Seeing my department head getting teary-eyed sparked up new feelings of company loyalty in me. I decided to stay.
How in the world did a dope like me ever end up on Wall Street? Chances are that if my department head had known what kind of an offer I was getting, she'd have been extremely happy for me. Anyway, my choice led me down a not-so-great road. I was promoted. But I was laid off in April of 2009.
I went without a job (except some temping) until December of 2009, when I began work, promoted one more rung to Associate, at a small investment firm. And then, in June of 2011, I had a huge emotional explosion and quit that job. I wandered around New York, draining all my savings away, for the rest of 2011. I then came back to my home state of Colorado in 2012. And this past year has been an attempt to get back on my feet and get my head back in order.
But, in the meantime, in April of 2008, I was officially promoted to a first-year Analyst. It took me a while to be practically, as well as officially, promoted. But, for all intents and purposes, by the end of this notebook, I was a Financial Analyst. And the world of finance was tumbling down all around me.
But, while this period was definitely a period of growth and study in my professional life, it was also a period of study in my personal life. I was about six months into my work with my new psychiatrist, A. She was a Jungian psychiatrist. I assumed she'd be deeply involved in studying dream symbolism. That's why I'd come to her. But I was wrong. She almost seemed to be afraid of my dreams.
However, A did lead me to Jungian authors I'd never heard of before. She also lead me to the Archive for Research in Archetypal Symbolism. I began spending evenings there occasionally. The Archive is really just a small, narrow room with a small, but wonderful, library and a wall completely lined with filing cabinets. The cabinets are all filled with photos of art works and artifacts. The images are categorized by time period and culture. But a card catalog also categorizes them by archetypal image, mythological persona, etc.
I spent hours at the ARAS, sifting through images I felt related to my dreams. My work at the ARAS also inspired me to begin research for the screenplay I would begin to write in early 2009 when, let go from my job, I had a lot more time on my hands.
The ARAS was located in the building of the C.G. Jung Foundation, which contained a Jungian bookstore. From that bookstore I bought the (prohibitively expensive) volumes of Jung's seminar on Dreams and Jung's seminar on Visions. These three volumes became the cornerstone of my study and thought throughout the beginning of 2008.
In late February of 2008, I believe, while I was studying the seminar on Dreams (I think), H, the woman with whom I'd soon become romantically involved, spotted me. She sat down and spoke with me. We got along very well from the very beginning. This was very important event in my life. Even though H and I are no longer romantically involved, we are still very close friends.
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